The Fault in Your Idiocy
by Ellawritesficssometimes
Summary: SPAMANO- Antonio was a recovering alcoholic. Lovina wanted nothing to do with him. Lots of Spamano and angst; whatever floats your shipping boat. fem! (poor) Romano x (rich) Spain.
1. It was Never my Fault

**A/N:** Omg Ella, another story?! Yeah, yeah. I'm an impulsive writer. I know. Totally original name.

* * *

 **It was Never My Fault:**

I was eighteen when I met the love of my life. I had just graduated high school, you see. I was young and I was desperate to latch onto anything sane. My life was just a never ending shitstorm of trauma, broken dreams, and disappointment. My parents were drug addicts. Good for nothings who stole the money that I worked long and hard for. And let me tell you just how glad I was to graduate. I took my things and I fled that house for good. I took my little sister Feli, too. The poor thing was only three years old at the time.

Now skip forward another sixth months. I kept absolutely no contact with my parents and I was living on my own. I lived in a small apartment with Feli and another good for nothing roommate. Heracles slept all day (and night) and was always late to pay his part of the rent. I was a single parent who was living paycheck to paycheck. I worked full time to support my family of two. Whether I liked it or not, I was Feli's mother on top of being her sister. I had made many sacrifices.

One of those sacrifices being that I had given up on my dreams of post-secondary education. I didn't have time for University or College. Feli was the only person who I had time for. I promised myself that I would take care of Feli. I was scared beyond belief, lacked stability, and was irritable all the time. Nothing that I did was for myself. But I knew that what I was doing was right. I wasn't living for myself. I was living for Feli and ensuring that she had a brighter future than that of my own. I wouldn't drag her down into my hellhole. I wanted her to soar high above my lowly stature in life.

That precious little girl deserved everything that the world had to offer her. I could see it in her sweet, doe-like brown eyes. She looked at the world differently. She saw goodness and beauty in everything. She was my little angel. My protector. My savior from all things insane. She was the rare, innocent white flower in a world that was stained in blood. The world hadn't been kind to me, but I was determined to make sure that her kindness went rewarded in life.

Feli, even at such a young age, was very talented at art. She had a knack for copying down the finer details. I didn't have much to offer her, however. I gave her all the supplies that I could afford: cheap, lined paper and the spare crappy pen. She would draw things for me. Everything that she saw was her muse. Her chubby little hands would work endlessly on those scrap pieces of paper. I couldn't have been prouder. She was good. Too good, actually. She was so good that I knew that I would have to make another sacrifice. I stretched our budget and opted to walk to work as opposed to bus. I bought her all the art supplies that she could dream of. Talent needed to be recognized and praised after all. Especially at such a young, impressionable age.

I had never really been good at anything but loving. I had a big heart that was surrounded by a prickly, off-handish attitude. I guess you could say that I had spunk. Little did I know that my 'spunk' was what had made a certain moron fall in love with me.

My tragically angst-filled love story began at a home daycare of all places. Elizabeta, the woman to whom I had entrusted my darling sister, was a young woman in her twenties with a prominent rebellious streak to her. The Hungarian and I got along quite well in fact. Elizabeta treated Feli and I as if we were her own children. The love between us was just that strong. Women with colourful attitudes like ours preferred to stick together.

Her uptight, rule stingy husband, Roderich, on the other hand, was a piece of work. The miserly Austrian was stubborn and was very vocal in voicing his opinion. One of those opinions was that he had no intention of having kids. I suppose that the make-shift home daycare that Liza ran in their home was a halfway compromise between the two. I couldn't help but giggle at the thought of Roderich being pummeled by a swarm of ogling toddlers. The stick in the butt could use a little fun in his life. He never stopped complaining. Especially when I came in the afternoon to pick up Feli.

 _"Your sister eats too much food!"_

 _"Don't high five her, you imbecile! You need to teach that scoundrel some more manners!"_

 _"She smeared pasta sauce on my piano!"_

Anyways, back to the story. There I was, listening to Roderich bitch and moan about how Feli had initiated yet another rebellion in the house. Apparently, the little sneak had formed a union of pasta lovers. They had even participated in a hunger strike. Feli had demanded that they have pasta every day for lunch, and poor Liza had no other choice but to concede to their demands. Rebellious, cranky, and probably hangry toddlers was not something that anyone would want to deal with. Believe me, I would know. Feli turned into a shrieking demon if she didn't have her snacks.

While Liza attempted to calm down her furious husband, a pair that I had never seen before walked into the house. One had bright white hair, pale skin, and piercing crimson eyes. The other man had wild curly brown hair, green eyes, tanned skin, and the most gloriously toned body that I had ever seen. He wasn't muscular per say but he had the right amount of lankiness and lean muscle that I preferred. It didn't help that he winked at me as he walked by.

The little boy, Ludwig, who Feli most definitely had a crush on, darted into the room and hid between the albino's legs. And in came Feli, shrieking at the top of her lungs. Nothing new. I ran over to her and wiped away her tears. I wasn't too surprised when she told me that Ludwig had forced her to nap beside him. That boy had always been an assertive, bossy little fuck. I aimed a glare at the albino, who turned out to be Ludwig's older brother. After we worked things out between our own respective screaming toddlers, the albino introduced himself to me.

His name was Gilbert. He was twenty-one years old and he was now Ludwig's legal guardian. Their grandfather had just died, and just like me, Gilbert was a single parent. He and Elizabeta had known each other since they were kids, and judging by the awkward looks that they gave one another, it was safe to assume that they had been more than friends at one point in their lives. Gilbert then introduced me to his friend, a carefree Spaniard who went by the name of Antonio. Not being one to care for such formalities, I said my hellos, partook in some insufferable and meaningless small talk, said my goodbyes, and was quick to leave. That is, until Antonio and Gilbert had offered me a lift home. I, of course, being an independent diva bitch, sanctimoniously refused. I could walk myself home, thank you very much!

And from that point on, I was never left alone. Most of the time it was Antonio who came to pick up Ludwig from daycare. Gilbert was too busy running his online blog, and Antonio had a lot of spare time on his hands. He offered me a lift. I refused. He flirted with me. I didn't reciprocate. Although I couldn't help but blush. Even I could admit that he was a very attractive man. He had a smile that could light up an entire room. Seriously, I wonder if his cheeks ever got sore from smiling too much. The man was a charmer. And unfortunately, I had fallen for his spell.

Soon enough, I had accepted his offers to drive me home. He drove a fancy red convertible, which meant that Feli sat on my lap in the passenger's seat. Feli loved riding home in Antonio's car. She treated it as if it were an amusement park ride. Which it sort of was. The bastard had enough candy in his glove compartment to satisfy Feli's raging sweet tooth. Oh. And don't forget the screaming. There was lots of that too. Ludwig was terrified of Antonio's driving, and just about shit his pants every time the Spaniard sped around a corner. I kind of hoped that he did. I wonder how happy Antonio would be if that ever happened. I found it unnatural. The Spaniard was just _too_ happy. I knew that there was something about him that was off. Unfortunately, my suspicions were proven to be correct, only, I didn't find out about that until it was already far too late.

And then came the dates. And the flowers. And the chocolates. And when he found out about my food preferences, the fresh baskets of tomatoes from the local market. The bastard was smitten and had begun to court me. He was six years my senior, which was why I was so reluctant to take to him at first. But he was just so kind and caring that I couldn't help but love him back.

He supported me more than I could ever ask for. His parents were filthy rich as they owned a successful clothing company back in Spain, and he had more than enough money to spare. He was a bachelor looking for someone to hold close and I was a single mother looking for some stability in her life. I had never asked him for money. He had always given it to me without my asking. And when that didn't work, he went ahead and paid for things behind my back. I would come home only to find a week's worth of groceries filled up in the fridge and a bouquet of tomatoes carved into roses.

Which brings me back to why I had given him a key to my apartment in the first place. The bastard had gone and signed up Feli for art lessons without my permission. And since I was too busy working, it was up to him to bring her to those lessons. I was furious at him for doing this, but I absolutely couldn't let his money go to waste. Besides, those art lessons could really help Feli one day. They could have served as her inspiration for the much brighter future that _most definitely_ lay ahead of her. And who was I to get in the way of that?

If possible, Antonio became more persistent after that. He begged me to move in with him. He wanted me to quit my job and to go back to school. He wanted me to be something more than what I already was. He believed in me and I trusted him. And after three months of dating, Feli and I had finally moved in with him. The first few months of living together were wonderful. I did what he asked and I quit my job. I enrolled myself in a few online courses and became a part-time student at the local University. Antonio was the father that Feli had never had. In fact, I was never able to get those two to shut up. Their giggling fits always distracted me from my homework. It was hard not to giggle along with them, however. We were all so happy living together. We were a family and everything was perfect.

But with my luck, everything that was good had to come to an end. I already knew that Antonio had always felt a bit lonely in life. He had all the money in the world yet no family to show for it. His entire family lived back in Spain and he wasn't on speaking terms with most of them. I suppose that this would explain why Antonio was so quick to make me his. He had always been quite impulsive. He almost never thought things through. He was carefree, and one day, his recklessness had gotten the best of him.

His friend, Francis, had come all the way from France to visit him. After much encouragement on my part, as Antonio never liked to leave me alone, I had finally convinced him that it was alright for them to go out on their own. It goes to say that they both had too much to drink. They never came home, and when I heard a knock on the front door at four in the morning a sense of dread filled up in the pit of my stomach. I nearly fell to my knees when I saw the policeman standing there. Antonio and Francis had gotten into a car accident and Francis had died as a result. I remember standing there, sobbing my eyes out. I felt guilty when the policeman told me that Antonio had come out of the accident unscathed, spare a few broken ribs and some nasty looking bruises. But I couldn't help but feel relieved. I was still heartbroken over such a tragedy, but I knew that if Antonio had left me then, I wouldn't have been able to cope. I was weak back then. I was completely dependent on him. But at that point in time it was Antonio who needed me. I dropped off Feli at Liza's and rushed to the hospital. I cried the entire time. I was a mess, but I needed to be strong for Antonio. It was my job to pick up the pieces of his life now…

I'm sorry to say that I failed at doing that. Antonio was never the same after the accident. He blamed himself. He claimed that it was his fault. He said that he was the one who had pressured Francis into drinking too much. I didn't have the heart to tell him that they shouldn't have been drinking in the first place. It was _stupid_ to drink and drive. But I absolutely couldn't make Antonio feel any worse than what he already felt. Depression quickly kicked in and the Spaniard was never the same. He resorted to drinking; heavy, unhealthy amounts of alcohol. He drank himself to sleep. Guilt and irony ruled his life, and unfortunately, I had become the vessel through which he took out his anger.

Antonio became very angry and frustrated with his life. He screamed and shouted at me for God knows what. We fought over stupid, irrelevant things, when we both knew that there was something much deeper behind all of our fights. I can't tell you how many times I was forced to ship Feli off to Liza's house for several days on end. I had grown up with yelling and screaming and I wasn't about to let something like that shatter Feli's life in two. Feli deserved a childhood free of troubles. I would handle all problems on my own. Except, I didn't handle them very well. I had a bad temper and would yell just as much as Antonio did. Which, of course, only made him angrier.

It had gotten to the point where I avoided him completely at night. The familiar sound of the door slamming open would warn me ahead of time. The Spaniard would stumble into our suite apartment, and when he couldn't find me, he would fall asleep on the couch. In the morning, he would sprint upstairs, take me into his arms and apologize. He would tell me excuse after excuse and of course I was stupid enough to forgive him. But what other choice did I have? He was my everything. My one and only. The one who held me up to where I was now. If I left him, then I would fall right back to where I had initially started. A poor, struggling single mother with absolutely nothing to show for. Staying with Antonio was painful, but it was the only chance that Feli and I had in life. And despite all the fighting, I loved him more than anything in the world. God. I was so naïve.

I had myself convinced that Antonio getting mad at me was my fault. That I should have known better. That I knew his triggers and that it was best to play it safe with him. I was irrational. I was making up excuses for his unacceptable behaviour. But then one day I finally snapped. And this brings us to today. It was late. Probably two in the morning. I had Feli wrapped under my arms and she was happily snoring away. I smoothed a hand over her copper curls and pulled her closer. My eyelids felt heavy. I was just about to fall asleep when I heard the front door slam open. I shook myself awake and sprang out of bed. Adrenaline pumped through my veins. My heart clambered against my rib cage.

"LOVINA!"

Feli woke up. Her eyes fluttered open. "Sorella?" she whispered. I walked over to the bedroom door and locked it. I then rushed over to the bed, scooped up Feli into my arms, opened the closet door, and set her down in it. I bent down into a crouch. All the while I was trembling from head to toe. I winced when I heard the crashing of glass. Antonio was smashing plates on the floor again. He was trying to get me to come down. He was looking for a confrontation. Feli knew the drill. Tears pooled in her eyes, but she did what she was told and clamped both hands over her ears. I wasn't expecting Antonio to be home tonight. It was Friday, which usually meant that I wouldn't see him until Monday. He typically hotel and bar hopped all weekend long. Today just wasn't my day. If I would have known ahead of time, I would have taken Feli to Liza's.

"LOVINA VARGAS! YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

CRASH!

I set up Feli's iPad and put on an episode of her favourite show. Before I placed the headphones into her ears, I bent down to peck her on the forehead. I pulled her into a hug. Feli whimpered. "Sssssh," I cooed. "Everything will be alright. I'll handle it. I-I promise."

My voice wavered. "Who's the only person who can tell you to come out of the closet?"

"Y-you."

I swallowed down my fear. Being scared wouldn't do me any good right now. "Good girl. Now you stay here. I'll be right back." Feli nodded her head. I brushed the hair out of her eyes and with one last hug, I pulled away, stood up, and shut the closet door. It broke my heart to hear Feli's sniffles. I had failed her again. Her childhood was taken away from her just like that. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why? Oh God why? What did she ever do to deserve this?!

Hell. What did I do to deserve this?!

CRASH!

I jumped. Antonio was _really_ mad tonight. I automatically knew that I wouldn't be able to handle this alone. I rushed to my, or should I say ' _our_ ', night side table and grabbed my phone. I dialled up the first number that came to mind.

" _HALLO! YOU'VE REACHED A VERY PISSED OFF GILBERT! IT'D BE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED IF YOU REFRAINED FROM CALLING ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. FUCK YOU AND HAVE AN UNAWESOME DAY, ER NIGHT!"_

"GILBERT! IT'S ME!" I croaked.

Gilbert's riled up tone instantly died down. He could tell by the tone of my voice that something was wrong.

 _"Lovina?! What's wrong? Is it Toni?"_

I didn't have time to answer him.

CRASH!

"MI AMOUR? YOU'RE _REALLY_ TESTING MY PATIENCE. DON'T MAKE ME COME UP THERE AND GET YOU MYSELF."

Gilbert inhaled sharply. " _Shit. I'll be there as soon as I can. But whatever you do, DO NOT go down there. He's not in his right mind; he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if you got hurt."_

 _(Oh Gilbert. Don't you see that I'm already hurting?)_

I lied and hummed my agreement. _As if_ I wasn't going to go down there! He was breaking the entire apartment for fucks sakes! I hung up the phone. I knew that it would take at least twenty minutes for Gilbert to get here. He had to find someone to take care of Ludwig first.

This gave me just enough time to assess the situation myself.

I unlocked the bedroom door and stepped out into the upstairs hallway.

I didn't hesitate to lock the bedroom door again.

I took a deep breath and calmed my nerves.

All hell broke loose soon afterwards.

….

I hovered over the upstairs railing. The sight that I saw next sent shivers tingling up my spine. Antonio was in the kitchen, slamming plates so hard into the ground that the pieces were nothing more than gravel and ceramic powder. He was wearing a white blouse and on the front of it was a massive red wine stain. I looked to the kitchen counter and found a nearly empty wine bottle. Ah. Alright. Fuck me was he ever drunk.

I walked down the stairs. I was careful not to make too much noise. Although at this point it hardly even mattered. I was figuratively and literally treading on top of broken glass. Or avoiding it in this case because I was only wearing socks. No matter, I was still in a shit ton of trouble. He was mad and I was the one who would have to pay for it. I wonder what I did this time.

Antonio turned around. He spotted me standing on the staircase. The green eyes that I loved so much narrowed with hatred. A sadistic smile tugged on the corners of his lips. "WELL! LOOK WHO FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW UP!" he slurred, smashing another plate to the ground for good measure.

I held my ground; I refused to let him see me wince.

It wasn't long before he was towering over me. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the kitchen. He pointed towards the sink, which was, by my foolish mistake, filled to the top with dishes. "WHAT'S THIS?" he roared.

"Dishes," I muttered. I looked at the ground. I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes. This wasn't the man that I had fallen in love with. This was a cold-hearted monster. His grip on my wrist tightened. I was too scared to tell him that he was hurting me.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU!" I looked up. Sweat caused his curls to stick to his forehead. I felt a natural urge to sweep them out of his eyes, but I knew better than to do that. That would only cause more trouble. It pained me to see him like this. I missed _happy_ Antonio…

Hell. I missed _happy_ me. What was heaven before was now hell. I hated every minute of it.

"UNGRATEFUL BITCH! AFTER EVERYTHING THAT I'VE DONE FOR YOU! AND YET YOU STILL REFUSE TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF! YOU CAN EAT ON THE GROUND FOR ALL I CARE!"

I winced. That comment stung deep. I wasn't ungrateful. I appreciated Antonio more than he would ever know. I just had a shitty way of showing it….

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered. "Baby, please. I didn't do it on purpose….I-I forgot!"

I reached for the sponge over the sink. "See?" I smiled at him through my tears. "I'll clean it. Right now. And then we can go upstairs and relax. H-how does that sound?"

( _Oh God. I can't put up with this for much longer.)_

Antonio slapped the sponge out of my hands. He dragged me into the living room and sat me down on the couch. He leered over me. "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR EXCUSES."

I shifted and squirmed under his gaze. "Please don't yell. Think of Feli."

"I DON'T GIVE A FLIPPING FUCK ABOUT FELI!"

A sharp pain erupted in my chest. I saw red. He had taken things too far. He must have realized this too. For a brief moment I caught a glimmer of the _real_ Antonio, my precious beloved Antonio, in that monster's eyes. Regret flashed across his facial features. I stood up, side stepped out of his reach, and made a bolt for the stairs. Gilbert was right. I shouldn't have gone downstairs. Antonio wasn't in his right mind. He wasn't the right person in fact.

"LOVI, PLEASE WAIT!" Antonio wailed. "I DIDN'T MEAN IT! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU AND FELI MEAN TO ME!"

I ignored him. Heavy footsteps pounded after me.

"I'M SORRY!"

The desperation in his voice grew.

"PLEAAAAASE!"

Oh God. I couldn't just leave him like this. I turned around. Antonio ran over and pulled me into his arms. I gagged from the scent of liquor on his breath. He smudged wine onto the front of my pyjama shirt. I ran a shaky hand through his wet curls. I choked up with sobs. Antonio slipped into rapid Spanish. I didn't understand, but I knew that he was apologizing to me. His tears leaked down the trails of my collar bone. My tears leaked down the back of his shirt.

Antonio pulled away from the hug. He stumbled backwards. He just looked so lost. Like a child. And then his lips were on mine and I was pinned up against the wall. His hands lowered down to my waist. He sobbed into the kiss and I just stood there, frozen and scared for the both of us. I raised a hand and shoved him back. I almost vomited from the taste of wine mixed with rum and whatever the hell else he drank, in my mouth.

"Baby please," I begged. "Now's not the time for this." Antonio didn't listen to me. He crushed his lips to mine again. This time his hands wandered underneath my shorts. His fingers knew where all my soft spots were. I shoved him again. I stopped him before he could take things further. Antonio bent down for another kiss but I had already turned my head to the side.

"Not now." I quipped in a much sterner voice.

"WHY NOT?!" Antonio growled. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them up above my head.

"Playing hard to get are we?" he chuckled. He kissed my neck, and the soft moans that escaped from my lips betrayed my true feelings over the matter. My breathing became ragged. I tried my best not to respond to his kisses or caresses. Eventually, he caught on.

I wanted him. So fucking badly. But not like this. This was just too crazy for me to handle.

Antonio let go. My arms fell to their sides. Two palms slammed against the wall. They fell on both sides of my head. "WHY WON'T YOU KISS ME BACK? DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

"Of course I love you!" I sobbed.

"THEN SHOW ME, DAMN YOU!"

Two pounding knocks were heard at our front door.

"LOVINA? TONI! VERDAMMT! WHERE'S MY KEY!" Gilbert cursed. Antonio ignored the cries of his friend. His attention was solely focused on me.

I gasped and spluttered when Antonio rushed down to kiss me again. He was desperate to cling onto something. He wanted something that I couldn't give him. I couldn't give him my consent. I wouldn't. I wouldn't let him toy with me again. I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. He had finally broken me. Staying with him was futile. My relationship with him was done. I closed my eyes.

The front door slammed open for the second time tonight.

"TONI! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" The weight of Antonio's body was torn away from me. I opened my eyes. Gilbert placed his arms under Antonio's armpits. He was tugging him back. Antonio's eyes were wild. They darted around the room like a cornered animal who was about to be preyed on.

"GEROFF, YOU BASTARD!" Antonio shouted. "I NEED MY LOVI!"

 _(You gave up your Lovi the moment that you started drinking to forget…)_

Gilbert gave me an exasperated look. I grabbed my sore wrist and shied under his gaze. Yes. I should have known better than to rile him up. But no it wasn't my fault. The only person to blame for this scuffle was Antonio. He was the one who had gotten himself drunk. And he was the one who had shattered the plates along with my heart.

"Grab Feli and get out of here!" Gilbert barked. I froze like a deer caught in the headlights. Antonio struggled, punched, kicked and swore, but Gilbert wasn't letting go of him anytime soon. Antonio looked up to meet my gaze. His eyes pleaded for me to stay. He started to shout again, but he was far too incoherent at this point.

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! GO!"

"A-Antonio," I choked. "This is the last time. I'm done. I'm leaving…..for good." Tears streamed down my face. The world spun around me. I could hardly stand up, let alone breathe.

"NO! NO! NO! PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME LOVI!"

"I'M NOTHING WITHOUT YOU."

"I'M SORRY!"

"OH GOD NO! I'M SO, SO SORRY!"

I shook my head. "I'm sorry too Antonio. I wasn't there for you when you needed me most. But I can't stay here any longer. It's not safe for Feli, it's not safe for me, and it's not safe for you either."

I then ushered out the most painful words that I had ever had to say in my life.

"Look at yourself, Antonio. Can't you see that you need help?"

With a thud, Antonio fell to his knees. He repeatedly pounded and slapped his palms against the ground. Gilbert stood to the side. We both knew well enough that Antonio didn't have the strength to stand up again.

"I'll GET HELP THEN! I'LL DO ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT. BUT PLEASE. OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE ALONE."

 _(How many times has he told you this?)_

"I LOVE YOU LOVI. W-WE CAN WORK THINGS OUT. W-WE CAN GO BACK TO HOW THINGS WERE. JUST YOU, ME AND FELI. A PERFECT HAPPY LITTLE FAMILY!"

The cracks in Antonio's voice symbolized just how broken our 'perfect happy little family' was.

"If you love me, then you'll let me go. Now goodbye Antonio." I started to walk up the stairs.

"You were my first love," I whispered to myself. "Thank you."

 _(For everything.)_

"LOVI!" Antonio called out my name over and over again. Each time felt like a stab to the heart. But I knew that staying here wouldn't help the situation. Maybe if I left he would finally get the help that he so desperately needed.

I could only hope for the best.

"I'M GOING TO CHANGE FOR YOU, I PROMISE!"

"TONI THAT'S ENOUGH!"

"NO! SHE NEEDS TO HEAR THIS! DO YOU HEAR ME LOVINA VARGAS? FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING I'LL CHECK INTO A REHAB FACILITY. YOU'RE RIGHT. I DO NEED HELP. B-BUT…

"F-F-F-FUCK!"

Antonio broke out into another fit of uncontrollable sobs.

"Please, don't leave me," he whimpered.

Antonio started to pound his fists against the ground again. His strength to do so gradually weakened. "Don't you dare leave me," he pleaded with me once more.

But in my mind I had already left him.

He had left me so long ago.

I was simply reciprocating the favour.

…

"I'll change."

"Prove it," were the last words that I said before I left him for good.

The next morning, Antonio kept his promise and checked into the nearest rehab center.

A full year would pass by before I saw him again.

It goes to say that the drama between us would never cease to exist.


	2. Tsunderella

**Tsunderella:**

A year had passed since Toni checked into rehab. And as always, life had never been kind to me. For about six months I had no choice but to room with Gilbert. Tch. Living with that douche was _something_ alright. Not that I didn't appreciate everything that he did for me. But I could only handle so much chaos. Chaos meaning, I was living with three children instead of two. Sure, Feli and Ludwig got along. If getting along meant screaming at the top of their lungs and marking their territory in the living room with pillows. That kid Ludwig was a real shit disturber. I knew there was something about him that I didn't like. Call it a bitch's intuition.

Feli practically clung to my side when I was home. She helped me clean up the house. The only place in the condo that she wasn't allowed to clean, however, was Gilbert's room. I still had nightmares from the last time that I had set foot in there. I'm shuddering right now at the thought of it. I knew that Gilbert was a pervert. I just didn't expect him to be so open about it. The moron had bought me a maid's uniform, for fuck's sake. But damnit! I wasn't his maid! I cleaned up only because no one else offered to do it. Not to mention the fact that Gilbert locked himself in his room all day. Doing God knows what on his blog. Being useless in general. Well, minus the money. He did make _a lot_ of money for someone who blogged about his life.

On his blog, I was known as 'the hot tsndunere' chick. Or more formally known as 'tsunderella'. I was absolutely mortified when I had found out about that nickname. But alas. Stalking and taking photos of me while I cleaned was only one out of Gilbert's many, _many_ quirks. If it were up to him, we would have chicken nuggets and tater tots every night for dinner. The sad part was that his sober brain had come up with that suggestion. An intoxicated Gilbert is something that you should avoid at all costs. I had once caught him trying to trick Ludwig into eating his breakfast cereal with mountain dew. I nearly had a mental breakdown at the thought of that. Ludwig and Feli were hyper enough as it was. Can you imagine them tripping balls over an insane amount of caffeine?

It didn't help that I constantly lost my fucking mind in that condo. Between Ludwig's and Feli's screaming, and Gilbert's incessant, albeit joking catcalls, I had had enough. I knew that I needed to move out. I looked through the newspapers and signed a lease on the first apartment that was free. I didn't even bother to visit it beforehand. It was cheap and I was desperate. I was quick to move out after that. I said my thanks to Gilbert, who was obviously trying to hold back his tears when he hugged me goodbye, and left. After all, who would he have to make fun of now?

Ludwig and Feli, on the other hand, were shamelessly bawling their eyes out. Ludwig had given Feli a push broom as her goodbye present. Apparently, she was supposed to keep it until they moved out on their own and got married. Ha! As if I'd ever let that happen. Feli didn't need a boy to complicate her life. I wouldn't let her make the same mistakes that I did….

 _Stop_ _thinking about him…_

Feli's gift to Ludwig, on the other hand, was even stranger. She drew him a picture of a bunny. My eyes twitched at the implications. Weren't bunnies supposed to represent fertility? Chigi. And I thought that I wouldn't have to give Feli the sex talk until much, _much_ later. It appeared that Ludwig had inherited his bastardly ways from his brother. It was a good thing that I was removing Feli from their influence.

Badass Mom: 1 Perverted Potato Duo: 0

Moving into an apartment alone with Feli was a fresh start. Fresh with the exception of stale air and a horrible venting system. There was only one bedroom, which meant that I had to sleep on the pull out couch. Honestly, I was just grateful to live on my own. Things improved for the better after that. I found a job at a local nursing home. I worked part-time. The money was good, which meant that I didn't have to work insane hours. I worked Monday through Thursday from 8:00-2:00 PM. And despite the noisy roommates, and sleepless nights, courtesy of Feli's hyperactive brain, I was happy. I wasn't ecstatic or anything. But to me, happiness meant stability. I had been struggling for so long that just the simplest of comforts could put my mind to ease.

"Lovina dear?" A loud, booming voice called across the room. "Where's my soup?"

Scratch that. My mind was never at ease. Working at the nursing home had put me in a constant state of irritation. Especially when you had horny old men trying to work their pruny hands up your skirt. I grabbed a ceramic bowl from the soup station, ladled in a fat amount of the chunky liquid, and grabbed a few packets of crackers. I shut the soup container and stifled my wince when I burned my left palm on the hot metal. God Damnit. They shouldn't have hired me as a server. Yao _knew_ that I was a massive klutz. And yet he _still_ assigned me to the dining room on a regular basis. Apparently, my 'beauty' had enamoured the pruny fuckers. Me serving them was the highlight of their day. Che. Perverted bastards. All of them.

I placed the soup bowl onto a plate, picked it up, and set off into the dining room. Of course, Romulus just _had_ to sit at the very back. He loved to make my job much harder than what it already was. Romulus was a man two years shy of the proper retiring age. He had sparkling, mischievous amber eyes and a full head of grey-streaked chestnut hair. His smile and boyish happiness made him look no older than fifty-five. Or maybe it was his outfit. He always wore expensive, ridiculously styled Armani suits. Exhibit A: Today he was wearing a mustard yellow suit with a matching Fedora.

As I crossed over to his side of the room, I had to stifle a giggle. As if this guy was an ex-Mafioso. Scarface? More like fuckface! This guy was a clown. A joker. He never took anything seriously. He spent his day joking around and betting insane amounts of money on poker chips and extra slices of cake. Romulus' smile widened when I stopped in front of his table. He held out his arms for a hug while I set his soup plate in front of him. I had half the mind to flee for my life. His hugs lasted _too_ long. Last time he tried to grope my ass. A fly he says. He shouldn't be too surprised if I slap him in the face. I wouldn't hesitate to throw that pathetic excuse right back at him.

I straightened my posture and smiled down at the elderly Italian man. The only hint that alluded to my anger was the way that my mouth twitched. Romulus pouted. He placed his elbows against the white cloth of the dining table and cupped his face with both hands. "No hug for your Grandpa today?" he whined.

My left eye joined my mouth in its twitching salsa. Romulus liked to think of himself as my father figure. Because I was Italian he had automatically taken a profound liking to me. I knew that he never meant anything that he said. The man truly did care about me. He teased because he had nothing better to do. Romulus was in fact a very kind man. Whenever I brought Feli into work he would always spoil her with presents. Especially when I wasn't looking. The two got along very well. I'm almost certain that he liked Feli more than me. Ah well. As long as Feli was happy. Romulus often surprised her with ice cream treats and brand new finger paints. I had no room for complaint.

But I had to draw the line somewhere. And that line came when Romulus purchased a $500 bicycle for her. Money was nothing to him. And as much as I wanted to give Feli that present, I didn't want her to grow up expecting more. It was better and more honest to work for your own money. Besides, I only had so much to offer her in life. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in her eyes. I didn't want her to know that we were poor.

I spoke through clenched teeth. "A hug wouldn't be very professional, Mr. Caesar."

"You're no fun!"

I deadpanned. "It's not my job to be fun."

Romulus whimpered and swirled around his spoon in his soup. He brought the spoon to his lips and tasted the yellow liquid. His eyebrows furrowed. I prepared myself for interrogation. The man was reliving his glory days by inspecting the soup. Heh. He thought that he could make me, of all people, crack. Ha! His methods didn't scare me in the slightest. Believe me. I've seen Gilbert in his boxers before. That was worse torture for the eyes than an actual flashlight.

"Salt?"

"Two packets."

"Pepper?"

"Three packets."

"Crackers?"

I pointed to the side of his plate.

"Three packets."

Romulus scowled down at the table. I chuckled and pulled out an extra packet of crackers from the front pocket of my maid uniform. "Four packets." I handed him the crackers. I wasted a ton of food because of Romulus. If my boss ever found out about this, a whack upside of the head was inevitable. Yao had no mercy when it came to discipline. His favourite instrument to use was his wok. Nothing said ' _I'll never break the rules again_ ' like a massive crack to the back of the skull.

Romulus grinned. "Excellent work." He wiped the corner of his mouth with a napkin and reached into his coat pocket with the other hand. He pulled out a small wad of bills. Romulus beckoned me closer. I reluctantly obliged. Romulus slipped the money into the front pocket of my shirt. The one that stretched over my chest. His hand hovered in that 'vicinity' for a long time. Too long. I smacked his hand away with a scowl.

Romulus barked a laugh and leaned back into his seat. His eyes roamed around the otherwise empty dining room. Lunch had ended over two hours ago. The old fuck had just woken up from his afternoon siesta. His lips curled into a devilish grin. "Pleasure doing business with you."

Romulus winked. "Make sure to buy something nice for my darling little Feli."

"What about me?!" I spluttered. Either way, I wouldn't have accepted more money from him. But still. It was the principal. I mattered too, damnit!

Romulus gave me a quick once over. "No sum of money can help you," he concluded with an indifferent sounding huff.

My face was getting redder and redder by the second.

"What do you mean by that?!" I hissed.

Romulus took his time and slurped up several spoonfuls of soup. I bit my lip. Damn bastard.

"Isn't it obvious, _bella_? I can see it in your eyes. You miss someone dearly, don't you?"

"N-no."

"I knew it."

"You knew what?!"

"My darling Lovina is lovesick.~"

"THE FUCK I AM!"

"Ah…young love. How adorable…." Romulus cupped a hand over his mouth and giggled. Yes. Giggled.

I had heard enough. I turned on my heels and stomped off into the employee's chamber.

"Aw! Lighten up bambina! I was only kidding," Romulus whined.

I didn't listen to him. In fact, I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my own heart. It clambered in my chest. I felt the anxiety rise and swell. I grit my teeth to quell it back. I balled my hands into fists. It took Romulus thirty seconds to break my composure. The bastard had finally made me crack. My emotional barriers were shattered and hanging up by the flimsy strings of my broken heart. The pain that I had kept to myself for so long was pouring out of my entire being. I cupped a hand over my mouth and stifled a sob. Was I really that obvious? I had a nasty habit of wearing my emotions on my face. I suppose that I'd have to try much harder if I wanted to forget.

But that's the thing. I wasn't sure if I wanted to forget. I didn't know what I wanted. I only felt. And what I felt was raw, indescribable pain. All I could do was run away. I was too much of a coward to face my past. I lived in a bubble. It was a fragile sort of bubble. One that could be popped very easily. And this moment right here, my bubble was popped. An old and long repressed aching lumped at the back of my throat. Even if _he_ wasn't here, I could still feel _him_. I hated myself for being so weak. But, then again, when have I ever been strong? I was never better off on my own. Reality was a bitch. But love? That was what _really_ fucked people up. Myself included.

…

(Friday)

I grumbled to myself as I watched Feli and Ludwig run amok on the playground. The fact that Gilbert had an arm draped over my shoulders didn't exactly help with my mood. We were sitting on a park bench. The afternoon heat was baking. I felt sweaty and gross and sitting next to a cocky potato was nowhere close to my idea of fun. I shrugged off Gilbert's arm and turned my back to him. Gilbert's chest puffed up in mock offense. God forbid that someone ignore his 'awesomeness.'

His words fell deaf on my ears. I was more interested in making sure that Feli didn't hurt herself. Her knees were a completely different colour because of her clumsiness. She had scraped herself so much that it had come to the point that she didn't even cry anymore. I rolled my eyes when Feli fell over and scraped her elbow on the pavement. It took her a mere 0.2 seconds before she was up, giggling, and running again. I moved to stand up. Gilbert grabbed my elbow and shook his head.

Gilbert had his own, unique parenting ideology. He took the laissez faire approach when it came to raising Ludwig. And one of those rules was that you couldn't baby or coddle them too much. My theory was that Ludwig would turn out to be an emotionless, introverted dork. As you can see, I whole heartedly disagree with Gilbert's method of raising children. I coddle Feli to my heart's content. I mean, how could you not? She was a precious little thing. So happy and full of life. It took everything in my willpower not to squeeze her to death.

I narrowed my eyes when Gilbert started to poke me on the shoulder. Incessantly. He wasn't going to stop until I gave him the light of day. Gilbert cackled. My hands twitched. I was this close to ripping off his sunglasses and leaving him at the mercy of the sun. His red eyes were extremely sensitive to the light. It didn't help that he did most of his blogging in a dimly lit room. It set the 'mood' for him. As for myself? I wouldn't be satisfied until I saw him on the ground, writhing and crying out for the mercy that I wouldn't give.

I cracked when Gilbert poked me in the cheek. "FUCK OFF!" I screamed only to cup a hand over my mouth. Ah. How I loved to swear. It was a pity that I couldn't do it that often because of Feli. Gilbert threw back his head and chortled his pasty ass off. I elbowed him in the gut. He wasn't so quick to laugh after that. Feli sent a confused look in my direction before she squealed and chased after a butterfly. That's Feli for you. She had the attention span of a goldfish.

"You shouldn't," Gilbert wheezed. "Be… so violent with the person… who saved your sorry butt." I furrowed my brows. That idiot could never let anything go. His stubbornness and pride was too far above that.

"Oh please," I snickered. "You practically begged me to stay."

Gilbert bent over to whisper into my ear. I shuddered when his disgusting potato breath tickled the side of my face. "But of course! Who else would make me my afternoon sandwich?" My eyes screamed bloody murder. If we weren't in a park, he'd be choking on my fist right about now. Gilbert didn't hesitate to correct his mistake.

"I'm just kidding. Don't kill me. I…" Gilbert coughed to mask his blatant embarrassment. "….I mean 'we' miss you…" The German playfully bumped shoulders with me. "You should come over for dinner sometime."

"What? So I can make you something other than chicken nuggets?" I drawled.

"OI! What's wrong with chicken nuggets?!"

I don't know. Maybe the insane number of hormones and GMO's that are pumped into the chickens that they're made with? If they even use chicken, that is. It goes to say that I despise packaged food. It just didn't taste the same as real, whole made food. Gilbert clearly didn't get the memo. I had just insulted his breaded brethren. Which could only mean one thing: he was going to try to convert me into believing in his cheap, bachelor ways. I scoffed to myself. The hell I would. So what if I spent a bit more on groceries? It was better than dying from a premature heart attack.

I grinned. It was almost too easy for me to tune him out. Eventually Gilbert gave up on his lecture. We watched Feli and Ludwig play tag in silence. Feli was much too quick for Ludwig. It was hilarious to watch Ludwig stumble after her and trip over his feet. Feli zigzagged back and forth across the park. I regretted giving her so much pasta for lunch. All those carbs had given her an insane amount of energy. Energy that I would, without a doubt, have to deal with later tonight. Oh well. Who needed sleep anyways?

Gilbert cleared his throat. I turned my head to the side and gave him a wary look. He was nervously fidgeting with his hands. He didn't look me in the eye either. I tried to peer through his sunglasses. I didn't see much. The tenseness of his jaw was what gave him away. I knew in an instant what he wanted to talk to me about.

Gilbert rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "Er…I've waited quite a while to tell you this…"

 _Then don't._

I held up my hand to stop him. Nope. I was not dealing with this right now. Anytime that Gilbert mentioned anything about Antonio, I shut down completely. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to experience any more pain. Thankfully, Gilbert was always gentle when he attempted to update me on Antonio's situation. He never pried and respected my decision when I told him that I didn't want to hear about it. But that still didn't stop him from trying. Gilbert was the only person who kept in close contact with Antonio over the past year. I know for a fact that Antonio's been pestering Gilbert with messages for me. But like I said before, I didn't want to hear them. And Gilbert couldn't play messenger to a person who refused to receive. It was so much simpler this way. Keeping my distance spared me from the hope of clinging onto something that couldn't possibly last.

"It can wait longer then. I don't want to hear it." I stood up and ignored his protests. I cupped both hands over my mouth and called out for Feli. It was time to go. I couldn't bear to stay here any longer. The pleasant mood was killed. If I waited any more, my heart was sure to take another fatal blow. Leaving was the only way that I could protect myself.

Feli whined and moaned. I was left with no other choice but to bribe her with food. A chocolate croissant at the grocery store's bakery was what ultimately won her over. Ludwig was not a happy camper. He had just lost Feli's affection to food. Eh. I could care less. As far as I'm concerned, Feli had her priorities set right where they ought to be. Food before Dudes, am I right?

I said my goodbyes to Gilbert, who looked more than disgruntled about my departure. I could tell that he wanted to say something. It looked like it was killing him not to. I gave him a lame excuse and said that I had some errands to run. Friday afternoons were typically spent grocery shopping anyways. I was simply leaving a little earlier than expected. I grabbed Feli's hand and hurried over to the bus stop. I politely declined Gilbert's offer to drive us there. I wanted to forget, but Gilbert was a person who inadvertently forced me to remember. It was nothing personal. I simply wanted to escape from it all.

"LOVINA! WAIT!"

I flipped him the finger over my shoulder. It was our traditional way of saying goodbye.

Gilbert furrowed his brows and shrugged. It was out of his hands. All he could do was hope and pray for the best.

"Be good to her Toni. That girl's been through hell and back because of you."

…

"FELI!" Feli grinned at me and without a care in the world she skipped forward. I chased after her with the shopping cart. Feli's copper braids flew behind her. She stopped before a shelf full of her favourite brand of pasta. I deadpanned instantaneously. Lord have mercy on my bank account. Her chubby little face flushed a mischievous shade of pink. She picked up a bag of penne noodles and held it over the cart like a life line.

"No…" I scolded. She pouted and pulled it back. Oh. If only it had ended there. Feli held up the bag of noodles again. I glared at her. She gave me her ' _try me bitch'_ look. God was she ever stubborn. We still had two bags of that very same pasta back in our apartment. I relented and let her put the pasta in the cart. If I didn't she was sure to throw a fit. Feli flashed me with a mouthful of chocolate smeared teeth. Yup. Giving her more sugar was definitely a mistake. That mistake became even more apparent when she took off running again.

"Tag! You're it sorella~!" she sang. I had no choice but to chase after her. Hopefully the store's employees wouldn't notice that she was smearing chocolate everywhere. Oops. Looks like they already did. A person on the intercom called for a manhunt of the 'out of control toddler in aisle 4'.

I chased Feli through the meat section and received a lot of dirty looks in return. I wanted to scream and tell them that Feli wasn't mine. I wasn't the irresponsible young adult like they thought I was. I could feel their judgemental glares all around me. I grit my teeth. Self-righteous bastards.

"Feli?" I called out in between heaving large breaths. "Where did you go?" A flick of an olive green dress around the dairy section gave the little sneak away. I drag raced my shopping cart around the corner and skidded into aisle 6. I stopped dead in my tracks when I realized that Feli had just crashed into someone. Feli was on the floor sniffling, while the assaulted man helped her to her feet. He looked strangely familiar…Oh no. Oh. No. No. No. No. This couldn't be happening. That's why…that's why Gilbert looked so distressed earlier…

A-A-Antonio was out of rehab. My knees wobbled. I unconsciously leaned into the shopping cart. My ribs dug into it painfully. I gripped onto the handle bars so tightly that the whites of my knuckles showed. Antonio's back was still turned to me. He cupped a hand to Feli's face and wiped away the tears from her rosy cheeks. "Feli, is that you?" The amount of joy in his voice was foreign to me.

Feli's mouth parted open in shock. Shock quickly turned into elation. She was quick to hug him after that. She wrapped both arms around his left leg and showed no intentions of letting go. Antonio laughed and patted her head. "Tonio!" Feli cried out. Feli couldn't contain her happiness. She nuzzled her cheek against his pant leg.

"Dios mio! You've grown so big, chiquita! What are you? Four years old?!"

"Si!" Feli trilled. She was overcome with emotion. My chest became heavy. I couldn't breathe. It was heartbreaking to see Feli _this_ happy. She looked up to Antonio. He was like a father to her. And when he left, it broke my heart to lie to her. To say that he was gone. To give her vague answers on whether or not he would come back. I couldn't bear to disappoint her. Tears welled in my eyes. This was all just too much to handle.

And then, Antonio turned around. He must have heard my sharp intake of breath. My vision spotted. This wasn't… This still wasn't my Antonio. He was thin. Too thin. His cheeks were sunken and his black long-sleeved shirt was baggy in places where it shouldn't have been. He was pale. The sun kissed glow to his skin was gone. His curls were wild, tangled, and longer. He wasn't taking care of himself. He looked more than dishevelled. He looked incomplete. Worn down. Lost. I almost reached out for him. How could I pull him close and push him away at the same time? Damnit. This was so fucking confusing.

I broke down when he smiled at me. It was a grin that stretched from ear to ear. His grin eyes lit up with a warmth that I had been deprived of for so long. I bit back a sob and choked for air. His entire fucking face changed at the mere sight of me. And quite frankly, it was terrifying.

Antonio continued to pat and run a hand through Feli's curls. I stood a few paces away, gripping onto my cart for dear life. Antonio gently pried Feli away from his leg. Feli and I both whimpered. Antonio took a step towards me. I let go of the shopping cart and took a step back. Antonio pressed forward, cocking his head to the side while doing so. Feli scuttled behind him like a lost little duck. Confusion was written on her face. She was wondering why her big, brave sister was cowering in the face of the man that she loved.

"L-Lovina…?" Antonio's voice cracked.

I balled hands into my fists and took a deep breath. "Antonio…?" My eyes were looking everywhere but him. I could feel his smoldering green eyes watch my every move. I backed up into the cold, glass door of the freezer. Antonio didn't push my space. He stayed put and stood in front of the shopping cart. Feli latched onto his leg again. She looked up at me with wide brown eyes. I gave her a weak smile in return.

I bit my lip out of nervousness. Antonio ran a shaky hand through his hair. I looked at him through blurry eyes. No words could not describe how I felt. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I couldn't figure out if I was overjoyed or devastated. The troubled guilt that Antonio wore on his face was gone. But still. There was something wrong with him. Something that I couldn't quite place. Behind his smile there was a much deeper pain. I could tell that he was still hurting inside. It hurt me to see him hurt like that. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Y-You look like shit!" I whispered. Horrified, I covered a hand over my mouth and took another step back. Antonio merely chuckled in response. He never wavered in looking at me. I was the centre of his entire world. He wasn't aware of anything but me. I squirmed and shifted under his stare. The affectionate gaze that he held me with was catastrophic. I could feel myself slipping away. I was falling for his charms all over again. I had never stopped loving him. My nails dug into the palm of my hand. That goddamned fucking smile. I hated how much I loved to see it on his face.

Antonio smirked. His eyes crinkled in the familiar places. "Ouch. Although, I can't say the same for you. You've grown even more beautiful since the last time I saw you."

I was too stunned to say anything. The furious blush on my face said it all.

It took me a while before I mustered the courage to speak again. "H-how….how long?"

Antonio grimaced. "A month…I wanted to tell you…but I…"

The look on his face was clear.

He didn't know if I would want him back…

"Oh," I murmured. Silent tears streaked down my face. I hid behind my hair. "That's good. I'm very… _happy_ for you."

Antonio's eyes widened in alarm when he realized that I was crying. "Lovi, please. Don't cry," he choked. I took several few steps back and held up my hands to my chest. Old habits never died fast, I suppose. Antonio deflated at the sight of my tears. Tears of his own pooled in his eyes. This only made me cry more. He wasn't supposed to cry. He was supposed to be the happy go lucky air head who didn't give a care in the world. And to know that I was the one to make him cry? It crushed me. It ate away at my conscience. I…I couldn't face him.

"I-I…" I sobbed. "I can't do this."

I kept my eyes trained on the ground as I walked over to Feli and scooped her up into my arms. I trembled at how close I was to Antonio. When we brushed shoulders I gasped and cried even harder. Every scream of protest on Feli's part stabbed at my already bleeding heart. Every step away from Antonio was agonizing. I left my cart and turned on my heels. Feli pounded her fists against my back.

"NO! I WANT TO SEE TONIO!" she screeched.

I swallowed down a large lump in my throat. I wanted to see Antonio too. Except, there was one problem. I wasn't brave enough to do so. Running away was so much easier. Antonio's footsteps pounded after me. "Lovina wait! What about your cart?"

 _Who cares about the cart? What about you, you stupid, selfless, bastard?_

"LOVINA!" I turned around. My lips trembled. Feli sobbed into my neck. I placed a hand over the back of her head and held her tight. Antonio sprinted around the corner and nearly tripped over his feet. He skidded to a stop and balled his hands into tight fists. He himself choked up with sobs when he saw that I was rocking Feli back and forth. It was happening. I could feel Feli's childhood crumbling right before my very eyes. God fucking damnit! Everything was falling apart. All because I wasn't able to confront my past.

Antonio took a slow, but ever hesitant step forward. "Lovi…" he said in a cracked whisper. "I just got you back. Are you really going to leave me like this?"

I buried my face into Feli's hair. I wasn't brave enough to look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry."

I turned on my heels and sprinted away.

Today was the second time that I felt my heart break.

Except, this time, it was my fault.


	3. Shop, Duck, and Run

**Shop, Duck and Run:**

…

(Friday)

Nothing eventful has happened over the past week. Gilbert must have known by now. He and Antonio were close friends. Some could even consider them to be brothers. Which would explain why he had stopped texting me. Or going to the park altogether. Because that jackass knew that I would be giving his pasty ass a beating the moment that I saw him. But would I? I don't know. It was my fault for refusing to listen to him. This is where I wish that he had grown some actual balls for once. I know that I'm stubborn. But still. You don't hide the fact that someone has gotten out a rehab. It's just not right. For a month, too.

I can't believe it. It's a miracle that I hadn't run into Antonio before. And after that fiasco at the grocery store, I'm surprised that he hasn't tried to call me yet. I mean, I'm glad that he hasn't. But I couldn't help but wonder. Did I push him away for good? Heh. Perhaps that was for my own good.

Feli's been miserable all week. She's gone on a pasta strike. Or at least when I'm not looking. She's still naïve enough to believe that I won't notice her sneaking into the fridge at the odd hours of the day; goofball. Since it's summer and her daycare ends fairly early, Feli has a full afternoon at her discretion. The only time that she'll leave the house now is if I offer to take her to the park. Ludwig is her only motivation in life. She doesn't want to spend much time with me now. Most of her attention is spent on her drawings. And boy were those drawings ever morbid. How many sad meatballs could one little girl draw?

The weather outside matched Feli's mood today. It was pouring rain and windy. Each crack of thunder made both of us jump with fright. Feli ignored the constant booming and attended to her drawing. She was sitting at the dining room table. Her chubby little fingers pressed so hard into the crayon that it broke in half. I opened my mouth to scold her. Anticipating this, Feli turned her head to the side and gave me a grudging look. Sweet, doe brown eyes suddenly became murderous.

I closed my mouth and walked over to the window. I let my head bang against the dingy, dust-ridden, but gloriously cool glass. This summer had been hot and the cool weather was a nice change. Feli and I only had a fan to ward ourselves against the baking summer heat. I was tired of sweating in all places imaginable. I could feel Feli's eyes boring into the back of my head. That made me sweat even more.

I sighed and took a couple steps back. The view wasn't that great anyways. Nothing but a handful of commercially placed trees and a muck and algae-filled outdoor swimming pool. We lived in an apartment complex that lay beside two other sister residential buildings. Most of my view was obscured by the sight of those cement monstrosities. My view took a turn for the worse when I looked at my reflection in the glass. My hazel eyes were tired and lifeless. They took on more of a green colour today. But unlike the thriving vegetation outside, there was nothing vibrant about me. I wore my hair down. My auburn curls hung flat and limp past my shoulders. I looked unusually pale. The dark circles under my eyes were a reminder of how little sleep I had been getting over the past week. Usually, my skin was more of an olive-toned complexion. Not today, unfortunately. Today I rivalled with Gilbert in the pasty department. Most of this probably had to do with the fact that I hadn't been eating all that much. The nerves alone were enough to fill up my stomach.

The rain became heavier. The mood in the apartment followed suit with it. Feli's sighs and dramatic whimpers grew louder. She was still pouting over the fact that I couldn't take her to the park. I groaned, turned on my heels, and walked into our small dining room. Feli wasn't drawing anymore. She lay slumped over the rickety wooden table, letting her right cheek fall against her drawing. Her long, copper braids hung limply over her shoulder. I crept behind her and took a sneak peek at the visible parts of her drawing. I deadpanned instantaneously. She had drawn a picture of a dog and its owner -except I was the owner and she was the dog. Was this her way of saying that I was too controlling? How in the flipping fuck would a four-year-old even come up with this? This drawing wasn't just disturbing. It was strangely clever and symbolic. Feli sat up when she noticed that I had placed my hands onto the back of her chair. She gave me a pitiful look before hopping off of the chair and scuttling into her bedroom.

"Feli," I called after her. I grabbed a red hoodie from the adjacent dining room chair and slipped it over my head. The slam of Feli's bedroom door was the only peep that I got out of her. I rolled my eyes and padded over to her room. I knocked on the door.

"No sorelle allowed!" Feli huffed. I smirked. So she wanted to be stubborn, eh? Fine. Two could play at that game. Because of last weeks, er, 'incident', we were running low on food in the apartment. But that wasn't why I was smirking. I was smirking because I had Romulus's money burning a fat pocket in my wallet.

"Oh! That's too bad!" I feigned a sigh. "To think that I was going to get you a present if you were good!" Feli's muffled grumbles could be heard. She was consulting with her stuffed animals over the matter. Her bedroom door opened by a narrow crack. I grinned and crossed my arms. Feli poked her head out of the door. Her cheeks flushed pink when she saw me towering over her.

"How big of a present?" she whispered.

My grin only got wider. "It's a surprise."

Feli pouted and shut the door. I raked a frustrated hand through my hair. Dealing with children had never been my forte. Taking care of Feli was a responsibility that had been thrust onto me. My patience was running thin. It was now or never. I turned on my heels and walked over to the front room. I slipped on a pair of brown, mud crusted combat boots. Yet another reason why I don't take Feli to the park when it rains.

I looked at myself in the front mirror. Ah. At least my legs looked good. Those denim shorts really did wonders for them. A newfound confidence swelled up in my chest. I turned up my bribing game by several notches.

"Oh Feli~!" I sang, cupping a hand over my mouth. "Don't you want to see your dear friend Amelia?"

Feli was scurrying out of her room in no time. I stifled my smirk and bent over to tie my combat boots. I pointed Feli in the direction of the kitchen. "Get me a tupperware of pasta, please."

I paused in contemplation.

"Actually make that two."

Feli wasn't the only diva that I had to bribe.

…

The Amelia that I spoke of is our loud-mouthed next door neighbor. I hardly ever rely on her to babysit Feli. But desperate times calls for desperate measures. Elizabeta doesn't run her day care on Fridays, and I couldn't bring Feli grocery shopping with me. Not when I planned to make a quick stop at the art store first. Seeing the smile on Feli's face when I surprised her would totally be worth it in the end. Even if it meant that I had to give up two tupperwares of pasta.

You see, Amelia wasn't your typical girl. The only thing that we had in common was that we were similar in age. I had just turned 20 in March and she would be turning 21 at the beginning of July. But other than that, we had absolutely nothing in common.

Amelia was sweet and kind, especially to children, but piss her off and there would be hell to pay. Just ask her British boyfriend, Arthur. Those two spent most of their relationship fighting and hating each other rather than loving and reconciling. They were infamous in this building for their break-ups. My personal favourite was the time when she dumped an entire pot of tea onto his face….from three stories up. Amelia was wild and independent, and she despised how Arthur attempted to ground and tie her in place. But wait! There's more! It wasn't their break-ups that everyone feared. It was their make-ups. And by make-ups I mean nights of endless sex that just about broke the ear drums of everyone living in this complex. Feli could sleep through anything. I, unfortunately, didn't have that luxury. I swear. If I hear one more pun about Arthur tea bagging her, I'm going to fucking lose it.

The lunatic couple's apartment was just across the hallway from mine. I walked up to their door and crouched down in front of Feli. I straightened her pink, frilly dress and cupped her face with both hands. Feli shed me with a toothy grin. She knew the drill. Amelia was very easy to bribe. She loved my cooking. I almost pitied the girl in that sense. The constant explosions rattling against the building's papery thin walls told me just how bad of a cook Arthur was. I remember him trying to invite Feli and I over for dinner once. Amelia had given me a warning look that translated into ' _Run. Run for your life and never turn back._ ' I didn't believe her until I had tried one of his scones. I'm now trained to gag at the very sight of them.

I re-did one of Feli's pig tails. Amelia had always been a sucker for this hair-do. With that done and over with, I stood up and knocked on the door. Feli, on cue, feigned a cheek stretching smile. She held onto both tupperwares of pasta in her chubby little hands. Amelia could say no to me. Feli, on the other hand, was an entirely different story. The amount of silence on the other end of the door was unnerving. I looked over my shoulder and spared my apartment door a longing glance. There was still time to back out. I could always go shopping tomorrow. I had the whole weekend off anyway.

My thoughts were interrupted by the muffled sounds of pounding footsteps. "COMING~! JUST HOLD UP FOR ANOTHER MINUTE!" Amelia sang. A snide remark from Arthur could be heard, followed by the cracking echo of what sounded like a slap. Arthur groaned. Yup. Definitely a slap. Knowing him, he probably deserved it. The guy was a total smartass.

The door wrenched open. Feli held up both tupperwares to the air. I grinned. "We come bearing pasta." The American girl reciprocated my grin. Amelia was a charming girl with bobbed, pixie blonde hair, which was clipped back with two red hair clips, and startling blue eyes. She was tall and had a slender, flat figure. I was almost jealous. The girl ate like a pig and didn't have the weight to show for it. Amelia propped up an elbow against the wooden door frame. She stretched her back and yawned. I couldn't take my eyes off of her stomach. She wearing a white bikini top and faded denim shorts. Her fitness was practically throwing itself right in my face.

"How long?" she yawned.

"Two hours tops," I answered. I nudged Feli with my foot, signalling for her to kick things up a notch. Her eyes widened into unrelenting brown, pleading saucers. I couldn't have been any prouder. If being an artist didn't work out, acting would do Feli well.

As expected, Amelia wavered under Feli's puppy dog look. "Aw! 'Kay! How could I say no to such a cute face?! Come on in, y'all." Amelia gushed, stepping to the side and graciously gesturing us into her apartment.

Arthur set down his weathered paper back on the dining room table. "For the last time, you were born in New York. There's no reason for you to have a southern accent," he scowled. Arthur was a man of 23 years old. He had shaggy blond hair, sharp emerald eyes, and eyebrows thick enough to start a fire. That is, if they rubbed together. Which tended to happen whenever he was angry. Arthur was always angry. Therefore, a fire was always raging in the Jones-Kirkland residence.

Amelia ignored Arthur. I took the tupperware containers from Feli and set them down onto the kitchen counter. Arthur and I both grumbled our greetings. I scoffed at how predictable he was. What kind of nutjob drank hot tea during the summer? Meanwhile, Amelia scooped up Feli onto her shoulders. Feli giggled and urged for Amelia to go faster. Air plane sounds echoed around the apartment. I couldn't help but feel a bit nervous for Feli's well being. Amelia wasn't exactly the most responsible of adults. In fact, Amelia had about the same maturity as Feli did. Both of them together were a nightmare.

I pulled up a chair next to Arthur and sat down. We both spared each other loathing looks. I spotted a tray of freshly baked scones sitting on the other end of the table. I averted eye contact from there on in. Arthur rolled up the sleeves of his sweater vest. I envied him. Being a free lance writer must have paid well. Air conditioning was yet another luxury that I couldn't afford.

"So," Arthur said, giving me a wry smile. I balled my hands into tight fists. "What are you up to this afternoon?" I exhaled in relief. Thank God. For a minute there, I thought that he was going to offer me a scone. Sorry Arthur, I don't plan to die any time soon. I still had many years of struggle, angst, and fight left in me. Not today, eyebrows. Not today.

I shrugged. "Oh, you know. The usual. Grocery shopping, flipping off Gilbert's attempts to flirt with me…" I waved my hand around the table in an attempt to look cool and casual. I accidentally knocked over the salt and pepper shakers in the process. "Nothing new…" I squeaked. I blushed and Arthur chuckled.

"I see," he mumbled. Arthur went back to reading his book after that. He wasn't much of a talker. Besides. I already knew what his plans were for this afternoon. When he wasn't writing, Arthur spent most of his time bragging about the new novel that he was working on. He had conditioned us all to cringe at the very mention of his life story.

Amelia steered Feli towards the dining room table. Feli bounced dangerously on top of her shoulders. My protests were drowned out by Amelia's booming laughter. "There we are, darling!" she declared, placing Feli back on her feet and thankfully on the ground. Feli scuttled to my side and I wrapped a protective arm around her. Arthur scoffed into his book.

Amelia raised an arched brow and placed both hands on her hips. "What was that, Arthur?" Her voice was sweet enough to mask the ass-kicking undertone to it.

Arthur cleared his throat. "I said ' _Again with the southern accent'_. Cue sarcastic tone." Without a care in the world, the Briton flipped over another page of his book. I deadpanned. And he wonders why they fight so often. Secretly, I think Arthur gets a sadistic pleasure out of provoking Amelia. After all, it didn't take that much effort to get her worked up in the first place.

Amelia smiled but her eyes remained cold. I gulped. Oh-Oh. Here we go. "Artie, dear. Surely you most already know why I speak in a southern accent. What with kissing your…" Amelia faltered when I shed her with a stern glare. She was quick to correct herself. "Royal, pompous, _derriere_ all day." Arthur revolted. His eyebrows furrowed into an equally livid glare. If Feli wasn't here, they would have been screaming their heads off right about now.

Feli tugged on the sleeve of my sweater. "What's a derriere?"

"Nothing that you need to know about," I murmured.

My answer wasn't enough for Feli. She skirted around the table to tug on Arthur's pant leg. "What does pompous mean?"

Arthur smirked. He pulled Feli into his lap and gave Amelia a smug look. Amelia was beginning to grow jealous at the lack of attention. Feli, for whatever reason, had always liked Arthur a bit more than her. Amelia's face reddened and her cheeks puffed up like a blow fish. Her hands gripped tightly onto the back of my chair. I could hear the wood creak in protest. I felt the need to join.

Arthur patted Feli's head. "You'll find out when you're older, poppet," he mused. Feli pouted. Arthur reached over the table to pluck a scone from the silver platter. "Care for a scone, love?" Amelia inhaled sharply and took a few steps back. Feli's eyes sprung with fresh tears. I grinned and decided to take my leave. My chair screeched against the ground and I turned my back to Feli. An evil expression crossed over my face. Feli could fend for herself. That's what she gets for being so difficult earlier.

"Ciao," I waved over my shoulder. "I'll be back in a couple of hours." I slipped on my boots, grinning all the while. Feli's eyes widened with betrayal. Her big sister wouldn't be there to protect her from the dangers of Arthur's putrid tasting scones. My good byes went ignored. There was a much more important topic at hand -that being Feli's health and well-being.

Amelia laughed and began to stutter. "A-Artie, maybe we should give her some lunch first?" Feli vigorously nodded her head in agreement.

Arthur brought the scone closer and closer towards Feli's unwilling mouth. "Nonsense," Arthur placed the scone back onto the platter, much to my dismay and Amelia and Feli's evident relief. "A little sugar won't hurt her. Although, these do taste better hot." Feli didn't hesitate to leap off of Arthur's lap. She sought refuge in Amelia's arms while Arthur slipped several scones into the oven.

Amelia and Feli huddled together. They were scheming for their survival. She spoke in a hushed whisper. "Okay Feli. All you have to do is chew it. You can spit out the rest in a napkin when he's not looking."

Amelia stuck out her chest and smirked. "I'll distract him."

Her provocative suggestion, thankfully, went right over Feli's head. "But I'll still taste it!" she wailed.

Amelia grinned and slipped three chocolate chip cookies into the front pocket of Feli's dress. "That's what these are for." Feli still didn't look all that convinced. The cookies had placated her into silence, but she was still very clearly upset. Arthur turned on his heels and trotted back into the dining room.

"Oh look! How precious! She's crying! Someone must _really_ like my scones!" Arthur bent over to fondly pat Feli's head again.

Feli bit her lip and stifled a whimper.

I cupped a hand over my mouth to supress my laughter. I left not long after that. Between Feli's muffled cries and Amelia's nervous looks, I couldn't handle the suspense for any longer. They were both as good as dead. I shrugged. Who ever said that I was a good care taker?

…

Grumbling, I pushed my shopping cart forward. I was soaked from head to toe. After grabbing Feli some new art supplies at Michael's, God had decided that it would be a good idea to create a downpour. I had just about sprinted to the grocery store. Hopefully none of Feli's supplies had been ruined. The plastic bags lay in a soggy heap in the front basket of my cart. Well fuck. Most of them were covered in packaging anyways. All I could do was pray that none of the water had seeped through.

I wasn't exactly in the greatest of moods to begin with. My hair was wet, which meant that my natural curls would be springing up any moment now. I could already feel the bounce of my cowlick as I stomped through the aisles. I careened my cart into the pasta section. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, and with my inevitably shitty luck, I didn't see that Antonio was standing there. Not until the last second. Not until it was too late.

His back was still turned to me. I skidded the cart to a stop and tried to control my breathing. I wasn't going to cry this time. He had merely surprised me back then. But now? I wasn't surprised in the slightest. Antonio knew me all too well. He knew that I followed a weekly schedule, which would explain why he was waiting for me here today, exactly a week since we had last met. The bastard was even smart enough to wait in the pasta section. He had planned out this encounter to a tee.

My eyes bulged out. He was wearing one of my old favourites, a black dress shirt with hardly half of the buttons done up. In his hands he clutched onto a bundle of roses and a box of my favourite Lindt chocolates. I scoffed internally. Today was just full of bribes. I pulled the cart back a few steps. Doing good. Doing good. He still hasn't noticed me. Melt into the shadows. Be a ninja. Good. Good.

 **CREAK!**

Fuck. I would make for an extremely shitty ninja.

Antonio spun around. He caught me trying to sneak away. I stopped dead in my tracks. Antonio surged forward, nearly tripping over his feet as he did so. "Lovi! Lovi! Wait!" he called out. I blushed and averted my gaze to the ground. Antonio caught up to my cart. He placed both hands on the end of it. I scoffed. It was like he had completely forgotten about last time. The cart was expendable. I could leave any time that I wanted to. If only my feet weren't glued to the ground…

I spluttered when Antonio thrust the bouquet of roses forward. It didn't look romantic at all. Was he confessing his love or challenging me to a duel? Who knows. "Lovina Vargas! I want you to at least hear me out!" Antonio's cheeks flushed pink. I was taken aback. Wow. That hardly ever happened. Usually I was the one to blush.

I abruptly snatched the roses and chocolates from him and set them down into the front basket of my cart. I refused to look him in the eye. My hands trembled. I gripped onto the handle bar for dear life. Antonio must have taken this as his cue to continue. I wasn't running away. That was always a good start.

"The past year all I could do was think about you. Everything I did and went through was for your sake. You were the only person who kept me sane while I rotted away in that godforsaken facility. Every day was spent thinking about you and only you. You were my only hope. My inspiration. My motivation. The only reason that I got out of bed every morning. I worked to see your face once more. And now you're that you're here I don't know what the fuck to do with myself. I could say sorry and ask for your forgiveness, but that would hardly do anything. So instead, I'll show you."

Antonio took a step closer towards me. He knelt down on one knee. I looked down into his wide, pleading green eyes. His brown curls shook as he brought my hand to his lips. My hand went numb when he kissed it.

"I never stopped loving you, Lovina. I've healed and grown stronger in the process. But only you can help mend my broken heart. Do you think that you could have it in your heart to give me another chance?"

I inhaled sharply. I cupped my free hand to my face, hoping to cool down the burning blush that betrayed any shred of dignity that I had left. I established direct eye contact with him and bit my trembling lip. I've always had a shitty way of expressing myself. I'm just thankful that Antonio was fluent in Lovina speak. I had a nasty habit of saying the opposite of how I truly felt.

My eyes roamed around the empty aisle. "Can you keep it down, bastard? I'm right here. You don't have to yell," I growled.

Antonio grinned. He cocked his head to the side. "That's weird. Am I not being charming enough? Should I serenade you with my sweet, sexy voice?" he mused. I glowered. Antonio knew that he had me wrapped around his finger. It only took me one look to know that he was better. I hadn't seen him this happy in a _long_ time. I didn't have the heart to stomp on his parade. I was opening up to him before I had the chance to stop myself.

"What?!" I spluttered. A horrified look crossed over my face. He wouldn't. Oh, but he would. Antonio wasn't embarrassed very easily. He was an open book who did extremely stupid things. Most of which were awfully embarrassing and cringe worthy. Singing aloud in a grocery store was nothing to him. My mortification only encouraged him to take things farther. Tch! What an asshole.

"N-No!" I hissed. I pulled my hand out of his grasp. "Don't you dare!" I warned. My face flushed fifty shades of embarrassed.

Antonio chuckled and stood up, brushing off the dust from his pant leg. He rolled his shoulders into an indifferent looking shrug. I leered up at him. I've always hated the height difference between the two of us. It only made it harder for me to punch him in his stupid, bastardly face. "Perhaps I should cancel the quartet then…" he mumbled, stroking his chin and trailing off ominously.

I waved my hands about erratically. Of course that dumbass would hire a quartet. It was amazing what money could buy a person. If my eyes weren't bulging out before, they were practically hanging out of their sockets right now. "Quartet?!" I screamed. "C-cancel it! Right now!" I desperately looked around the aisle again. I didn't spot any odd people in suits. There were no violins in sight either. Perhaps they were waiting for Antonio's cue…?

Antonio held up his hands in surrender. He smirked down at me. I didn't care for the mischievous, childish light that danced across his eyes. Trouble tended to follow whenever he gave me that look. I bit my lip to hide the smile tugging on the corners of my mouth. Aside from my mortification, I was touched by his sincerity over the matter. He really did go all out with this.

The mortification returned full swing when Antonio bent down to usher out his threat. "I'll call off the quarter if and only if you agree to go out on a date with me." My eyes and fists twitched. He pursed his lips into a pout. I was tempted to both kiss and rip them in half. How frustratingly ironic.

I crossed my arms and scowled. "Blackmail? Really, Antonio? I thought that even you were above that." Antonio reached over to grab the box of chocolates from my shopping cart. He popped open the box and picked one of my favourite sweets. Antonio rolled the sphere of white chocolate in between his thumb and index finger. I grit my teeth. He was only teasing. But damnit! He _really_ knew how to get on my nerves.

"Your choice," Antonio popped the treat into his mouth, gleefully chewing on it. He then cupped both hands over his mouth. "Last chance," he mused, his words muffled by his obnoxious chewing.

"One…Two…"

"S-stop!" I cried out. Antonio grinned and let his arms fall to his side.

"Does this mean that you'll go out on a date with me?" I blushed. The amount of joy in his voice was overwhelming. It felt like I was placating a puppy. A giant, dumb puppy who had an irritating knack for always getting his way.

I let my hair fall into my face. "Y-yeah."

Antonio cried out and started to pump the air with his fists. I was quick to slap a hand over his mouth. Old habits were hard to break. Antonio's eyes widened. I gasped and removed my hand shortly after.

"Lovi," he grinned.

"What?!"

"Lovi, look at me." I grudgingly complied.

Antonio held out both of his arms. "Can I at least have a hug?" I grumbled and looked at my shoes. I could feel two holes burning into the side of my face, courtesy of Antonio's puppy dog eyes. Looking up, I wavered on instant. I took a deep breath and closed the distance between us.

I wrapped my arms around him and let my head fall against the crook of his neck, shaking and trembling as Antonio rubbed consoling circles into my back. I whiffed the familiar scent of his cologne and swooned. For once it wasn't mixed with alcohol. It was the simple things that got to me. Antonio tucked his chin over my head. He was shaking too. He buried his nose into my damp, wet curls. I sighed. This was my Antonio. The one that I loved with every fibre of my being. The sweet, ditsy, and moronic fool who teased and tugged at the strings of my otherwise stubborn will.

Antonio murmured into my hair. "You must be twenty years old now," he remarked.

"You don't have to remind me that I'm getting old," I snapped. My voice had no bite to it. Most of it was muffled by Antonio's chest. Antonio chuckled. It was raspy and goofy as always. _Jerk._

"You don't look older than eighteen," he cooed.

"Great," I deadpanned. "Now I'm a fetus."

"Hush!" he tutted. "You know that's not what I meant."

A minute passed.

"Antonio?"

"Hmmmm~?"

"You were lying about the quartet, weren't you?"

I pulled away and craned my neck to look up at him. Antonio shifted guilty under my glare. I saw red after that. My fists were pounding into his chest before I had any hopes of controlling myself. "You bastard!" I seethed. Antonio caught my wrist. I struggled and cursed under his grip.

"Fusososo! OW!" Antonio doubled over when I kicked him in the shin. "Your face!" He guffawed. "It's just so red! Pft! Like a tomato!" I had heard enough. I turned on my heels, grabbed two bags of pasta and slammed them into my cart.

"Aw, Lovi! Don't be like that! I was only joking~!"

The screech of wheels could be heard as I sped the cart away from Antonio and towards the check out line. I scowled. Some things just never changed. I had a chronic blushing problem and despised being patronized for it. Comparing me to a tomato crossed the line. I didn't have to look back to know that Antonio would be stumbling after me. People cleared the aisles as I stormed past them.

"What about our date?!" he called after me.

"What about it?!" I shouted back, not even bothering to turn around.

"When?"

"You're the guy," I huffed. "Figure it out."

"How about tonight?"

"Can't."

"Hmmph!"

I rolled my eyes. The pouting game was strong with this bastard. "It's too short notice. The person I have right now can only watch Feli for the afternoon."

"How about tomorrow night, then?"

As I rammed around the corner, nearly knocking over the cart in the process, I pursed my lips in thought. Elizabeta was always eager to throw slumber parties for Feli.

"I'm sure that I can make that work," I assented.

"Great~! Would you like to come over to my place?"

I let him take my silence as his answer.

"Er….perhaps that's not so great of an idea. How about dinner instead?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Where would you like to eat?"

I smirked. "Surprise me."

I parked the cart in front of the check out line and began to place my items onto the belt of the conveyor machine. Antonio caught up to me huffing and puffing. It wasn't long before he began helping me load up my items. Antonio snickered when he picked up a plastic bag containing a dozen or so tomatoes. I sent him a glowering look of warning. He didn't dare to say anything after that.

I pushed my cart forward and pulled out my debit card from my front jean pocket. The cashier flashed me with a knowing smile. Or perhaps it was pity. Antonio was lagging behind me like a lost puppy.

"That'll be $132.50," she smiled.

"Debit," I mumbled. I eyed Antonio with a side glance. He was already reaching for his wallet. Oh no you don't. I reached out to smack at his hand, but didn't make it there in time.

"I'll pay~!" He declared, slapping a handful of bills into the surprised cashier's hand.

There wasn't much room for protest. Antonio was on the move. He bent over, brushed my forehead with a quick peck, and was running towards the door in the blink of an eye. I grit my teeth. That bastard. I couldn't just run after him. There was a line full of people waiting behind me. I was stranded. And as much as I wanted to tackle him to the ground and smack his stupid face senseless, I had no other choice but to accept his money.

Laughing and nearly tripping over his feet all the while, Antonio turned to look over his shoulder. His curls bounced playfully as he shed me with a boyish wink. "I'll pick you up at seven~!" I blushed. He was making quite the scene. Several elderly ladies spared me longing looks. In their eyes, Antonio was being 'romantic.' In my eyes, he was nothing short of being a moron.

My mouth gaped open. "How the heck do you know where I live?!"

"Gilbert told me~!" he sang, before blowing me an air kiss. "See you tomorrow, Lovi~!" I pretended to swat at it, earning myself several boos because of that reaction. I balled my hands into tight fists. Gilbert was dead the next time that I saw him. My brain was eager to come up with several different torturing methods. Heh. Death via sun or death via oven? Both would end with the same result; charred potato mush.

Antonio left the grocery store not long after that; thankfully. It took him a while to figure out the door, however. Apparently walking face first into it didn't stop him from doing it another time. A nearby employee had to escort him out. I grinned. Still klutzy as ever, I see.

Every one in the store snapped back to what they were doing before. Wide-eyed, the cashier handed me close to two hundred dollars in change/bills. I scowled. The bastard did that on purpose. I didn't need his money. His love was the only thing that I ever needed. I winced internally. Antonio has always had a softening affect on me.

Like I said before.

Some things just never change.

…

I staggered under the weight of my groceries. I pushed the button to open the automatic, revolving glass doors.

As soon as I stepped outside, a parked cab honked at me. "Hey lady! Is your name Lovina Vargas?"

I groaned. I already knew full well where this was going. "Yeah…?"

The cab driver waved off my unenthusiastic tone with a gummy smile.

"Great! Hop in! Your ride's already been paid for!"

I grumbled, opened the car door, and slammed my groceries into the back seat.

"Damn bastard," I muttered under my breath.

* * *

 **To be continued...**


	4. Just kiss me, you bastard

**Just kiss me, you bastard:**

…

(Saturday, 7:00 PM)

I was already agitated and the date hadn't even started yet. Feli would be staying over at Elizabeta's for the night. But that wasn't what I was pissed off about. Somehow, in the span of a day, everyone knew about my date with Antonio. I figured that Antonio must have told Gilbert, which was a fatal mistake if you ask me. Best friends or not, everyone knew that Gilbert could never be trusted to keep a secret. His life literally revolved around gossiping and blogging about the 'awesome' secrets of his idiotic bachelor's life. Gilbert must have then told Liza about our date.

This would explain why she had taken so many photos of me earlier today. Apparently, 'first date jitters' were a staple to record in the art of scrap booking. Liza was like the embarrassing mom that I never had nor did I ever want. Roderich had even gone so far as to send me his regards when I dropped off Feli this afternoon. He told me to be careful, and after a very painfully awkward conversation of why I should wear protection and never condemn myself to a lifetime full of 'little demons', Liza sent me off with a firm smack to the bum. The only contenders for my crazy life were my crazy friends. One of those friends, however, would be getting a real ass whooping the next time that I saw him. That person was Gilbert, if you were wondering. Which you shouldn't be because you already know how much I despise that albino fuck nugget.

I sighed and checked the watch on my wrist. It was 7:00 PM. Antonio was supposed to pick me up at ten after. I was waiting in my apartment building's ratty front lobby. I didn't bother to sit down on the lounge's hole-happy leather chairs. Having Gilbert in my life was one too many diseases if you ask me. Instead, I took to pacing back and forth. Or rather, clacking. I was wearing a red, strapless dress that cut in a low V-neck down my chest. It made my boobs look much bigger, which wasn't all that much; yay for push-up bras, I guess. I also wore matching red three-inch heels to go with the dress. Any more inches and I would become a stumbling giraffe. Being a klutz and wearing heels was not a very good combination.

I owe my outfit to Grandpa Roma. The fucker had bought me this dress months ago. Initially he had wanted me to wear it as my work uniform. As if that would ever happen. Just to spite him, I kept the outfit in the deep folds of my closet. It went untouched until tonight. Seriously. What was it with people buying me outfits? Was I inherently a magnet for perverts? It certainly seemed like it. Oh well. The old fart had actually pulled through for me tonight. Heh. He was like my fairy godfather; literally because of his sketchy mafiaso background. Regardless, I had a spectacular outfit to wear tonight because of him.

Not wanting to push it, I didn't bother to do much with my hair. I already knew how much Antonio liked my natural curls. Although that one fucking curl that always manages to stick out of place will be the death of me. No amount of screaming, hairspray, swearing, and praying could tame that godforsaken strand of hair. I considered placing a headband over it, but then I realized that I would probably need my hair to hide behind if things got awkward during the date.

And I know for a fact that the awkwardness would be inevitable. We couldn't avoid the rough topic of Antonio's experiences in rehab. It was necessary to get all of the hard stuff out of the way first anyway. Ignoring it and pushing it to the side wouldn't do us any good. I wanted a fresh start and that couldn't happen unless we addressed our past messes.

This was the reason why I had given Antonio another chance in the first place. He had gone to rehab for me and was willing to make up for his past mistakes. There was no wrong in giving him the benefit of the doubt. I would give him one last chance. If he fucked it up, then that was his problem. But it would be cruel on my part to let things end on such a terrible note. Tonight was an opportunity to see happy Antonio. My heart ached at the thought. I missed him. The real him. Just the thought of spending time with Antonio had me smiling. We used to laugh so much together. And how could I not? He was such a goofball. Out loud I called him a dumbass, but Antonio was fluent enough in Lovina speak to know that I had always meant it in the fondest way possible.

Rain pounded and thrummed against the asphalt. I walked over to the glass doors and peered outside. The scowl on my face was instantaneous. I didn't have an umbrella with me. If my hair got wet, it was game over. Frizz central everyone.

My prayers were answered when Antonio's convertible pulled up in front of the lobby. Thankfully, the hood was attached. I felt a guilty pang form in the depths of my stomach. On a sunny day, I would have been able to walk up to him and strut my non-existent 'stuff'. I remember all too well how much Antonio got a kick out of teasing me. Catcalling me via honking his horn was one of his favorite ways to do so. I said that I hated it when in fact I actually enjoyed his teasing just as much as he did. Likewise to Feli, I adored attention, except I always pretended otherwise.

Antonio opened the car door, frowned at the rain, and put up his tomato print umbrella. He then walked up the cement steps and approached the lobby's front door. I ogled at him the entire time. He was wearing a casual black dress shirt, grey dress pants, and black slacks. His curls were messy and wild, but he had tucked his bangs behind his ears, giving me a full view of his glowing, tanned face. His green eyes popped in contrast to the dark tones of his outfit. I melted at the sight of him and already felt self-conscious of myself.

Antonio looked up as I walked over to the front door to let him in. His face instantaneously broke out into a huge grin. I smiled weakly, all the while secretly panicking inside. It was a smile that turned my insides to jelly. Damn. Why did he have to be so godamned perfect? His teeth were brighter than my entire fucking future.

Antonio closed his umbrella and stepped into the front lobby. Being the dork that he was, he gave me a chivalrous bow, grabbed my hand, and planted a gentle kiss on it. "Mi amor," he purred. I tutted and smacked his hand away. He pulled up and smirked. I deadpanned. How could one want to punch and kiss a face simultaneously?

Antonio's eyes swept over my figure only to light up in appreciation. "You look absolutely beautiful tonight," he beamed.

I smirked. Antonio's face had the faintest pink tinge to it. Huh. I was beginning to enjoy this. He never used to blush this often. It was like we were starting all over again. I placed both hands on my hips and scowled. "Was I not beautiful before, bastard?" I growled. I averted my gaze to the ground when he aimed a half-hearted glare at me. I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze and blushed a deep red.

"You also…look good. I guess…"

"Oh Lovi! You're so cute~!"

Ooops. My mistake. I forgot how touchy-feely Antonio was. I was currently being suffocated in one of his rib-crushing hugs. His laughter chimed and echoed in the lobby. It was much better than the corny elevator music that played in the background. My face pressed into his chest. I closed my eyes and took a brief second to inhale the familiar scent of his cologne before I relented and shoved him away.

Antonio pouted. He offered me a hand and I grudgingly took it. His hands were so much bigger than mine. They practically enveloped them. I shifted my hand to feel all the familiar callouses. We began to walk forward. I cocked my head to the side and nudged shoulders with him. I was holding his hand; what more did he want?

"Oi," I scolded. "What's the frown for?"

Antonio hummed under his breath. "How come you're hiding your apartment from me?" I blushed and looked away from the all-knowing expression on his face. He knew me well, too well in fact. I waited in the front lobby specifically because I didn't want him to see my apartment. I know for a fact that he would disprove of my current living conditions. It was bound to be too small for his lavish tastes.

He believed that I deserved everything in the world. Don't ask me why. Spoiling me with unnecessary gifts was just one of his many quirks. Although, he had already spent enough money on me lately. I didn't want him to go out of his way again. Even though he technically wasn't going out of his way because he was loaded, but still, it was the principle at hand. And I knew that without a doubt, he would be paying for tonight's dinner. My stubbornness, however, insisted that I brought my wallet along anyhow. I was losing a battle that I had yet to start. The wallet was there to keep my pride in check. I was still mad about his previous stunt at the grocery store. A half-ass attempt at redemption was long overdue.

"I-I'm not hiding anything from you," I stammered. "I just thought that it would be more convenient for you if I waited here." Antonio gave me a look that told me that I wasn't fooling him anytime soon. Thankfully, he gave me the benefit of the doubt by switching the topic.

"Is Feli staying over at Elizabeta's?"

"Mhmm," I hummed in agreement. A mischievous flare lit up in Antonio's eyes. By the time that I looked at him again it was already gone. Antonio held open the door for me. I scoffed. This was something that we always used to butt heads over. He was a traditional gentleman and I fought to fend for myself. In that aspect, we were both stubborn. We weren't all that different, after all. Just this once, I let him hold open the door for me.

I clacked, more like hobbled, down the cracked cement steps. Antonio stepped ahead and opened his umbrella. He held it out for me, all the while trying to stifle his laughter. His eyes fell to my heels. My face burned for what must have been the fiftieth fucking time in a matter of mere minutes. Yes, I was going all out tonight, and no, I wasn't ashamed to do so. It was his bastard grin that made me so damned squeamish in the first place.

By the grace of God Antonio didn't comment on my poor heel-to-toe coordination. He grabbed my hand and we walked a short distance to his parked, red convertible. Antonio opened the passenger door for me and I climbed in. I almost giggled at the sight of the familiar handle bar moustache accessory that hung from the driver's mirror. I remember scaring Ludwig with that thing. Ah. Good memories. I looked down and plucked a toffee from a cup holder. Antonio smirked as he climbed into the driver's seat. He was so excited that the entire car bounced along with him. I joined him in his bouncing. Except my bouncing was more out of nervousness than anything else. I took up a sudden interest in the car's carpeted grey floor.

Antonio chuckled. "Don't tell me you're nervous, Lovi."

"Fucking hell! What makes you think that?" I blurted out.

Antonio shook his head, twisted his torso, and reached to grab something from the back seat. I gasped. He held onto something very dear to me. It was a pair of studded black combat boots, something that I had accidentally left behind when we…never mind.

I bit my lip and feigned indifference. The widening of my eyes gave away my true feelings over the matter. Antonio motioned for me to take them and I gratefully did so. I absently stroked my hands over the faux leather surface. I was in awe. "I don't want you to make yourself uncomfortable because of me," he said, aiming a pointed look at my heels.

"Wear whatever makes you comfortable. I'd find you beautiful even if you were wearing a paper bag."

I clicked my tongue in irritation. "Of course you would, you conniving bastard. A paper bag wouldn't cover much, now would it?" I challenged.

"Que?! That's not what I meant!" Antonio protested, blushing even harder than before. It was funny to see the pink come through his tan.

"Fucking pervert," I mumbled under my breath. I still nonetheless swapped the heels for the boots. It would save me from a ton of unwanted blisters and bruises later on. I turned to see Antonio absently tapping his fingers against the steering wheel.

"Well, are you going to drive or what?!" The nerves I felt only added to my irritation. Antonio twisted so that he could get a better look at me. I couldn't meet his gaze for more than five seconds without looking behind him or at something else. Anything really. The rain pounded against the metal rooftop of the car. I shivered from both the cold and the intensity of his stare. He reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently. I swooned. His hand was so warm. I wanted him closer. I wanted to press myself to him and to never break free. But that would hardly be appropriate given the current situation.

Antonio smiled, effectively shattering right through my defences. I spotted the familiar chip in his right canine tooth. The edge was partially jagged, making him look like a cheap version of a vampire. I've always found that quirk to be adorable. I remember begging him not to fix it. To me, it gave his smile character.

Antonio took a deep breath. Every word that he spoke was heavy. I could tell that he was just as nervous as I was. The excitement that he felt was gone. It had been replaced by a grateful, albeit hesitant sort of happiness. He was scared to put any hope into this date. I reassured him and perhaps myself even by squeezing his hand in reciprocation. "I'm really glad that you agreed to this," he whispered.

I cupped a hand to his cheek. He leaned into my touch, taking comfort in it. "Me too."

…

Antonio had taken us to a fancy Italian restaurant downtown. Go figure. He knew that I wouldn't have gone for anything different. Usually he was much bolder than this, but he was playing it safe tonight. I could tell that he was terrified of scaring me off. If it's any consolation, the promising smell of bread sticks would be keeping my cheap ass put. I still felt out of place, however. The lady leading us to our table had made sure of that. She obstinately spared disproving glances at my boots. Well, fuck her! She can go and shove another ten bread sticks up her pompously tight butthole for all I care!

'Pompous bitch' led us to a secluded table. The lights were dimmed to set the romantic mood. Candles placed in expensive-looking glass vases were the main source of light. Gigantic, elaborate glass chandeliers dangled over each table. Dining customers spared us the odd glance as well. Most of them were directed at me. Again. It was obvious that I didn't belong here. Antonio was too oblivious and happy to care, however. He held onto my hand and swung it around, lightly whistling all the while.

Pompous bitch had 'so graciously' offered us a table right next to a window. It overlooked two stories down and gave us a good view of the setting sun. The river by the nearby harbour gleamed and reflected the orange, purple, and pink hues of the falling horizon. Pompous bitch spared me one last snobbish glance before she left Antonio and I to our own devices, or rather, empty, half-hearted conversation.

Antonio skirted around the table and held out a chair for me. I grunted my thanks and sat down in it. I was as stiff as a board. Not many words were exchanged at first. I morosely picked at the cluster of green grapes resting on a silver platter at the center of the table. Antonio smirked as I continued to feed and buy into my nervousness.

It wasn't long before a waiter with reddish-brown hair and green eyes approached our table. She was wearing a red blouse with black trimmings and a matching tie. She had a warm, genuine smile that eased much of my initial discomfort. I connected with her on a spiritual level when I saw that she too had a kink in her hair, and a horrid one at that. Her stray curl was almost box-like. How odd. I grinned to myself; I liked her already.

"Good evening~!" She chirped. "My name's Juliet and I'll be your server for the night. Can I start you guys off with some wine? Tonight's special is a white sherry variant."

My heart stopped. Antonio looked down at the table, evident discomfort written on his face. I spoke without realizing that my mouth was open in the first place. "N-no, we'll just have some water if you don't mind," I stammered. The waiter spared me an odd look. I could tell that she was confused. Perhaps even disappointed. After all, the more wine we drank, the higher her tip would be at the end of the night. Honestly, I could have gone for a glass of wine, but given Antonio's recent recovery, it would have been insensitive for me to do so. If it were up to me, Antonio wouldn't even have to look at alcohol. He'd said it himself; tonight was supposed to be anything but discomforting.

"We're driving out of town after this," I lied. The waitress smiled in understanding, handing us a pair of elegantly laminated menus. They were bound with real leather and the corners were embedded with sterling silver. I grimaced and stressed to myself. Just how expensive was this night going to be?

Antonio shifted in his seat. He raised his hand, gestured towards me, and shed the waitress with a kind smile. I could tell that the smile was strained. His eyes didn't crinkle in the corners like they typically did. "Don't listen to her," he chided, playing along with my ruse. "I'm the one driving. She'll take a glass of wine."

I inhaled sharply and gave Antonio a startled look. His eyes implored for me to take the offer. I couldn't stand to see him look this vulnerable. I glowered back at him and grit my teeth. Alcohol had never done us any good before. I would be more than happy to skip out on it for the night. "Honey," I warned in a dangerously sweet voice. "I'll be just fine without one, _thank you_."

Juliet sensed the danger in the air. She was quick to turn on her heels, giving us some time to ruminate over our food options.

I held up the menu with both hands so that it hid my burning face. Antonio's smirking laughter didn't exactly help with my embarrassment. "'Honey'?" He chortled. "Really?!" I ignored him to the best of my ability. Antonio kept none too subtly nudging my foot with his own. He stopped after I kicked him in the shin. Hearing him grunt with pain was a small victory indeed. I knew that he was staring at me, but I didn't dare to lower my menu. I was too busy ogling at the overly priced food. Some were even in the triple digits. Absolutely ridiculous if you ask me.

"Do you know what you're going to have, _honey_?" My eyes twitched. Oh. That bastard was really asking for it now. I raised my foot to kick him in the shin again. This time I angled my boot so that he would get the full toe. My plan was halted mid-action when a tanned hand plucked my menu away. Without something to hide behind, my face reddened indefinitely. I protested and made a grab for the menu. Oh God. People were definitely staring now.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed. "People are beginning to stare."

Antonio pouted and placed the menu back on the table. "Lucky them. I haven't gotten a good look at you all night," he whined. I groaned and sat back in my seat. I refused to be someone else's entertainment for the night.

Antonio grabbed my hand before I could fold it back into my lap. "You know, you didn't have to do that." He pursed his lips into a frown. There was no joking edge to his voice anymore. He was being completely serious now.

"Do what?" I growled, even though I already knew full well as to what he was alluding to.

"I can be around others who drink. Gilbert does it all the time."

"Gilbert's an inconsiderate asshole," I huffed in retort.

"No! Really! It's fine…. _I'm_ fine…" Antonio trailed off.

I closed my eyes and sighed. "So you're really better now?" I whispered.

Antonio nodded his head. "I am," he said in an earnest voice. "It was very hard in the beginning. The first step was addressing the root cause of it all. It took me a long time to accept what happened with…" His voice trembled and broke off again. Antonio's shoulders slumped. His eyes were heavy with the weight of the impossible and unrelenting burden of death.

I quelled back the tears forming in my own eyes. A lump formed in my throat. The poor guy. He was still mourning over Francis' death. It didn't help that Francis' family had banned Antonio from visiting his grave back in France. A year and a half wasn't enough to close the deep wounds of such an unexpected tragedy. Antonio had yet to receive the closure that he so desperately needed in order to move on.

I myself felt a lot of resentment over the matter. Antonio wasn't the one who had driven the car into a pole. That had been Francis' drunken mistake. The accident had been caused by two grown adults not drinking responsibly. The blame couldn't be shifted to just one person alone. Hatred should never be paired with grief. It was infectious and that's what had caused Antonio to resort to drinking in the first place. It was a cycle of destruction and it needed to be stopped.

I finished for him. "You can't change the past, Antonio. You were both in the wrong that night. It was never your responsibility to shoulder all of the blame."

Antonio swallowed. I squeezed his hand and held onto it for dear life. "You're right," he croaked. "But you're also wrong. There is something that I blame myself entirely for. My biggest regret in life was hurting you. I never wanted to yell at you. I wasn't thinking clearly back then. I was just so angry and bitter and you were the easiest way to let it all go.

"It was only until you left me that the I realized how very wrong I was. You were my sunshine in a world full of sorrow. Rehab was without any light. My life clouded over and getting out to see you was the only brightness that I looked forward to. I was so scared, Lovi. I hated myself, but more than that I was terrified that you would hate me back. You have no idea how much this night means to me. Seeing your blush and your smile and your putrid little scowl brought joy to my otherwise empty life."

I didn't realize that tears were streaming down my face until Antonio reached over the table to dab at my face with a handkerchief. He chuckled lightly while doing so. "Oh Lovi," he sighed. "I am undeserving of your affection."

"S-shut up!" I whimpered. That damn bastard. He had a way with words that always left me so emotional. "You're too hard on yourself. You've done so much for me, Antonio. Don't you dare sell yourself short. You're fucking better than that and you know it. If not for yourself, do it for me. I've already forgiven you. The only one who hasn't done any forgiving is you."

Antonio's eyes widened. He leaned back into his chair, his mouth parting open in shock. "I forgive you, you hear me?" I repeated. "But we won't be able to start over unless you forgive yourself." The urge to wrap him in my arms was unbearable. He looked like he was in desperate need of a hug. Holding hands wasn't enough. To compensate, I nudged my foot against his own and smiled.

"Fuck. I'm not used to you being this quiet," I grumbled, nervously shifting in my seat. "Say something, bastard. You're creeping me out."

Antonio laughed. It was a breathless kind of laugh. Nevertheless, it was still music to my ears. Tears steaked down his face despite the mile-long grin tugging on the corners of his mouth. He bowed his head and brought my hand to his gentle, chapped lips. He kissed it over and over again. His eyes were disbelieving yet so very grateful at the same time. His shoulders lifted. The burden that had pressed onto his conscience for so long was now gone.

"I guess that I have no choice but to forgive myself then."

"Took you fucking long enough."

…

The rest of our night was spent making light-hearted conversation. It was a bit embarrassing, albeit flattering, how Antonio never took his eyes off of me. Even when he was eating. It goes to say that barely any food had actually made it into his mouth. My cheeks hurt from laughing too much. Before our food arrived, we had passed the time by doing a bit of role playing. I played the snobbish looking woman with a cheetah print suit and Antonio played her miserable-looking partner. We 'argued' over who wore the pants in the family. Clearly it was the woman if she was brave enough to wear animal print in a five-star restaurant. Antonio didn't think so. Apparently, he was the one who had conquered my 'wild heart' in the first place. Fucking goofball. That's what he was.

After that was done and over with, I made sure that Antonio was all caught up with my life. He certainly had a lot to say about that. He didn't like that I had dropped out of school. Even though I made a considerable amount of money -given my level of education- at my job.

Speaking of which, he wasn't very happy when I had told him about Grandpa Roma. His jealousy was obvious. He also didn't like the fact that he wasn't the only one who pampered me with gifts now. I found his irritation over this to be fucking hilarious. Antonio had gone full prince charming mode. I could tell this judging by the devilish smile that he wore on his face. He was going to compensate and try to outshine Roma in his gift-giving. I grimaced at the thought. Just wait until he saw my apartment. He would go ballistic at the sight of it. Just his bathroom alone was bigger than my entire living room.

Antonio's interest in Feli was also very touching. Come the end of the summer, she would be entering kindergarten. The way that his eyes lit up when I mentioned that warmed my heart. He held the excitement of a proud father. I buried my feelings into a large slice of chocolate cake because of that. Damn bastard. Making me feel all jittery and shit. Hours passed and we talked about everything that came to mind. Juliet kept having to refill the grapes on the table. I just couldn't stop eating. I wasn't nervous, but rather, I was on edge. I was planning to do something very rash when we got back into his car. It was something that I haven't done for a long time now. I kept dropping subtle hints that I wanted to leave. Antonio either didn't notice or he just didn't want to leave quite yet.

Eventually, he took the hint and asked for the bill. Juliet nearly fainted when she saw the massive tip that he had left for her. I patted the stunned girl on the back and wished her a good night. Well, it was a good night until it started to pour the moment that we walked out of the restaurant. Antonio shielded his 'precious', aka me, under his arms as we sprinted towards his car. I dove into the passenger's seat and took a deep, contented breath. The car door opened and Antonio plopped down next to me. I shivered. Antonio started up the car and turned on the heat. I held up my hands to the fan.

Antonio smirked. I silently mused at how his wet curls stuck to his forehead. "I'd offer you my shirt, but if I took it off, you'd probably get hot then." He grinned like the moronic smartass bastard that he was. I smirked to myself. I'd show him-! I looked to my left and then to my right. Perfect. The parking lot was pretty much empty. I grinned and leaned over my seat. I made sure that he had a full view of my cleavage. _God bless_ push-up bras. Halle-fucking-lujah.

"Antonio?" I purred.

Antonio turned to meet my gaze. He gasped when he saw that I was slowly making my way over to him.

"Eheh," he chuckled nervously, his voice squeaking and raising several octaves. "Lovi?"

"I think that I'll take you up on that offer. Take off your shirt," I ordered.

Antonio froze.

"I said now, bastard." I sighed. I had no patience for this. I was ready to tear his shirt in half at this point. Antonio fumbled for words. I scoffed and crawled into his lap. Antonio pressed back into his seat. I was now straddling him. The moment was perfect. I pressed my palm against his chest. His heart was pounding and at a maddening pace at that. I didn't care that what I was doing was reckless and probably stupid. All I knew was that I wanted Antonio closer. The moment was hot and I had waited far too long for this. Our relationship before had never been normal. It had always been characterized by spur-of-the-moment passion. And who was I to break tradition?

I leaned closer. My control was slipping. I grabbed his tie and pulled him towards me. He stuttered and gasped as I brought my face right up to his own. I expertly arched my back. My butt pressed into the steering wheel. Heh. I had to be careful not to honk the car. Bewildered green eyes were met with mischievous, hazel ones. "L-Lovi, we shouldn't be doing this….at least not here…" he grunted.

I placed two fingers over his trembling lips. I grinned when his hips unconsciously bucked towards mine. I shifted my position just to create some friction down there. He moaned against my lips in response. "Shhh," I cooed. "Let me have my fun, bastard."

And boy did I ever have my fun. I crushed my lips to his and forced open his mouth. Our tongues slipped in together and before I knew it, Antonio was kissing back. Fiercely. Aggressively. Passionately. I shuddered. His hands cupped my waist and rubbed into my sides. I took up a rhythm of slowly grinding against him. I could feel the pressure building up. I flushed with the heat quickly building up inside of me.

Antonio buried his nose into my neck. He expertly sucked and nipped at my sensitive spots. I moaned in encouragement. "F-fuck…I missed this… so much…" he panted.

"Prove to me how much you missed it."

For spiteful purposes, I grinded against him even harder. His mewled response sent shivers of delight tingling up my spine.

Antonio looked up at me through heavy, lidded eyes. "S-si. I-I will…ughnnn. My place or yours?"

I grinned. "What the fuck do you think?"

* * *

 **To be continued…**

* * *

 **Hello again :D I hope that you lovelies are all doing well and good! To clarify, updates for this story will be sticking within a three-week time frame. More or less. If at any time you want me to send you the rough copy of my pre-written chapters, just shoot me a message. As long as you're not like "Give me, biyatch" then I'll be more than happy to comply. (As a writer, your opinions mean everything to me :))**

 **Also, are you guys okay with smut? Because that's literally what next chapter is :p (there's obviously more to it than that, I'm just saying.)**

 **O_O thanks so much for the all of the reviews, follows and favourites by the way. They inspire me and make me so very happy! Who knows, perhaps I'll put more effort in to update faster! I've been feeling really happy lately despite a few shortcomings.**

 **Until next time! I send you all my love and angsty awkwardness!**


	5. King of the Perverted Bastards

**A/N:** Both my Beta Reader and I had a blast writing/ editing this. Hopefully you guys enjoy it too :) *Spontaneous nosebleed occurs*

* * *

 **King of the Perverted Bastards:**

The car ride back to his apartment was unbearable. Antonio could hardly keep his eyes on the road, whereas, I could hardly keep my eyes off of him. After a steamy hot make-out session in the car, our patience was running quite thin. I whined and complained like no tomorrow when he told me to stop and wait. He then gave me that fucking sexy smirk of his, the bastard, and told me to have patience. I blushed at the thought of what we were going to do. Entering the front lobby of his building was a nightmare. I felt like everyone was staring at us, which they obviously were. We were well-known for our fights, after all. Seeing us together after a one-year break had raised a lot of eyebrows.

I walked stiffly and robotically. Antonio kept sneaking glances at me when I wasn't looking. I punched him in the arm every time that I caught him doing that. That pervert! He was making what we were about do so fucking obvious. Oh well, he was never one to be subtle anyways. I could tell that he was already undressing me with his eyes, and just the thought of that had me grinning. I had filled out quite a bit over the last year. I had more curves and wasn't as lanky as before. I suppose you could say that I was more feminine-looking.

Antonio whistled to himself during the entire elevator ride. I grit my teeth. Of course he just _had_ to live all the way up in the penthouse apartment. I hated waiting. The elevator dinged and Antonio grabbed my hand. He led me down the short hallway to his doorstep. My boots clacked against the ivory, marble floor. Antonio fumbled for his keys. The silence and anticipation had me jumping on the balls of my feet. Just a little bit more. 3…2…1…Antonio pushed open his front door and I pounced on him. The fucker didn't even stand a chance. I wrapped my legs around his waist and moaned when his hands cupped my waist.

"Lovi," he purred. My heart soared. Nothing had changed. The living room still had the same black leather couches and godawful decorative tomato themed pillows. The space was all windows. The bright colours of the setting sun and city lights streaked across the floor. Antonio somehow managed to flick on a light switch. The glass chandelier brightened the room, making everything shine and gleam. The barstools and kitchen were still to the left. It was relieving to find that the counter was completely bare from any wine bottles. I looked upstairs. Antonio was slowly, but surely carrying me towards the wooden staircase that led up to the second story, where the bedrooms were.

My curiosity grew. I craned my neck to get a better view and scoffed. My view was mostly blocked by Antonio's face. He buried his head into the crook of my neck and murmured something in Spanish. It didn't matter. His voice was always soothing to hear. My back was pinned up against a wall. I wrapped my arms around his neck. His lips trailed across the soft spots of my collar bone.

And then, he stopped. His breath hitched and he pulled back. I unceremoniously slid down the wall until I was standing back on my own two feet. He cupped a hesitant hand to my face and looked at me with imploring eyes. I faltered. The sadness I found in them didn't suit him at all. "Lovi, mi cielo. This isn't right," he panted. He bit his lip. I could tell that he felt conflicted over the matter. His words didn't reflect his true desires. "You don't have to do this. M-maybe…maybe we should wait."

I growled, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him down to face level. "Fuck waiting. I missed you, Antonio. Dammit! You think that you waited a long time to see me? What about me? Huh?" I glared at Antonio. This was the first time that I've got to enjoy the real Antonio in a _long_ time. He wasn't drunk. This wasn't angry make-up sex. It was full of passion and love and all that other fluffy shit in between. I was _finally_ enjoying myself. Antonio had waited for me since rehab, but, I had waited for him for far longer than that. It wasn't fair. Was it too selfish of me to want him back?

Antonio faltered under my glare. Once again, his eyes alluded to pain. I wavered. I could tell that he was holding back. I felt angry tears pool in my own eyes. No, if I had to, I would bring _my_ Antonio back. Fuck sad Antonio. I would make that bastard happy and show him just how much I loved him. "Doesn't what I want matter? Or is it only up to you?" I challenged.

"This entire night is up to you. Forget what I want," Antonio's voice cracked. "I don't want you to do something that you'll regret later on. You deserve so much better than this, Lovi. You deserve someone better than me…"

I grabbed Antonio's face with both hands and kissed him all over. On the ears, on the lips, on the nose, under his chin; everywhere. I stopped at the space in between his eyebrows. "I want you. That's all that I've ever wanted. And now that I'm here, I don't ever want to leave. Are you really going to make me leave all of _this_ behind? You've worked so hard to get here, Antonio. I'm not throwing me away, you are."

Antonio's eyes cautiously flickered up from the ground to meet my own. "You…really want me…?"

"No. I just made out with you and grinded against your crotch because I'm jealous of your tomato plants and intend to steal them when you're not looking…"

Antonio chuckled with uncertainty. "Eheh…?"

Oh, for the love of fuck! The amount of dumbass was strong with this one.

"Of course I want you, you bastard!" I screeched into his face. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't!"

Antonio's eyes darkened a shade. "Oh," he hummed in thought. What a _brilliant_ philosopher this guy was.

I decided to give him one last final push. I was about to unleash the bull of passion that lurked within him. "You have thirty seconds to fuck me senseless before I smack the bastard out of you!"

"Is that an order or a demand?" Antonio mused, smirking teasingly.

I wasn't given much time to think over my response. Antonio's strong arms wrapped around my waist. He lifted me into the air and I spluttered. "B-both."

It wasn't long before he was steering us towards the staircase again. We crashed at the base of it, and he sat me down. Antonio crouched in front of me to untie the laces of my combat boots. I suppressed the urge to kick him in the face. He was taking his damn sweet time, just to piss me off. Antonio took off my socks and kissed every single toe. I then proceeded to smack him on top of the head and scold his sorry ass for being gross. I mean seriously, the last thing I wanted was to taste my toes on his mouth! Unhygienic much?

"All done~!" Antonio beamed as he sanctimoniously threw my combat boots somewhere behind him. They scattered and thumped against the tiled ground, creating dulled echoes. I smirked; his aim was still as awful as before. Those boots were nowhere near the front coat room. My smirk faltered when I was unceremoniously thrown over his shoulder. I pounded my fists into his back, bouncing up and down while doing so. Antonio cackled and laughed, and I mean truly laughed. My protests were half-hearted at best. I was happy that he was happy, and that's all that mattered in the end, really.

Antonio kicked open his bedroom door. I swear, he can be such a child. "I will now take my sex captive to her prison!" Antonio mused. I scowled upon hearing this. That sick _-sexy_ \- little fuck-! Everything was a game to him!

"How much for bail?" I grumbled.

"Hmmm. Let us go to trial and we shall see~!"

The world span. I was practically thrown onto his Queen sized bed. I bounced while Antonio pounced on top of me. His curls were messier than usual, partly because of my own eager hands. I grabbed a fistful of the red, satin duvet that covered the bed. I let my head arch back as Antonio began to suck on my neck again.

"What does good behaviour get me?" I asked.

"A night full of pleasure."

He didn't have to tell me twice.

"I plead guilty, your honour."

I wriggled as Antonio pulled my dress up my waist and over my shoulders. All I was wearing underneath was a black bra and matching lace panties. Antonio's eyes slowly roamed over my exposed figure with an appreciative glance. I blushed despite the fact that I was enjoying his attention.

Antonio poked my stomach. "Eheh, it's so flat~! I'll never understand how you can eat so much and not gain any weight."

"It's called having a good metabolism!" I retorted with a snort. I let my anger fuel my confidence. I sat up on my elbows and began to unbutton his blouse. Antonio helped me by ripping it straight off of his chest. The rip of fabric could be heard and buttons flew everywhere. Or…he could just do that…

I deadpanned, and the bastard wonders why I always had to buy him new shirts! It's because he treats them like they're disposable garbage bags! I, on the other hand, had never been disposable to him. Sure, money _could_ buy a lot of things, but its jurisdiction was strictly limited to material sentiments.

I would much rather be spoiled with kisses than gifts anyways. Who am I kidding? His kisses _were_ a gift. They were fucking amazing. I grew hot just by thinking about it. Never mind that. His body was just so… gorgeous. Yes, he was still a bit skinny, but the toned muscles of his chest and arms must have been engraved into his entire being or something. I reached out my right hand and pressed a palm against the hard, tough sinew.

Antonio bent down and pressed his chapped lips to mine once more. One hand was used to maintain his balance at the side of my head, while the other was used to pull off my underwear. I snarled and blindly reached to unclasp his belt buckle in reciprocation. Antonio smacked my hand away and tutted. "Ah-ah-ah!" he waggled a scolding finger at me. I had half the mind to bite it in retaliation. "No early release for you~!"

The insult on the tip of my tongue fell right back into my mouth. His own tongue was doing unspeakable wonders on my lower half. I cried out and fisted my hand through his hair. His curls tickled my stomach. The hotness of his breath sent tingles of electricity running up my spine. Blood pounded in my ears and heat rose everywhere. Hot! Hot! It was all so very hot! Everything was on fire. "T-Tonio…Oh…f-fuuuuuuck…."

Antonio lifted his head to plant a kiss on my stomach, and then he was back at it again and I just about melted on the spot. I was hardly coherent at this point. I screamed, moaned, and cried out for him. Antonio didn't stop. He never stopped.

Oh shit! He stopped. Right when I was about to-! I saw red. Tremors of anger rolled over my body. That bastard! He did that on purpose! Antonio pulled away and stood up from the bed. I slammed a frustrated fist against the mattress while he undid his pants. I was still a hot mess, which was woefully proven by my uncontrollable panting. I could hardly speak. Euphoria and the lingering sense of pleasure dulled and silenced my words.

Antonio knew this too. He crawled back onto the bed and was hovering over me in no time. To spite him, I smacked him in the face, and hard at that. Crack went the whip! Hmm. Having a whip on hand would be very useful when it came to dealing with him, _especially_ in bed. To keep him in line, of course.

"OW!" He protested.

"Ass…hole…" I wheezed.

Antonio smirked. "Oh? You want it there?"

My blush skyrocketed. "N-NO!" I fumed.

Antonio laughed and buried his face into my chest. I bucked my waist forward while he reached behind and unclasped the back of my bra. I avoided his gaze. Yes, my boobs had grown bigger, much bigger in fact. I was a late bloomer. Antonio wasn't subtle at all, however. He placed two kisses against my upper torso, earning a shiver and gritted moan from me each time. "Even more beautiful than I remember," he said, tracing a finger along my stomach and hips.

"You can say that my bust is bigger, you moron. We both know that that's exactly what your perverted brain is thinking about."

Antonio stopped tracing his finger along the planes of my stomach. He leaned forward so that his face hovered right over mine. Our hot breaths mingled. I admired how his curls fell into his face. It was boyish and charming. The devilish grin tugging on the corners of his mouth only added to the picture. "You don't give me enough credit, Lovina," Antonio whispered, his eyes widening with child-like delight. "Your ass is bigger too."

I thrashed underneath him and cursed up a storm. Antonio placed both hands on my shoulders to restrain me. I glared up at him. It took a lot of effort to stifle the giggles rising up in my own chest. He smiled at me, revealing a mouthful of straight, blindingly white teeth. I swooned and was placated in an instant. I stopped struggling and succumbed to my defeat. "Just fuck me already," I mumbled, turning my head to the side. I wanted to bury my face deep into the covers. His gaze was smoldering, and quite frankly, embarrassing.

My grumpy comment went ignored.

Antonio cupped my face. He let his lips brush over my mouth in a sweet, gentle, and unrushed kiss.

"Te Amo, Lovi."

"Ti Amo, asshole."

"Ay! Be nice! That's no way to talk to your captor!"

I groaned. "Let the torture begin."

….

I grumbled and nuzzled my head into Antonio's chest, causing him to tighten the arm that he had wrapped around my waist. Our laboured breathing had yet to settle down. Thin layers of sweat were slicked across both of our naked bodies. Antonio grabbed the controller from the night side table and turned on the air conditioner. I pulled up the covers to my chest and shivered. This was obviously done on purpose. Just so I could snuggle closer to him, ahem, not that I minded doing that at all. I was too stunned to speak anyhow. It was embarrassing how much I enjoyed to have sex with him. He was just so…amazing. Too amazing. He pounded into me to the point where I was solely aware of him and only him. He filled me with such pleasure and passion that I practically melted and burned at his touch. I was still so sensitive, even if we had been lying down for almost twenty minutes now.

The lights in the bedroom were dimmed. Again, on purpose. Antonio then not so discretely switched the TV to the fireplace channel, to set the mood I presume. His breathing fell into swing with mine. I sighed and grabbed his hand. He reciprocated the favour by tucking his chin over my head.

I closed my eyes. Deep down, I know that this night should have never happened. Things were moving much too fast, just like last time. It was all so familiar. But I've just been so miserable lately. I worried about Antonio all the time, even if I refused to admit it. I was lonely. I was content, sure, but I was far from happy. Antonio's absence had left a waking hole in my heart. I hated how true these words were, but I couldn't deny my feelings any longer. That bastard had practically forced himself back into my life, and now I couldn't hope to let him go. I had found my beloved Antonio again. After so much struggle and strife and misery, he had _finally_ come back to me.

I deserved to be happy, right? I don't regret what I did, not at all. I just wish that I had thought things through a bit more. Perhaps I should have waited, perhaps not. I felt at home with Antonio. He just made my life so much easier and comfortable to cope with. His carefree attitude was contagious, his dumb, cheek-stretching smile included. It was a simple fact; I smiled more with him. I laughed more with him. I was _happy_ with him. This time…this time things would be different, I just know it!

After today, we would take things slow, I think. I didn't plan to introduce him back into Feli's life right away. It would be cruel to get her hopes up. I wouldn't bring him over unless I was certain that he would be staying with us for good. That's what scared me the most about Antonio. He seemed and looked better, but I haven't been with him long enough to truly know that. My love for him had overruled any rational sense of faith. My rough exterior protected my softer, and much more vulnerable heart. I let others in easily, too easily. I've already let Antonio in. The question now was whether I would let him stay.

I shifted my position slightly. Antonio looked down at me with mild amusement. With a brief glance up, I admired the specks of gold in his eyes. His lips spread into a faint hint of a grin. My face reddened at the very sight of it. I would never get used to _that_ look, the look that made me know, and I mean _really_ know, that I meant the entire world to him. It was flattering, albeit a bit troubling to acknowledge. I almost felt guilty. I wasn't just risking my feelings by staying with him. I was also risking his. His well-being rested on our relationship. He would fall to pieces without me, I could already tell. When he saw me in the grocery store that day his life had started again. The thought of ending it made my gut twist with uncertainty. I couldn't possibly do that to him, not unless he gave me a good reason to.

Antonio chuckled lightly. I found it amusing how his entire chest rumbled against my ear when he did that. "Why such a red face? Am I really that good at sex? Hmmmmm~?"

I wanted to die. I buried my face into his shoulder and refused to look him in the eye.

"The sex was okay," I muttered, speaking lowly in the hopes that he wouldn't hear me.

"Okay?! Oh, Lovi! You wound me!"

I grinned. "I don't wound, I slay. Get your fucking facts straight."

Antonio brought a hand to the back of my head. His long, slim fingers weaved through my auburn tresses. "Forgive me," he whispered, sounding amused all the while. "I still haven't gotten used to your entitled diva mode."

"Oh fine!" I huffed, relenting much too quickly for my liking. "The sex was fucking amazing. I grovel at your feet and bow to your sexiness. Huzzah! All hail to the king of perverted bastards!"

Antonio snickered, obviously placated by my mock kiss assery. We didn't say anything for a while. The silence was soothing. He held me close and planted kisses against every exposed inch of skin. This time he went for my ear. I tried my best not to cringe, his breath was tickling. "I won't let you escape from me again," he chided. "I need someone to reign on this bed with! My line of pervertedness _must_ be carried on~!"

I traced a nail along the curve of his pectoral muscles. "I'll become your Queen on one condition."

"That being…?"

"Don't fuck up."

"I won't, Lovi. I promise!"

"Don't just promise, show me."

Antonio's lips brushed over the tip of my nose. "What would you like me to show?" I didn't appreciate the teasing tone of his voice.

I flipped over so that I was straddling him. "That was your last warning, Carriedo. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to do a strip search."

I buried underneath the covers and gave that bastard a run for his money.

He wasn't the only one who could bail out before the orgasm was fully paid.

…

I blinked sunlight out of my eyes. The clock on the nightstand table read 9:00 o' clock. Ugh, still too early. I was tempted to go back to bed. Unfortunately, I was supposed to pick up Feli at noon. Better get up and make some breakfast. Antonio snored lightly beside me. His arm was still wrapped around my waist. I carefully slid out of his grip and scooted off of the bed. I was bare naked. I shivered and grabbed Antonio's blouse from the crumpled pile of clothes on the floor, gratefully slipping it over my body. It fell past my knees. Perfect, I didn't have to wear any underwear. I was still sore to the touch. Any clothing down there would feel too restricting and just plain uncomfortable.

I carefully opened the bedroom door and padded out into the upstairs hallway. The creak of the wooden floor boards thankfully didn't give me away. The tiles were cool under my bare feet as I walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. Everything was still in the same familiar places. Two baskets of fresh tomatoes from the market were sitting on top of the granite counter. I helped myself to one before going over to the fridge. When I spotted Feli's old drawings posted to the steel metal surface I didn't know what to think.

I was elated, but also very sad at the same time. Gilbert had taken care of Antonio's apartment in his absence. He had all the time in the world to get rid of those drawings, or at least hide them from plain sight. So why didn't he? I couldn't imagine how painful it must have been for Antonio to wake up to the sight of them every day. What a horrible reminder. Heck, here I was getting triggered by the very sight of them, and I didn't even live here anymore. I shook my head and decided to distract myself by cooking up some breakfast. Ruminating over such depressing thoughts wouldn't help with anything.

I placed three skillets on top of the sleek, gold-trimmed oven top. Every splatter and small mess that I made caused me to wince, albeit unintentionally. Don't get me wrong, Antonio has always been a naturally messy person. I spent most of my time cleaning up after that moron. It's just, everything in here was just so expensive looking. I felt familiar, yet so out of place at the same time, like I didn't even belong. I was a poor girl living in a world of someone else's money. It just didn't feel right. It was almost surreal. I was going back into a world that had never really been mine in the first place. Antonio was more than willing to share everything with me. I suppose that giving myself back to him was only fair. Who knows, maybe I would move in with him again. Only time could tell…

I flipped over the sausages and checked on the pending omelettes. A loud crash and subsequent thump from upstairs caused me to drop the spatula back into the sizzling pan. "Lovi? LOVI?! FUCK! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Antonio's voice shook. Heavy footsteps pounded against the flooring of the upstairs hallway. My eyes widened and I swallowed. Oh God! I hadn't thought this through very well! He must have thought that I had left him!

"Antonio!" I shouted. I sprinted past the living room and stopped at the foot of the staircase. Antonio cried out when he spotted me. I almost did the same thing too. He was wearing faded, ripped jeans and no shirt. His hair was unevenly stuck up on one side, adorably so. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Antonio's eyes widened with relief. Before I knew it, he was sprinting down the stairs. He closed the distance between us and tackled me with a bounding hug.

The moron obviously didn't know his own strength because he had knocked us both over. My head and back cracked against the ground, and very painfully at that. I grunted. Antonio hovered over me. His lips trembled and he began to murmur in nonsensical Spanish. I smacked him in the face, and like a broken engine, his mind whirred and he quickly switched back into English. His cross necklace dangled down and tickled my nose, making me angry enough to swat at it. "Get off, you stupid fatass bastard! Argh!" I groaned, futilely struggling under his weight.

Antonio shook his head in disbelief, and despite my protests, he leaned down to kiss me. Fuck it. I reciprocated the kiss and cupped a hand at the back of his head. He was shaking. "Antonio." No response. "Antonio," I repeated, this time much firmer.

"Lovi… Lovi… my beautiful, precious, little Lovi…" he murmured like a broken record. "I thought that you had left me. I thought that I was never going to see you again…" Antonio faltered and his voice broke off. He looked at me as if I was transparent. Like I wasn't even real.

I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me. "Shhhh. I'm not leaving you," I grumbled in a chiding, albeit slightly grumpy tone of voice.

I had never been a morning person.

Antonio whimpered. He looked scared and weak, like a small child who had been separated from their parents and was hopelessly lost. The desperation written on his face just about broke my heart in two. I was the only thing that he clung onto in life. How could I possibly leave him now? I was his everything, and he was my mine. His lips trembled when he spoke. "Promise?"

I used two fingers to squish his mouth into a funny looking pout. "Promise."

Antonio laughed a breathless laugh, so much so that his face turned an unruly shade of red. The idiot had forgotten to breathe again.

I gasped when he unexpectantly buried his face into my chest. "Gracias, Lovi. Gracias. Gracias. Gracias."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. There always had to be dramatics with this one. "You're fucking welcome, bastard."

"Ah Lovi!" he whined. "It's too early for you to swear like that."

"It's too early for a lot of things. I didn't exactly plan on getting tackled this morning!"

"Tsk! I'm just expressing my love for you," he pouted.

"Express it somewhere else. I have breakfast to make."

"Eheh~"

"I said no, bastard."

"Just one more kiss?"

Silence.

"Por favor?"

"You sly fuck. If you think grinning at me like that is going to-!"

 **SMOOCH!**

Antonio had used my open mouth to his advantage.

"Fusoso! See! You're blushing! That means you liked it~!"

I scowled and looked away.

I've often considered putting him on a leash.

Today just happened to be one of those days.

I couldn't get him to stop kissing me after that. He never left my side. I could barely flip an omelette without him sucking on my neck. I don't know how many times I smacked him with the spatula. He had several welts on his wrist to show for it. I grimaced. Just how much foundation and concealer would I have to use this morning? Those hickeys weren't going to hide themselves. It was just my luck that Antonio was possessive as shit.

Right now I was pressing a palm to his forehead with one hand and flipping an omelette with the other. Antonio humoured me by pretending that I actually had the strength to hold him back. Tch! Patronizing bastard.

"Oh Lovi~!"

"What?!"

"Oh Lovi, Lovi, Lovvvvvi~!"

"FUCKING HELL! I SAID WHAT?!"

Antonio shrugged. "Heh. Nothing, I guess."

My eyes screamed bloody murder and my fists were quick to agree.

….

"Why don't you stay with me some more?"

"I can't. I have to pick up Feli from Liza's."

"Oh…alright."

"Ugh. Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop moping at me like that. We can…we can see each other soon… if you want…"

Antonio nodded his head so fast that I placed a hand on his neck just to make sure that he hadn't snapped it in two. Unfortunately for me, it was still intact.

"Si! I would very much like that~!"

"Of course you would, you horny bastard."

"That's not fair! I really do enjoying spending time with you…"

I felt like I had just kicked a puppy. That's how guilty Antonio's pleading look made me feel.

Conniving bastard.

I relented and dropped my glare. "I know."

Antonio shifted nervously. His hand had a firm grip on the door frame. I could tell that he _really_ didn't want me to leave. "When the time's right, I would also like to see Feli, if you don't mind."

I stood on the tips of my toes to peck him on the cheek. "Soon."

…

Antonio (unnecessarily) escorted me down to the front lobby. Now _everyone_ would know that we had slept together last night. I mean, his dick was practically wagging in his pants. Sorry for the scarring mental image. He was just so ecstatic. It was suffocating. I ducked my head and kept my eyes plastered on the ground the entire time.

Antonio furiously waved his hands back and forth. He trotted and pranced about as he walked. "See you later Lovi! Try not to trip on your way out! You can be so klutzy sometimes, fusososo!"

I didn't bother to look over my shoulder as I spoke, or rather shouted. "SHUT THE _FUCK_ UP!"

Antonio grinned and cupped a hand to his selectively deaf ear. "WHAT'S THAT? KEEP TALKING?! ALRIGHT! I LOVE YOU MY PRECIOUS LITTLE TOMATO!"

Several of the building's workers stifled their snickers as they passed by.

Despite the horrified grimace on my face, I felt a contradictory surge of warmth and comfort fill up in my chest.

I loved that idiot way too fucking much.

* * *

 **To be continued...**


	6. Pillow Fights, Pizza, and Promises

**A/N:** It gets really concerning for me when I see my audience grow, but don't hear back from the overwhelming majority of you. That's why I took my time to make this chapter extra fluffy, so hopefully you guys like it. I always get anxious and can't help but worry about whether my writing is boring.

As always, thank you for reading and have a great day/ night!

* * *

 **Pillow Fights, Pizza, and Promises:**

It's been a month and a half since I've started dating that bastard again. Today was the day where I would finally introduce him back into Feli's life. I was almost sure that our relationship was stable now. If it were up to me, I would have waited a bit longer, but you know how Antonio is. He's impulsive as fuck and has about the same amount of patience as a fruit fly. I could only withstand his incessant begging for so long. Besides, the fact that he wanted to see Feli so badly touched me. It was just so sweet.

On the flipside, Feli has also been asking me about Antonio. Gilbert must have let something slip at the park. It would explain a lot of things. My little sister wanted to know why I was smiling so much. It was odd to her that Gilbert left the park every day unscathed. Well, for the most part. The first time that I plucked him out of 'hiding', I had kicked the living shit out of his shins. Oi! Don't judge me. I'm short and his shins were the closest thing in reach. Anyways, Feli's been driving me crazy with her non-stop interrogations. She also keeps giggling whenever she sees me. I snap and ask her why. She says that seeing me happy makes her happy, and honestly, how could I possibly have anything to say to that? It astounded me how mature and brave that little girl could be. Quite often enough, our positions were reversed. She was my role model on how to stay happy. Her optimism truly was something to admire.

It was this very optimism that helped ease my nerves tonight. Feli now knew that Antonio was coming over, which would explain why she was now bouncing off the walls in excitement. She cleaned her room three times over and organized and re-organized her stuffed animals, most of which that Antonio had given to her, in several different display combinations. I eventually put this nonsense to an end and told her that Antonio was coming to see her and not her stuffed animals. It hurt me to see how scared Feli was deep down. She was scared that one mistake would cause him to leave again. I was finally able to reassure Feli after I had told her that Antonio had promised to stay for dinner and a movie. This, unfortunately, was a wrong move on my part. Feli got excited all over again and just about ripped her wardrobe in two.

A mini tornado, aka Feli, twirled around the apartment, trying on many different dresses. We eventually settled on a red t-shirt and an olive-green skirt. Feli had absolutely insisted on this godawful fashion choice. She justified this decision by pointing out how much Antonio liked tomatoes and that she wanted him to like her better than me. I scoffed and placated her ego by telling her that he already liked her better. After all, she was the cute one. That half-lie made Feli feel and act quite contented. After that, I was just about forced into braiding her hair into a pretty 'princess' do. The finishing touches sucked balls. Hopefully Feli wouldn't be looking in a mirror anytime soon.

After Feli scampered off to prepare saying hello to Antonio, (yes, I could hear her rehearsing lines through the bedroom walls; the goof), I changed out of my sweats and into something more casual. I opted for a red spaghetti strap shirt and black booty shorts. Heh, I lied to Feli. Antonio would definitely like me better when he saw me dressed like this. Feli and I were always competing for his attention, if you couldn't already tell. But I had something that Feli didn't have quite yet, that being feminine charm. Feli obviously wasn't very happy with my outfit choice, if her pounding my thighs with her tiny fists wasn't already an indication of that. Apparently, I was trying to steal 'her Tonio' from her. It goes to say that Feli didn't speak much to me after that.

Someone knocked on our front door. I stood up from the living room couch. Feli poked her head around the hallway corner. The next few moments went by in a blur. I sprinted past Feli and she was quick on my heels. She shrieked at me while I cackled in triumph. I got to the door first and pulled it open. Feli's poor coordination skills proved successful when she fell forward, slamming face first into Antonio's legs. It was a head butt for champs. Antonio's eyes widened with initial surprise. Feli wrapped her arms around him in a koala-tight grip.

"TONIO!" she shrilled. "YOU'RE HERE! HEHEHE~!" Feli giggled only to turn around and aim a shrewd look in my direction. I grit my teeth and forced myself to smile through the anger and slight feelings of jealousy. Oh _hell_ no. If she thought that she could keep him to herself all night long then she had another thing coming!

I locked gazes with Antonio for a brief moment. He shed me with that dazzling half smirk of his that never failed to drive me crazy. His appearance was tamer and far less carefree than usual. He was wearing a simple pair of denim capris, brown sandals, and a grey t-shirt. His curls were swept to the side and out of his face, giving me a full view of his adorable nose freckles. I felt the sudden urge to kiss him. Too bad Feli was currently cock-blocking me at the moment.

Antonio nearly stumbled backwards. Feli was a lot stronger than she looked. In one hand, he was carrying a basket of fresh tomatoes from the market. In the other, he held onto a smiling stuffed emoji. I almost giggled at the very sight of it. How fitting and moronic of him to buy that for her.

Antonio beamed. "There's my Smiley!" he boomed in a loud and ever proud fatherly voice. I silently reminded myself to call him a dork for this later on. I took the basket of tomatoes from him and set it down on the dining room table.

Feli unlatched herself from Antonio's legs, gratefully accepting his gift. The smile on her face amplified tenfold. You see, 'Smiley' was Antonio's nickname for Feli. It was a clever observation on his part, really. Feli almost never stopped smiling, and Antonio referring to her with this nickname made her smile even wider. Feli squealed and hugged the stuffed emoji to her chest. When she was done with that, she handed the stuffed emoji back to me, as if I were her servant, and expectantly raised her arms above her head, her lips spread into a toothy grin.

Antonio didn't hesitate to comply with her wishes. He lifted her up into the air and swung her around like a rag doll. Feli giggled. Her braids and skirt twisted and sashayed around in dizzying circles. "Air plane! Air plane!" Feli cried out.

Antonio shook her harder, causing her voice to become all jumpy. "A-air p-p-plane, ahahaha!"

"Uh-oh!" Antonio's eyes widened in mock surprise. "Looks like we're experiencing some turbulence!"

Antonio proceeded to shake Feli even harder.

I rolled my eyes and skirted around them to close the front door. Done with that, I crossed my arms and huffed. Antonio was planting kisses all over Feli's body, although primarily on her stomach. Feli was laughing so hard that she could barely speak.

"Ahem," I cleared my throat.

Antonio jolted, making it evident that he had completely forgotten about me (that asshole). Feli scrambled to sit on top of his shoulders. She buried her chin in his mess of curls and leered down at me. The look on her face was so petty and jealous that I couldn't help but smirk right back at her. I took a step towards Antonio and ignored the dirty look that Feli aimed my way. Antonio closed the distance between us when he bent down to peck me on the cheek.

"I missed this," he whispered in my ear.

"Me too," I said, swallowing the giant lump in my throat. Just to spite Feli, I kissed him on the lips, deliberately choosing to make obnoxious smacking sounds while doing so. Both of us had rising bumps on our heads because of this action, courtesy of Feli's furious, envious fists.

I grabbed Antonio's hand and led him further into the apartment, not that he couldn't already see what very little there was for me to show. I could tell that he didn't approve of my living conditions. The apartment was small. It had one bedroom, a bathroom, and one main room that was shared as a dining/ living room space. Pushed off to the right was an impossibly crowded kitchen area that had ovens older than Grandpa Roma himself, and that fucker was _old._

While Feli gave Antonio a tour of her bedroom, I could feel the burn of his stare on the back of my head. I was blushing. Not from embarrassment, but rather, from fear and apprehension. I knew him well enough to know exactly what he was thinking. He was going to ask us to move in with him again. Being rich, he was used to having luxurious things, and this apartment was far from luxurious. His eyes weren't looking at what I owned. They were replacing them with the stuff that he could and would buy for me.

Antonio shook his head and tsked under his breath when he saw the rickety state of our living room table. There were scratches from the owner's previous dog on the legs of it. Thankfully, Feli rattled on and on, not leaving much room for more serious conversation. What finally did it for Antonio was when Feli showed him the leak by our balcony's window. I quickly excused myself and walked off into the kitchen after that. Antonio's eyes pleaded for me to stay, but I couldn't bear to take any more of his sympathy. I turned on my heels and gave him a look that said: _not now._

…

We were all making pizza together. Homemade wouldn't quite be the word that I would use to describe it. I had bought the dough (with Antonio's money, of course; that chivalrous little fuck) from the grocery store. The only thing homemade about the pizza was the grated cheese and toppings that we sprinkled on top of it. I cut up some of the tomatoes that Antonio had brought over and placed them on a plate for snacking purposes.

I walked into the dining room. The dough was spread out onto two circular metal platters, which were both resting on top of the dining room table. Antonio had Feli standing on top of one of the table's chairs. To my relief, he hovered behind her to make sure that she didn't fall. With Antonio's help, Feli reached into the glass bowl that contained grated cheese, grabbing a fistful of the orange strands and sprinkling them in a spreading motion over the bland pizza dough.

"See! You're a natural! You could totally become a cook one day!" Antonio commended. Feli blushed under his praise. She woefully turned shy after that, turning around so that she could pull Antonio into a tight hug. It was saddening to watch how Feli had to keep reminding herself that Antonio was actually here.

Antonio cooed and patted her back, gratefully returning the hug. His cross necklace dangled from his neck, falling to rest against Feli's shoulder. Two forces were there to protect her now, not including myself.

I gave Antonio a wry smile as I set the plate of sliced tomatoes onto the table. It wasn't long before they were all gone. Tomatoes were a staple for the three of us. Feli was now adding other toppings to her first pizza. She placed the pepperoni slices in an obvious smiley face formation, which unsurprisingly was Antonio's brilliant idea. I sat on a nearby chair and watched them with proud, albeit amused eyes.

Antonio's patience was such a turn on. I felt an intense urge to join the spoon and hug Antonio from behind. I suppose that I would just have to settle with watching them enjoy some good old quality bonding time. Antonio's face flushed to an adorable shade of pink when he looked up to meet my gaze. I licked my lips just to tease him. Pizza was yummy, sure, but Antonio was just plain delicious.

Feli and Antonio moved on to decorating the second and final pizza.

"Tonio?"

"What is it, mi chiquita?"

"What's your secret?! How come your food always tastes so yummy?"

Antonio chuckled. He took Feli's hand in his and guided her into grabbing a handful of cheese.

"The secret," he hummed, pressing another kiss to Feli's cheek. "Is love. Love always makes food taste better."

After that, Feli insisted that Antonio kiss her hand and cheek before she added anything more to the pizza. Eventually, I was pulled into this goofball of a scheme.

Antonio shifted his mischievous green eyes over in my direction. "Would you like to help us, Lovi?"

Feli giggled. "Sorella's always grumpy! She doesn't have enough love in her to make anything taste good!"

"Oi!" I roared, shaking my fist. "You watch your mouth, you little demone!" I scowled half-heartedly.

Antonio bent over and whispered something in Feli's ear. Feli squealed and giggled in response.

Antonio slung Feli over his shoulders piggy back style. They then stalked towards me, twin devilish smirks plastered on both of their faces. I spluttered and gasped.

"H-hey, what a-are you…?"

"Get her!" Antonio cried.

It wasn't long before I was suffocated with an ambush of kisses. They both giggled like maniacs while doing so.

"There you go, Lovi!" Antonio grinned. "Now you have more than enough love in you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up, you stupid bastard."

Feli gasped. "Sorella said a bad word!"

"No I didn't. You're hearing things."

"DID NOT!"

"Did fucking too."

"Tsk! Lovi!"

"Fuck! Oh…uh…fudge. I said fudge."

…

Dinner had made me feel overwhelmingly bloated. I've never had any form of control when it came to eating, especially when my emotions were running high. Which they most definitely were tonight. I was still nonetheless happy. That was undeniable. But I was also very nervous. Antonio and I had taken a big step forward tonight, and thankfully, it looked like it had paid off. The sound of giggles ricocheting off the apartment's walls proved this assumption quite well.

The two goofballs were currently playing in Feli's room while I finished cleaning up the mess from dinner. It was a bit of a relief to have some time to think to myself. Now that Antonio was here it would be practically impossible for him to leave now. It wasn't what my heart wanted that I had to think about. It was Feli's. The fact that things had taken a turn for the better made me feel all giddy inside. Antonio _really_ was better. He wasn't angry and bitter anymore. He was back to being his silly, happy, and moronically carefree self.

Sure, there would be times where he would falter and think back on bad memories. But that's what I was here for. I was the person who would be there to pick him up if he ever slipped back into the darkness of his past. That was something that he still felt sorry for to this day. Every time that we parted ways, he would apologize for his past wrong doings. Deep down, I knew that he was afraid that I would 'come to my senses' and leave him for good. His way of thinking, not mine. It was my job to ease his worries by telling him that he was being irrational. He hadn't given me a good reason to leave him; therefore, I wouldn't. It was as simple as that.

But now, Antonio and I could spend much more time together. He wouldn't have to creep on me at work anymore, despite how hilarious it was when he and Grandpa Roma got into fights. The two idiots were always in a competition to spoil me. I didn't halt the fights solely because they were so amusing for me to watch in the first place. It made the work day go by a lot quicker. What's more, I wouldn't have to sneak behind Feli's back anymore. Naivety had prevented her from questioning why she had been sleeping over at Liza's so often. Either that, or she was just too pampered to care. Probably a mix of both. Liza had a bad habit of babying Feli, much more so than I did.

I had just finished putting the plates in the drying rack when I heard a shrill scream echo throughout the apartment. Next thing I knew, Feli was clutching onto my legs. My eyes widened. "F-Feli?" I stammered. I placed an arm around her trembling frame.

"You can run but you can't hide!" Antonio's voice boomed from around the corner. Shortly afterwards, said dumbass stomped into the living room. He had his hands raised up into feigned claws. Oh great. The monster was back.

Survival instincts quickly kicked in.

I bent over and whispered in Feli's ears. "Get us some weapons. I'll distract him." Feli nodded her head and hurried off into the living room. For dramatic flair, I placed both hands on my hips and strutted over to meet Antonio in the front hallway. I almost dropped the façade when I saw that Feli had tied his hair into multiple, uneven-length pig tails. It took a lot of effort to bite down on my laughter.

"It's been a while, monster!" I cried out. "Did you come here to have your butt kicked again?"

"I think that you are quite mistaken," Antonio smirked. "Only I will be doing the butt-kicking around here."

Cue evil 'Fusoso' laughter.

"Don't listen to him sorella!" Feli shrieked. "We can fight him!" She handed me a couch pillow. I raised it up into the air for intimidation purposes.

I looked at Feli. "On three." Feli determinately nodded her head and swallowed her remaining fear.

"1…2…3…ATTACK!"

Feli and I surged forward with our pillows. It goes to say that we lost, and horribly at that. Before I knew it, we were both thrown over a cackling Antonio's shoulders. Us 'pretties' were thereby taken to his lair, aka the couch, where we were to endure the torture of watching an excessively corny slice of life movie. That's some pretty damn enjoyable torture, if you ask me.

…

All three of us were curled up in a comfortable tangle of arms and legs. The movie had long since ended. I was tucked underneath Antonio's right arm. Feli was sitting in the space between his legs, fast asleep. Her head rested against his chest. I nuzzled my own head into the crook of Antonio's neck. We didn't say anything for a while. Taking comfort in each other's presence was more than enough. And then Antonio had to go and ruin the moment by bringing up the one topic that I had been hoping to avoid all night long.

Antonio stroked his free hand along my inner thigh. Up and down, just like my inconsistent heartbeat. "Lovina," he started. I groaned. Using my full name typically indicated that he was being serious. Antonio purposefully ignored my half-hearted protests. "You deserve so much better than this."

"Much better than what?" I challenged with a low growl. I buried my face deep into his shirt. I didn't intend on coming out anytime soon. As we spoke, he switched to raking his fingers through my hair. Pride had nothing on me today. I was enjoying his touch far too much to tell him to stop.

Antonio gestured around the apartment to answer my question. If _only_ it had stopped there.

"A young girl like you should be in school. You shouldn't have to work all the time."

I didn't like where he was going with this.

'I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much."

Antonio sighed. "I know full well that you can take care of yourself."

"Then why bother to mention it?"

"Because I believe that great things lie ahead for you, Lovi. Stubbornness will get you nowhere. All I want to do is help you get out of _here."_ Antonio scrunched up his nose and gestured around the apartment again. As if that was necessary.

I felt myself tense up. "What if I like it here?"

Antonio deadpanned. "You sleep on a pull-out couch."

"It's good for the back," I retorted.

"There's a leak in the roof."

"Nothing that a simple bucket can't fix."

"The heater's broken."

"It's summer."

"And what about the winter?"

"That's what open ovens are for."

"Dios mio, Lovina. Are you even listening to me?"

"No, I don't think that you're listening to me, Antonio," I quipped. "I'm happy with what I have right now. Can't you just accept that?"

Antonio relented. "Is it really so bad that I want to take care of you?"

Feli stirred in her sleep. I wriggled out of Antonio's arm, deliberately choosing to wave off his last comment. "I should put her to bed."

Antonio shook his head. "I'll do it." The chiding look on his face told me that this conversation was far from over.

I was quick to leave the room after that. I went to the bathroom, wiped off my make-up, brushed my teeth, and changed into a large black t-shirt that fell past my knees. After that, I quietly tiptoed over to stand outside of Feli's room. I looked inside and the sight that I saw next warmed my heart.

Antonio was leaning over Feli's sleeping form. Her chest rose and fell in a peaceful rhythm. Antonio cooed soft words of parting as he let his lips gently brush over her forehead. Blushing, I leaned against the wall nearest to me. Antonio gave Feli one last good night kiss before he left the room, quietly closing the door after him.

I silently went back into the kitchen and grabbed the stack of drawings that Feli had recently made for him. I then walked over to the front coat room, crouching down so that I could tuck the drawings into Antonio's satchel carrier.

I stood up and turned around to face Antonio, who cocked his head to the side, his brows raised. He was giving me his curious 'kiss me' puppy dog look. I scoffed, closed the distance between us, and wrapped my arms around his neck. I enlightened him with a chaste kiss on the cheek. That obviously wasn't enough for him.

His lips were on mine before I could even scold him for it. He nipped at my bottom lip and I opened my mouth in compliance. Our tongues slowly and sensually danced with each other. The kiss was brief, but the emotions at play were strong and gritty with passion. I pulled away and let my head rest on his shoulder. Antonio's arms wrapped around my frame in a tight embrace.

"My dear, precious Lovina, you are my entire world," he murmured into my neck. "How come you won't let me share it with you?"

"Screw the world," I grumbled. "You being here is more than enough."

"Tch!" he scolded. "Always so stubborn!" There was a small hint of irritation in his voice. For his sake, I opted to interpret it is as exasperation.

"Why won't you let me help you?"

I grit my teeth together. "I told you already. I'm happy living the way I am now."

"But are you really?"

I pulled away to look him directly in his startling green eyes. The lights in the front hallway were dim, causing his eyes to gleam in the partial darkness. If I didn't know any better, I would have mistaken the shine in his eyes as tears. "Yes," I said in a firm voice. "I _really_ am."

Antonio sighed, knowing full well that there was nothing more he could do to sway my opinion. We broke apart from the hug. He then bent over to grab his bag. After he had slipped on his sandals, I gave him one last kiss on the cheek. Or so I had thought.

In the blink of an eye, my face was cupped in between his warm, strong hands. The smile on his face wasn't real, however. It was pleading and desperate. The sight of it made a large pang of guilt swell up at the back of my throat.

"Please, mi cielo. I want to help you. You and Feli can move in with me. We'll be a family again and you can finally go back to school. There's nothing that I want more." Antonio let his hands drop from my face, causing me to frown in pathetic retaliation. I missed the warmth of his touch.

Antonio reached into the front pocket of his jeans, pulling out a silver house key. He then grabbed my hand and placed the metal piece in it.

Antonio cupped both of his hands over mine. "With this, I give you the key to my heart. My door will always be open to you," he smiled, despite not fooling me in the slightest. I knew him well enough to pick up on the otherwise subtle cracks in his voice.

Tears welled in the corners of my eyes. "A-Antonio," I croaked.

I swallowed. "T-thank you…"

 _For everything._

"Hush," he whispered. "You don't have to thank me. All I ask is that you at least consider my offer."

The conflicted expression on my face was evident enough. Antonio smiled at me again, which unfortunately looked more like a grimace, and said his goodbyes. It hurt to see him look so disappointed, but I couldn't leap into things just yet. We had just gotten back together, after all. Moving in with him so abruptly had the potential to ruin everything and I couldn't possibly risk that.

Antonio turned his back to me, wrapping a tight-gripped hand around the door handle.

"W-wait…" I called out.

Antonio's eyes widened in confusion. Confusion quickly turned into disbelief when I crouched down, pulled up the front rug, and procured a rusted golden key. The look of gratitude that Antonio gave me when I placed that very key into his own hand was uplifting. It gave me so much hope and confidence. It was then that I realized that we really did have a future together.

Antonio was hugging me so hard that my vision caved in. "OH LOVI~! YOU REALLY DO LOVE ME~!"

My eyes bulged out of their sockets. "Shut the fuck…up…you dumbass…jerk…bastard. You're going to…wake up Feli…" I wheezed in between having my lungs being impaled by my ribs.

"Oops eheh. I should probably go now."

"Go fucking figure."

…

I couldn't sleep. Thoughts and memories of what had happened just a few hours ago still lingered at the forefront of my mind. There was also the fact that Feli's bedroom light was on. I groaned and shuffled out of bed. I then padded over to the entrance of Feli's bedroom, placing an ear against the wooden frame of her door. Low whispering and the occasional giggle could be heard.

"What do you think, Mr. Meatball?" Feli asked. "Do you think that we'll become a family again?" I stifled a grin. Mr. Meatball was one of Feli's favourite stuffed animals. But it wasn't just any stuffed animal. It was a poop emoji that Feli had mistaken for a meatball. As you can see, I didn't have the heart to tell the little goofball otherwise.

"Hehe. I know. I'm just so happy! Sorella's smiling again! She always smiles bigger when she's with 'Tonio." My face flushed with warmth. Feli was happy again, and that was all that I really needed to hear.

I went back to bed and fell asleep the moment that my head hit the pillow, free of all worries. The weight that had been pressing down on my chest for so long had been lifted away by a force much stronger: a sense of family.

* * *

 **To be continued...**

* * *

 **Next Chapter is the main event of the story.**


	7. The Monster Reappears

**A/N** : Hello again! Sorry for being so silly last chapter (thanks btw!). If you're an author yourself, you'll know how unbelievably awkward and uncomfortable it can be to write for a somewhat 'silent' (I use this term very loosely) audience. Seriously, it's such a motivation/ mood killer xD (hint, hint, quicker updates, cough cough) I don't know about you, but I find it fun to review for other stories. It makes you feel like you're part of the journey. Or maybe I'm just being weird ahah. Oh well :p

Can I just say that you guys are really intuitive?! Kudos for being so smart, and well, predicting...yeah, I'll just let you read the chapter and hate me afterwards...

* * *

 **The Monster Reappears:**

Things have been good between Antonio and I lately. Good, with the potential to be great. It was the beginning of August, which meant that we had been dating again for close to two months now. I suppose this would explain why I had decided to visit his apartment today. He used the key that I had given to him on a regular basis, and it was about time that I reciprocated that gesture.

It had become routine for me to come home from work, only to find Antonio and Feli singing along, word for word, to whatever Disney movie that they were watching. The sad part was that Feli didn't even have to teach him the words. What's more, Antonio willingly sang the part of the princess. Well, to be fair, he was just as dumb and carefree as those airheads. Seriously though. When did accepting an apple from a strange old lady ever sound like a good idea?

Regardless, today I would be the one doing the surprising. On Thursdays, Yao typically let me off work early. The dining room was never really that busy in the first place. It was now one in the afternoon. I had a good two hours to kill before Feli's daycare ended. I thought that it would be a fun idea to join Antonio when he went to pick up Feli later. It was just like old times, I suppose. Just thinking about this made me smile warmly to myself.

It was amazing how quickly things had gone back to normal, or rather, close to normal to be more accurate. As always, Antonio still sped like a maniac after picking up Feli and Ludwig from daycare. Poor little Ludwig was suffering from a severe case of PTSD because of that bastard's recklessness. That stands for Post-Traumatic Dumbass Syndrome, if you were wondering.

Antonio's attention span was short, and his boredom usually resulted in him driving at impossible speeds. Gilbert and I nearly had a heart attack every time that that bastard returned our younger (wide-eyed, hair-ruffled, and red-faced) siblings back to us. It was beyond my sense of comprehension why we had entrusted them to him in the first place. Antonio was convenient and reliable sure, but he certainly wasn't the safest option.

Heh, speaking of Gilbert. That pasty bastard had had the ass-whooping of his lifetime the other day. On weekends, Antonio now joined us on our outings to the local park. We would all meet up at my apartment for lunch before we headed out. Little did I know that during that time Gilbert would be struck with an illness that his self-proclaimed 'awesomeness' could never hope to cure: love. Yeah, you heard me correctly all right. Gilbert had fallen in love. It's just unfortunate that the person he had fallen in love with was Amelia's twin sister, Maddie.

Maddie was a sweet girl who took after their timid-natured Canadian mother; whereas, Amelia took after their boisterous, American father. Honestly, I would have never pegged Gilbert as a guy who had a thing for shy girls.

I mean, just look at his last girlfriend. Gilbert had dated Elizabeta on and off all throughout high school. It was only until University where Elizabeta had met her future stick-in-the-butt husband, Roderich. Despite refusing to admit this, it was obvious that Gilbert was, and still is heartbroken about their breakup. At least the pasty bastard was gracious enough to be 'friends' with Roderich.

Maddie was the first girl to peak Gilbert's interest in a long time. And no, I don't mean just for sex. I'm talking about genuinely caring for her as a person.

It was because of pure coincidence that the two had first met each other. Gilbert was being his usual loud self, banging on my apartment door as he pretended to be the 'big bad wolf' for the sake of Feli's entertainment. Antonio was waiting downstairs in the lobby, and Ludwig, who Gilbert was _supposed_ to be watching, had somehow managed to avoid detection, scampering off in the direction of the stairwell.

It was Maddie who had found and brought back the sniffling and snotty toddler back to Gilbert. The pasty bastard had fallen in love with her at first sight. Maddie was demure and soft-spoken, a sharp contrast to Gilbert's loud and brash nature. Hilariously enough, not many words were exchanged between them before Amelia slammed open her apartment door, took one look at her sister's blushing face, and made a radical assumption for the worse.

It was at this point that I had opened my door, but not before clamping both hands over a whining Feli's ears. I had cackled and rooted for Amelia as she repeatedly kneed Gilbert in the balls, all the while warning him to keep his 'fuckboy' hands off her 'virginally pure' sister. All poor Maddie could do was watch and stare in horror as her sister throttled Gilbert around like a rag doll.

Arthur didn't even bother to help. He simply watched the chaos unfold, taking notes every now and then. In the words of the crumpet fucker himself: 'What a brilliant action scene! My publisher will love this!'

You guys probably want an explanation, eh? Oh fine. Amelia saw Gilbert on occasion, and was well aware of his player-like tendencies. We also had the occasional girls' night together, where we ranted about how idiotic the boys in our lives were. I had met Amelia after my first breakup with Antonio, so Gilbert was the only boy who I typically bitched about.

My previous warnings must have worked because Gilbert had been utterly destroyed by Amelia. Antonio had just about cried from laughter when the bruised albino had silently scuttled into the back of his convertible after the incident. Ludwig, on the other hand, had had a hard time understanding why his older brother had let himself get beaten up by a girl. Gilbert justified chivalry as his reason for not defending himself, when we all knew that he was just too stubborn to admit that he had been bested by a 5'5 pillar of pure muscle and feminine will power. Gilbert now had two black eyes to match the equally black bruises on his shins and lower jaw. I told you that I would get back at him, didn't I?

Unfortunately, my violent tendencies still didn't deter the albino from acting like a first-class asshole. In fact, now, he made up every excuse known to man just to visit my apartment, hoping on the odd chance that he would run into Maddie again. Apparently he wanted to show her his 'true awesomeness'. In other words, he was looking to redeem his sorry ass excuse of a first impression. Turns out that Maddie only lived two blocks away, but you won't see me telling that to Gilbert any time soon. The last thing that I needed right now was to be whacked in the back of the head with a baseball bat. I shuddered at the prospect of running into Amelia's 'Hitman Jones' side again.

But where Gilbert's attempt at romance failed and fell short, mine and Antonio's was only growing stronger. We weren't perfect, but we were making things work, and that's all that I could really ask for in the end. He had been helping me out a lot lately, even more so than usual. For example, Friday grocery shopping was no longer a thing for me. Antonio had hired this service to deliver me groceries on a weekly basis. God forbid that his 'precious tomato' be tasked with having to take care of herself. On top of that, the bastard had also enrolled Feli in a youth art class at a nearby community centre.

And so, my stubborn reign of fending for myself had finally come to an end. There was no point in berating the bastard anymore. Yelling at him for buying me stuff would only aggravate his sadistic side, resulting in him purchasing even more pointless crap. Instead, I decided that it would be better to focus on the more important aspects of our relationship. That being, reconciling and coming to terms with our past omens.

Antonio still had his bad days, but he wasn't nearly as estranged as before. He had never been a naturally angry person, so when he did get mad, if you could even call it that, it was likely the result of pent up frustration. He was a bit childish in that manner. The bastard was also persistent in insisting that I quit my job and go back to school. Perhaps in the future I would, but not now. It was still too soon. Call me cautious all you want, but I wanted to confirm that he was here to stay before I decided to move forward with anything else.

Other than small squabbles here and there, Antonio and I were very happy. Feli was elated that we were a family again. Things had never been perfect, but like I said before, we worked with what we had. From time to time, Antonio would have an off-day and feel more depressed than usual. Those days were usually spent sitting on the couch. We spoke very little, choosing instead to let our closeness speak for itself.

It was obvious that Francis's death still haunted Antonio. He murmured and stirred in his sleep all night long. I was always quick to wake him if I knew that he was suffering from a nightmare. I found that more and more, Antonio was staying by my side. He didn't have a job, nor did he need one because of his massive bank account. And so, most of my spare time was spent catering to his loneliness.

I comforted him, and yet, I could still tell that every minute spent away from me made him nervous. Alcohol had comforted him before, and I would do everything in my will power to make sure that that never happened again. His family back in Spain wasn't his family. They didn't care about him. I was his true family, the centre of his world, and he and Feli were the centre of mine. And as long as he kept himself away from that wretched, life-ruining substance, then I would always be the person whom he could confide in.

The bright Antonio that most people knew and loved was not his true self. Deep down, my lover was hurt, lonely, and detrimentally trusting. He was naïve and had a horrible habit of letting others take advantage of him. His past in the harsh world of business had also led to him learning how to take advantage of others. I've always suspected that the primary reason he had taken an interest in me in the first place was because I didn't bow down at his feet. I'll admit, sometimes Antonio can be insufferably cocky. His pride often gets in the way of his better judgement. But, once you gain his trust, and he finally opens up to you, you'll find a person who is just as needy as I am. To be crude and blunt, I didn't let Antonio charm his way between my legs. I was his first real experience of rejection, and coming from a life full of privilege and prestige, this had struck up a chord within him.

That's why Antonio always acted so clingy around me. Feli and I were his first real family. The only people, other than his friends of course, who loved him for who he was as a person. He had opened his heart to me, and because of this, we had formed such a deep connection with each other. Even though alcohol had come between us, that connection had yet to be broken. Antonio always came back to me. In my thoughts, in my dreams, and even through Feli. She smiled exactly the same way that he did. She had been around him long enough to pick up on a few of his quirks.

Today, I would finally be opening myself up to him. I would be taking our relationship one step further. He slept over at my apartment on a regular basis. My coming to his apartment was my way of showing to him that I was matching his commitment to our relationship. More than that, I wanted to strengthen our love for each other.

I didn't realize that I had been blankly smiling to myself like an idiot until the doorman of Antonio's apartment complex gave me a strange look. He then shed me with a quirky smile, pulled the glass door open, and nodded for me to head inside. I bowed my head slightly out of politeness before walking into the front lobby.

My combat boots clacked against the smooth, marble floor. To my left was the front desk and ringing station, where both the bell boy and front attendant were nowhere to be seen. To my right was the resident's lounge, which contained a round-table of burgundy leather couches, several flat screen TVs, and a sleek, black coffee table. On the coffee table, there rested a half-full ash tray. Two of the building's residents, both of whom I unfortunately recognized but hoped to God that they wouldn't remember me, were sitting on the couches, casually slumped over as they spoke in drawling, bored tones.

It was just my shitty luck that Tim and Bella recognized me at first glance. My efforts to duck my head and hide behind my hair were futile. Everyone in the building knew that Antonio and I were back together again, no thanks to that bastard's black hole of a mouth.

The Dutch and Belgian half-siblings perked up at the sight of me. Well, at least Bella did. Tim simply raised a scarred brow at me in a half-interested, half 'what-the fuck-ever' manner. Tim was a tall, sturdily-built man, with spiked blond hair, sharp green eyes, and tightly-drawn lips. He was wearing his usual blue and white pinstriped scarf, tan coloured pants, a causal black t-shirt and inexpensive-looking loafers to match. He had one arm propped up against the arm of the couch, and balanced a premium Cuban cigar between his front teeth. Thick, putrid-smelling smoke wafted through the lobby when he took a puff from the cigar, causing me to cough a little.

Bella, on the other hand, made my insecurity skyrocket. The bright, green-eyed Belgian had cropped, pixie-length blonde hair, that of which was pulled back with a red ribbon, giving me a full view of her impish, heart-shaped face. She was wearing a red halter summer dress, which purposely accentuated her generously large chest, and black ballet flats. Overall, the two siblings dressed quite casually for their lavish lifestyle.

Their ties to each other wasn't just limited to blood, however. They were also very successful business partners, despite only being in their mid-20s. Bella owned a well-known sweets and truffles company, and on top of managing his sister's business, Tim also owned his own brand of cigars. Hence, the cigar that he was currently smoking from right now.

I typically preferred to keep my distance from Tim and Bella. They were pleasant to your face, but turn your back on them and they wouldn't hesitate to slander you. They were ruthless and cunning, as their business roles often blurred into that of their personal lives.

I had always been warier of Bella than Tim, however. Before I came into the picture, Bella and Antonio used to fuck around, and by that, I mean literally. Antonio has always dismissed their 'thing' as something that had never been serious, and since he hasn't given me a good reason to doubt him, I've never felt the need to ask him more about it. Besides, it was probably best if I didn't know the exact details of their past relationship. It's always made me feel uneasy whenever Bella spoke with Antonio, as most often enough, she had a Cheshire-like smile plastered on her face the entire time. She was manipulative and calculative, and no amount of fake pleasantries would ever make me fall for her feigned sweetness.

I jabbed the elevator button with my index finger, scowling to myself when Bella waved a languid, perfectly-manicured hand at me in hello.

"Lovina~!" she sang. "Long time no see, ma chere! How have you been?"

I tapped a boot against the ground, grudgingly turning around to face the two siblings. I stubbornly made a point to avoid direct eye contact with the smirking Belgian. "Fine, thank you," I answered in a curt voice. "And you?"

Tim, who was already bored with where this conversation was going, turned his attention back to watching the Fifa soccer match that was playing on the flat screen TVs.

Bella laughed airily, pretending to ignore my annoyed tone of voice. "I've been just wonderful. Merci beaucoup for asking~!" she purred, bending over to grab a spare cigar from the coffee table.

"So," she hummed, balancing the cigar between her front teeth as she lit the blunt end of it with a lighter.

"Is it safe to assume that you and Antonio are back together now? Hmmmm?"

If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn that I saw a tinge of jealousy flash across her face.

Bella took my blush and incoherent grumbling as her answer.

"How adorable," she patronized. "I'm so _very_ glad."

Bella arched her back, stretching her arms so that her chest stuck out even further, if possible.

 **DING!**

I sighed in relief when the elevator door opened. Bella's mere presence was suffocating. Her words were simple, but her facial expression and the manner in which she conducted herself was so very belittling to those around her. I could only stand her for so long.

"Make sure to treat Toni good, you hear?" she drawled, puffing out a ring of smoke.

I scoffed. "Of course," I huffed.

Obviously my compliance wasn't enough for Bella's satisfaction.

"You better," she chided. "Because if you don't, there'll be plenty of girls willing to take your place…"

I smiled and chuckled to humour her cattiness, only to roll my eyes when the elevator doors finally closed.

"Fucking bitch," I muttered under my breath.

…

"How long do you think they'll last this time?" Bella smugly inquired, tracing her index finger along her glossy red bottom lip.

Tim, who had never been fond of his vibrant, and more importantly, _loud_ and _disruptive_ Spaniard neighbor, simply shrugged in response. "Who knows."

"That's not an answer."

"And that's _my_ cigar you're smoking."

Bella smirked. "Touche."

…

I took a deep breath and inserted the key into the lock. My hands shook as I fumbled with the lock, and after much struggle and a string of profuse cursing, I eventually managed to open the door. I walked into Antonio's apartment, quietly, as I was still intending to surprise him.

Much to my dismay, I was still bothered and worked up from Bella's teasing. What also didn't help with my nerves was the fact that this was the first time I was visiting his apartment since we had had our 'first date'. You see, we spent all our time together back at my apartment. Which, of course, had its own set of consequences. Between Feli's excited squeals, and Antonio's booming 'fusoso' laughter, I was growing very tired of our daily 'slumber parties.' My ears had bled to a point of no return, and I now suffer from 24/7 migraines.

I'll repeat myself again. Today was a big step for me. I was crossing into new territory, walking into a place that used to be my home, but now felt strange and alien to me. More importantly, I was walking into a place that used to be Feli's home. If things kept getting better, perhaps this apartment would become our home again. I could only hope.

I cautiously shut the door behind me and took off my shoes, silently tiptoeing out of the front coat room. I looked around the apartment, feeling reassured once more when I saw that nothing had really changed. I smiled to myself as I spotted the ever-growing pile of Feli's drawings that had been tacked onto the fridge door. I looked up at the apartment's two story glass windows, rolling my eyes at Antonio's stubbornness to not get rid of those godawful red curtains.

I chuckled to myself, inhaling the familiar and comforting smells of sandal wood soap, cumin and rosemary. One thing that I've always liked about Antonio was that he was actually a pretty decent cook. Not as good as me, of course, but his food was still very tasty. But you'll never see me admit that out loud to him. Antonio was used to accepting my grunts, in between stuffing my face like an obese chipmunk, as his approval.

I scoffed, striding past the living room. Coats, shirts, and mismatching socks were strewn everywhere. Antonio had the attention span of a flea, obviously. I made a mental note, reminding myself to berate him for his forgetfulness as soon as I got the chance.

Despite the stray piece of laundry here and there, the apartment was still relatively clean. It was going to take some time for me to overlook the bad memories that I had experienced here. If I wanted to do that, however, I would just have to focus on the good and pray that things stayed that way.

I didn't find Antonio in the kitchen or in the living room. I walked outside onto the balcony's terrace, looking down from my bird's eye view of the downtown area. I frowned a little when I didn't spot Antonio out here either. I had expected to find him either lounging on a chair or watering/ talking to his tomato plants. When he wasn't with me, this was where he spent most of his free time. The freckles on his nose and tanned skin were living proof of this habit of his.

I blushed when an all too familiar image flashed through my mind. Antonio was smiling at me, his pearly white teeth glinting in the afternoon sun, and his green eyes hooded under the worn-down trimmings of his sun hat. It was a smile that was welcoming and genuine, a smile that made me feel like I belonged here, that I mattered…that I meant something to him.

My patience was beginning to wear thin. I grumbled to myself, stepped back into the apartment, and slid the patio door shut behind me. Where could he be? My head snapped upwards when I heard the murmuring of frantic, erratic Spanish. I cocked my head to the side. How unusual. Antonio's bedroom door was shut.

" _No…Dad…are you even listening to me?! I'm fine!"_

 _"No, I haven't been wasting my time!"_

 _"But what if I don't want to?"_

 _"I don't mean to be disrespectful. My god, you're not even letting me speak!"_

 _"How many times do I have to tell you this? I don't want to come back. I'm happy here."_

 _"Well if Mom wants to see me that bad, then why doesn't she come here?"_

 _"Because if I come, I know that I'll be forced to stay."_

I padded over to the foot of the staircase, hesitantly climbing up to the second level of the apartment. I knew that things had taken a turn for the worse as Antonio's voice became more and more strained, causing me to wince on instinct. He must have been speaking to his family. Judging by the level of impatience in his voice, it was more than likely his father. Antonio never spoke harshly towards his mother.

" _Yes, I'm seeing her again."_

 _"Because I love her!"_

 _"Of course she still loves me!"_

You see, Antonio comes from a wealthy family. His parents run a successful clothing business back in Spain, and with money, comes lots of power and influence. They expected Antonio to take over the business upon their retirement. And for a good portion of his life, Antonio strived to meet their expectations. His inherently positive attitude and sunny smile had strengthened their business, forming connections and affiliations all around the world. Simply put, he was a natural people pleaser. But while the business grew more and more prosperous, much to his parent's ecstatic delight, Antonio grew more and more disconnected, from both the world and himself. Wearing suits, attending parties, catering to political puppets, and living on a tight, inflexible work schedule didn't give him any satisfaction in life. Small talk to Antonio, likewise to my opinion of it, was insufferable, meaningless, and boring.

Antonio was a bird trapped in the cage of his parents' high expectations. They basically controlled his entire life. Antonio continually let himself get trampled on by those who supposedly loved him. He had sacrificed his happiness many times for them, receiving very little in return. It took him a while, but when he finally snapped, Antonio spread his wings and flew across the world, leaving Spain behind him. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to escape from the scorn that ensued after his departure.

Antonio's parents were absolutely furious over his decision to move away, and till this day, they still express their disappointment in him. But it didn't matter in the end, because Antonio was his own person and they had no right to tell him what to do in life. It's always disgusted me how they prioritized the company more than their own son. They were his famiglia for crying out loud! And yet, they only saw him as an asset to their business.

In the few instances that I did speak with his parents over the phone, I had never received the warm, caring vibe that I've always felt with Antonio. They were cold, calculated, and conniving, but most important of all, uncaring. They didn't approve of Antonio's 'carefree' life. More than that, they were extremely judgemental. I could tell just by their tone of voice that they didn't approve of me. I had once heard his father refer to me as an 'uneducated teen with a snarky attitude.' They thought that his relationship with me would harm their family's reputation. Thankfully, Antonio was having none of their manipulative schemes.

When his parents' attempts to degrade me didn't work, they had even gone so far as to suggest that Antonio take Feli and I back to Spain. Of course, this wasn't for the sake of our benefit, but rather theirs. They would do anything to keep their business' reputation intact.

Antonio's mother was the one who had suggested this, however. In comparison to his father, Antonio's mother was far more tolerable. You could tell that she actually did care for Antonio to some degree, and that she didn't just view him as an asset like his father clearly did. On the flip side, Antonio's mother was always striving to meet her husband's approval. She too was torn between balancing business and family life.

Regardless, Antonio's decision to move away has always been a heated topic in their family. His parents didn't call him that often, but when they did, Antonio would shut down entirely. These conversations wore him out. The frustrations generated from these calls only got worse after his release from rehab. He didn't speak about them that often, but I could tell that they killed him on the inside. I didn't talk to him about it only because I didn't want to upset him further.

From what I understand, as Antonio rarely speaks to me about this, was that his parents blamed his alcoholism as the result of an undisciplined lifestyle. Fucking bullshit, am I right? What a load of self-righteous crap. They were just bitter about him living independently from their realm of control. They had no right to police his life. He was a fucking adult who could make decisions for himself. Antonio was happy living on his own, so why couldn't they just accept that?

By himself, Antonio lived in a very carefree manner. He had made enough money during his time spent as a business executive to live comfortably for the rest of his life. He wasn't as irresponsible as his parents would like to think. He was a bit impulsive, sure, but he certainly wasn't out of control. Francis's death was out of his control. Resorting to alcohol as his way of coping was a bad decision, but he had taken control of that mistake by checking himself into rehab.

And just look at him now. I honestly couldn't have been any prouder. Antonio was finally learning to forgive himself. But of course, his parents just had to have their say in things. They were too full of themselves to realize that they were causing more harm than good to their son. I almost couldn't believe it. This was such a sensitive topic for Antonio to deal with. The troubles of rehab and the stress that resulted from it were still fresh in his mind. Who knows what could trigger him. He was vulnerable, and the last thing that he needed right now was to be stressed out again.

I was suddenly furious. I stomped up the rest of the remaining stairs, walking past his bedroom to sit down on one of the couches in the upstairs lounge. I bit at my nails nervously. Antonio was so clearly distressed. I could hear it in his voice, and just the sound of it alone had caused fresh tears to spring in the corners of my eyes. I had no choice but to sit and wait for him to end his phone call. So much for surprising him.

It appeared that I would have to do a lot of damage control. Call it a concerned lover's hunch, but I was already hurting and feeling for Antonio. I just hoped that my love would be enough to insulate him from the harms that this world has done to him. It had utterly destroyed me to see him throw away everything that he loved, including myself. I couldn't possibly go through watching that again. I shuddered at the mere thought of it.

No.

I shook my head, casting away my doubts over the matter.

…

I had been waiting for close to half an hour now, my head resting in the palms of my hands. Time ticked away at an agonizingly slow pace. I didn't realize that Antonio had ended his phone call until a surprised "Lovi?!" echoed across the hallway, causing me to perk up from my previously slumped position.

I sat up straight, preparing myself for the worse. Antonio didn't look good at all. He was wearing a baggy pair of grey sweat pants and a black muscle shirt. I grimaced at his pale and haggard appearance. His curls were sticking up on one side of his head, looking as if he had raked his hands through it many times. His green eyes were tired and lifeless, despite them widening from the surprise of me showing up out of the blue.

I narrowed my eyes at him. He looked quite funny now that I think of it. His breath was shallow and sharp, and the rims of his eyes had a puffiness and redness to them that I wasn't quite accustomed to seeing…at least…not for a long time anyways.

Was he not getting enough sleep? I mean, sometimes when he slept over at my apartment neither of us got much sleep because of Feli and her annoying tendency to toss and turn at all hours of the night. But I don't think that I've ever seen his eyes this bloodshot before. His cheeks were quite red too. I bit my lip in contemplation. Perhaps the phone call had been more distressing for him than I thought. Even now, when he had just spoken to me, I could still hear the frustration lingering in his voice.

A worrying thought crossed my mind, but I quelled it back with a smile. "Looks like I came at a bad time, huh?" I chuckled nervously, my eyes darting up to meet Antonio's glazed, slightly startled expression, only to look down at the ground, and then back up again at his trembling lips.

Antonio faltered, and for a brief moment, a guilty, conflicted expression crossed over his face. But just as fast as his hesitation had appeared, it disappeared. "Well, this is an awfully nice surprise," he smirked, raising a hand to bashfully rub at the back of his neck. It was a very fooling smirk. I felt an unaddressed tension in the air, and I damn it all, I was _going_ to get to the bottom of it.

"You gave me your key for a reason, bastard," I snorted. "It was about time that I used it, don't you think? Unless you don't want me here," I challenged in a wary, overly cautious tone. I knew Antonio well. He was hiding something. His smiles and light-hearted laughter weren't going to fool me.

Antonio stumbled forward. He was clumsy, too clumsy. "N-no, of course not. I just wasn't expecting you to use it so soon…"

"Soon?" I scoffed. "It's been three weeks. But enough about that, your parents just called, didn't they?"

Antonio avoided eye contact.

I bowed my head in sympathy. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be," Antonio murmured in a soft voice. "There's nothing that can be done about it. Besides," Antonio looked up to spare me with a hesitant smile. "I have you here to cheer me up. How come you're off work so early anyways?"

I shrugged, making a noncommittal hum at the back of my throat. "The dining area wasn't busy, and you know how cheap Yao is. I wasn't needed, so he let me off early. I thought that we could pick up Feli together."

Antonio absently nodded his head in response, but didn't bother to say anything. It was like he was in a whole other world, losing focus and absorbed in his thoughts. Pushing through a conversation with his parents had always been tough for him.

He had always been stricken by constant guilt, going so far as to view himself as selfish for going against their wishes. It just goes to show you how overwhelmingly vulnerable Antonio was. It was my job as his partner to ensure that he lived for himself and nobody else. He had catered to enough people in his past. It was time for him to think about himself for once, especially since he was in the process of recovering from something as devastating and detrimental as alcoholism.

"Or…I can pick up Feli on my own…whatever you feel like doing, really," I quietly proposed. "You look like you could use some time to yourself." It was best not to press him when he was like this. If he wanted to talk, he knew that I would be there to listen to him in a heartbeat. But right now, his feelings were too fresh and raw. It wasn't a good time to talk. All I could do was gently comfort him.

I stood up and walked over to him, cupping his face with my left hand. Antonio unconsciously leaned into my touch. Alarm bells rang off in my head when I felt his body tense with apprehension. He still wasn't looking me in the eye.

At this point, my heart was pounding against my ribcage. I swallowed heavily, stammering and struggling to form a coherent sentence. Antonio wasn't responding to me. I was losing him again. He was slipping into another depressive episode. I wanted to cry and scream and beat some sense into his nonsensical, self-shaming mind, but deep down I knew that there was nothing I could do. I was merely the shoulder for him to lean on.

"Antonio," I repeated. "Why don't you get some sleep?" I said, dropping my hand from his vacant-looking face. "Have you eaten anything today? You look a bit pale." I bit my tongue, already feeling the stinging hot sensation of tears welling up in the corners of my eyes.

"How about I get you something to eat?" I couldn't stop the words from spewing out of my mouth. Someone needed to speak because Antonio certainly wasn't going to.

I moved to skirt around Antonio, but didn't get very far. His hand jolted forward in a burst of unexpected energy, grabbing onto my wrist to hold me in place. His eyes widened in alarm, but his lips stretched into a painful-looking smile. His actions and emotions were contradictory, helpless, and pleading. Something wasn't right. Don't ask me how, I just knew it.

"I...uh…n-no!" he stammered, slightly incoherently, almost as if he was struggling to string the words together. "T-that won't be necessary. I'm fine, ahaha! Really! We still have an hour before Feli's daycare ends. I'm sure that I'll be fine by then!"

Antonio's sudden mania was like a fatal blow to the chest. Before I knew it, he had pulled me into a hug. His arms wrapped around my back, holding me tightly. Hot breath tickled my neck as I just stood there, limp as a rag doll, both shocked and grateful to get a reaction out of him.

I numbly placed a hand at the back of Antonio's head, knotting my fingers through his thick wave of curls. He crouched down lower into the embrace, shaking and trembling, and badly at that. It was obvious to me that Antonio was not in fact 'fine'. He was far from it.

For his sake, I decided to let the topic drop. "We should still have some lunch before we go," I grumbled. "I'll make us something quick. Feli's bound to be hungry too."

Antonio pulled away from our embrace, pecking me on the forehead. "W-why eat when we can do something far more…appetizing," he purred.

 _Something isn't right…_

I froze when a familiar sense of déjà vu overcame me. There was a desperation in his voice that I just couldn't overlook. Antonio had never been a good liar. I looked at him and furrowed my eyebrows. Antonio chuckled to make light of the situation and then…that's when I smelled it. Sweet and sickly, but I knew it all too well. No, it can't possibly be that.

 _Not again…oh God. PLEASE, not again._

"Antonio, have you been?-" I was cut off when Antonio crushed his lips against mine. I gasped out in shock and tried to pull away, but was quickly overwhelmed. His tongue easily slipped into my mouth. I floundered to regain my senses. I balled my hands into fists when Antonio's own hand decided to become explorative.

 _He's distracting you…_

My eyes widened in realization. Antonio didn't want me to go in the kitchen…

He was hiding something from me.

"H-hey! Wh-aah-!" I pulled away to speak, but Antonio showed no intent on relenting. He kept on kissing me, becoming more and more desperate every time that our lips met. A bitter taste filled my mouth, and it was then that I lost all hope in life. My hands moved on instinct, shoving Antonio as far away from me as possible, causing him to sloppily stumble backwards. His coordination was off, and he swayed far more than he should have.

My heart stopped. My mouth opened, and words I thought that I would never have to say again streamed out like a thick, suffocating sludge.

"You've been drinking." The words I spoke were simple, but the anger behind them was so much more than an accusation. It represented both disbelief and complete and utter defeat.

Antonio took too long to answer, telling me everything that I needed to know. My ears rang and my vision blurred. I shoved my way past him, heading in the direction of the staircase. My feet slapped against the ground. I was moving on auto pilot. I was calm, too calm. I was calm until Antonio decided to grab my wrist again.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I shrieked, wincing as the sound bounced off the walls, surrounding our ears with the toxic effects of my lover's own selfishness. I angrily shrugged him off and bolted away. Hot, angry tears streamed down my face.

"Lovi, wait!" Antonio cried, no doubt on the verge of sobbing himself. I thundered down the staircase with Antonio quick on my heels. He swore in Spanish, only to switch back into English as he pleaded for me to let him explain. I didn't want to hear his excuses. I wanted to see his mistakes for myself. I needed to convince myself one last time that he wasn't good for me. I was finally nailing shut the coffin of my bitter, broken heart.

"WHERE IS IT?!" I shrieked, finding the answer to my question not long after. Resting on top of the kitchen counter was a half-empty bottle of wine. Next it to it, was a wine glass brimmed to the top with that sickening red liquid. It was beyond me why I hadn't spotted them before. It just goes to show you how much I had trusted Antonio. I had been aiming to fix his mistakes, not find them.

I stomped into the kitchen, grabbed the wine bottle off the counter, and held it up to the air for Antonio to see. He stumbled forward and skidded to a stop, his eyes wide, and his breathing uneven and ragged. "Lovi, please. You don't understand," he whimpered, despite not fazing me in the slightest. The bastard still wasn't able to look me in the eye. He was a coward. A dirty, filthy, and selfish coward who I unequivocally loved and hated with every fiber of my being.

I didn't want to hear his excuses. I wanted to know why.

"How could you?!" I screamed. "You know what this does to you, and yet you still decided to drink it. Don't you care about yourself? About me? About Feli? Did we really just go through hell and back for nothing?!"

"I-I trusted you, damnit!"

Antonio sniffed. Tears streamed down his face, his Adam's apple bobbing as he finally gained the courage to look me in the eye. The words that he spoke, however, weren't the ones that I wanted to hear. His last chance at redemption was gone. "L-Lo siento, Lovi. You know how hard it's been for me lately…"

 _Excuses…._

"So your only solution was to resort to the _one thing_ that fucked everything over?!" I slammed the wine bottle onto the table, causing Antonio to wince and tremble under the guilt of disappointing me once more.

I raked a hand through my hair, choking back a sob. I just felt so betrayed. More than that, I felt sick to my stomach.

"How could you?" I whispered again. "I'm so fucking tired of this. It kills me every day to see you suffer. How can I help you if you don't talk to me about these things?!"

 _How did I not see this before?_

 _How long has he been hiding this from me?_

 _It's like I don't even know him anymore…_

Antonio bowed his head in shame.

My mind screamed for me to stop, but I just kept going.

"This is what happens when you bottle everything up! You said that you loved me, but now I'm not even sure if I should believe that!"

"Don't you dare say such a thing!" Antonio blurted out, anger leaking into the cusps of his shaky and unstable voice.

Antonio balled his hands into tight fists. "I'll always love you Lovina, and you damn well know that!"

Antonio grabbed onto a chair for support. "I'm done being afraid. I had to start somewhere, and believe me when I tell you that I'm only drinking in small amounts. I can't just avoid alcohol for the rest of my life. I'm doing this so that I can live normally! That's all that I've ever wanted from the very start! I can't live with this constant fear of fucking everything up! That's why I'm drinking again. I'm drinking to have control over my life. I can't live with the thought of knowing that one day I could snap and hurt you again. I have to make sure that that doesn't happen. Y-you understand why I'm doing this, don't you?"

Antonio took a step towards me, his eyes wide and pleading for the mercy and understanding that I couldn't possibly give to him. Not after what he had done. Not after everything that he had ruined for us. I couldn't believe how naïve I was to think that he had actually changed. He had never changed for the better. He was just as impulsive and stupid as ever, and apparently, I was just as gullible.

 _Some things just never change…._

I took several steps back, shaking my head in disbelief.

"No, Antonio. I don't understand. If you loved me, you would have never brought that poison to your lips again. Perhaps, you're right. You would have had to drink eventually, but what you fail to realize is that you're still recovering. Alcohol has never done you any good. It's clear to me that my time spent with you has been wasted. What you've done today is unforgiveable, and I can't possibly bring that recklessness into my life again. You didn't just betray me. You betrayed Feli as well. I gave you one last chance and you blew it. Have a nice fucking life because I'm done too."

 _Stupid bastard. You fucked up everything by drinking._

Antonio jumped with a start when I stomped past him, heading straight for the door. My chest trembled with sobs, but my mind gave me the strength that my heart had lost so many times before. I needed to get out of here, to get away from the toxic influence that Antonio had on me. He wasn't good for me anymore. Hell, he had never been good for me. My love for him had blinded me to the psychological abuse that went on behind the scenes. We were both addicted to something that was toxic for our health. Except, I was the only one who had the balls to cut off all loose ends in my life. I wouldn't let him drag me down again.

"Lovi! Please! Listen to me! Things will get better, I promise! I-I'm doing this for you! It was always for you!" His words had zero effect on me. Excuse after excuse. He was a child who refused to take any responsibility for his actions. I was done picking up the slack for someone who couldn't reciprocate, let alone make an effort to learn from their past mistakes.

I turned around, lashing out at Antonio with words that had enough spite in them to kill.

"I'm not your Lovi, and you most certainly are not my Antonio. Goodbye, you monster. I have no interest in loving someone who's broken my heart time and time again. Some things just never change, and your selfishness is something that I refuse to overlook for any longer."

Antonio inhaled sharply. I finished us off with one final blow.

"Any love that I had for you is gone. We're done."

 _Lies…_

And just like that, I walked out of Antonio's apartment, leaving behind the first and only love of my life. Funny how the person you love can make you feel such intense feelings of hatred. It wasn't fair, but then again when had my life even been fair? Letting Antonio into my life again was a foolish mistake. I shouldn't have expected anything different.

….

I tore through the front lobby, wiping at my face. Mascara streamed down my cheeks in ugly, clumped smudges. I received several odd looks in response to my appearance. Bella's feigned concern was the final trigger to my anger.

"Mon dieu! Lovina! What happened to you?"

"HE'S ALL YOURS!" I screamed back.

"Pardonne?!"

"DON'T TEST ME, YOU MANIPULATIVE BITCH. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I FUCKING MEAN!"

…

Bella's eyes widened as she watched a miserable-looking Lovina stomp out of the front lobby. "What did I do?" she pouted, turning to look at her indifferent brother for an answer.

"Isn't it obvious?" Tim clicked his tongue in annoyance.

Bella's lips parted open in realization. "Oh no," she said with a questionable amount of concern in her voice. "They broke up, didn't they?'

"Mhmm," Tim nodded his head. "And knowing that idiot, it was probably his fault."

* * *

 **Please read the author's note at the top of next chapter. It will include a trigger warning. **

**To be continued...**


	8. How I Fell

**A/N:** Hello again! I decided to change things up this chapter. Hopefully you'll gain a bit more insight now! As always every follow, favourite and review is so immensely appreciated. I'm really sorry that I can't reply to those with ff accounts who are kind enough to review. I'm really busy with school right now and my brain is literally just a garbled mess. Just know that if you do click the button/ review, you'll make a grown ass teenager smile like an idiot for a good ten minutes xD!

Any information about the story and how many chapters are left can be found on my profile. I just recently bumped up the chapter count!

 **Edit:** Remember my brain being all scrambled? I forgot to address on of the reviews. I purposely misportray alcoholism until chapter 10. It'll make sense when we get there! But I'm glad that it was pointed out!

Have a great day/ night!

 **Trigger Warning!: Includes Death**

* * *

 **How I Fell:**

 **Antonio's POV:**

I don't know how long I've been lying in bed for. Light came and went, and yet I still seemed to be transfixed on this one particular spot on the ceiling. Numbness and utter defeat would explain my predicament right now. I haven't moved, nor did I have any reason to. The one source of motivation in my life was gone, and I had nobody else to blame but myself.

I thought that I was done with alcohol, that I would never let it come between me and the love of my life ever again. I couldn't have been more wrong. It's funny how little I've changed over the past year or so. I've always been naïve and pathetically dependent on something, whether it being a person or the liquid poison that I always find myself falling back on.

Even when I was younger, going out and partying with my friends helped distract me from the internal conflicts that have always ravaged my thoughts. I was stubborn and ignored them. It was always easy for me to act happy, to smile, to laugh, to pretend that everything was great and that I wasn't rotting away on the inside. That I wasn't lonely, and that I wasn't unhappy with my circumstances. I felt guilty. I had everything: money, girls, admiration, friends…you name it.

And yet, despite my relevance to the world, I didn't feel relevant to myself. Working for my parents eroded at my sense of self-worth. Routine after routine, party after party, meaningless conversation after meaningless conversation…I had had enough. I left despite my parent's high expectations, and for that I was shamed, incessantly. It was as if I had betrayed them. No, my leaving them was treated as an embarrassment. My happiness had never mattered. Appearances, fame and reputation were all that my parents really cared about. It was never what I wanted, but rather where they wanted me to go in life.

I was called selfish for leaving, but I didn't care. The business did just fine without me before, and it would continue to be successful regardless if I chose to stay or not. A charming smile and good looks were skills that many people possessed. I very easily could have been replaced, but what couldn't be replaced was my sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction in life, my life. Perhaps I was impulsive, but I was tired of being tied down and restricted. The decision to move away was that of my own, and for the first time in my life, I had taken control of my existence. I wouldn't let someone else determine my future. I was young and naïve and had more than enough money to explore my avenues and find out what I really liked.

That liking came in the form of a spunky, but ever so petite auburn-haired girl. I remember my first encounter with Lovina as if it had just happened yesterday. I was new to the country, and pretty much spent all of my time with Gilbert, one of my drinking buddies that I had met at the local bar in town. Gilbert and I had hit it off immediately. We shared a same love for soccer and clubbing, and had instantly bonded over these interests.

One day, I decided to join Gilbert on a trip to pick up his younger brother from daycare. I remember walking into the daycare and being struck with a blow so fatal and kind that I couldn't fathom to believe it. I was in love and nothing anyone said could have convinced me otherwise. My heart ceased to beat and my jaw dropped. Wide, hazel eyes, a slender figure, and an angry pout that would put any bebe to shame. Lovina was beautiful, fierce, and overall just the perfect woman for me. She pretended to be rough on the edges, and even if it did take me a while to break through her tough exterior, what I had discovered on the inside was nothing short of beautiful.

She had initially resisted my charms, and in the process, I had learned a lot about myself. Lovina didn't take crap from anyone. My smile and looks alone weren't enough to woo her. She had changed my perspective of the world entirely. I was so used to getting everything that I wanted in life. I hadn't realized how entitled I was. I had to work for Lovina's heart, to prove my worth. She was my prize and joy, and perhaps this was the critical weakness to our relationship. I loved her with all my heart, and the memories that we shared together were beautiful, wonderful, addictive, and unbelievably intoxicating. I was at my utmost happiest whenever I spent time with her and Feli, my sweet, precious darlings. They were my everything. I couldn't possibly live without them. I lived for them and only them.

What I didn't realize at the time was that my love for Lovina helped fill the void that I had been carrying with me all along: loneliness. I finally had someone to myself, someone who wasn't up for sharing. Was I selfish? Undeniably. Was I too happy to care? You bet I was. I was smitten and absolutely fascinated by Lovina. Her intelligence, adorable little scowl, snide remarks, and compulsive swearing were the only things that kept me going in life.

Back then, my life had been amazing. Not even my parent's disapproval could spoil my happiness. I wasn't just living for myself, like I had originally intended to do. I had a whole life to enjoy with two beautiful persons who brought out the absolute best in me, and I, them. We were a family who laughed, joked, ate, lived, and breathed together whole in whole.

Life just so happened to be a puta and ruin everything with one mistake.

Francis, my life long friend was dead because of me. I could have stopped him from drinking, but I didn't. I was carefree and had unwillingly lived up to my parent's deranged prediction. Living on my own and letting loose did in fact have its consequences, except, those consequences didn't only involve me.

Once again, I found myself resorting to alcohol. The only difference then was that it wasn't for a convenient distraction anymore. It was to forget, to diffuse the pain, to hide from Lovina, my parents, and the world which had reared me into such an ignorant idiot. Gilbert tried his best to help me with my grieving, but in the end, he knew that there would be no changing my mind over the matter. Francis and Gilbert were close friends because of me, sure, but Gilbert would never know how it felt to bear the responsibility of death. He would never shoulder the burden of accusation. He would never be received with hatred and scorn at the hands of your own family.

Francis's family was my family, at least that's what I'd like to think. Now, I'm not so sure if what we had shared was even real. Was it only about business? Francis's parents owned a sister clothing brand, one that was in close cohorts with that of my own family's. My friendship with Francis may have been orientated around money, but it was founded on the basis of true companionship and boyhood.

We grew up together. We ditched parties and formal events to do the stuff that any kid our age would do: pranking, playing sports, rolling in the dirt…whatever we wanted, really. We had sleepovers, many of them. In the first half of summer, he'd visit me in Spain. The other half I would spend with his family in France. We weren't just best friends, we were brothers, and not being able to visit my brother's grave was the final nail to the coffin of my deprecating sense of guilt.

Alcohol became my comfort, and the distance between Lovina and I was self-inflicted. I became angry and frustrated. I was spiralling out of control. I externalized my conflicts, and Lovina was the unfortunate vessel that I took it all out on. I loved her and hated myself. I yelled and I broke things, and despite this, she still stayed with me. She would leave for nights at a time, but in the end, she would always come back.

But one day she didn't come back. In fact, she told this right to my face. Hearing her say that to me was like a stab to the chest. It resonated throughout my entire being and slapped me into focus. Rehab was my only option. Feeling sorry for myself and inflicting harm onto others was not only hopeless, but destructive. Because that's what the core of my entire being was: selfish, clingy, entitled, dependant, and pathetic.

I thought that I was strong. I thought that I could fight through the temptation of drinking. Heck, Lovina had just begun to trust me again. She let me into her life, and I had failed her once more. I gave her a sense of hope, only to wreck her confidence and ruin any faith that she had in me. I had only begun to drink now because I was afraid of bottling up my feelings and letting it go all at once. I recognize that I'm a coward, and that this passive sort of acceptance is what screws me over time and time again.

I had only been drinking in small amounts. I wanted to build up my tolerance, to prove that I could control myself and keep a handle over my emotions. But, as always, planning to do something doesn't necessarily equate to an outcome. I can't handle alcohol, and never will be able to. I should have known that.

Stressors from the past became relevant again. My parents called to shame me into moving back to Spain. To them, I was a small child who couldn't control myself. I had done far too much damage to myself for my own good. But if living with them meant giving away my own unique sense of identity, then I would rather accept a broken life over that of a coerced one. I enjoyed freedom of choice, and I wasn't about to leave Lovina behind…even if she had already left me behind.

Today, I was just unlucky. There was nothing more to it. My parents called no matter how many times that I hung up, and I hadn't been able to shake off the sour mood that I had felt all morning. Sometimes, I was just depressed and there was nothing that I could do about it. Having a small glass of wine helped me relax, albeit it making me feel a bit guilty over hiding something like that from Lovina. I hadn't been expecting her to come over today. In fact, I hadn't expected her to take a step _that_ big for a long time.

Tch. It doesn't matter in the end anyways. Everything blew up in my face because of that one selfish decision to start drinking again. My drinking had ruined all the good that Lovina and I had worked towards for the past couple of months. Our relationship was unsalvageable at this point. She would never take me back again, and the thought of this killed me. My reason to live was gone. Squeezing my eyes shut, clenching my fists, or covering my ears didn't help me forget the hurt in her voice when she had screamed at me for my unadulterated idiocy. It didn't erase the disgusted look that she had given me before leaving.

She called me a monster and had righteously proceeded to treat me like one. I was impulsive and selfish. I demanded and received but hardly ever gave enough to make up for the destruction caused by my mistakes. I've never felt so ashamed and helpless.

I couldn't have possibly chased after Lovina when she left me. I didn't have it in me to do so. I loved her too much to drag her down with me. I had already caused enough harm in her life. Asking for her forgiveness again was an act that extended beyond selfishness. It was amoral. She gave me one last chance to fix our broken past and I had blown it. There was nothing for me to do but scream until my throat ached. I sounded like a wounded animal. The state that I was in right now was downright pitiful. My ears hurt, my mouth had the bitter taste of bile in it, and the ear-splitting shrieks of my conflicting thoughts had me suffering from a deservingly painful migraine.

I tossed and turned in my bed. Every so often I would scream, pound my fists into the mattress, rub at my already puffy eyes, and bite my lip until I tasted the familiar tang of iron. I felt shallow and empty. Nothing mattered, or at least, I sure didn't. I would lie on my back, motionless and blank-eyed, unaware of my surroundings, but still painfully aware of the guilt brought on by my self-inflicted circumstances.

The palms of my hands ached and my knuckles were covered with blood, which had long dried at this point. I had attempted to clean up the mess of the broken wine bottle, but this act had ended up doing more harm than good. I lost control and had smashed the remaining pieces against the wall in a fit of rage, woefully succumbing to the monster image that Lovina now held of me.

My chest bubbled with a fit a disbelieving laughter. Self-fulfilling prophecy much?

Tears streaked down my face and I closed my eyes to quell them from spilling. It wasn't long before I had fallen asleep. I had given up on fighting a long time ago. I let myself drown in the pain, pushing downwards into a state of mind where I wouldn't have to feel guilty. Well, at least consciously that is.

…

Wow! It's been so long since I've gone out drinking! I almost kind of missed doing these sort of things! Maybe it was the alcohol pumping through my veins, but I just felt so excited and rejuvenated. It was as if I was a young teenager again! Ah, good times, good times.

It came as such a surprise to me when Francis had showed up out the blue, but the thing with him is that time was completely irrelevant to our friendship. Life went on, and our time spent away from each other couldn't be helped. After all, we were older now and had much more commitments and responsibilities than before. We couldn't always drink and have fun without thinking of the consequences afterwards.

However, despite the fact that we were both adults now, that didn't mean that we couldn't let loose every once and a while! At first, I didn't want to leave Lovina and Feli at home, but one whack upside the head and a profound amount of adorable cussing had quickly changed my perspective over the matter. I think that Lovina had been wanting a night to herself, anyways. She was always studying and working so hard, and apparently my 'bastard face' distracted her.

Heh, she was such a grump. Oh well. She wouldn't be so grumpy when I came home later tonight. I hardly expect to hear any complaints from her when I snuggle her close to my chest and teasingly rub my stubble against her cheek. Who knows, maybe we would even have some time for, eheh, sexy adventures. Okay, so maybe the alcohol did make me a bit more horny and needy than usual, but Lovina never seemed to mind because I was just _that good_!

Aw! Now I _really_ wanted to go home! Francis was already speeding away on the streets as it was, but my impatience only seemed to grow as time went on. Most of this was due to my self-inflicted arousal. Don't worry, Lovi! Your sexy kink boss is on his way home! I shook my head in disbelief and grinned to myself. Dios, and I wonder why she calls me a perverted bastard all the time. Ay, but it's not my fault that she's so gorgeous. Any guy would be rushing to go home if it meant kissing those soft, pouting lips of hers. Damnit, Francis! Hurry up already!

Although, I can't say that I regretted going out entirely. Francis and I had had a blast, and besides, it wasn't every day that he was able to leave France. It must have cost a ton of money to fly out here on such short notice! I really ought to repay that favour one day. I know! I can plan a trip to France this Christmas! Yeah, heh, that's a really, really good idea!

Just like going clubbing tonight had turned out to be a really, really good idea too! Um, actually, I don't remember much of anything, but what I do know is that we danced, a lot. It's too bad that we had to leave so soon. Francis had an unfortunate tendency to attract attention from all genders, regardless if they were taken or not. Things had gotten out of hand when a mob of angry, jealous boyfriends decided to form a ring around Francis. We had no choice but to flee from the nightclub after that.

I mean, I could defend myself pretty well, but I don't think that Lovina would appreciate me coming home with a black eye. In fact, she would probably give me another black eye if she found out about how reckless Francis and I had been behaving earlier this evening. Even if he denies it, Francis was clearly drunk, and when he's drunk, what little of a mouth filter that he did have when sober disappears completely. I had pretty much dragged him out of the nightclub. Lord knows what that man would do if he woke up with a bruise or any sort of mark on his face. I'll never understand why he puts so much effort into his appearance, but hey, his grooming habits obviously works for him considering the large number of people that's he's slept with.

I pressed the button to roll open the car window, taking a deep breath when the cool evening air blew into Francis's car. It was a sleek, black Corvette, and I felt so important whenever I looked out and saw people ogle at the sight of it! It was no where near as nice as my convertible, but that's simply a matter of taste!

The fresh air must have had a sobering effect on me because a frightening thought suddenly popped into my head. I turned to look at Francis, and his haggard appearance only confirmed my suspicions. Maybe letting him drive wasn't such a good idea, even though I wouldn't have been that much better of an option. Unlike me, Francis could usually hold down his alcohol, but right now I wasn't so sure. His eyes were blood shot, and it looked like he was trying really hard to keep his eyes on the road. Only when his head began to drift towards the steering wheel did I finally decide to say something.

"Francis, are you sure that you don't want me to drive?"

Francis snorted and pulled one hand off the steering wheel, raking a hand through his blond, shoulder-length curls. He playfully flipped the strands back so that I could have a full view of his glazed over indigo blue eyes, which were currently smelting me with a look of annoyance. Man, that guy had some ego on him! I was only concerned for his well-being! Gosh!

"Mon ami, I'll get you back to your precious Italian soon enough," he smirked.

"W-what?!" I spluttered. "That's not what I meant at all!"

"Ah, but I do know that that was what you were thinking," Francis gestured at the car floor, causing me to furrow my brows in confusion. "You've been bouncing nonstop ever since we left the nightclub."

I gasped, bringing my twitching foot to a standstill. I felt like such a child. "You really are the master of love," I chuckled, surrendering to Francis's freakishly accurate predictions.

"But really," I continued. "If you need to take a rest, I don't mind driving the rest of the way."

Francis shook his head. "Non, non, I'll be fine. We don't have that much longer to go anyways."

I sighed, stretched my arms behind my head and leaned back against my seat's headrest. "It was nice seeing you again. I haven't had fun like this in a long time." The use of the term fun in this context was used extremely generously. Francis nearly getting us murdered by a gang of buffoons wasn't exactly my ideal vision of a fun night out.

Francis raised an arch brow at me. "Is that so? From what you've told me over the phone, it would appear that you've been having _a lot_ of fun lately."

I blushed under Francis's all-knowing gaze. "That's a different type of fun," I pouted. "What I meant to say is that it isn't very often that I get to have a guy's night out. It's very rare that I'm ever able to convince Gilbert to leave his apartment, what with him running his blog and taking care of little Ludwig all the time."

Francis bowed his head in feigned mourning. I was too drunk to point out that this probably wasn't that good of an idea. "Ah, Gilberte. What a hopeless case that boy is. Why he'd rather drink beer at home than dance with les beau filles is beyond me."

I swallowed awkwardly. I didn't dance with any pretty ladies and I still had fun! I just liked to get out of the house every now and then, that's all.

"To be fair, whenever Gil does go out with us, he's usually the one that prevents you from having your face punched in."

Francis brought a hand up to his chest and gasped, and very effeminately at that. Man, Francis should really keep both hands on the wheel. He was driving really dangerously. I should have said something, but I didn't.

"Who, moi? It's not my fault that I'm too attractive for my own good!" he huffed, angrily gritting his teeth together. Oh, yeah. Francis was a pretty emotional drunk. I wasn't dealing with a grown man anymore. He was acting more like a petty, hormonal teenager if you ask me.

"More like arrogant," I snickered. "One day your loud mouth is really going to get you into trouble."

"Then let it! I'm too young to care about such things! Learn to live on the edge a little, Antoine! Since when did you become so nagging and…" Francis took a moment to recall his train of thought. His lips smacked together in concentration. ".. boring?!" he finished.

It appears that I've matured a lot more than Francis over the past year.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. "Your superficiality never fails to amaze me. Heck, you seem more concerned about that wine stain on your shirt than your own life!"

"That's because it's made of Egyptian Cotton! I paid a fortune for this shirt!"

I raised a hand to flick Francis in the forehead. I had to duck to avoid a slap to the face. The car swerved, but Francis recovered pretty quickly.

A minute passed, and since I was feeling a bit more playful than usual, I decided to amp up my shit-disturbing game. It was just like old times. "How much do you want to bet that you have three of that very same shirt stowed away in your closet?"

"Well it's better than having three styles of shirts in total!"

"Oi!" I roared. "I'm just being practical! You could clothe the entire continent of Africa with the size of your wardrobe!" So what if I was picky with my clothes and didn't like to change things up?

"And what a well-dressed continent it would be if I did decide to do that!"

I threw up my hands into the air, thoroughly exasperated. "You're borderline delusional."

A wry smirk crept onto Francis's face. "And you're a love sick puppy who blindly follows after his lover's command!"

"Actually, that's not quite true," I laughed. "When it comes to sex, I'm the real boss!"

Francis scoffed. "Oui, sure you are."

"I really am!" I whined, albeit not convincing Francis otherwise.

"Uh-huh, sure."

"Don't you patronize me, Francis! And don't you stick your tongue out at me like that either! God! I forgot how childish you can be!" With that done and said, I crossed my arms and diverted my attention back to looking out the car window.

Francis, however, wasn't done with teasing me just yet.

"Want to see childish?" he asked.

I wasn't given a chance to answer his question.

Francis popped a finger into his mouth, and when he deemed it wet enough, he then popped it into my ear, digging it in real deep just to piss me off.

"Hey!" I jolted, squirming out of his grasp. "Get off! You're driving, you idiot!"

"Mon Dieu, look! I've made the bull angry! Should I poke at him some more?" Francis spoke to an imaginary audience, but knowing him, he just liked to hear the sound of his own voice.

The last straw for me was when Francis blew his nasty wine breath into my face. The sound of his 'honhonhon' laughter only egged me on further.

"Oh! It's on!" I screamed. I raised my fist, and just when I was about to sack Francis in the balls, the unthinkable happened.

I don't know how, and I don't know why, but the last thing that I saw before the air bag hit my face and knocked me unconscious was bright lights, bright lights and the crumpled, distorted metal of what used to be the front bumper of Francis's Corvette.

…

I slowly stirred into consciousness. The loud wail of sirens, pounding footsteps, and shouts around me filled my ears. I winced at the bright lights despite the fact that my eyes were still closed. I tried to hone in and listen to the surrounding chaos, but I only managed to pick up on small bits and pieces here and there. I was in a state of disorientation and confusion, so nothing made all that much sense to me.

"Quick! prep the gurney!"

"What's his condition? Is there any internal damage?"

"I don't think so, no. There's mostly just bruising on the chest, face, and neck area. We'll want to run some scans to check for signs of a concussion and broken ribs."

"And what about the other passenger?"

"He died on impact. It looks like there may have been alcohol involved."

I shook my head. The rapid shouts around me didn't register quite yet. I groaned and opened my eyes, blinking until they final fluttered into focus. I felt sick to my stomach and my head hurt like a bitch. Ay, why the heck were there so many bright lights anyways?!

I turned my head and spotted several paramedic vehicles stationed along the side of the road. People were running back and forth, making it hard for me to focus on what was happening, as I was still very dizzy. For whatever odd reason, I was lying on the pavement, flat on my back.

I sat up, swaying a little when the blood rushed to my head all at once. I somehow managed to stand up, wobbling closer towards where all the loud commotion was. The fragmented remains of a car lay curled around a metal street pole. Shards of glass, and bits and pieces of all sorts of wires and plastic objects were scattered everywhere.

I covered my ears when the shouting got too loud for me to bear. I was still so confused! What had happened here?! More important than that, what the heck was _I_ doing here?!

I walked over to the destroyed sports car, wincing at the sorry sight of it. The air bag poured out of the broken windows, but judging by the flattened front end of the car, it didn't look like it had saved the passengers inside. What a shame.

I turned on my heels, only to jump back when two paramedics pushing forward a gurney rushed past me. Hello!? Was I invisible or something?! Geez!

And that's when I saw it. The familiar mane of curly brown hair, tanned skin, and the half run-down pair of slacks that had enough holes and tears that would cause any normal person to throw them out…anyone except for me…me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Oh no! Was that me that I was looking at?! What?! Oh no. Oh no. No! No! NO! I didn't look very good. I was pale, my body was limp and motionless.

I tried to move forward and follow after the gurney, but suddenly the air became very heavy, and I couldn't move. It was like one of those dreams where you move in slow motion, and no matter how hard that you try, you always remain in the same spot. Urgh! How frustrating.

I screamed, but my voice was easily drowned out by the shouts of the paramedics and the other first responders. A chuckle to my right caused me to turn around. As in a dream, my train of thought shifted very easily.

Standing behind me was Francis, except it wasn't Francis. The smile on his face wasn't familiar and warm, but rather, it was cold and bitter. This wasn't the Francis that I've known all my life, and something in my gut told me that he wouldn't treat me like the friend I was to him either.

He was dressed in a black silk shirt, grey dress pants, and black slacks. His hair hung at the tips of his shoulders in well-tamed bouncy curls. His face was spick and span from any pesky stubble too. But it was his eyes that really got to me. They were almost…accusatory. I wonder why?

"Francis! Is that you?" I sighed out of relief. "Thank Dios, you're here. Do you have any idea what's going on?"

The fact that my voice had actually carried over all the background noise fly right over my oblivious head. I wasn't thinking straight, and had yet to figure where I was, or what had happened for that matter.

Francis crossed his arms and leered at me, prompting me to shrink back slightly. Did I do something wrong? "Are you fucking kidding me right now? Look around you, Antoine. I know it's hard, but why don't you use your head and think for once in your life?"

"Ay, that's not very nice," I chuckled nervously, raising a hand to rub at the back of my neck. "Really though. I have no idea how I got here."

Francis bit his lip, looked up at the sky, and grunted out of frustration. Wow. I had to take a step back. I've never seen him this mad before. Not even after the time that I had spilled red wine all over white cashmere turtle neck. To be fair, that turtle neck was pretty ugly…

I blinked, clearing my head of these irrelevant thoughts. Damn it, Antonio! Focus! You need to find out what the hell happened!

Francis laughed. It was a laugh that sent chills shooting up my spine, making my blood run cold. This wasn't a jolly, mirthful laugh. Oh no. It was bitter, and just _so_ angry! But why?! I had to know.

"Oh my, the role of the clueless fool really does suite you quite well. I suppose that I'll just be outright with it."

Francis pointed a finger towards a spot on the side of the road. "There, that's what happened. That's what you did. That's what your idiocy caused."

Confused, I followed his finger and spotted three hunched over figures. For whatever reason, my hearing sharpened, and the sound of a zipper could be heard. My eyes widened when I spotted the familiar features of a long, up-turned nose and blond curls. The paramedic zipped up the body bag, and with that, my friend, no, my brother Francis was hidden from the world.

He was dead.

I fell to the ground, the unforgivable weight of faulted destruction hanging over my shoulders. "N-NO!" I choked. "I….I…"

"You could have prevented this!" Francis finished for me. He was seething with anger. "You knew that I was too drunk to drive, and yet, you still chose not to say anything! This is _your_ fault! I'm dead because of you!"

"B-but you said that you were f-fine!"

"Does crashing into a pole seem fine to you? How naïve and stupid can you be?!"

"I-I… don't understand…I…" I sobbed and struggled for air. "T-this isn't what I wanted…"

"TCH! JUST LISTEN TO YOURSELF! DO YOU THINK THAT I WANTED TO DIE?! I HAD MY WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF ME! ALL I HAVE NOW IS THE PEACE OF ROTTING IN MY GRAVE… _ALONE_!"

"STAND UP AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID, ANTOINE!"

I pressed my face into my knees, speaking through gritted teeth. "I c-can't…"

Francis's tall figure loomed over me. I curled inwards on myself, more ashamed than ever before.

"COWARD! YOU KILLED YOU OWN BROTHER! HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?!"

( _I didn't mean to!)_

"MURDERER!"

( _No!)_

"I HATE YOU!"

( _I'm sorry!)_

"YOU MAKE ME SICK!"

 _(Oh God, why?! I should have done something! Why?! Why am I so useless?!)_

I covered both hands over my ears and began to rock back and forth. Francis's cruel words, warped with a righteous amount of ungodly anger, ripped and tore away at every inch of skin on my body, causing me to experience real, physical pain. Tiny cuts and welts opened all over the place. To stifle my scream, I bit my lip, hard enough to the point where blood began to trickle out of my mouth as well.

The sound of the sirens amplified. My screams weren't heard and my pleas weren't answered. It was all too much to take in. Before I knew it, I had blacked out. The pain lingered, however, and no matter how hard that I tried to rationalize and absolve myself from the guilt, deep down I knew that I had in fact played a role in the death of my beloved brother, Francis.

It really was my fault, after all.

….

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" I screamed, jolting awake. I rose from my pillow so quickly that my vision whirred. It took me a moment to focus on my surroundings. I sighed in relief when I realized that I was in my bedroom, safe and sound. Ah, it had only been a nightmare. A horrible one with a cruel combination of real memories and personified guilt, that is.

I shuddered, let out a shaky laugh, and cupped my face with clammy hands. "It was just a dream," I murmured to myself. The realization took a while to set in, but eventually I managed to calm down.

Lovina, who was still half-asleep at this point, shifted positions and angrily turned her back to me. "Go back to bed, dumb fuck. I'm not having anymore sex with you," she growled. I bit my lip, stifling a smile as I placed a hand over her head, smoothing back the hair that had fallen over her face. Her eyes were closed, and yet, her facial expression still managed to be set in a pout. She was grumpy even when she was half asleep. How cute~!

I played with Lovina's hair until she had fallen back asleep, her soft breathing acting as the cue for me to get out of bed and shake off the chills from my nightmare. I padded into the washroom, careful not to make too much noise as I didn't want to wake up Feli either.

I flicked on the lights, my unadjusted eyes wincing from the brightness. I then ran the facet, cupped my hands into a make-shift bowl, and proceeded to splash a few handfuls of cold water onto my face. I felt a chill of wind brush past me. The hairs on the back of my neck stuck up, a feeling of uneasiness settling into the pit of my stomach.

I looked up at the bathroom mirror and screamed. A distorted, bloodied image of Francis stared right back at me. His hair was crusted with blood and his skin was mottled; the complexion sickly and unnaturally pale. The Frenchmen grinned, revealing a set of pink, blood-smeared teeth.

"Did you really think that you could get rid of me that easily?" he chuckled. His voice purred and vibrated in my mind. It was sharp, crude, and loud, so loud in fact that it hurt.

My eyes widened as I completely took in his haggard appearance. Trails of brown, crusted blood was plastered onto the front of Francis's shirt, running from his collar bone all the way down to his torso.

I moved to take a step back, but once again found myself paralyzed with fear.

"What?" Francis mocked in a concerned voice, cocking his head at a terrifyingly unnatural angle. "You have nothing to say to the dear friend you murdered in cold blood?"

"That's not true!"

"THEN WHY DID YOU LET ME DIE?!"

"You're not being fair! I…I didn't crash into that pole! You did!"

My desperate excuses fell on deaf, or rather, dead ears.

"FAIR?!" Francis roared. "Don't you dare utter that wretched word to me as if you own it! You know _nothing_ about fairness! You don't know how it feels to have the entire world wrenched away from you! You have a life to live! I DON'T!"

I bowed my head in shame. "Look at me, Antoine," the voice of what _had_ been my friend hissed at me.

Francis pounded a fist against the mirror, causing a crack to run straight down the middle of it. "If you won't look at me, then I'll just have to show you what you've done! Self-denying brat!"

I sobbed and brought my face to my hands, only to cry out again when I felt something sticky and warm slap against my cheeks. I looked up at the mirror and saw that blood, fresh blood, had been smeared all over my cheeks and nose. I screamed and screamed, and at one point or another, Francis's cackles died out as he disappeared. The only proof of his 'visit' was the webbed crack that he had left in the bathroom mirror.

"Antonio?!" Lovina's worried voice echoed across the upstairs hallway.

"Lovi!" I spluttered, struggling for air as I choked on the spit of my uncontrollable sobs. I coughed and flecks of blood splattered onto the counter. Oh Dios, not me too. I couldn't let my love see me like this.

Unfortunately, I didn't have much time to hide myself. I spotted Lovina stumbling around the corner, nearly tripping over herself as she was wearing night slippers.

Lovina screamed, but for some reason I couldn't hear her. All I could see was her mouth open and close, the words falling short, but her horrified expression doing more to make up for the lack of verbal communication. An invisible forcefield prevented her from entering the washroom.

I cried and reached out for her, while she pounded her fists against the barrier that was separating us from each other. I didn't care that my hands were covered in Francis's blood, or that my mouth was bleeding. All I cared about was reaching Lovina, but no matter how hard that I tried, I couldn't.

" _Monsters like you don't deserve happiness,"_ Francis's voice rang in my head once more. " _Why don't we show your darling Lovina what you truly look like on the inside? Hmmm_?"

My head erupted with pain and I cupped my hands to my face. Lovina's muffled screams did nothing to free me from this agony. After what had felt like hours, the pain subsided. I peeled my blood-crusted hands off my face.

I then looked up to meet Lovina's gaze. When I saw the disgusted look on her face, my heart stopped.

"You're not my Antonio!" she shrieked.

"What?! Of course I am!"

"NO! My Antonio would never do something this fucking reckless to himself!"

What in God's name was she talking about?!

I was so shocked that I stumbled backwards and tripped over _something_ , actually a lot of _things._ It was only then that I realized that I was sitting on top of a pile of empty beer bottles and wine glasses. I tried to sit up, but the weight of Lovina's glare held me in place.

Lovina then turned her back on me. The way that her figure trembled and shook told me that she was crying, which had only prompted me to cry even harder.

"Goodbye."

My protest was silenced when the bathroom door slammed shut. I gasped for air, and quickly sank further and further down into the pile of glass, falling so far that the light of the bathroom was nothing more than a small ball of light. Everything went black, and it was only then that I woke up for good.

This time I knew that I was truly awake. Both Lovina and Francis were gone, and I was all alone. I felt absolutely miserable. My heart, which was still experiencing the after effects of adrenaline, pounded against my rib cage, matching the conflicting orchestra of thoughts that chorused and penetrated through my scrambling mind.

I had all the time in the world to wallow in my own pity. Awake or asleep, I would always be stuck in a nightmare-like state. I hadn't just lost Francis and Lovina, because somewhere along the line, I had also lost myself in the midst of this circular path of self-inflicted destruction.


	9. Keeping Growing on Me, Bastard

**Keep Growing on Me, Bastard:**

The past three days were mostly spent in silence. It was the weekend, which meant that Feli was home with me. She may be young, but she certainly wasn't stupid. Feli knew that something was wrong with me. Cuddling with her and watching movies was my how I coped with Antonio and I's break-up. Somehow in between that time, Feli had figured out that whatever was making me sad had something to do with Antonio. She only had to ask me one time to know not to go there ever again. My reaction had said it all. I was heartbroken and devastated. My whole world had been taken away by the one person who had given it all to me. Alcohol had ruined this family once more.

Feli didn't smile or giggle as much anymore. She walked around the apartment with a permanent frown on her face, her shoulders hunched over from an emotional burden that no girl her age should ever have to deal with. I tried my best to cheer her up by making all her favourite food dishes, but nothing would make her happy unless I was happy myself. Feli had absorbed and internalized my grief, and it absolutely killed me to watch her naivety be swept away like that. She was a kid, for fuck's sake. She had every right and entitlement to a proper, worry-free childhood. It saddened me to know that by letting Antonio into our lives again, I had played a part in spoiling her optimistic view of life.

Feli closed herself off in reciprocation to my actions. I had turned off my phone, refusing to go outside the apartment. Today, the silence had become too much for Feli. The poor little thing had been holed up in her room all day long. Last time I had checked she was napping. I decided that it was best to leave her be. I would have my chance at dinner to try and lift her spirits again.

As of now, I would just have to drown out my feelings by watching some TV. I was lying sprawled out across the couch, a remote in one hand, and a cup of warm tea in the other. Despite it being summer, a wave of cold weather was currently in swing, matching the solemnity of my mood all too perfectly. Every time I looked out the window the pouring rain caused tears to well at the corners of my eyes. I can only imagine how horrible Antonio was feeling right now. He was so emotionally dependent on me that his entire being must have been shattered when I left him. I can still picture the strain on his face, the wetness of his cheeks, and the shaking of his lips as I lied and told him that I didn't love him anymore. I had discarded him from my life once more, and yet, he was still here with me, his kind smile haunting my thoughts and his annoying, goofy laugh incessantly playing over and over again in my head.

I was stuck in a cycle of repeat. I would think about Antonio, get angry, attempt to distract myself, fail miserably, and then somehow end up thinking about that bastard again. I was worried about him, but I knew that I had to think of Feli and myself first. If Antonio wasn't going to commit himself to staying sober, then I wouldn't commit myself to staying with him. It was as simple as that. He knew what my expectations were when I had decided to give him a second chance. It was his fault that I had left him.

But, deep down, I still felt an inexplicable amount of guilt as well. A small part of me believed that I could have done something more to prevent this. That I should have known and recognized the pain that Antonio was hiding from me. Being oblivious to Antonio's struggles was such a shitty feeling. I was mad at myself for letting him go before I had even realized that he was slipping away from me in the first place.

And now, I had broken off all ties with him. I was starting over before I had even been given a chance to reconcile and heal properly. I was broken and estranged. Nothing made sense and nothing felt right without having him by my side. But if having him by my side potentialized future pain and fights, I couldn't possibly let myself side with my emotions. I had my life, Feli's life, and our safety and stability to think about. Alcohol would never fit into that equation and I wouldn't ever let it. What I would let in was Antonio, and even now, I'm not even sure if I could bring myself to do that again.

I scowled and flipped through what had felt like hundreds of different channels. My eyes blankly looked at the screen, but nothing remotely interesting peaked my curiosity. I frequently lost myself in my thoughts, only to snap back into focus and aggressively slap the TV remote in frustration.

I had just begun watching a lame soap opera when someone knocked on my front door. I couldn't be bothered to answer it. I was hoping that after several knocks they would take the hint and leave. Of course, with my luck, that didn't happen.

The person knocked again, this time much louder. I know knew that this couldn't possibly be Antonio… not that I wanted it to be him or anything. Regardless, the person waiting at the door was clearly very impatient in nature.

I cussed under my breath and stood up from the couch. I didn't want Feli to wake up from her nap quite yet. I still had tear stains on my cheeks, and she didn't need to see that.

I must have been too slow to answer the door because the person knocked again. "Lovina! I know you're in there, so you better open up and let the awesome me in!"

I stifled a groan at the sound of Gilbert's raspy voice. I padded over to the front room, unlocked the chain, and opened the door by a slight crack. I then poked my head around the door, only to come face to face with a pair of ruby red eyes. "What the fuck do you want?" I growled.

Gilbert sighed, lifting his arm to rake a hand through his dishevelled white hair. "Let me in and I'll tell you."

 **SLAM!**

I closed the door, only to open it again when Gilbert loudly pounded his knuckles against the wood. "I don't want to hear what Antonio has to say. Quite playing messenger and just leave me be!" I snapped.

"I'm not playing messenger. I came here on my own free will."

I faltered. Gilbert took this as his chance to press further. "Do you think that you can let me in now?"

No answer.

"Lovina…please?"

I felt a horrible pang settle in the pit of my stomach. Gilbert never said please. Something really bad must have happened. I opened the door and stepped to the side. "Fine," I relented. "Just try to keep it down. Feli's sleeping."

Gilbert nodded his assent and stepped into the front room. I rolled my eyes at his punk-like attire. He was wearing ripped acid wash skinny jeans, a black graphic Metallica t-shirt, and bright white converse. The chains hooked to his pants jingled as he paced around. He nervously rubbed a hand against the back of his neck as I shut the door.

I furrowed my brows when I noticed the worried expression on his face. I inhaled sharply, causing him to look up at me, a shy grimace playing onto his thin lips. "I think you know why I came here," he said with a heavy voice.

My eyes burned and I swallowed deeply. "I don't want anything to do with him. He's broken his promises to me one too many times."

Gilbert bit his lip, his facial expression conflicted. "I know, sweetheart. I don't blame you."

"Then why the fuck did you come here?" I sniffed, crossing my arms.

"Because I've never seen Antonio this devastated before. I've tried everything, but there's no helping him. He's utterly helpless without you, Lovina. It's like he's dead inside. I just don't know what to do anymore."

I looked at the ground, blinking away the tears from my eyes. "What about me, huh? You don't think that I'm affected by this too?"

Gilbert shook his head, taking a step towards me. "You're such a silly girl. I came here for both of you. I mean, someone had to do something because you two certainly weren't."

"That still doesn't answer my question," I huffed.

"Ah! But you already answered your own question!" Gilbert smiled. I gave him a blank look while he continued to blabber on like the egotistical moron that he was. "The fact that I can see you holding back tears as we speak is my answer. I suppose that the awesome me will now grant you with a hug."

"D-don't you touch me, you stupid fucking p-potato!" I protested but to no avail.

Before I knew it, Gilbert had pulled me into a hug. It wasn't long before my frustration got the best of me. I cried into Gilbert's shoulder as he rubbed my back. "That's right, let it all out. Oi, but watch the chain. Your tears are going to cause the metal to rust."

That's Gilbert for you. Even when he was being sweet he was still somewhat of an asshole.

"I'm just so sick of it!" I croaked, ignoring his previous comment. "He said that he was better and he wasn't! H-he lied to me!"

"He didn't know what else to do. If he would have told you that he was drinking again, would you have left him?"

"Probably," I sniffed.

"Do you at least see where's he's coming from? I'm not condoning what he did. Toni needs help, there's no question about that. It's just…he needs you. You guys are both so miserable without each other. It sucks to watch the two people who I care about most tear themselves apart."

"What am I supposed to do then? Go back to him and pretend like his drinking problem doesn't exist?"

"Nein, of course not. But letting everything end without talking things through certainly isn't a viable option either."

I pulled away from the hug. Gilbert raised a hand to wipe at my tears. "I'm scared," I whispered. "I've let him into my heart countless times and all he ever does is break it. I don't know how much more I can take."

"Look, I'm not telling you to do anything. Do what you think is best for you. All I ask is that you at least consider talking to him. He's been moping around his apartment like a lovesick puppy all weekend long! He hasn't even bothered to get up from the couch."

Gilbert gave me a quick onceover, noticing my languid response to this information. It was then that he decided to dig deeper. "He hasn't eaten much either, you know."

"WHAT?!" I spluttered, immediately cupping a hand over my mouth. Feli began to stir in her bedroom.

"That idiot!" I seethed in a harsh whisper. "Is it really _that_ hard for the bastard to take care of himself without me?!"

I raked a hand through my hair while Gilbert took several steps back, giving me a large enough space to kick out my anger. Several shoes were punted against the wall. Thankfully, Feli didn't wake up from all the noise that this had caused. "I hate him!" I hissed. "I hate him so fucking much!"

Gilbert smirked, already knowing that he had done his job in rousing my concern. He knew full well that I wouldn't let Antonio waste away; my conscience was far too big to let that happen.

"So, what are you going to do now? Er, other than kick shoe missiles at my shin," Gilbert chuckled as he sidestepped out of the way of yet another airbourn combat boot.

"Hell if I know!" I groaned. "I _want_ to go to him," Gilbert grinned, and I paused to correct myself. "B-but only so I can beat him up of c-course!"

"Ja. Suuuuuuure," Gilbert chuckled.

"Shut the hell up and stop patronizing me and just let me think straight, damn it!"

"That's a lot of and's for one sentence."

"I thought I told you to shut up!" I roared.

Gilbert held up his hands in surrender. "By all means, consider to have an existential crisis while I stand here and film this for my blog."

I slapped the camera out of Gilbert's eager hands before he had the chance to follow through with that promise.

"Oi! You almost cracked the lens!"

The albino's words fell on deaf ears. I was too busy fuming over a series of conflicting thoughts. I wracked my brain for a solution, but was far too worked up to think of anything remotely rational.

"Argh! I don't know what to do! I can't leave Feli on her own! But I also can't let that dumbass starve himself to death either!"

"I could watch Feli for you," Gilbert offered.

"I'd rather not sacrifice my sister to the devil," I snorted.

"I'm a parent too, you know!"

"Well it certainly doesn't look like it! Liza raises Ludwig far more than your sorry ass does!"

"Says the girl who ditches her little sister to have steamy hot make-up sex!"

My retort fell short when someone softly knocked on my front door.

"What the hell?" I mumbled under my breath, reaching over to open the door.

Amelia's twin sister was standing outside in the hallway, her hands clasped together in a shy manner. Her long, blonde ringlets fell into her face, effectively hiding her rosy, blushing cheeks. "Um, hello," she mumbled. "Forgive me for eavesdropping, but I overheard that you needed a babysitter?"

"Yeah," I cocked my head to the side. "What about it?"

"I have lots of experience watching over small children. I'd be happy to babysit her if you'd like me to."

Gilbert awkwardly cleared his throat from behind me. "H-hey, Maddie! What brings you here?"

Maddie demurely tucked a blonde curl behind her ear. "Oh! Hello Gilbert. I didn't see you there, eh? Anyways, Amelia was supposed to meet me for lunch today, but it appears that she's completely forgotten about it," she trailed off with a disgusted look on her face.

All three of us winced at the sound of Amelia's moan. "Oh Artie~! You're my Hero!"

"Say it! Say it, damn you!" Arthur grunted.

"I...I..."

"You bloody what?!"

I grabbed Maddie's wrist and pulled her into my apartment. "I don't want to know 'bloody what'," I scowled, swinging the door shut with a slam.

Maddie gave me a grateful look before turning to meet Gilbert's disgruntled gaze. The albino was blushing from head to toe. He was currently suffering from hot and bothered syndrome. Che! Looks like I would have no other choice but to leave them now. The hopelessness of Gilbert's romantic attraction to Maddie was beginning to become too stifling to handle.

I shook my head in disbelief, placing a gentle hand onto Maddie's shoulder. "I won't be gone for long. Make sure that this one," I jabbed at a finger at a blank-looking Gilbert's forehead. "Behaves. If Feli wakes up, she's only allowed to have a light snack. Keep a close eye on her because she will try to sneak into the kitchen behind your back," I warned.

Maddie giggled while Gilbert swallowed, looking as if he had just shit a brick. It's funny how silent he became in the face of someone he had a crush on. The alleged player was currently being played by his own lack of balls. "Not a problem," Maddie smiled. "I'll make sure to take good care of _them_."

I grinned right back. This girl and I obviously shared a similar sense of humour. "Alright then. See you guys soon."

I grabbed a red hoodie from a nearby coat rack, slipping it over my shoulders. I looked over my shoulders one last time to see if Gilbert had any last words of advice for me. Honestly, I don't know why I ever placed any faith in that pasty fuck nugget.

It goes to say that Gilbert was too busy wooing Maddie with his idiocy to pay any attention to me. I sighed, opened the front door, and stormed out of the apartment, all the while covering my ears "God have mercy on the girl for having to deal with that jackass," I muttered under my breath.

Back in the apartment, Gilbert smiled, albeit strained and very creepily. "So…do you like birds?"

Maddie justifiably kept her distance from Gilbert after that.

…

I ran as fast as I could over to Antonio's apartment, and now that I was there, I felt terrified all over again. I don't know what was worse: the fact that I lied about leaving or the fact that he lied to me about his drinking. I hated being drawn into his problems, but my heart couldn't bear the thought of leaving Antonio to wither away with grief. I mean, if Gilbert was worried about that bastard, who knows what I'll think when I see him.

The only way to go about this was to not keep my hopes up. This visit was solely to make sure that he was taking care of himself properly. If he wasn't, well, we'd get there when get there. I wasn't thinking too far ahead at this point. I was more concerned with keeping my feelings at bay. It was my love for him that brought me here, sure, but that didn't mean that I was obligated to stay. Like Gilbert had said before, it was better to assess things for myself before I made the decision that could either make or break our relationship.

I inserted the key into the padlock, twisting the handle to open the door. I blinked spots out of my vision when I realized that the entire apartment was absent of any lighting. Despite it being early in the afternoon, the dark clouds outside caused the lighting to be much poorer than usual.

I slipped off my shoes, only to falter when Antonio screamed from somewhere upstairs. The tone was malicious and bitter enough to send chills running up and down my spine. "FUCK OFF, GILBERT! I'M NOT IN THE MOOD RIGHT NOW!"

Not knowing what to do, I opened the front door and closed it, hoping that this would fool Antonio into thinking that 'Gilbert' had left. Hopefully, this had calmed him down well. It made me feel ashamed to admit this, but I was still somewhat scared of Antonio's temper. I could only hope and pray to God that he hadn't had anything to drink. I refused to deal with him if he was drunk. Only bad things happened whenever he was under the influence, and I had no interest in testing my luck. Many times before, he had come close to hurting me during the course of these fits.

I tiptoed upstairs, wincing and pausing every time that the staircase creaked. Antonio didn't yell or scream, giving me the courage to climb up the last few stairs. I looked around the upstairs hallway, cocking my head to the side when I heard a stifled cough to the left. I followed the sound, walking over to the upstairs lounge, where I found Antonio sitting on the couch by the window.

I choked a little when I saw the poor state that he was in. He was huddled up in a bundle of blankets, blank and puffy-eyed, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. His handsome tan was unnaturally pale, all the way down to his tightly drawn lips. He was hugging his knees as he listlessly mumbled to himself. "Monster, I'm a monster. I'm not her Antonio. It's all my fault. My fault. My fault…"

I took a step forward, accidently causing the wooden floor board underneath my foot to creak. Antonio's eyes flickered in my direction, only to widen exponentially when he spotted me standing there, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. The Spaniard chuckled darkly. "Francis, you sly bastard," he spat. "Is this another one of your mind games?"

Antonio then craned his neck to look at me. "I'm not your Antonio."

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" I spluttered.

The fog over Antonio's eyes lifted, making me realize that he had just been experiencing a mental break. It didn't happen very often, but sometimes Antonio's mind slipped back into the past. The nightmares he suffered from were so terrible and real that he had learned to become distrustful of his own reality.

"L-Lovi?" he asked, his lips parting and trembling with uncertainty.

Tears sprang in my eyes as I heavily sat down next to him on the couch. "I fucking hate you, you know that?" I sniffed.

The hopeful expression on Antonio's face fell. I draped an arm over his hunched shoulders, reassuring him that I was right there with him. The back of his neck was warm and clammy, as with the rest of his body. "What are you doing to yourself, Antonio?" I croaked. "Do you really want to continue living like this? Fuck! You're paler than that albino bastard."

Antonio leaned into my touch, resting his right cheek against my collar bone. I hugged him tighter, holding the back of his head with my left hand. We were both shaking and sobbing at this point. "Of c-course I don't," Antonio whispered in a cracked voice. "I never meant to hurt you like that. Ever. But that's all that I end up doing. Hurting people and isolating myself in loneliness."

I tucked my chin over his head. "Well, you're not lonely now, that's for sure. Thanks by the way."

"For what?"

"For being a bastard and inevitably making me care about you so much."

Antonio smiled faintly. "Must be the sex," he remarked, albeit _very_ inappropriately.

I glared and grabbed a fistful of his damp, chocolate brown curls. "Now is so not the time to be joking," I growled.

"Ay!" he cried out. I let go of his hair when he fell silent again.

Antonio wrapped his arm around my waist, letting out a shuddering breath. He was gripping onto me very tightly, so much so that I could hardly breathe. "Si, you're right. I just want to hug my Lovi right now and never move again."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You're going to have to move eventually."

"Not if I don't let you."

"Antonio!" I cried out in defeat. "Stop. I'm being serious."

Antonio lowered his head so that it fell onto my lap. I continued to rub his shoulders and rake my fingers through his hair. His joking was only out of nervousness. He was trying to avoid the much larger and much more serious topic at hand. I felt like I was dealing with a child. My lover was at an extremely vulnerable point in his life right now. It felt wrong just to leave him like this.

Antonio sighed and grabbed my hand, placing a kiss onto the back of it. "Say what you have to say. I deserve it."

"You're an idiot."

"I know."

"And a liar."

"I know."

"But I still love you."

"And that's what worries me," Antonio murmured. "Why are you here, Lovi? You deserve better than this. You deserve someone who isn't me…"

"You moron," I groaned, gritting my teeth together to prevent more tears from spilling down my face. "I deserve a choice over the matter, don't I? And as much as I hate feeling this way, I've gone through too much to give up on you now. Don't get me wrong, I'm still furious at you for what you've done. It'll be a long time before I can learn to forgive you again, but that doesn't mean that I can't help you."

I choked for words. "I can't just leave you like this, damn it! It'd make everything that we've worked towards over the past few months completely useless!"

"You place too much faith in me."

I bit down on my anger. "You care about me, right?" I asked.

Antonio wrapped an arm around my waist. "Unequivocally."

I grabbed Antonio's stubble-covered chin, turning his head so that he was looking me directly in the eyes. "Then, if you promise to stop drinking, and I mean _really_ promise, I'll be right here with you; the whole step of the way. I think it's already been established that I'm just as reckless and stupid as you are. Might as well keep the trend going," I grumbled, shyly looking down when Antonio pressed a kiss to my stomach. His chest began to shake with sobs again.

"Te amo, Lovi. I'm so very sorry that you have to put up with me like this."

"Shhh," I soothed, bending down to press a kiss on top of his head. "Everything's alright. We'll get through this together. I promise."

Antonio squeezed his eyes shut and let out a stifled grunt. It broke my heart all-over again to see him hold back like this. "I-I…just hate how weak I am!"

"Let it out, bastard. Let it out," I whispered, my throat aching.

Antonio buried his nose deep into my shirt. "F-fuck! I'm done! I don't want to do this anymore! I hate seeing you cry because of me. I c-can't stand it!"

Antonio cried and cried, occasionally punching the couch out of frustration. I simply sat there, silently listening to him as I stroked his hair and repeatedly kissed his cheeks, his nose, his forehead; everywhere. We held each other close, our minds set on not repeating the past again. Without the need for words, we only had to look at each other to agree that we would talk about our problems from now on. Antonio wouldn't keep things from me, and I wouldn't avoid him the moment that a problem arose. From now on, we would establish open, forthright, and honest communication between the both of us. This was the only way that we could move forward and achieve relationship stability in the long run.

We sat there for close to an hour before Antonio sat up, unwrapping the blanket from his torso. He then stood up from the couch, wobbling a little from dizziness. He was wearing a black long-sleeved night shirt and matching sweatpants, which judging by the wrinkles, he must have been wearing for the past few days.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going?" I growled, standing up as well. He didn't look very stable, and I had enough to worry about him as it was.

Antonio smiled, grabbed my wrist, and without so much of a blink the eye, the bastard was dragging me downstairs. "I want to show you something!" he exclaimed, inexplicably excited for whatever stupid reason his brilliant mind had concocted.

I nearly tripped over my feet several times. Antonio, however, had such a determined look on his face that I didn't even bother to question him. He eventually led me into the kitchen, letting go of my hand so that he could pull several wine bottles out of the pantry. It infuriated me to see how much alcohol he'd been hiding from me, but I didn't get much of chance to cuss him out for it.

I furrowed my brows. "What are you-?"

 **CRASH!**

Red wine splashed against the ground and shards of green glass scattered before our feet. My eyes widened in surprise when Antonio shed me with a devilish smirk. "Go on," he encouraged, handing me my own wine bottle. "Smash it. You know you want to."

"What for?" I asked, grinning as I already knew the answer.

Antonio returned my grin. "This is a big 'fuck you' to the one thing that's been tearing us apart from each other. I refuse to let alcohol ruin our lives for any longer!"

 **CRASH!**

Antonio batted his lashes at me. "Care to join me?" he mused.

I raised the wine bottle to the air. "Fuck yeah!" I cackled as I joined in on the smashing party. It was a great stress reliever, but more than that, it also played a role in strengthening the bond that I shared with Antonio. This act was a demonstration of his commitment to part ways with the omens of his past. I still wasn't sure about what the future held for us. For now, I would just live in the moment and enjoy myself for the time being.

Several bottles were smashed until we finally came across the very last one. I grabbed said bottle and held it up to the air. "Together?" I proposed with a sly smirk.

Antonio nodded his head, bending down to give me a passionate, heartfelt kiss before he pulled away and grabbed onto the wine bottle as well. "Together," he promised, his eyes twinkling with a new burst of hope.

 **CRASH!**

…

After cleaning up the mess of the broken wine bottles, I had just about forced Antonio into taking a shower. He didn't smell very good to the say the least.

While Antonio took his shower, I had called Gilbert to inform him that I wouldn't be coming home for another few hours. Antonio wasn't in a good enough emotional state for me to leave him so abruptly. That itself was evident by the amount of times that he had called out to me from the bathroom, trying to reassure himself that I hadn't left.

It would take a lot of patience, but I still had to treat him with an extra amount of care. We hadn't worked out our issues fully, which meant that he was still worried about the possibility of us having a fall out again. Once he got out of the shower, however, we would have a good, long talk. Establishing boundaries and setting rules was the first step of many that would help Antonio recover from his depression and alcohol abuse.

I knew him well enough to know that his guilt was the primary stressor of his drinking, and if we could find a way of getting him to open up and talk about his grief, healing would be sure to follow. I was willing to try anything that would keep him out of rehab. He didn't say much about his experience in there, but the pained look in his eyes whenever I had brought it up before told me everything that I needed to know. And although I couldn't rule out that option entirely, I would try my best to comply with his wishes so long as he demonstrated a strong commitment to getting better.

I paced around the kitchen, furrowing my brows as I contemplated over what to make for dinner. The bastard hadn't had that much to eat over the past few days, and damn it all if I was just going to stand there and let him wither away. I opened the fridge and peered inside, only to scoff in disdain. Stacks of Chinese take-out containers had taken up most of the fridge space.

I groaned and still nonetheless began to pull out the food containers from the fridge anyways. At least Gilbert had tried to feed the bastard, I'll give him that. Soon afterwards, I was making plates for the both of us. It was a bit of relief to know that I didn't have to cook. It wasn't like me to choose take-out over a home-cooked meal, but I was far too tired to care at this point.

I peeled open a white styrofoam package, that of which contained several chicken balls and a packet of plum sauce. I don't know why, but the smell of the meat suddenly made me feel nauseous. My face paled.

"Shit," I muttered in realization.

I opened the trash can just in time to vomit straight into it. I hovered above the trash can for a solid five minutes, heaving and heaving until my stomach had nothing left to churn. I gagged one last time before standing up straight, wiping at my mouth with the back of my hand.

Antonio opened the bathroom door. "Lovina?" he called out, his voice shaking with uncertainty. "What was that? Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine!" I croaked. "Go back to 'loofahing' your balls or whatever the fuck you guys do in the shower."

The sound of Antonio's muffled 'fusoso' laughter could be heard as he closed the bathroom door again.

I leaned against the counter and felt dizzy all over again.

Whatever had just happened, I was not in fact ' _fine'._


	10. A Bastardly Addition

**A Bastardly Addition:**

It's been two weeks since Antonio and I have gone to counseling together. After our fight, counseling seemed like the only option. It was there that I learned more about his condition. I learned that my understanding of alcoholism was woefully misinformed. He had something called alcohol use disorder, a condition that merged traditional alcoholism and alcohol dependence. And since we had never talked about his experiences in rehab, as I had been terrified of potentially triggering his old habits again, this was all new information to me.

Antonio drank to cope, and had a strong psychological dependence on alcohol. He had a lot of anxiety that I had never known about. I had always thought that he had at least some control over his drinking habits. Turns out that after one drink, the control disappears. It's a slippery slope of one drink after the other. Antonio was naïve to think that he could control his drinking, but I was just as naïve for believing this as well. Antonio had an addictive personality, and would probably never be able to drink again. Now combine the PTSD caused by Francis' death and you end up with a giant mess of emotions.

My job as his partner was to reduce the number of stressors in his life. Turns out that me leaving him was potentially his biggest stressor. Well, me and his parents both. Antonio wouldn't be cutting off his ties with his family immediately, but until he got better, their communication with each other would be very limited.

Nothing much could be done about Francis's family either. Even though it was wrong for them to do so, Antonio was still banned from visiting his grave. Antonio's coping would have to be done far away from the main source of his guilt, unfortunately.

It was also recommended that Antonio and I eventually moved in together again. That way someone would always be there to look after him. You can only guess that I was skeptical about this suggestion, as I always put Feli first in my mind. That little girl deserved to grow up in a healthy environment, and until Antonio was healthy, we wouldn't be moving in with him anytime soon.

Predictably, said bastard had used this suggestion as his excuse to follow after me like a lost puppy everywhere that I went, including work. Today Yao just so happened to be out on a business trip, and so, Antonio was very easily able to sneak himself into the dining room. Oh well, I can't say that I was mad about this. Now I had a ride home as opposed to bussing. We would also be picking up Feli and Ludwig together, which always proved to be fun.

The older dining residents, more specially the women, were all ogling at Antonio and his 'good looks.' Antonio thrived under their attention and sent winks whenever he caught those old bats looking at him. Tch! He was such a moron.

What made Antonio even more of a moron was that he was trying to get Romulus, aka, 'Grandpa Roma' to like him. Apparently, the old fart believed that he had every entitled right to give his blessing to whomever I decided to date. He wasn't even related to me, for fuck's sake. We've only known each other for a little over a year.

I entered the dining room, rolling my eyes when I spotted Antonio kissing Romulus's ass, or rather, his foot. He was currently bent over, polishing Romulus's shoes with a vinegar-soaked napkin.

"How's that, Mr. Romulus, sir?"

Romulus leaned back into his chair, a devious smirk on his face. The ex-Mafiaso was wearing an outfit that was extravagantly douchey as always. It consisted of a red polo shirt and tan golfing pants. Ha, as if that fucker ever moved without the promise of food.

"Keep rubbing, boy. I want this shoe to gleam brighter than that pearly white smile of yours."

"Romulus," I scowled. "Stop taking advantage of my boyfriend. He's not a dog."

Romulus shrugged.

A group of elderly women gasped, bending over to whisper and gossip, but since they were all half-deaf, they were really just shouting at each other.

"That handsome young fellow can't possibly be dating a witch like that!"

"Preposterous!"

I whipped my head to the right. "Alice, honey," I patronized with a glare. "You forgot to turn on your hearing aid again. Oh, and those scones aren't low fat. I lied."

Satisfied with the series of shrilly screams that had erupted on the other end of the dining room, I made my way over to Romulus's table, pulling up a seat.

Antonio was still polishing Romulus's shoe as he turned to shed me with his characteristic dopey grin.

"Hola Lovi~!" He chirped. "You're looking muy beautiful today!"

"You literally just saw me half an hour ago," I deadpanned.

 _Stop being so fucking cute, damn it._

I then shifted my glare to Romulus, jabbing an index finger at his all too smug face.

"Oi! Where do you go off thinking that you can use him as your slave?!"

Antonio shrugged. "It's fine, really. I don't mind~!"

"It's not fine!" I snapped. "Did you actually think that he was going to give you his blessing? The old bastard only wants me for himself."

Romulus pouted. "I'm like the father that you never had. Is it really so bad that I want to spoil my little bambina?"

"Screw off!" I hissed.

Antonio looked up at Romulus, setting down his polishing napkin. "Is this true?" he asked the older man. "Do you really think that you can keep _my_ Lovi to yourself?"

 _Oh God. There goes his possessive side again._

"Of course I do!" Romulus barked. "Where were you all this time, huh?! I helped this girl go through hell and back!"

"So did I!" Antonio fumed, standing up from the ground. He rolled down the sleeves of his black dress shirt, his green eyes narrowing with a competitive glare. "I love Lovina with all my heart! I'm trying my very best right now to work things through with her!"

Romulus rolled his eyes. "Will you sit down and at least _try_ to act civilized? Dear me, Lovina. This boy has no respect," he tutted.

"That's rich coming from you," I snorted. This man had a record of harassing other waiters into bringing him more food. I was the only person in our work staff who had the balls to handle his hissy fits.

"No respect?! I just polished your shoes for forty-five minutes!" Antonio huffed, walking over to the empty seat resting between Romulus and I.

"Tsk! Tsk! Judging by the lack of callouses on your fingers, you probably haven't worked a day in your life," Romulus mused.

Antonio was buying right into Romulus's mind fuck.

"I'll have you know that I was senior executive at a very successful-AY!" Antonio cried out when Romulus swiped the chair from underneath his feet.

I burst out laughing, while Antonio rubbed his sore bottom, glaring up at Romulus's leering expression. "That was a dirty trick," he seethed, standing up to sit on the other side of me.

"It takes a player to know one," Romulus hummed.

"C'mere, you big baby," I cooed, pulling Antonio in for a kiss, much to Romulus's horror.

Romulus slapped a fist against the table. "Hey! Break it up you two!" he fumed. "I haven't given you my blessing yet!"

I pulled away from Antonio, turning to smirk at Romulus. "Blessing or not, this bastard never gives up."

"That's right~!" Antonio beamed.

"Che!" Romulus growled. "Tell me, boy. What do you have to offer to Lovina?"

"Hmmmm. Let's see," Antonio began to count on his fingers. "Love, money, good sex, and good looks."

I blushed furiously. Did he always have to be so open about everything?!

"Are you trying to say that I'm not good looking?!" Romulus snapped, thankfully disregarding the more personal information that Antonio's oblivious mouth had just leaked. This was probably only because of his big ego, but hey, you don't see me complaining.

"Well those frown lines certainly aren't doing you any favors," Antonio teased, draping a casual arm over my shoulders, only to shrink back when I spared him with a look cold enough to kill. Just like me, he too liked to dabble in the art of shit-disturbing. The difference was that only I could get away with it. Why? Because I said so!

Romulus crossed his arms, looking thoroughly displeased with me. _"Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this cocky piece of shit?_ " he asked me in Italian.

I furrowed my brows. " _I don't know. But I do love him very much. Feli adores him too."_

" _What about his drinking habits_?"

"What are the heck are you guys saying?!" Antonio spluttered.

"Can it, bastardo," Romulus and I both snarled.

" _Like he said, we're in the process of working through our problems,"_ I answered.

" _Keh, I still don't like him,"_ Romulus grunted.

" _You say that because you're not the only one who can spoil me with presents now_."

" _And what's so bad about that_?" Romulus chuckled. " _I've watched you grow so much in the past year. I only want the best for you."_

I sniffed, feeling my eyes burn. " _Stop, you're going to make me cry, you old fart."_

"WHY ARE YOU MAKING MY LOVI CRY?!" Antonio roared.

"I THOUGHT WE TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!" Romulus and I shouted, in perfect synchronization once more.

Antonio's shoulders hunched in on themselves further.

" _My, my I've never seen you show this much emotion before. Well, other than anger. You must really like this boy."_

 _"I do,"_ I giggled. Antonio fussed over me like a mother hen and began to dab at the tears streaking down my face with a handkerchief.

Romulus reached over the table to grab my hand, squeezing it gently. _"Oh fine. I'll give you my blessing on one condition."_

" _And what makes you think that I need your blessing?"_ I smirked.

" _Just this once will you let me pretend that you're my child_?" Romulus sighed.

I nodded, grinning from ear to ear.

 _"I'd like to be the God father of your children."_

" _You're already Feli's God Father_ ," I sighed. " _I don't see why not_."

" _Thank you, bambina. You make an old man like me very happy."_

" _Oi! That doesn't mean that I'll be popping out babies anytime soon!"_

Romulus switched back to English. "Good. You're too young for that anyways."

"Too young for what?!" Antonio asked.

"Nothing," I sighed, teasingly poking him in the rib cage. "Eat something, bastard. You've been too busy staring at me all day."

Romulus rolled his eyes, picking at his cold spaghetti with a fork. I should probably heat that up for him, but then again, I couldn't be bothered to get up. I never said that I was a good employee, you know.

Antonio smiled, opening the wrapping of the sandwich that I had snagged from the kitchen for him. I felt my face pale when the smell of chicken reached my nostrils. I turned around, biting my lip to prevent myself from gagging.

Antonio placed a hand on my back, his brows furrowing with concern. "Lovina?" he asked. "What's wrong, mi amor?"

"N-Nothing," I stuttered, bringing a napkin to my face. I could already feel the bile rising in my throat.

"I forgot to bring an extra set of cutlery. Excuse me!" I stood up, trying to keep my calm as I sprint-walked across the dining room.

Romulus and Antonio called after me in worry, but I was only focused on reaching a toilet.

I rushed into the nearest bathroom, ignoring the concerned looks of my coworkers. I had a hand cupped over my mouth as I kicked open a stall, kneeling down to puke into the toilet. I retched for what had felt like an hour, shuddering and feeling miserably dizzy.

I'd like to say that this was just an odd incident. That perhaps I had eaten something that was expired. But deep down, I knew that this wasn't true. I had been waking up dizzy almost every morning for the past two weeks. I hadn't thrown up every time, but my appetite wasn't nearly as big as it usually was.

My blood ran cold, while my mind burned with terrifying thoughts. The world spun faster, but this time it wasn't just from dizziness. It was from fear as well. The only thing that would settle this once and for all was a trip to the drug store.

…

"No…" I murmured to myself, shaking my head in disbelief. "This can't be happening."

I slammed the toilet seat shut, discarding the plastic wand into the trashcan. I then let my forehead bang against the toilet seat, my shoulders shaking with uncontrollable fits of sobs.

After the incident at work, I had told Antonio that I wasn't feeling well and that all I wanted was to go home and sleep. That was a blatant lie, obviously, but Antonio was still gullible enough to believe it. He stayed back to pick up Feli from daycare, whereas I had gone straight to the drugstore.

It was only now, in the middle of the night, that I set out to put an end to my suspicions. Antonio wasn't sleeping over tonight because I was 'sick' and needed rest. In other words, he didn't want to be a bother. Normally, I would have protested to this, but today was the one day that I did in fact want to be left alone. Feli was fast asleep, so there was absolutely nothing stopping me from bawling my eyes out.

My sobbing, unfortunately, must have been loud enough to wake up Feli.

Feli softly knocked on the bathroom door.

"Sorella?" Feli yawned.

I rubbed at my eyes, wiping away any remnants of tears on my face.

"F-Feli?" I croaked. "What are you doing up so late, sweetie?"

Feli took one look at me, and it wasn't long before she was hugging my waist. It was unbelievable how intuitive she was. "Don't be sad," she whispered. "You have me and Antonio, right?"

I tucked my chin over her head, hugging her back just as tightly. "I'm not feeling well, silly. I'm fine," I lied.

"Now go back to bed," I chided. "We have to be up early tomorrow morning, remember? We're signing you up for school in the fall."

"That's why I can't sleep! Me and Luddy can't wait to make new friends."

"How sweet," I smiled. My little sister was growing up in the blink of an eye. It was only two weeks now before she would be heading off to her first year of kindergarten.

"Can't I just stay up with you? I'm not tired."

"Feli," I rolled my eyes. "Bed, now."

"Hmmph!" Feli stuck out her tongue at me while I shooed her out of the bathroom.

"Do you need me to tuck you in?" I asked.

Feli crossed her arms, pouting her lips. "I'm a big girl now!" she fumed. "I can do it myself!"

"Okay, missy," I smirked. "Sweet dreams."

The last that I saw of Feli was the flick of her pink nightgown disappearing around the corner.

I waited a minute before I shut the bathroom door again, collapsing onto my knees.

"Oh God," I muttered to myself. "What am I going to do?!"

I didn't know what I supposed to think. I wasn't on birth control when Antonio and I had first gotten together. I had no need to be. The night of our first date was all a blur to me. I had rushed to have sex with him in a spur of the moment decision. It had all happened so fast. But you know what I don't remember? Using protection.

It was such a simple thing to remember, and yet it had slipped both of our minds on that night. And because of such a fuck up…

I was now two months pregnant.

I was in no shape to be having a baby right now. Heck, I was still a kid myself! And with the instability of Antonio's condition, we couldn't possibly raise a kid. We weren't in a good place right now. More than that, I didn't even know if I wanted a kid. I had already given up so much of my life to raise Feli…

Tears streaked down my face. Forget about not being ready to have a kid for a minute. How the hell would Antonio react to me being pregnant? The fact that I needed to throw up again wasn't a very good sign.

When I had finished retching up the contents of my stomach, I looked up at the ceiling, praying to any God that would listen to me.

"Please, God, give me…"

I stopped to correct myself.

"No…Give us the strength to get through this together."


	11. Damn Bastard Can't Keep His Mouth Shut

**Damn Bastard Can't Keep His Mouth Shut:**

Antonio wouldn't be here to see me break down and cry for help. Today, he was scheduled for a session with his addictions counsellor, which gave me the perfect opportunity to get some advice on my unbelievably shitty situation. The fact that I was now two months pregnant still hadn't settled in my mind. I was in a state of shock; I couldn't believe how stupid and reckless I had been. More than that, I was so not ready to have a kid of my own. We were both too young to be having a kid. I already had Feli to provide for, and given Antonio's unstable recovery process, our home was not the best environment to raise another child in.

I felt queasy all the time, and no, this nausea had nothing to do with morning sickness. I felt disgusting and sleazy. I still hadn't told Antonio about this. All I did was pretend that everything was fine and constantly lie to his face. I was already breaking our previous promise to always be honest with each other. To be fair, I've only known that I was pregnant for about a week now. I've been holding in this secret for far too long, and had already done enough thinking of my own. Uh, not that I've ever been remotely talented when it comes to making smart life decisions. Regardless, I needed to confide in someone else and ask for their advice.

I'm fully aware of how much a fucking dumbass I'm being right now. As the father of our child, Antonio should obviously be the first person to find out about my pregnancy. But here's the thing. Our relationship had been going so well lately. I was terrified at the thought of shocking him and making him more stressed out than he needs to be. I was also scared that the old Antonio would come back if I told him. I loved that bastard with all my heart, but deep down, I'll still always be apprehensive of him. It would take a long time for the wounds of our past to heal themselves.

Nothing felt real to me. I mean seriously, my stomach wasn't even showing. Not to mention the fact that I've always had irregular periods that never came on time. It was like the world had just electrocuted me with a whole bunch of responsibilities that I wasn't nearly ready enough to take on. Yes, I would have to tell Antonio about this eventually. But, as I am a master of stalling and avoiding my problems until they blew up in my face, I decided to tell Liza about this first. The Hungarian may not be a mother herself, but she was older and a lot wiser than I am. I felt hopeless and out of control; Liza was the only person who would be caring and honest enough to slap me back into reality.

And that's where I was now. Feli's daycare didn't end for another hour or so, which left me with enough time to have a good chat with Liza. I hate to admit it, but Liza was like a mother figure to me, even if she did take great lengths to embarrass me all the time by scrapbooking my pathetic love life. Coming here for help would require me to suck up a lot of my pride. Again, not that I had much left at this point in my life. I've pretty much hit rock-bottom now.

I smirked a bit as I climbed up the stairs of the Edelstein's porch. The sound of screaming, mostly Roderich's, and childish laughter could be heard on the other end of the door. I scoffed as I stopped to stand before the front mat, only to grumble to myself when a drop of water from the leaking overhang dripped onto my head. Liza and Roderich's house was a rustic type of old; its design was intricate with grand stone columns, large windows, and impossibly detailed mouldings decorated throughout the banisters and ceilings. However, its old age didn't seem to matter all that much to Roderich, as he was too cheap to invest in repairing the damn place. I can't count how many times that I've had my foot fall through the wooden flooring inside. Remind me again why I let Feli stay here four days a week?

I knocked on the front door, shaking my head to shed off the excess water droplets from my hair. It had been pouring rain when I had bussed to come here. It wasn't long before the stomping sound of footsteps could be heard.

"I'm coming~! Just one moment please! Roderich, darling, could you take the kids to the napping room?"

"Ja, of course. Why don't you leave me with all the hard work!"

"Just do it!"

"But-!"

"I SAID NOW!"

Liza opened the door, looking more frazzled than usual. Her green dress-up maid outfit had several food stains on it, while the white bandana on her head was resting at an uneven angle. Her hair was frizzy and sticking up in all directions. Despite the redness of exertion on her cheeks, her green eyes couldn't have looked any happier. Liza was born to be a mother, and it's just a shame that she's had a hard time convincing her husband to have children together. It just reminds me how fucked up life can be sometimes. The last person who should ever be a mother was me, and yet here I am, pregnant and clueless as to what to do about it.

The happy expression on Liza's face faltered when she spotted the sheepish look on my face. To be blunt, I looked like utter crap. I was wearing one of Antonio's baggy red hoodies and a pair of my own sweatpants. My mascara was probably streaking down my face because of the rain outside. I felt and looked like a rat; I was trembling from both the cold and uncertainty of my future.

"Um, hey," I croaked, already feeling my eyes pool with tears. "Do you think that we could talk?"

Liza reached out her hand, sweeping away the hair that had fallen into my eyes. "Oh, sweetie," she whispered gently. "Did something happen between you and Antonio?"

"I guess you could say that," I mumbled, feeling my throat constrict painfully.

Liza's eyes widened in concern.

"We're still together though!" I blurted out, partially relieving some of the tension in the room.

Liza pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back in reassurance. "You can tell me all about it inside. First, let's get you all dried up."

Liza grabbed my wrist, pulling me inside. "Would you like a glass of wine?" she asked.

I shook my head, feeling my face flush in embarrassment. "Uh, no. A tea would be just fine, thank you."

I didn't catch this, as her back was still turned to me- Liza pursed her lips in understanding, a faint smirk gracing her face.

"One ginger and mint tea coming right up," Liza hummed, turning around to raise a wry brow at me. I looked down at the ground right away. I always had green tea at her house if I wasn't drinking any wine.

Just what was Liza up to now?

…

I sat stiff as a board in Liza's living room, scowling whenever I shuffled around on the noisy plastic covering of her couch. Liza had given me another pair of my old sweats that I had long left behind in her house. Ironically enough, I was now wearing one of Antonio's old green hoodies. God, that bastard never seemed to leave me be.

I nervously fidgeted with my foot, despite being frozen from the waist upwards. I didn't realize it at the time, but my right hand was instinctually placed across my stomach.

The house was quiet and absent of screaming, as the kids were taking their afternoon nap. The clink of plates caused me to look up. Liza and Roderich entered the living room, the latter of whom looked like he was ready to jump off a bridge. Why did Liza have to bring that piano fucker with her anyways?

Roderich's white blouse was riddled with wrinkles and precarious stains, the glasses on the bridge of his nose resting at a skewed angle. The sleeves of his shirt had been rolled up, revealing several tiny scratches and red crescent marks. I bit my lip to stifle my laughter, ignoring the murderous and disproving look that Roderich threw my way as he and Liza sat down on the couch parallel to me.

Roderich eyed the hand placed across my stomach, while Liza set down a silver platter containing tea cups and biscuits onto the coffee table before us.

Roderich cleared his throat. "Are you not feeling well?" he asked me.

I bent over, accepting the cup of tea Liza offered to me. I then took a sip from it. "Hmmm?" I inquired, trying my best not to insult the stuck-up bastard.

"You're holding onto your stomach," Roderich observed. "Are you sure that you're not sick? Usually at this point we would both be screaming in each other's faces about the poor manners of your delinquent sister."

I quickly removed my hand from my stomach, stiffly placing it at my side.

"Ahaha! Roderich, don't be so _silly_ ," Liza chided, catering to the nervous expression on my face. "Lovina's fine, aren't you dear?"

"She is certainly _not_ fine, Elizabeta," Roderich tutted. "I've never seen the _girl_ be this quiet before. You would think that she had just been told that she's pregnant."

 **PFT!**

I spit out my tea, hacking uncontrollably.

"What did I say?" Roderich spluttered.

" _Everything_!" Liza hissed, reaching over to hand me a wad of napkins.

While I wiped at my now dripping face, Liza and Roderich slipped into angry German, with the former occasionally slipping into Hungarian just to spite the oblivious latter.

Roderich was the first to slip back into English. "I did nothing wrong!" he protested.

"Roddy," Liza warned. "I suggest that you close that yap of yours before I _make_ you."

Roderich paled. If anyone was able to shut him up, it was Liza.

Liza straightened her posture, asserting dominance over her husband's slumped and slightly terrified position. "So," she hummed. "What is it that you came here to talk to me about?"

I looked down into my mug of tea. "Um, well. I did something really fucking stupid," I mumbled.

Roderich scoffed. "Like that's a big surprise."

 **WHACK!**

Roderich's head fell forward as Liza firmly backhanded him. It wasn't enough to hurt him, but rather it was a warning to shut his arrogant ass up.

Roderich bashfully adjusted the glasses on his face, taking a very large sip of his own tea.

"Go on," Liza encouraged me. "You know you can tell me anything."

I robotically nodded my head, setting my cup of tea onto the silver platter. "I honestly don't know where to start. Antonio and I have had a lot of great things going for us lately. Well, until about last week…" I trailed off.

"What happened last week?" Liza asked.

I bit the inside of my cheek. "I found out that I'm two months pregnant."

Roderich was now the one to spit out his tea. "Vhat?!" he spluttered. "Did you not use, ahem…protection?" he inquired, squirming uncomfortably when Liza spared him another one of her death glares.

"I knew it!" Liza discreetly muttered to herself.

I let my silence answer Roderich's question.

Liza sighed, bringing a hand to her temple. "Lovina, sweetie, you know I love you. But for God's sakes! How could you forget to use something as important as that?"

"I didn't come here to be shit on!" I growled, quick to be on the defensive. "I know that what I did was stupid! I wasn't thinking, okay?! Things sort of just happened, like really fucking quickly, and then well… Ugh! You know what I mean!"

I cupped my face with both hands, feeling thoroughly embarrassed that I had to explain all of this to them.

"I'm trying to be understanding, really I am," Liza looked up to give me her scolding motherly gaze. "I just can't believe that this is happening right now. How many times have I told you to wear protection, huh?"

"Elizabeta," Roderich, of all people, intervened on my behalf. "Be easy on the girl. At least she recognizes her idiocy."

Never mind, I take that former statement back. My eyes and lips twitched in anger.

"Okay, okay! Enough!" Liza huffed, frantically waving her hands around to dissolve the growing hostility in the room. "I'm not blaming you. I'm a bit disappointed, yes, but there's nothing that we can do about that now."

I gave Liza a grateful look.

"Does Antonio know about this?" Liza asked.

Once again, I let my silence speak for itself.

Roderich clicked his tongue, while Liza just about pulled out half of her scalp. "Lovina!" she scolded. "You can't run away from all of your problems!"

I stuffed a good three biscuits into my mouth, chewing heavily. "That's what I say to myself in the mirror every day. Oh look, another yummy treat to drown my angst in."

I reached for another biscuit, but Liza slapped at my hand. "Could you stop eating for a minute and look at me?!" she screeched. "What are you going to do? Are you going to keep the baby?"

"Hell if I know," I shrugged, reaching for another biscuit again. This time, Liza confiscated the entire platter of biscuits by throwing it across the room. Roderich winced when the platter made a large dent in the wall adjacent to his precious piano.

"Oi!" I protested, only to falter when green orbs of unequivocal death burned two holes into my forehead.

"Answer my question, Lovina," Liza snarled.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do!" I wailed. "That's why I came here!"

"Why don't you get an abortion?" Roderich suggested.

"That's a swell idea, really," I snapped back with a thick amount of sarcasm. "There's only one problem. Antonio's a fucking Catholic!"

Roderich crinkled his snooty nose at my 'foul' use of language.

"You should have talked to him about this first," Liza sighed.

"I know that!" I deadpanned. I waited a moment for my anger to die down.

Fear was quick to replace my initial frustration.

"I'm just really scared," I croaked. "I don't know what he'll say or how he'll react to this."

"You won't know until you try," Roderich chided. "Listen, I know that I'm the last person you want to hear this from, but you need to talk to Antonio. He's the father; he deserves a say in this as well."

"It's your body too," Liza added onto her husband's advice. "Don't feel obligated to do anything that you're not comfortable doing."

"Alright," I simpered. "I knew that I'd have to tell him eventually. I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else."

 **THUMP!**

All three of us looked up at the ceiling; the kids must have just woken up from their naps.

Liza turned to look at Roderich. "Would you mind bringing the children down? I still have one more thing to discuss with Lovina, _alone_."

Roderich was quick to take the hint, despite the horrified expression on his face. You would think that he had just been conscripted against his will to serve in the army. "Yes, d-dear," he stammered.

Liza gave Roderich's butt a firm slap, causing me to gag and retch in disgust. "Danke, _Daddy_ ," she winked, batting her eyelashes in a Nala-like fashion.

Roderich flushed all kinds of red. "A-anything for you, my love."

Roderich then walked over to me, awkwardly placing his palm on top of my head. "Keep your head up, ja? The Lovina I know would never mope for too long. You're a brave woman, and don't you ever forget that."

I smirked. "Thanks for the compliment, you stuffy arsehole."

"Language!" Roderich snapped at me, his violet eyes narrowing back to their residual critical and judgemental position.

"Roderich," Liza interrupted. "The children?"

Roderich's chest deflated. "Oh, yes, right. I best be on my way then." Roderich gave us one last desperate look before swallowing down his fear and stiffly trudging up the staircase that led to the second floor.

Liza held out her hand over the coffee table for me to grab (thankfully it was the one that she hadn't used to slap that prick's butt with), and I was quick to take it, feeling comfort when she squeezed it gently. "Whatever you decide to do, just know that we're here for you."

I blinked harshly, desperately trying to hold back my tears. "Thank you," I dry-sobbed. "You're like the mother that I never wanted nor asked for."

Liza laughed, her eyes crinkling with warmth. "Thank God you're not actually my daughter. I don't know if I'd be able to withstand that attitude of yours. Two strong-headed women living in the same house is just a disaster waiting to happen."

I teasingly slapped Liza's hand away. "Shut your whore mouth. You're just jealous that I'm more of a bitch than you are."

"Perhaps, Liza mused. "Anyways, our door will always be open to you. If you need help with anything, just ask. A small selfish part of me actually wants you to have the baby."

"Why am I not surprised?" I rolled my eyes. "Spoiling small children is your guilty pleasure."

"But of course!" Liza winked at me.

 **THUD!**

Liza and I both erupted into giggles when Roderich came staggering down the staircase with several children hanging onto him for dear life. Feli was clinging onto Roderich's left leg, while mini-potato wonder Ludwig was clinging onto his right. Mei, Kiku, and Yong Soo were all riding Roderich piggy back style.

"Faster horsie, faster!" Feli cheered.

"I'm going as fast as I can!" Roderich wailed. "Yong Soo! What did I say about pinching people's behinds?!"

Yong Soo's face erupted into a toothy, devious grin. "Pinching people's butt's is 'inappropriate and wrong,'" the tot trilled in perfect harmony.

Mei gasped. "Yong Soo said a bad word!"

Kiku mutely nodded his head in affirmation. The bambino never really spoke all that much.

Roderich stepped down from the staircase, wheezing and panting as he bent down for the children to hop off of him.

Mei and Yong Soo began to bicker and pull at each other's hair, while Kiku watched with a sly grin on his face. Feli, on the other hand, was already looking for another target to latch herself onto. That target just so happened to be my legs.

"Sorella!" Feli squealed.

I pulled Feli into my lap, snuggling my chin on top of her head. Ludwig awkwardly walked up to me, his blue eyes wide with jealousy. That jealousy was quickly interrupted when Liza snatched Ludwig up from the ground and placed him into her lap. Ludwig's face turned beet red, but no matter how much that he squirmed and struggled, he was unable to free himself from the Hungarian's grip.

"Aw, looks like someone needs a hug!" Liza cooed.

Ludwig's face turned purple, but Liza proceeded to hug him anyways.

Meanwhile, Roderich had successfully separated the feuding Asian siblings from each other. This entailed Roderich picking up Yong Soo by the armpits and holding him out as far as humanly possible. "My God, you're snotting all over the place," he scoffed.

Yong Soo grinned down at Mei, who glared right back up at him. "Bow down to your king."

Roderich sighed. "That's it, I'm putting you on a time out."

Yong Soo began to cry, much to Mei's delight. Mei stuck out her tongue as Roderich carried her now sobbing sibling off into another room.

Ludwig calmed down as Liza soothingly ran her fingers through his hair. I caught the potato toddler's gaze, furrowing my brows in distaste when I realized that he was possessively looking at Feli again.

I placed Feli back onto the floor, standing up. "Feli, say goodbye, it's time to go."

Served that mini potato right for looking at my sister like that.

Feli whined in protest, but stopped when I grabbed her hand and asserted my final say over the matter. "Ciao Ludwig," she pouted. "Ciao Auntie Liza."

Ludwig buried his head in Liza's arm, too shy to say goodbye.

Liza followed Feli and I to the front room with Ludwig silently scuttling behind her like a lost little starch duckling.

"Thanks again," I smiled up at Liza, bending over to help Feli put on her sandals. "I'll make sure to let you know what happens with Antonio."

"You better," Liza warned. "Pregnancy isn't something to be taken lightly."

"What the hell?" Gilbert spluttered, dropping his car keys to the ground.

 _Fuck._

Liza and I both paled. Gilbert must have just come in through the front door.

I ducked my head, putting on my own shoes quickly. I then picked up Feli and slung her over my shoulders, roughly pushing past Gilbert to leave the house.

"Sorry!" I apologized in a rush. "I have to be somewhere! Bye!"

Feli tapped my shoulder. "Sorella, what does pregnancy mean?"

"Nothing!" I blurted out, running down the porch two steps at a time.

Gilbert ran out onto the porch. "Lovina," he called out, causing me to freeze. "Are you really pregnant?"

"Yes," I answered without bothering to turn around and look at him. "I am."

Gilbert took a step forward. He knew me well enough to know that I was hiding something from him. "Toni doesn't know about this, does he?"

My feet moved on their own accord. "Like I said, I have somewhere else to be!"

"Wait!" Gilbert shouted. "At least let me give you a lift!"

"It's fine! I'll take the bus!"

Gilbert attempted to follow after me, but Liza grabbed the forearm of his leather jacket, shaking her head. "You've done enough. Let them solve their own problems."

…

I came home to 20 missed phone calls and ten voicemails; they were all from Antonio.

Gilbert must have told Antonio everything…that bastard-!

My cellphone was equally as full with unread messages.

 _Antonio: LOVINA!_

 _Antonio: Why aren't you answering your phone?!_

 _Antonio: Where are you?!_

 _Antonio: We need to talk. NOW._

 _Antonio: YOU'RE NOT AVOIDING ME, ARE YOU?_

 _Antonio: We promised that we would be honest with each other!_

 _Antonio: I'm coming over._

I dropped my phone, tears spilling down my cheeks. I hadn't wanted Antonio to find out that I was pregnant this way.

And now he was furious.


	12. Be My Bastard

**Be My Bastard:**

I wasn't thinking straight at all. The last two hours of my life were spent running in a circle. I was a mouse scrambling away from the inevitable trap of my long-accumulated problems. My phone buzzed on and off in my pocket as I grabbed a confused Feli and brought her back to Liza's for a sleepover.

Next thing I knew, I was walking over to Antonio's apartment. At first, he had gone to my apartment, but obviously, I wasn't there. The only thing that I had managed to text him was a cheap "I'll come to you" text.

Whether I liked it or not, I had to face him. He was the father of our child; he deserved to know what was going to happen. Uh, not that I had any clue about how to handle this pregnancy. Just thinking about it made me nauseous, and no, it had nothing to do with morning sickness. It was late in the evening at this point, the cool air doing well to clear away my headache.

I still couldn't believe that Gilbert had told Antonio, even if it was technically by accident. The pasty fuck nugget had never been able to keep secrets, no matter how hard that he tried. He had a huge-ass mouth that said whatever was on his mind. Regardless, that egotistical butthole sure as hell can be expecting an ass-whooping from me the next time that I see him.

I trudged into Antonio's apartment building with a heavy heart. I just felt so miserable, and stupid, and dependent, and a lot of other depressing things that made me hate myself all over again.

My trip upstairs went by far too quickly, and by the time that I was inserting my key into the lock, I already heard _his_ footsteps clambering towards the door. Antonio tried to open the door from the other side, causing me to sigh and let go of the door. We would have been there all night if I hadn't.

The door swung open, revealing the nervous, angry, and scared Antonio that I had been expecting. I nearly burst into tears at the mere sight of him. He was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt that hugged his lean physique with an open buttoned collar and plaid pyjama pants. His brown curls were sticking up unevenly, looking as if he had raked his hand through it several times. The green eyes that were normally mirthful and teasing were red, puffy, and wide with uncertainty. His tanned face had a reddish-pink flush, hinting that he had been crying earlier.

Antonio wordlessly shuffled to the side, letting me walk into the apartment. I didn't bother to look him in the eyes, for I was too ashamed to. The silence in the air was awkward and uncomfortable. We seemed like strangers to one another. He towered over me, being much taller, which only added to my fear. I felt small and helpless. Although, I knew that Antonio also felt the same way. I wanted to bury myself in his strong arms, to smell the comforting scent of his cologne, to have him tuck his chin over my head and tell me that everything's okay, but none of that would happen unless I gained the courage to face him.

I shrugged off my shoes, my gaze never leaving the ground. I could hear Antonio's impatience just by his breathing alone; he was trying to calm down, but he wasn't having much luck. Numbly, I began to walk forward, Antonio slowly trailing behind me.

He was the first to break our silence.

"Lovi?" Antonio started.

I refused to turn around and look at him.

"Lovi," he repeated, this time much firmer.

I inhaled sharply. "Yeah?" I asked, feeling my chest balloon in discomfort.

"Look at me, mi cielo."

I grit my teeth, biting the inside of my cheek so hard that the pain was nearly blinding.

I turned around, slowly looking up to meet Antonio's estranged gaze.

"Is it true?" he asked. "Are you really pregnant?"

I weakly nodded my head, squeaking incoherently as I finally let go of my emotions, hot, bitter tears uncontrollably streaking down my face.

Antonio closed the distance between us, using both hands to cup my face. "How long? And why am I just hearing about this now?" he choked.

 _Silence._

"Lovi, answer me!"

I flinched at Antonio's raised tone.

I began to gasp for air, prompting Antonio to let go of my face and stomp away from me. He grabbed his head with both hands, swearing something foul in Spanish.

"Lovi, _please_ don't test my patience. Do you have any idea how it feels to hear something like _this_ from somebody else? I've been worried sick for the past few hours. _Please_ , I need to hear you say _something, anything,_ mi amor."

"S-seven weeks," I sniffed. "I-I've known for about a week now."

Antonio gave me a sharp look. "I thought we agreed to tell each other _everything_?" he hissed, biting his lip to hold back his anger. He began to tremble and shake, the same way that used to when he threw a drunken fit. "Why didn't you tell me?"

I instinctively took two steps back, feeling guilty when hurt flashed across Antonio's eyes. "I was scared," I whispered.

Antonio shook his head in disbelief. "Of what?!" he roared, throwing his hands up into the air in exasperation. "I'm not the same person I was back then if that's what you're thinking. I thought that you of all people would know that!"

The guilty expression on my face told Antonio everything that he needed to know.

"For fuck's sakes Lovina, you can trust me! I've made so many sacrifices for you _and_ for Feli. You should be able to tell me _anything,_ especially something as serious as this!"

Antonio exploded when he noticed that I was continuing to back away from him in fear.

I couldn't help it.

Our past would always come back to haunt me.

"Is that it?" he seethed. "Are you _scared_ of me?"

I ignored his question. "What about me?!" I snapped. "You're not the only one who's made sacrifices in this relationship, so get off your fucking high horse. _I'm_ the one who has to carry this…this baby!"

"I'M THE FATHER!" Antonio spat. "YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO KEEP SOMETHING LIKE THAT FROM ME!"

"AND I'M THE MOTHER!" I screamed back. "IT'S MY BODY!"

I felt my back press against the wall next to the staircase. "You're right," I sobbed, not having the strength to shout anymore. "I should have told you sooner. But, I'm only 20 years old, damn it! I have my whole life ahead of me. Weren't you the one who wanted me to go back to school? For me to make something out of myself?"

"I want all of those things for you, Lovi. But none of that can happen if you're not honest with me. Tell me why you can't even look at me now. You're still scared of me, admit it."

Once again, I refused to address his accusation.

This only made him angrier.

"LOOK AT ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU!" Antonio bellowed.

"A-Antonio, p-please stop," I begged, but to no avail.

I flinched when Antonio slammed a palm against the wall that I was leaning against, trapping me in place. He must not have realized his strength; he effortlessly punched through the plaster without so much as a thought.

Antonio froze for a moment, giving me a small glimpse of the unbearably sweet man whom I was painfully in love with. He looked vulnerable and helpless. It wasn't long before he let his fear become anger again.

I began to sob even harder.

"Is _this_ what you want?" Antonio fumed, nostrils flaring. "You want to see angry Antonio again? Well, here you fucking go!"

 **PUNCH!**

Antonio slammed his palm into the wall again, albeit not making another hole. This happened two more times before I came to my senses, wrapping my arms around his waist and clinging to him for dear life.

Antonio tensed as I sobbed into his chest. " _This_ isn't the Antonio that I want or love. I want the Antonio who's overbearing; the Antonio who's too sweet for his own good; the Antonio who's a clueless, goofy idiot; the Antonio who loves more than his heart can handle; the Antonio who's…the father of my child…o _ur_ child…"

"I can be that man in a heartbeat." Antonio buried his nose into my hair, rubbing circles into my back. "Lo siento," he croaked, tightening his grip around me. "It's just, we _promised_ to talk about our problems with each other. Don't you see that I'm scared and just as hurt as you are? This is something that we're supposed to deal with, together."

I couldn't bring myself to answer him.

Antonio kissed my forehead. "Lovi, _please_ , answer me, mi amor."

I couldn't stop myself from dissociating.

Everything felt numb.

Antonio pulled away. It only took him one look for him to realize that I was having a panic attack.

He led me to the foot of the staircase, sitting me down on his lap. He gently hugged me from behind, urging for me to calm down.

"Shhhh," Antonio cooed, his voice cracking. "Everything's alright. You're safe. I'm right here. Just breathe, like this."

"In," Antonio took in a large gulp of air, "…and out," he instructed, his hand resting on my stomach. I was too out of it to tell him that the placement of his hand wasn't helping with anything.

It took several minutes before I was finally able to speak. "I can't…do…this…" I wheezed, still short of breath. "I-I'm t-too young…"

"I know, sweetheart. I know," Antonio reassured me.

"I'm s-s-scared."

"I am too, believe me. It's normal for you to feel this way."

The pent-up emotions that I had been holding in twisted and churned in my stomach, making me feel nauseous suddenly.

I stood up abruptly, cupping a hand over my mouth.

"Lovina, what's wrong?!" Antonio spluttered in confusion, but I was only focused on reaching the bathroom in time.

I slammed open the bathroom door, collapsing to my knees. I lifted the toilet bowl cover and wretched out the contents of my stomach.

Antonio came up behind me, holding my hair as I puked, trembled, and sobbed all at once.

When I was finished, Antonio gave me a glass of water to rinse my mouth with.

He sat on the bathroom floor next to me, letting my head rest on his shoulder. I snuggled against his chest, happy to have his arm wrapped around me so tightly.

Antonio lifted my shirt to rub my stomach, something that he always used to do when I had the flu. This time, however, it was different; much, _much_ different.

For the most part we remained silent. Antonio hummed lightly under his breath to help make me feel better. When the color began to return to my face, he was the first one to speak.

"I think we both need to calm down," he sighed.

"Excuse me?"

"This is all too much to handle in one night. I think we need to take some time to think this over on our own. I'm not going to force you to do anything that you don't want to do, but, perhaps we shouldn't decide on things right away."

"Okay," I grumbled.

Antonio pecked my cheek before standing up and offering me a hand.

We left the bathroom holding hands, only to separate as I bent over to put on my shoes. I could feel the intense stare of his smouldering green eyes resting on the back of my neck.

I felt my face flush with warmth as I straightened my posture, returning the gaze of someone who loved me very dearly. Antonio was the first person in my life to ever cherish me in such a way; he would always hold a special part in my heart. And now I was leaving him, something that I had always been good at.

"I called a cab for you," Antonio whispered shyly, his cheeks also adopting a pinkish hue.

I rolled my eyes, tilting up my chin. "I'm capable of walking, you know. It's not that far."

Antonio glared at me, quickly putting an end to my protests.

"Oh fine," I mumbled, intuitively sticking up an index finger to interrupt him mid-sentence. "And _no_ , you're _not_ walking me down. You've embarrassed me enough doing that, don't you think?"

Antonio rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a shaky chuckle. "All right," he relented. "But don't think that I won't be looking out my window to see if you actually get into the cab."

"Bastard."

"At least I'm not stubborn."

"Oh please," I scoffed. "You're just as stubborn and prideful as I am. Your chronic happiness just disguises it."

Antonio bent down to peck my lips gently. "I'm only ever happy with you. I hope you know that."

"Of course I do, moron," I growled.

"I love you," Antonio murmured, rubbing his nose against mine.

"I love you too," I sighed.

"Get some sleep and take your time. There's no rush. Although, knowing my handsome looks, you'll probably get lonely pretty fast, eheh."

"Ay!" Antonio cried out when I gave his head a good, albeit playful, whack.

" _Asshole_ ," I muttered in Italian, storming out of the apartment and into the outside hallway.

"What was that~?"

"Just fuck off and go masturbate or _something_!" I snapped.

My blush worsened.

"Si, Queen Lovina," Antonio hummed, closing his door with a smile wide enough for me to stick my entire fist into his mouth. Even when he was beyond nervous, he always left room for a cheap joke.

I clenched my jaw, contemplating whether or not to kick down his door, only to use said door to smash his smug face with.

Fuck, was he _ever_ infuriating.

…

You know, I probably shouldn't be doing this, considering that I had just had a massive fight and make-up with Antonio, was running on an empty stomach, and the hormones in my body were at an all-time high…

But _fuck_ it.

I wanted my revenge, and _nothing_ was going to stop me from getting it.

It was midnight when I arrived at Gilbert's apartment. With trembling hands, I used the key that he had given me ages ago to fling open his front door; this was the first time that I had ever willingly visited his apartment on my own. By the time that I was done with him, he'll be wishing that he had never given me the key in the first place.

The two-story apartment was completely dark save for the master bedroom upstairs. Ludwig must have been fast asleep, which gave me full leeway to pound that pasty fuck-potato into a pile of soggy starch mush.

I growled under my breath, rolling up my sleeves in preparation for the beating that I was about to unleash. I scoffed in disdain as I flicked on the light switch in the front room; the place was a complete mess without having me there to clean up after the Beilschmidt brothers.

The sink was piled to the top with dishes; there were mismatching socks of all kinds stinking up the joint, one was even hanging off the window sill _;_ there were several empty frozen food boxes overflowing from the garbage bin and spilling on to the kitchen floor; the floor needed to be swept and mopped; the living room carpet needed to be vacuumed; the Xbox wasn't unplugged, and the chord was laying out for people to trip over; the walls had finger prints on them, both small _and_ asshole-sized; sweaters were hung up over the living room chairs…

And I just had just suffered from a mini-aneurism.

It took me a moment to compose myself again. I somehow managed to get myself moving again, stiffly twitching up the staircase. "One-two, I'm coming for you," I growled. "Three-four, better lock your door. Five-six, better run _real_ quick. Seven-eight, oops too late! Nine-ten, soon you'll be choking on my fist; a- _fucking_ -men…heh…"

I began to laugh uncontrollably, deaf to the sounds of pleasure echoing above me.

"Oh! Maple! Gilbert, right there! Yes! Yes!"

"Ungh! Ja, Birdie! Ja! Ja! Ja! This feels awesome!"

I stood before Gilbert's closed bedroom door, furiously pounding my fists against it. "GILBERT FRITZ BEILSCHMIDT, YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS OUT HERE, _RIGHT NOW_!"

I heard gasps on the other side of the door.

Looks like I had come at a bad time.

An evil smile crept onto my face.

 _Oops~!_

"I'm kinda busy right now!" Gilbert scoffed. "Please leave a message, and I'll get right back to you; never!"

Oh, he was _really_ asking for it.

The bastard knew exactly why I was here.

I pulled out my greatest weapon: my hand. "I'm going to count to ten. If you're not out here before the time I finish counting, you can consider yourself a dead man-child."

"Lovina, now's really not a good tim-"

 _"ONE!"_

"Okay, okay! Christ! Just give me a min-"

 _"TWO!"_

This trick always used to work back when we had lived together.

 _"THREE!"_

Gilbert was out by the count of five, his face flushed from exertion. He was only wearing a pair of superman boxers to protect himself from my wrath.

The bastard didn't stand a chance.

I grabbed him by the hem of his boxers and flung him against the wall, using one arm to place pressure against his windpipe.

"Lovina, let me explain!" he wheezed, his crimson eyes wide with fear.

"Alright," I hissed. " _Explain_."

Gilbert gave me a sheepish look, shrinking in on himself despite being several inches taller than me. "It kinda just…slipped out! Oi! You really need to cut those nails of yours!"

"Why cut them, if they can be used to rip your sorry ass throat out?!" I snarled.

Ludwig poked his head out of his bedroom door, his blue eyes lidded with fatigue. "Bruder?" he mumbled. "Why are you getting beat up by miss Lovina again? What did you do this time?"

A flash of red tassels and blonde curls scurried through the upstairs hallway.

"Maddie?!" I spluttered, turning to see the Canadian escort a confused Ludwig back into his bedroom. She was wearing a red bathrobe to cover up her otherwise naked body.

"You're just dreaming, honey," Maddie cooed in her characteristically soft voice. "Come, let's put you back to bed."

I turned back to Gilbert, tightening the pressure against his scrawny windpipe. "Oh! My! God! Are you two fucking?!"

"What's it to you?" Gilbert snorted, and like the pervert he was, a smug grin spread onto his face.

"What's it to me?!" I screeched. "What's it to you to tell Antonio that I'm pregnant, you hypocritical piece of shit!"

"I TOLD YOU THAT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Gilbert roared.

"ACCIDENT OR NOT, I'M ABOUT TO MASH YOUR BALLS INTO PIECES AND CALL IT ASSHOLE PIE!"

"What the heck does that even mean?!"

Maddie cleared her throat, having exited Ludwig's bedroom. "Ahem, but can someone please explain to me what's going on?" she tutted, placing both hands on her hips.

Gilbert and I erupted into a fit of anger, loudly speaking over the other.

"HE-!"

"SHE-!"

"ASSHOLE-!"

"LUNATIC-!"

"POTATO-!"

"MEIN BALLS-!"

"OVEN-!"

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Let's try this again. Lovina, you go first."

"HE TOLD ANTONIO THAT I WAS PREGNANT BEFORE I DID!"

Maddie gasped, taking a small moment to collect herself. "Well, in that case. Let me join you."

 **SLAP!**

Gilbert's head flung to left as Maddie's hand cracked against his right cheek.

 **SLAP!**

Gilbert's head flung to the right as my hand cracked against his left cheek.

I pulled away, extending my hand for Maddie to take.

Gilbert slumped to the floor, head buried in between his knees.

"I think that I just found my new best friend," I mused.

Maddie smirked and took my hand. "That makes two of us, eh?"

…

 **VRRRROOOOOOOOM!**

Gilbert sighed. "Lovina, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I'm cleaning your apartment, you damn dirty man-potato. Now move, this grime isn't going to suck up itself."

"Maddie?"

Maddie poked her head out from beneath the kitchen sink. "I'm with Lovina on this one. No wonder you keep the lights so dim in here. This is honestly _disgusting!"_

…

 _Two days later…_

It was an early Saturday morning. I was done thinking. I wanted to see Antonio. Heck, I wanted to take control of my life again. I was tired of being dependent and helpless. Liza had been nice enough to take care of Feli these past few days, but it was finally time for me to own up to my mistakes and to move on with whatever Antonio and I decided to do.

Don't ask me why, but I had found myself aimlessly walking around the park that I always took Feli to on the weekends. The park was empty and comforting. The only thing that would make it better was if Antonio were here to enjoy it with me.

On a whim, I pulled out my phone before I could even think about what I was doing.

Antonio picked up on the first ring, the bastard.

I began to pace back and forth.

There was no going back now.

"Hey…do you think that you could meet me at the park?"

"Yes, now!"

"Yes, I got enough sleep!"

"No, I didn't take my vitamins!"

"Because I don't own any fucking vitamins!"

"Fine, I'll put vitamins on the grocery list!"

"Would you just fucking get here already?!"

 **To be continued…**


	13. Mr and Mrs Bastard

**A/N** : Hello hello! I'll save all the gushy stuff for the end-end, but I just wanted to clarify that **THIS IS NOT THE END.** There is still at least two more chapters. Thank you for those who have supported this fic; it's what motivates me to write and continue it :)

Have a great day/ night

-Ella

* * *

 **Mr. and Mrs. Bastard:**

I was sitting on a bench, hands buried in my face as I let the soft silence of the empty park envelop my anxiety. Now that I think of it, sitting in a children's park while discussing the prospect of a child probably wasn't the best idea. Regardless, I already knew what I _wanted_ to do. Although, Antonio deserved a say in this in well. What I had decided on wasn't set in stone. We had come here to talk, and talk we would.

I was wearing a baggy grey long sleeve shirt of his and a pair of denim jean shorts. The morning air was cool against my skin, helping with the nausea I've been experiencing these past couple of weeks. I felt and looked like hell: my complexion was pale; my eyes were puffy and red with purple bags underneath; my hair was a curly mess, as I hadn't bothered to brush them through; and my lips were scabbed from nervously picking at them.

Perhaps on instinct, I placed a hand over my stomach. I wasn't far enough into the pregnancy for my stomach to begin showing. Honestly, this made things for me a whole lot easier.

"Mi cielo. Are you feeling all right?"

Antonio appeared behind the bench, carrying a small black knapsack over one shoulder. He was wearing a white t-shirt and denim jeans, his chocolate-brown curls wind-swept and untidy. His green eyes were fatigued, but once they locked their gaze on me, something sparked and rekindled in them.

I swallowed heavily, bowing my head slightly as I felt another wave of nausea stir in the pit of my stomach. "Just…feeling a bit dizzy," I ground out. "It'll…pass…"

Worried, Antonio sat next to me on the bench, rubbing a hand over my back. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear, kissing my cheeks and ears until I felt better again. I leaned back, nuzzling against the arm he had wrapped over my shoulders.

I closed my eyes, inhaling his familiar scent.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes before something plastic was pressed against my lips. I opened my eyes, realizing that Antonio was holding a water bottle to my mouth. I scoffed, accepting the water bottle and taking a decent-sized sip from it. I knew how stubborn he was, and didn't feel like fighting him on something so trivial.

It wasn't long before Antonio was pulling out a four-course meal from his knapsack, most of which that I refused to even touch. God, he was such a dumbass. A caring one nonetheless, but who the fuck brings a picnic to a serious discussion like this?

Damn bastard probably knew that I haven't been eating all that much lately.

"Eat," Antonio shoved an orange slice in my face.

I huffed, opening my mouth. I made sure to nibble on his finger 'by accident'. "Si, mio caro," I drawled, a feigned frown on my face.

Antonio smirked at the endearment. Great, now I had just bolstered his already monstrous ego.

I fed Antonio an orange slice, giggling when he licked the juice off my fingers. He was such a goof. Ah, fuck. Now my chest felt all heavy again. I loved that man too damn much.

"Hey!" I protested when Antonio grabbed my right hand, the tip of his tongue flicking over the pulse on my wrist. "There's no juice there, you moron!"

Antonio kissed my wrist, his green eyes mischievous as he let go of my hand. I really wish that he hadn't. His hands were always much warmer than mine. "I wanted a taste of mi Lovi too," he pouted.

I reached over to squish his lips together. "You. Are. A. Pervert."

"I can't help it," Antonio smiled. "You're too beautiful. Every time I see you, I just want to hug and squeeze you until I can't hold on for any longer. You're precious to me; I wouldn't dream of letting you go so easily. Besides, it's not like you'd put up that much of a fight. Your cussing is like a green light for me: you swear and I smother, eheh."

Antonio laughed nervously, babbling on about who knows what.

I let my head rest against the crook of his neck, feeling at peace when he slowly ran his hand through my curls. "I'm sorry!" I blurted out. "I should have told you sooner. It's not that I don't trust you… It's just…"

Antonio shook his head. "You have a right to still not trust me. I'm not deserving of it just yet. I've messed up more than my fair share of times. I honestly don't why you've stayed with me for this long, but it's made me realize something. You drive me to better myself. I want to make myself worthy of your love. That's why I'll do anything for you. Without you, my life is full of darkness; empty and without meaning. You brighten my day, Lovi. I just want to see you smile and be happy."

"F-fuck," I bit my lip. My throat constricted painfully. "If you promise to be honest with me, then I'll be honest with you. I need you just as much as you need me. The past year has been absolute hell for me. You were the first person who ever prioritized me above all else, and I can't thank you enough for that. We've been through so much, and I won't let…this stop us from moving forward."

Antonio rubbed my hand, bending over to peck my clammy forehead. "Agreed. We're both too stubborn to give up now. I'd break my back for you; go poor for you; give up my life for you; I'd do anything for you. You know how I feel, and I'm willing to prove it."

I waved my hand at him. "Don't say that you're going to prove it. Just do it, and be done with it. I don't have the patience to constantly watch over you. If you really love me, we'll work through things together, without ever having to hold back things from each other. I trust that you'll follow through with your promises to me, just like you'll trust that I'll confide in you when something troubles me."

We fell into another comfortable silence before Antonio bumped shoulders with me. "Are you ready to…talk about…?"

He didn't have to fill in the gaps with me.

I weakly nodded my head. "Yes, just not here."

I spared a glance at the play structure and swings. I imagined what it would be like to be a parent. I envisioned early morning trips to the park:

Antonio leading a troop of children, being a child himself, in a game of tag. There would be lots of laughter and scolding – on my part. I would gossip about useless shit with the other mothers at the park. Snack time would be a messy disaster, full of wet wipes, tears, hugs, and cuddles. Antonio would be competing for my attention. Lots of photos would be taken to document their silly shenanigans. I would get dragged into playing along with their childish games, but would secretly be enjoying it just as much as they were. We would come home, tanned, fatigued, and hungry before all taking a nap in a giant King sized bed…

I longed for this, I really, truly did. Even if I had already experienced it all with Feli.

Antonio spoke exactly what was on my mind when he grabbed my hand, helping me up from the bench. "I've always wanted to have children," he said sadly, only to falter when he saw the heartbroken expression on my face.

I couldn't see anything.

"Oh," Antonio croaked. "Oh, Lovi. Please, no. Please don't cry. Lovi, no. L-Lovi…"

Antonio cupped my face, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I whimpered, unable to speak.

"Come," he said, grabbing my hand again. "A walk is just what we need."

I numbly followed Antonio, appreciating the comfort he gave me by squeezing my hand occasionally. I could tell he was upset; he was looking straight ahead. I don't think he wanted me to see him cry. Dumbass, I could tell that he was just by how tightly he had his jaw clenched. He couldn't hide anything without me eventually finding out about it. He was an open book, vulnerable, and displayed for everyone to read.

"Here," Antonio whispered, leading us under the shade of a willow tree. He sat us on the ground. I grabbed his arm and wrapped it around my shoulders, grumpily muttering to myself. Must I do everything? Stupid bastard should be used to comforting me by now.

Antonio cleared his throat. "Let me preface this by saying that I'll listen to whatever you have to say. You have the right to do what you want. It's your body, and I will never force you to do something you don't want to do."

I looked up at Antonio, nuzzling my nose against his cheek. He bent down to press his forehead against mine. I knew he was waiting for me to say something. He was being patient for once, and I appreciated that.

"I'm not ready," I said, after what had felt like an eternity. Of course, my voice sounded choppy and hoarse; it was unprepared and in the spur of the moment. I locked gazes with his smoldering green eyes, which were now sad, but I didn't dare to look away.

"I'm sorry, but I can't go through with this," I breathed heavily, blinking more tears from my eyes. "Actually, we're both not ready. To have a child, I mean. We're still working through our own problems. Could you imagine raising a child in the midst of all this? Not to mention that we're still _so_ young. Well, um, I am at least…"

Antonio huffed lightly; his age had always been a sensitive subject. He still let me continue though.

"I'm so fucking angry too. If we had just been more careful, we wouldn't even have to think about this. It kills me that I'll be ending the life of this…this…baby…our baby, but I know it's for the best. Perhaps we'll have kids someday, but not now. Please, just not now. Not when we already have so much to worry about as it is."

Antonio fell silent.

I began to get worried. He was a Catholic, after all. Was he mad at me? No, no. He said that he'd agree to whatever I wanted to do. So, why wasn't he saying anything?!

"Antonio," I whispered.

No response.

I grit my teeth. "Antonio."

I shoved his shoulder. "Antonio! Say something, you bastard!"

Antonio finally looked at me, holding back sobs of his own.

"Oh," It was my turn to be shocked. "Antonio, please no," I whimpered. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. God! I'm sorry! I know that you've always wanted a family some day. And…and I'd be more than willing to have kids with you and-"

Antonio wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to his chest in an uncomfortably tight grip. "NO!" he snapped. "Don't you dare apologize to me. There's nothing to feel bad about. You're right. You're right about everything. It just hurts when you hear it said out loud, you know?"

He chuckled weakly. "I had already prepared myself to hear both alternatives. I googled so much during these past couple of days. Did you know of the website Pinterest? I found the cutest tutorial about how to knit ankle booties for a bebe..."

I gave Antonio an incredulous look. I'll repeat myself again: What a dumbass.

Antonio raised one hand in surrender. "Ay! I know, I know. Wrong timing. But, it was nice to think about. I couldn't agree more with you. We're not nearly ready enough to raise a bebe. Although, I do want to have children with you someday…"

I sighed in relief, finally breathing. "What will your parents say?"

Antonio smirked. "Who says I'm going to tell them? It's not like I care about their opinions. And what about yours?"

I rolled my eyes, sparing him an 'are you fucking kidding me?' look. "Last time I heard, they were in jail for drug possession charges. Was it even necessary to ask?"

Antonio shrugged. "No, I suppose not. I was trying to say that this is our problem, not theirs. We'll do whatever the fuck we want."

I gasped in mocking. "What is this? The end of the world? Since when do you swear without being mad, bastard?"

Antonio grinned devilishly. "I pick up on a few things here and there. It's hard not to when you swear every second word."

"Fuck you. I don't fucking do that, you fucking cunt nugget," I giggled, purposefully letting him be right for once.

Antonio playfully bumped shoulders with me. "I think you meant to say 'fuck me'."

I blushed bright red, causing Antonio to laugh hysterically. "Fusosososo! That's something that will never change about you. Every time I mention sex, you get muy embarrassed. It's so cute!"

"I'm about this close to punching you in the balls," I threatened, despite beaming like a fool.

"Punch me in the lips instead," Antonio winked.

"Fine," I grumbled, pulling him in for a kiss. "Truce?"

"Truce," Antonio rasped into my mouth, playfully poking his tongue inside. I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, moaning when he deepened the kiss. It was all hands and the clashing of teeth: desperate, but exactly what we needed.

Eventually, we pulled away from each other. "We will have a family one day, won't we?" I asked, shyly looking at my feet.

Antonio kissed the top of my head. "Of course. I won't stop pestering you until we have at least three children."

"Two!" I scoffed. "I'd rather not destroy my vagina, thank you very much."

"But I've already destroyed it," Antonio exclaimed, a proud, smug grin on his face.

My eyes screamed bloody murder as I pulled him into a headlock. "Stop being so dirty minded!" I snarled.

Antonio sighed. "Easier said than done when my head's resting against your chest."

"Agh!" I screamed out in frustration, letting go of a cackling Antonio.

My face blushed even redder as I stood up and began to twitch away.

"L-Lovina," Antonio wheezed, still laughing. "Wait, mi amor. I still have one last thing to say."

"WHAT NOW?!" I spluttered.

Antonio caught up to me, grabbing my wrist.

"Let go of me, damn it!"

Antonio pouted his lips. "Not until I get another smooch."

I remained silent.

"I'll rub my stubble against your cheek. I know how much you 'despise' that," he teased.

I cringed at the thought. "I hate you," I spat, standing up on my toes to kiss him again.

"I love you too, you crazy, beautiful woman," Antonio's face sparkled, yes sparkled.

Before I knew it, Antonio was dragging me back to the tree. He bent over, zipping open his knapsack. He then grabbed said knapsack and walked ten paces away from the tree. I followed him, cocking my head to the side in question.

"What the hell are you planning now, bastard?" I growled, crossing my arms.

For reasons inexplicable, Antonio handed me a tomato. "Throw it at the tree," he hummed.

"Heh?!" I exclaimed. "The fuck! Why would I waste a perfectly good tomato?!"

Antonio rolled his eyes. "I have plenty more for us to eat."

Antonio took the tomato from my hand. "Here," he muttered. "Let me show you. Lord knows how much steam we need to get off our chests."

"That better not be another crack at our sex life," I warned.

"Fusoso," Antonio chuckled. "Not this time, I'm afraid."

My jaw dropped when he threw the tomato at the willow tree.

 **SPLAT!**

"Fuck you, alcohol!" Antonio cheered.

Seeing where he was going with this, I reached down, pulling out another ripe tomato - _I'm sorry, my precious, it had to be done_ – from the knapsack. This was quickly becoming a tradition of ours. But hey, you don't see me complaining. Breaking shit would always result in a happy Lovina.

"Fuck you, past!"

 **SPLAT!**

"Fuck you, parents!"

 **SPLAT!**

"Fuck you, Antonio!"

I'm sorry; that was _so_ called for after all he had done to me.

What Antonio did next was surprising.

"Fuck me x 2!"

I met Antonio's determined gaze, seeing him in a whole new light.

Somehow, I knew that everything would work out.

Perhaps not right away.

But with lots of time, hard work, and love, they would.

That, I was sure of.

…

I was in an immense amount of pain, so much so that I was lying on my back, a heating pad resting beneath my torso. Antonio let my head fall in his lap, partly because he liked playing with my curls when he was feeling nervous. He was always nervous when I was in pain. Especially when there was nothing he could do about it.

We were at his apartment, relaxing in the upstairs lounge on the couch. I had trusted Feli to Maddie. Oi, I had used Liza enough these past few weeks. I couldn't rely on that lunatic for everything. I felt awful, both emotionally and physically.

The protestors screaming profanities on our drive to the abortion clinic earlier today certainly didn't help with my mood either. Didn't they realize that I was heartbroken? That I already felt awful as it was? That I had a choice to not make my life miserable? That it was better off for everyone if I went through with this? Their presence only made the abortion process that much more unpleasant.

Fuck them.

Antonio jostled slightly, causing me to wince in pain. "Ay! Mi amor, lo siento! Lo siento!" he apologized, stroking my forehead.

I groaned; the cramps were becoming unbearable. Just thinking about how much they had stretched my cervix made me cringe. "It's fine," I grunted.

"No, it's not fine!" Antonio wailed, yes wailed; in his mother hen voice too. "What can boss get for you? Water? Tea? Hot Cocoa? I can go to the grocery store too! How about some ice cream? Gelato? Chocolate? Churros? Oh! I have the ingredients to make those here! And then I can make us this nice pasta dinner with lots of extra sauce and meatballs and-"

Did he ever stop rambling? Jesus fuck, was he ever loud.

I pressed two fingers against Antonio's lips, despite my eyes still being closed. "Zip it, bastard. I have a headache. Give me a few hours. I also want to supervise this 'cooking' of yours.

All right, in all truth, Antonio was actually an excellent cook. I just enjoyed teasing him, since he wasn't nearly up to par with my own culinary skills. He did make some very yummy paella though.

"Okay," Antonio pouted. "But are you sure you don't need-"

"I said zip it!"

Antonio deflated like a puppy who had just been scolded.

Sighing, I opened my eyes and looked up at him. "What now?" I asked.

"Whatever you want," Antonio said, rubbing my arms.

I opted to change the subject. What was done was done. There was no point in dwelling over it now. It was a mistake I would always regret making, but wouldn't regret fixing. I've already felt enough guilt. It was time to move on, learn from our past, and pave the way for a brighter future.

"Can you believe it, bastard? Feli's going off to kindergarten in two weeks. When the hell did she grow up? She's getting so big, and I haven't even noticed it. Crap," I muttered, rubbing at my eyes.

Antonio chuckled lightly. "You were too worried looking after her to actually _look_ at her. I feel the same way with you. You're no longer that feisty little teenager who refused to accept my help. You're still just as stubborn though. Ay! But I wouldn't change that for the world. It's what makes you so wonderful, Lovi. You're strong and proud. I look up to you. You've helped me through so much."

I bit my lip. Better tell him now. "You're right. I am different. That's why…that's why I'll be the one asking for your help."

"What is it?" Antonio murmured. "Anything. I'll do anything for you."

"Well," I inhaled deeply. "I applied for University all the way back in July. You really do have this annoying habit of getting into my head and having things go your way," I grumbled. "Anyways…this morning I got my acceptance letter. In September, I'll officially be working on my Bachelor's in Social Work. Happy now, bastard? I finally did what you asked me to. I'm going back to school. I want to help people have a supportive and loving childhood, something I never had."

Antonio sniffled. A drop of water splashed on my face, followed by several others. "I-I'm s-s-so happy and p-proud of y-you, mi t-t-tomatito," he sobbed. "Y-you know I've o-only wanted the b-best for you."

"Oi! Bastard! Stop crying, you're going to make _me_ cry!" I wailed.

"I can't!"

"Well fuck!"

"C'mere!"

"OW! HOLY FUCK! I'M ON PAIN MEDICATION FOR A REASON, DUMBASS!"

"Ay! Lo siento! Lo siento! I forgot!"

"Keh, of course you did."

…

With all the chaos that had gone on lately, what we were doing today was very much needed. We needed to move on, and for that to happen, Antonio needed closure. If we couldn't visit Francis in France, then we'd have to throw a funeral for him here. Although it went unsaid between the two of us, the mourning was also for the child we had aborted.

We were all gathered in the park, surrounded by a makeshift bonfire in pure daylight. The spot of choice was hidden by trees, and was in an area where families regularly set up their barbecues. That way, no one would be alarmed by the plumes of smoke.

In front of the bonfire, sat a framed picture of Francis, his lips curled into a characteristic cocky grin. There were several bouquets of roses that surrounded the picture, as those had been his favourite type of flower. Respecting Francis's other tastes, we had also set up several bottles of wine next to it.

It was a cloudy day that fit the solemn mood of this event well. We were all dressed in black, our lips pursed in respect. Feli and Ludwig were surprisingly quiet, but then again, they were getting old enough to read the atmosphere and behave themselves accordingly. I had raised Feli to have manners, after all.

Ludwig, despite having a crude older brother, was perhaps the most well-behaved of us all. He had a stoic expression on his face; his back straight and his stubby little chin held high. I could already tell that I wasn't going to like him when he was older: too stiff and emotionless. It was an unexplainable wonder why Feli liked him so much.

The only other two people at the procession were Gilbert and his now girlfriend Maddie. Gilbert looked like he was holding back tears, while Maddie silently consoled him, rubbing his forearm. I hated to admit it, but they were an admittedly cute couple. They balanced each other. Gilbert was never loud or brash with Maddie around. He had become an entirely different person, just for her. Sure, he was still insufferably cocky and arrogant, but with her, he allowed himself to be vulnerable.

I felt someone squeeze my hand, looking up to meet Antonio's kind, slightly fearful, green eyes. He was no longer sad over Francis's death. In fact, more than anything, he looked relieved. Perhaps even happy. He was finally able to say goodbye to Francis; there would be no crying involved. He had done enough crying. He was putting on a brave face to rejoice over the memories he had been fortunate enough to share with Francis, his brother.

Antonio cleared his throat, stepping forward. The flames licked at the air, growing stronger as if they sensed Antonio's passion for his late brother. It wasn't a very formal funeral, if you were wondering. We kind of just did what felt right.

"Hola Francis," Antonio smiled faintly, his adam's apple bobbing nervously. "I hope you're seeing this up in heaven. With your luck, you'll be watching us with several chicas under your arms. You were always quite the ladies man, weren't you, eheh?"

Antonio closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before continuing. "Right, well. I best get on with this. For the longest time, I blamed myself for your death. My own life spiralled out of control. I drank to cope with the guilt, and I ended up losing all my loved ones because of this.

"But then I realized something. You would have never wanted me to feel this way. You would have wanted me to carry on with my life. You would have wanted me to live a life full of love and joy. Dio, I almost forgot about who you were as a person for some time. You were always so forgiving and kind. You gave me advice when I was lost, and you were there for me when I was down. You were such a fantastic friend Francis, and I can't thank you enough for all that you did for me.

"I will always cherish the time we spent together as brothers. And now that you're gone, I know better than to linger in the past. I'll make you proud by cherishing the present; by living and loving my life to the fullest. And even though you were robbed from the full life you deserved, I know that you would have wanted better for me.

"Rest in peace Francis, mi hermano. I look forward to seeing you in a few decades, but not too soon! And thank you. Thank you for all the wonderful memories I was lucky enough to share with you. I'll never forget them…I'll never forget you…"

Antonio stepped back, letting a brief silence envelope around the bonfire area. I grabbed his hand, squeezing it in comfort. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

Antonio breathed, and I mean really breathed. He was free; his shoulders no longer drooped from the weight of self-inflicted guilt. He looked like a child, a brand-new person. "Si," he croaked. "I've never felt better," he answered.

Antonio was glowing.

Feli silently tugged on Antonio's pantleg. Antonio took the hint, bending down to scoop up Feli and place her on his shoulders. Feli comforted him by pressing kisses to the top of his head.

Antonio pressed his lips against the back of Feli's hand. "Gracias, chiquita," he murmured.

Maddie gave Gilbert a soft nudge in the rib-cage. "Gil, go and say something, darling. You're going to regret it if you don't."

Gilbert swallowed heavily, nodding his head bluntly as he stepped forward. His crimson eyes lacked their usual eccentric spark. "Hey Fran, buddy. I didn't really prepare anything, but I don't think anyone would be able to follow up after that."

Gilbert paused, letting everyone in the procession smirk at his light-hearted joke. I could practically feel Antonio's ego swell and begin to suffocate me.

"Anyway, although we didn't know each other for long, you really were an amazing person. Awesome even. Nein, you were definitely awesome. Without you, nights out wouldn't nearly be as fun as they were. Even if most of the time, I was dragging you away from a fight. But, who doesn't love a good brawl every now and then?

"Ahem, right. Well, I hope you're living up in heaven, mein friend. Try not to party too much, and don't be a stranger to beer, all right? It's a lot better than you think! Oh, and thank you. I hate to admit this, but you were right."

Gilbert paused to glance over at Maddie. "Love really does change people for the best. I was selfish to think otherwise."

Maddie blushed deeply, while Gilbert closed his 'speech'. "Au revoir, Francis. May the effeminacy be strong with you, you sly old flirt."

I scoffed, while Antonio bit his lip, most likely to stifle his laughter. "Those two always used to tease each other so much. Nothing's changed," he smirked.

I jolted a bit when Antonio bent down to whisper in my ear. "Would you like to say something, mi amor?"

Damn it. I hadn't prepared anything either. But, who was I to say no to such a face?

"Oh…um…sure," I stammered.

I took a step forward, my face warming when I felt everyone's gazes burn into the back of my neck. It took a lot of effort to keep my words kid-friendly, I'll tell you that.

"Hi, Francis. I hope you're doing well. ( _He's dead, how the fuck can he be doing well?!)._ I didn't really know you all that well either, but Antonio did, and I've heard plenty about you from him. From what I do know of you, you were very kind ( _perhaps too kind)_ and friendly.

"You carried a certain charm about you that was hard to ignore. Even if I told you not to, you would always hold open the door for me. I'm sure Antonio learned a lot from you over the years. Thank you for that. I'm proud to say that he's become such a wonderful person, despite a few setbacks along the road. All I can ask is that you watch over him and make sure that he doesn't do anything too stupid.

("Ay!")

("Kesesese!")

("Oh maple…here she goes…")

"I know, I know. You're not a miracle worker, but some help would be nice. I would also like to thank you for being there for Antonio when his parents weren't. You had such a big heart, and I respect that.

"Rest in peace, Francis. I promise that I'll take care of Antonio for you. You really were such a big part of his life… damn it. Look at me, I'm a sobbing mess. I-I'm just glad he was finally able to say goodbye to you… G-goodbye."

I stepped back, letting Antonio wrap his arms around my waist. He let his chin fall on my shoulders while I hiccupped and softly cried. Feli tapped my cheek, prompting me to grab her hand and hold it close my chest.

"It's okay, Feli," I whispered. "Your big sister is just really happy and really needs a hug."

Antonio and Feli both tightened their grip around me.

Once everyone was ready, we all grabbed a wine glass from the picnic basket Antonio had brought – save for Feli and Ludwig, as their hands were too small and clumsy – and poured ourselves some grape juice. It was the closest thing to wine, and you know full well why we weren't drinking the real thing.

Antonio raised his wine glass to the air. "To Francis!"

Gilbert, Maddie, and I raised our wine glasses to the air in reciprocation, toasting to the late Frenchman's life. "To Francis!"

We all drank from our glasses, setting them down when we were done.

"To Luddy!" Feli trilled, adorably oblivious.

Poor little Ludwig blushed in response, which prompted Gilbert to lift the potato child in the air, simba style, and shout: "To mein awesome little bruder!"

"Bruder, let go!" Ludwig wailed, kicking his feet. "I can stand on my own!"

Maddie brought Ludwig into her own arms, rocking him back and forth. "You're so silly," she scolded him. "You love being coddled, don't you?"

Ludwig turned purple, but didn't say anything else.

We all exchanged giggles and quips of our own before finally putting out the fire. Maddie helped Gilbert pack away the glasses and tupperware containers, while Antonio disappeared off into the forest, discarding the burnt tree branches. Feli was at my side, holding my hand as I searched for him. He should have been back by now.

"What's taking him so long?" I grumbled.

Feli sighed in boredom, letting go of my hand. She scuttled over to Ludwig, Gilbert and Maddie, who were all sitting down on a picnic blanket, relaxing despite the miserable, cloudy weather.

"Gee, thanks for the help," I scoffed, rolling my eyes when I saw Feli happily crawl to sit on Maddie's lap. At least it wasn't Gilbert's.

Just when I was about to give up, and go back to the others, Antonio appeared from the forest. He was no longer wearing a black suit jacket, and was instead carrying it over his arm. I couldn't blame him; the white blouse he had underneath was much easier to breathe in.

"There you are!" I called out, placing both hands over my hips. "What took you so long?"

Antonio smirked, jogging over, his chocolate-brown curls bouncing playfully. The amount of affection in his eyes had me staggering for words. He was planning something, I just didn't know what. I've never seen him like this. He was excited, nervous, and jumpy, like a kid about to enter a candy shop.

"I had to practice something," he answered, grinning from ear to ear.

"Practice wha…"

I faltered when Antonio bent down on one knee, reaching into the pockets of his dress pants to pull out a red velvet case. He opened the case, revealing a gold ring with a giant ruby as its stud.

I stopped breathing.

Maddie gasped too, but I didn't hear it.

Antonio grabbed my right hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it.

"Lovina Romana Vargas," he purred, his voice teeming with fondness. "A little over two years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting you. You stole my heart, but now I wish to give it to you myself. I surrender. Your stubbornness and feistiness never failed to keep me on my toes. I finally found someone who refused to kiss the ground at my feet. I was cocky and arrogant, but you put me in my rightful place! And now look at where we are! You're standing, and I'm kneeling before you.

"I want to share everything with you. I want to grow old with you. I want to be with you every second of the day. You are my everything, Lovi. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Silence.

I looked down at Antonio, my lips trembling. I could barely even stand. The sounds of the birds chirping in the forest dulled. My vision was only focused on Antonio; on his breathtakingly kind smile; his beautiful green eyes; and those lips, dio those lips which tempted me to ravage them, to conjoin them with my own.

Antonio chuckled nervously, his eyes darting back to our small audience. "Eheh, Lovina?" he whispered under his breath. "You have to give me an answer, mi amor."

I snapped back into focus. Thankfully, Maddie and Gilbert were smart enough to cover Ludwig's and Feli's ears. I was caught off guard; this moment was unfiltered and raw with emotions I couldn't hope to control.

"Yes!" I gasped. "Yes! Of course! Yes! Yes! Yes! Fuck! Yes! Fucking yes, you fucking bastard!"

Antonio grinned from ear to ear, lifting me in the air and spinning me around. "Te amo, Lovi!" he exclaimed, tearing up. "Te amo! Te amo! Te amo!"

As Antonio twirled me around, the sun poked through the clouds, bathing him in gold. I blinked in confusion, as his eyes had turned blue briefly before switching back to its normal green hue. I thought nothing of it, riding it off as a mere trick of the light. Warmth radiated from his entire body; I wanted him as close to me as humanely possible.

Gilbert erupted in boisterous cheers, while Maddie clapped politely, wiping at her eyes occasionally. Feli and Ludwig looked back and forth between the adults holding them, confused, but happy that something good had happened.

Antonio set me down. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him, our tongues flicking back and forth in a passionate tempo. I couldn't get enough of him even though we had just committed to spending the rest of our lives together. I'd get to wake up to this bastard's face every day, and for that, I was overjoyed.

I let my head rest against the crook of Antonio's neck. He hummed into my ear, playfully rocking us back and forth in a gentle dance. "What kind of idiot proposes during a funeral?" I smirked.

"Oh hush," Antonio chided. "Francis would have wanted this. He was always a sucker for l'amour."

Meanwhile, Gilbert choked back sobs, hugging Ludwig tight enough to his chest to suffocate the poor boy. "A-awesome d-doesn't cry," he choked.

Maddie rolled her eyes, tucking her chin over Feli's head. "Don't set a bad example for your little brother. It's perfectly all right to cry, Gil. Besides, we both know that you cried when we watched Marley and Me."

"How could I not?!" Gilbert spluttered. "Rule one of good movie making: never kill off the pets! That doggo deserved so much better."

"Oh, come here you," Maddie giggled, wrapping an arm over Gilbert's shoulders.

Gilbert sniffled, letting his head rest on Maddie's own shoulders. "If anyone asks, I had a bad allergic reaction."

Maddie sighed. "Unbelievable."

Feli wriggled out of Maddie's arms. "Sorella!" she called out, stumbling towards Antonio and myself, her copper braid swinging behind her.

Feli shyly grabbed my leg. "How come you're both crying, ve? I want a kiss from 'Tonio too," she pouted.

I giggled. "I'm just happy, Feli," I cooed. "We finally get to be a family now."

Feli's brown eyes widened into saucers.

I cocked my head over at Antonio. "Meet your new papà." "Really?!" Feli exclaimed. "Tonio's my papà?!"

"Yes really," I beamed.

"Can your papà have a hug now?" Antonio asked Feli, batting his lashes in a feigned pout.

"Si! Si!" Feli trilled. "But I also want a kiss, ve!" Antonio bent down, picking up Feli by the armpits. She began to giggle uncontrollably when he planted several kisses against her stomach.

"Muah~ Is that enough kisses for you?"

"Ahahaha! Si! Si!"

Antonio held Feli in his arms, playfully bouncing her up and down. I closed the distance between us, and enveloped them both in a firm hug.

I looked up at Antonio, our noses brushing against each other.

The words formed on my lips, but I didn't have to say them.

They were communicated by our eyes alone.

 _Thank you, for everything..._

 ** _To be Continued..._**


	14. Awesome Love and Bastardly Cliches

**A/N PLEASE READ FRIENDS: **Hello, hello! There will be one more chapter after this one, which will serve as an epilogue. A lot of you PM'd me about Gilbert and Lovina's relationship, so I thought I would add in an extra scene here on top of the usual Spamano. Hope it clears things up :)

For my regular readers, I know I sound like a broken record, but it's because I'm near completing many stories xD.

That being said, I'd like to remind you all that I am a **VERY** sensitive person. I always get really offended and upset when people unfollow a story after its completed. **Please** don't be that person. I find it rude, and it makes me feel used as an author. Of course, I can't dictate whether you favourite or unfavourite a story, as that's your own taste, but the unfollowing really doesn't sit well with me.

Anywho, **THANKS** a million for all the support this story has gotten, and to my kind Beta Reader **NebulaZee** for making this story readable. I had a goal of 80 followers for this story (SO CLOSE OMG, pls guys, help a fellow fangirl out here if you haven't already ;)). The response and reviews and overall support has just been amazing. You're all wonderful.

I hope you enjoy this 11,000 word chapter :D (biggest one of the story, I believe). I thought I would spoil you all with more fluff.

-Ella

* * *

 **Awesome Love and Bastardly Cliches:**

 **Gilbert's POV** : (Flashback)

Ya know, as a bachelor of the ripe old age of 24, I didn't mind a little bit of craziness here and there. In fact, it was welcomed. I blogged about my awesome life for a living, I'll have you know.

The situation with Lovina and Antonio, however, was just pure madness. Lovina had caught Antonio drinking again – something I had been completely unaware of. Next thing I knew, they broke up, Antonio was a complete mess, and Lovina refused to answer her phone calls. Not that I blamed her; it only made things more difficult to piece together.

One part of me was furious with Antonio. I wanted to throttle him and scream my head off. But then, I thought back to all the times I had openly drank in front of him since he's been released from rehab. I didn't want to baby him, to skirt around the subject as if it were forbidden. He'd have to confront it eventually, right?

Wrong, between his arguments with his parents, and my drinking, Antonio became stressed, and stress quickly became his trigger to start drinking again. I felt like a complete ass. I know this statement may surprise you folks, but enough about me. Given what happened, I had to do a lot of damage control. A lot, a lot.

Antonio was hardly existing without Lovina. I had visited his apartment, only to find a shell of the man who used to live there. Antonio wasn't eating, drinking, or breathing without Lovina there by his side. She was his everything. Once gone, Antonio felt empty without her. Ah, well, empty until I came, and then he became angry.

I put up with his anger, taking care of him to the best of my abilities. I cleaned up his apartment – shocking I know, considering how 'disgusting' Lovina finds my own apartment – and tried to feed him, emphasis on tried, but if Antonio didn't want to do something, he wouldn't be doing it. The Spaniard could be a stubborn, insufferable bastard if he was feeling grudgeful enough.

He also cried a lot, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt by looking away when he did. As his best friend, I couldn't stand the sight of seeing him sob so helplessly like that. It broke my heart, ya know? So not awesome.

Anyways, I managed to calm down Antonio when I told him that I would speak with Lovina. Obviously, this wouldn't be solving anything between them, but they needed to talk to each other. They had been in a relationship for far too long to let things end like this without another word.

It would only hurt them more if they didn't receive closure. I didn't intend for them to get back together – that was their decision to make, not mine. Even if they broke up, they needed to do it face to face, otherwise they wouldn't be able to move on. They deserved to be happy, damn it. Whatever they decided to do, I was on both of their sides.

And today, I was acting as their mediator.

Seeing Lovina be just as heartbroken as Antonio really did a number on me. It brought me back to the first time when Antonio had broken her heart, when he had gone to rehab and she had moved in with me and little Ludwig. Lovina closed herself off when she was hurt. Heck, it had taken me at least two months afterwards before she had finally opened up to me. This time was no different, as it had taken a little bit of convincing to get her to allow me into her apartment.

Contrary to what she thought, I wasn't there on Antonio's behalf. I was there for her more than anything else. Perhaps I'm biased, but I had always had a bit of a crush on Lovina. When Antonio first introduced me to her, we clicked in the oddest way possible. We were both sassy, young, snapped at each other constantly, and had a younger sibling to take care of.

Of course, I would never dare to intrude on her and Antonio's relationship. He found her first, and I respected what they had. Lovina never knew about my true feelings for her, and I intended to keep it that way. Living with her was hard, but most difficult of all was when she had left, moving out on her own.

A naïve part of me wished for her, Feli, myself, and Ludwig to become a big ole dysfunctional family. On the other hand, the unawesome side of me, that which is realistic and gracious, knew that this could never be. If she was to be with anyone, Lovina belonged with Antonio.

Just like a year ago, today I gave Lovina the extra push she needed. She was leaving me again, and I was letting her. I still loved her, but not like the way I did before. I only wanted the best for her.

Besides, can we take a moment to appreciate how hilarious her reaction was when I had told her that Antonio wasn't eating? Man, that girl became violent! She had no idea how to control her emotions. It was like her tiny little body had self-imploded, kesese. Lovina had always been a spitfire, and today certainly wasn't an exception to that rule.

It was no surprise why I had initially fallen in love with her. Lovina didn't give a fuck about what other people thought about her. She reminded me a lot of my college girlfriend, Elizabeta, whom I'm still good friends with by the way – even if the Hungarian did rip my heart in two by leaving me for that sissy pianist. Yes, I'm still extremely butthurt about that, ahem.

I had always been attracted to loud-mouthed, stubborn women. Perhaps this was why Maddie's appearance in my life took me off guard. No, she didn't take me off guard. She made me breathless; nervous; anxious; uncertain. She was the first girl I didn't feel confident talking to, and I had no idea why.

We had met a couple of weeks back when Ludwig had wandered off in Lovina's apartment building on his own. Upon returning mein silly little bruder to me, I thanked Maddie, but Amelia – Maddie's batshit crazy twin sister – had gotten the wrong idea, assuming that I was trying to 'hook-up' with her baby sister.

Next thing I knew, Amelia had beaten the utter crap out of me. I let her, just to be clear. It's not awesome to hit a woman. Call me old fashioned like that, but I just couldn't do it.

I shuddered inwardly at the horribly embarrassing memory.

My first impression in front of Maddie was not a good one, that's for sure.

And now that she was here, in front of me for a second time, in Lovina's apartment, looking so shy and adorable, I had all words robbed from me. She had offered to take care of Feli while Lovina went over to Antonio's apartment to patch things up between them. Lovina for some strange reason still didn't trust me enough to watch Feli on my own.

From the minute Maddie first entered the apartment, my hearing dulled. I didn't hear what Lovina had to say to me as she left. I was only focused on Maddie, from her shy violet eyes, to her rosy cheeks, to her long, delicate blonde girls, I just _couldn't_ stop staring.

Mein Gott, she was perfect. Maddie was delicate in frame, slender, and quaint. She dressed modestly too, wearing simple light denim capris that were folded at the bottom, a baggy red t-shirt, and matching sneakers.

I looked like a complete douche for what I was wearing. If I had known I would be seeing Maddie again, I would have dressed a hell of a lot nicer than the ripped jeans and the acid-wash graphic t-shirt I currently had on. I felt like a punk when the metal chains attached to my jeans jingled as I shuffled around.

Maddie looked up at me, giving me a quirky smile. Now that we were alone, I had no idea what to do. She reminded me of a bird the way that her gaze hesitantly flittered up and down to meet my eyes, nervously bouncing on the balls of her feet.

For reasons inexplicable, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "So," I asked her. "Do you like birds?"

Maddie gave me a strange look, nervously twirling a blonde curl around her index finger. "I'm sorry?"

"Ah, well, I like birds, and um, I just thought it would be a good conversation starter, kesesese!" I laughed nervously, wanting nothing more than to facepalm myself into unconsciousness, nein oblivion.

The strange look on Maddie's face increased tenfold.

Really?! What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I say that? Why…why couldn't I think properly in front of this chick? Agh! Enough about birds!

I blushed.

Amelia, true to her hero status, saved the day by letting out a loud, disgusting moan from across the hallway.

Maddie winced. "Does she not realize how loud she's being?" she deadpanned.

Before I could answer Maddie, Feli began to stir from her nap, her sniffling loud enough to be heard from behind her bedroom door.

Maddie nearly tripped over her feet, glad to have an excuse to get away from me, _unfortunately_. "I'll go check on Feli, see if she's all right."

I did nothing but nod as Maddie poked her head into Feli's bedroom, affirming that the napping child hadn't been woken.

When Maddie stepped out of Feli's bedroom, her face became red when she saw me standing there awkwardly in the front room, hands tightly fisted and placed into the pockets of my jeans.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "I know this place better than you do! Would you like something to drink?" I offered, looking anywhere but her.

"Does she have tea?" Maddie asked, her voice no more than a soft whisper.

"Yep!" I smiled wildly, not helping my predicament in the slightest.

I would have to keep my distance from her, otherwise it was likely she was going to call the cops. Thus far, I've acted like nothing but a creep.

As Maddie sat on one of the bar stools in front of the kitchen counter, I nervously set the kettle to a boil, nearly breaking three mugs and two toes in the process. I couldn't stop bumping into/ nearly dropping things. More than that, I could hardly see. I was blacking out from this new type of anxiety I had never felt before.

I filled a mug with green tea and slid it over the counter to Maddie. I was standing in the kitchen in front of the sink, making sure to give her space, _a lot_ of space.

Maddie nodded her head in thanks, wrapping a delicate hand around the mug. I sipped from my own mug of tea, drowning out my sorrows to forget the inevitable tension in the room. Maddie wasn't a chatty person to begin with, and I've already weirded her out enough as it was.

Simply put, for once in my life, I didn't know what to say.

"How's little Ludwig doing?" Maddie broke the silence. "Where is he?"

My face instantly became red. Tragically, the mug wasn't large enough to hide most of my face. Paradoxically, I had taken a large enough sip to choke on the tea. "Good, thank you. He's at his babysitter's," I answered, my voice choppy and uneven as I tried to stifle a cough.

Maddie appeared to be confused.

"Lovina, and well, her boyfriend had a falling out," I explained, looking at a _really_ interesting crack in the wall. "Someone had to fix it. I'm friends with both of them."

"Oh," Maddie hummed. "That's very sweet of you. Not everyone has friends like that," she smiled.

"Trust me," I scoffed. "I'm not that great of a friend."

"Well you're here now, aren't you? At least you're doing something," Maddie proposed, gazing down at the liquid in her mug. She knew better than to pry further.

I silently nodded my head in agreement. "So, what brings you here?" I asked her, daring to look her in the eye for a brief moment. Gott, I've never seen someone with such a soft expression before. It made my whole chest melt and constrict uncomfortably.

Maddie sniffed in disgust, her nose wrinkling. I bit my lip, trying not to smirk at how adorable it was when she got mad. If you could even call that emotion on her face mad; she appeared more disgruntled than anything. "I was supposed to have lunch with Amelia today, but it looks like she's busy elsewhere," she scowled.

I chuckled lightly at her comment. We were far enough away from the door not to hear what Amelia was doing "elsewhere".

"Her loss," I remarked. "An afternoon with a sweet girl like you sounds awesome."

Maddie's lips parted open, prompting me to turn around, slap my face left and right, and then bang my head against the refrigerator, hard. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!

"Uh, Gilbert? Are you okay?"

"Fine," I croaked weakly. "There was a mosquito…"

Maddie smiled to herself, accepting my poor excuse. Or so I had thought. "Thank you," she said as a slight pink tinge adorned her upper cheekbones. "I'm sure spending an afternoon with you isn't that bad either. Even if you do have an odd way of killing bugs with your forehead," she joked.

I turned around, shocked by the passive-aggressive grin on Maddie's face. She knew my lie and was calling me out for it.

"Oi," I huffed. "I'm nervous, all right? Haven't you ever heard of stranger danger?"

Maddie gasped in feigned shock. Slowly, she was beginning to become more comfortable around me. "Who, me?" she asked, hugging her mug close to her chest. "Why, I wouldn't hurt a fly. Well, seeing as you're so nervous, let's not be strangers to each other, eh? Tell me about yourself. What do you do for a living? Other than making poor first impressions on people. I mean, seriously. I was beginning to think that you were a psychopath. I had half the mind to call child protection services on you."

"I like birds!" I protested. "And I'll have you know that I'm not like this around other p-people!"

"Oh, so it's only with me? Why is that?" Maddie mused, leaning over the counter, purple eyes smug. It was then where I saw the connection between the two siblings. Amelia was up front and in your face, whereas Maddie liked to toy with people, using sarcastic banter to get under people's skin. Point is, they were both playful in their own unique way.

"Jesus, woman!" I exclaimed. "Let me answer one question at a time."

Maddie raised one hand in surrender, taking a sip of her tea with the other. "Well, go on," she encouraged, waving her free hand. "Enlighten me with your awesome life."

The Canadian must have been around long enough to know my overuse and appreciation of said word.

I set down my mug of tea, crossing my arms sternly. This was the 'fatherly' gesture I did when Ludwig dared to scold me for eating too many chicken nuggets. I was an adult and he was only four, damn it!

"I don't like that tone of yours, missy. But, if you must know, I run a website for a living," I admitted. Okay, that wasn't a complete lie. I wasn't sure how she would react to the idea of me running a blog, so I decided to leave this bit of information out.

"I've been raising Ludwig since he was a baby. Our parents have been out of the picture for a while, and for a good reason too. I'm just glad I was able to get him out of that toxic environment," I trailed off, blinking harshly as memories of my childhood began to resurface.

"I'm sorry," Maddie said, reaching over the counter to rub my forearm in comfort.

"Nah, don't be," I inhaled and exhaled, feeling calm again. "That was a long time ago."

Maddie squeezed my arm again before letting go. "Tell me about your website," she prompted. "What got you into such a business?"

I shrugged, mildly embarrassed. "Ah well, I have a degree in computer science, but it wasn't really my cup of tea," I paused to let Maddie giggle at my lame joke. "I tried getting a job in the 'real world', but not many people were keen on hiring, well this."

I gestured at my white hair and red eyes. "I'm an oddball," I muttered bitterly. "Working from home is easier. I don't have to worry about people judging me all the time."

"That's harsh of you to say that about yourself," Maddie simpered. "Gosh, people can be so mean. I think you look fine just the way you are. If you don't mind me saying this, most girls I know would find you attractive…including myself."

Maddie looked down at the counter.

"Really?" I smirked, quirking a brow at the Canadian.

"Yes, really," Maddie huffed, flustered as she straightened the glasses perched on her nose.

"Well, I think you're attractive too," I winked at Maddie, my flirtatious nature kicking in. Now that I knew our attraction to each other was mutual, I was no longer nervous. Maddie had just given me something to latch onto, and like the pestiferous leech I was, I would never let her live it down.

"How old are you anyway?" Maddie gazed at me suspiciously.

"24, you?" I answered.

"21," Maddie meekly replied.

Not bad, not bad at all.

I clapped my hands together. "All right! Enough about me. I want to hear _your_ story, fraulein. What brought you here all the way from Canada?"

"Hmmm, this is quite a long story," Maddie pondered. "Basically, Amelia and I, despite being twins, grew up separately; our parents divorced when we were two. Amelia moved with our Dad to America, while I stayed with our Mom back in Canada. I've just completed my Bachelor's in Education, and am looking to get into a teacher's college.

"Amelia wanted me to live closer, so I decided to move here to finish the last of my studies. It wasn't much trouble seeing as I have dual citizenship. I only moved here about two months ago, and I already miss Canada. The tuition isn't nearly as expensive there as it is here. Honestly, I didn't think most of this through. Amelia and I have always been close emotionally, and I suppose I just wanted to live near her for once. I'm a horrible pushover, you see," Maddie chuckled weakly.

"That's not fair," I protested, leaning over the counter and crossing my arms. "I mean, I think it's awesome you want to be close to your sister, but you should also get a choice over the matter."

Maddie waved her hands back and forth. "Maple!" she exclaimed, presumably in her own PG-13 manner of cussing. "Don't get me wrong, I really did want to come here. The only issue is money. Our parents are doing what they can, but Amelia's tuition has already dried up most of their expenses. She just finished her degree in nutrition. I was able to get a scholarship at my University in Canada and lived with my Mom, but now I have to work a few odd jobs to support myself here on my own."

Maddie paused, flushing a bright red. "Ah, just look at me," she bowed her head. "I'm sorry, Gilbert. I shouldn't be pushing all of this on you. Heck, I barely know you. I don't usually talk this much; I don't know what's come over me," she stumbled out through trembling lips.

I stared at Maddie in shock, feeling my stomach twist and churn uncomfortably. This girl was clearly struggling; she was lonely and scared. Money had never been a problem for me after my blog had taken off. I had forgotten how stressful living on your own could be. I wanted to spoil Maddie, to give her stability, to treat her like a princess, no matter how unrealistic and weird of a desire this was.

Just thinking about all of this made me want to slap myself again. Since when had I ever been this sappy?

"Hey," I chided, swallowing heavily to prevent my voice from cracking. "Cheer up, kiddo. You're just experiencing a bout of student blues. Starting your life is scary, especially when you move to a different country. Trust me, I would know. I'm originally from Germany. Point is, it's normal to feel unsure of yourself. There are plenty of people in your position, struggling for money, not knowing if what they're doing will lead them to success. That's the wrong way to think. If you worry about failure, then it becomes your only option. Think about success, and the failures along the way will seem minuscule once you finally do make it in life."

Oh mein Gott, what kind of bullcrap was spewing from my mouth now?

"It always helps to have a friend too. I can be that friend if you ever feel the need to talk. I really don't mind. We've all been there."

Correction, why didn't I stop talking?

Maddie looked up at me, her eyes wide in appreciation. Crap, now I wanted to spoil her again. I could already see what my future therapist would be writing o his/her clipboard: "Sugar-Vati Complex."

"Gilbert, where have you been all my life?" she laughed, sniffling. "I was wrong about you. Actually, I was wrong for believing what Lovina had to say about you. You're not arrogant at all. You're probably the most compassionate person I've ever met."

My eyebrows twitched. Oh, Lovina was going to get it good the next time I saw her, that dirty little cock-blocker.

"Now that's taking things too far," I said in rebuttal. "Awesomeness has its perks, but it can get a bit grating over time. You just haven't been around me for long enough. By the way, I think it's _awesome_ that you want to be a teacher. You have the right amount of patience, and you're kind. Any kid would be lucky to have you."

"Just as Ludwig's lucky to have you," Maddie returned with a sly curl of the lips. "You're not bad, not bad at all. I would very much like to be friends with you. I don't know many people here… perhaps you could show me around sometime?"

What?! Was Maddie hinting at what I think she was hinting at?

"Of course, ja, yes!" I blurted out excitedly. Suddenly, I had become a thesaurus by agreeing in three different ways. "I would love to take you on a date-! I mean, uh-! Show you around!"

Maddie giggled. "I'd like that too. Unless you don't want to take me on a date?"

"Nein! No! Non!" Seriously, where the heck did the French even come from?! Oh, right. Maddie had a Québécois accent. I shook my head fast enough for it to be comical. "I'd love to, seriously! You seem like a really cool girl!"

"It's settled then," Maddie smirked, batting her long eyelashes behind her glasses. The girl wasn't as innocent as she'd initially have you think. "I'll make sure to get your number before I leave. Eh, Mr. Awesome?"

"Kesesese," I squeaked out a weak laugh. "What will your sister have to say about this? Last time I checked, she threatened to crack open my skull with a baseball bat should I even try to speak to you again."

"It's a little late for that now," Maddie rolled her eyes. "She doesn't rule my life, you know. I'll do what I damn well please! But, maybe we should keep this to ourselves, for the time being at least. Amelia doesn't react well to things if they're sprung on her suddenly. I'll ease her into accepting the idea of us…hanging out."

"Sounds good," I shakily nodded my head, allowing myself to breathe.

Maddie looked like she wanted to tease me about my fear of Amelia, but she didn't for the sake of my pride. There was no need to pretend in front of Maddie anyway. She saw right through me. She was really perceptive like that.

Thankfully, the appearance of Feli distracted us from the topic of my _very_ warranted fear of a certain bat-happy American.

"Sorella?" Feli yawned, stepping out of her bedroom, her brown eyes sleepy and heavy-lidded. The little chickee had her auburn hair tied in two braids and was wearing loose overalls with a tomato print t-shirt underneath. Gott, she was adorable.

"Your sister's left the house for a bit, Feli," I called out, standing up from my chair to greet her. "You're stuck with me for a few hours."

Feli sighed, pouting her lips as she looked up to me for help. "Sorella's been really sad because of 'Tonio. I miss him."

"Ah, I wouldn't worry about her, silly," I scolded, bending down to pick up Feli and cradle her in my arms. She giggled when I bounced her up and down playfully. "Your sister's a strong woman, just like you. I'm sure she'll cheer up eventually, especially since she has a little cutie like you in her life."

I made a conscious effort not to mention Antonio.

Feli smiled and snuggled against the crook of my neck. "Gillie," she crooned fondly.

Maddie watched with fond eyes as I sat down on a barstool next to her, jostling Feli in my lap until she was in a more comfortable position. "Where's Luddy?" Feli murmured into my neck, still half asleep. "I miss him too."

"He's at Auntie Liza's," I answered Feli, causing her to pout again.

Feli pulled away from my neck, turning to notice that Maddie was sitting next to us.

Maddie gave Feli a small wave. "Bonjour Feli," she said warmly. "Do you remember me? I'm your sister's friend, Maddie. I'm also Amelia's sister. You like her a lot, don't you?"

Feli responded by burying her face into my neck again, nodding slightly.

"Feli," I scolded. "Is that how you treat a guest?"

Feli grumbled, refusing to move until I rubbed her back enough times. Lovina really did spoil the child, contrary of what she said.

"Ciao, Maddie," Feli muttered shyly. "Si, I remember you. Emmy beat up Gillie because he looked at you funny."

"Yes, that's me," Maddie snickered, covering her mouth with one hand much to my disgruntlement.

Feli's expression suddenly became devious.

Before I could intervene, Feli went in for the kill. She knew exactly how to play the cute angle, and was well adept in making things work out in her favour. Lovina did warn Maddie about this, after all.

"All Gillie makes me is chicken nuggets when he watches me. Can you make me something yummy? Like pasta?" Feli asked Maddie.

My chest puffed out in offence. So what if I was a shitty cook? I survived off microwavable food and I turned out just fine, didn't I?

Never mind. Don't answer that question.

Maddie reached over to pat Feli's hand in sympathy. "I can't make pasta yet, since it's still too early, but I can make it for dinner if you like. I promised your sister I wouldn't give you too many snacks. Hey, Feli? Want me to let you in on a secret?"

Feli's eyes widened in curiosity.

Maddie took this as her cue to bend closer to Feli. "If you don't tell your sorella, we can bake cookies together. It's okay to be spoiled every now and then, right?"

"Si! Si!" Feli grinned from ear to ear, reaching out for Maddie. "I like you~!"

"I like you too!" Maddie swooned, likely from how cute Feli was being/ _acting_. It was always a mix with Feli.

"You like her because she's bribing you with cookies," I harrumphed, jealously crossing my arms as Feli settled in Maddie's lap.

Feli stuck out her tongue at me, while Maddie played with her braids. "Not true! It's not my fault you can't cook and Maddie can! Luddy told me he wants to live here because mi sorella can cook really good!"

"Well, Gil, what do you have to say to defend yourself?" Maddie taunted softly. I don't think I've ever seen such soft lips before; I wanted to kiss them _real_ bad. Ack! Focus, Gil, focus! "Do you really not know how to cook?"

I huffed and puffed. "It's not that I can't cook! I'm just too awesome to waste my time on something as mundane as that!"

Maddie and Feli both gave me an unamused look, calling out my bluff.

"He's lying," Feli pointed a sly index finger at me.

"Just like how you lie to your sister about stealing food from the kitchen when she's not looking?" I retorted.

Feli faltered, but was quick to recover when a certain gullible Canadian came to her aid.

Maddie gasped, hugging a smug-looking Feli to her chest. "Let a girl live a little!"

Whose side was she on anyways? Clearly, not mine.

"Si, let me live," Feli mimicked.

I looked up at the ceiling and scoffed. "Lovina, I hope you're happy. Your sister is becoming just like you. I don't know whether to be scared or impressed."

Feli leered at me, revelling in her victory despite the angelic look on her face.

"Okay, definitely both. Christ."

…

It was mid-August when Maddie, my now girlfriend, finally decided it was time to re-introduce me to her sister, Amelia, as well, you know how our first meeting had gone. Like she had promised, Maddie kept dropping hints for the American, saying how "Gilbert really wasn't that bad" and that "he was actually quite the gentleman!"

Amelia, however, wasn't pleased when Maddie had told her that we were dating. Apparently, the American had thrown a fit, smashing everything in sight, only to collapse on the floor and start bawling her eyes out. Amelia wanted to protect her sister, and was also selfish in believing that she could keep her twin sister to herself.

No matter, today would change that, I was sure of it. Things were looking up. Antonio and Lovina were taking part in counselling and therapy sessions, so there was no need to worry about them. What's more, Feli and Ludwig were in good hands at Liza's house.

Now all I had to worry about was the baseball bat in Amelia's hands.

Presently, I was in the Jones-Kirkland's apartment, sitting at the kitchen table across from Arthur, who had the biggest eyebrows I had ever seen in my life. I had half the mind to take a picture of him. What? It would have made a great meme for my blog! Don't get self-righteous and pretend like you wouldn't make fun of them!

Anyways, I'm getting off track. That tended to happen when your life was on the line, hence scattering your brain into a pile of dopey mush.

Maddie needed Amelia's permission before we could _officially_ begin dating each other. Hence, why we were at the American's apartment, as I had agreed to undergo a set of questioning by the star-spangled psycho.

Arthur, who for reasons inexplicable was wearing a sweater vest and tweed pants despite the late summer weather, was nose-deep in a book, a steaming mug of Earl tea resting before him. He was giving me no help whatsoever as Amelia paced back and forth in the kitchen, a baseball bat nonchalantly hung over her right shoulder. The American was only wearing a white bikini top and a pair of mini denim shorts, exposing her pale, fit, and muscular midriff for all to see.

Maddie was standing in the living room, nervously wringing her hands, and shifting from foot to foot like a jittery bird who couldn't find a comfortable perching position. As always, she looked adorable in her loose denim overalls and cropped red t-shirt. Unfortunately, I couldn't look at her too long without triggering Amelia's temper and jealousy.

I swallowed heavily as a pair of murderously cheerful cerulean eyes locked their gaze on me. "So, Gilbert, what makes you think you have the right to date my little sis?" Amelia hummed, her mirthful tone not fooling me in the slightest. Her innocence was a façade.

"Um, well," I stammered, feeling sweat bead on the back of my neck. Arthur looked up from his book to give me a pitiful glance, only to make me want to reach over and strangle him when a smug smirk reached his lips, almost as if to say 'it was nice knowing you, old chap'. Or something like that. He was British, so I was probably overdoing the stereotypes just a tad.

"Your sister, ahem, Madeline, has made me learn a lot about myself. She's sweet, and kind, and always knows how to cheer me up. I just thought it would only be fair if I got the chance to reciprocate the favour, you know spoil her a little, love her, treat and cherish her like she's my entire world," I answered, feeling my face heat when Maddie gave me a nod of approval, her own cheeks tinged a bright pink.

Amelia wasn't convinced just yet. "Tell me, Gilbert, Gilbo, buddy, old pal," she leered. "Why is it that when Lovina talked to me about you, all she had to say was that you were an extreme fuckboy with commitment issues?"

I forced a smile on my face, my left eye twitching. I made a mental note to myself to prank and mess with Lovina the moment I got out of this hellhole. That Italian had cockblocked me one too many times. "I was in a bad place back then," I said honestly. "My college girlfriend had just broken up with me, and six months later she was already engaged to the man she had left me for. I didn't want to get attached to anyone."

"Ha!" Amelia barked. "A likely excuse! You aren't fooling me, darling," she warned, bending the tip of her baseball bat so that it rested just a few inches away from my nose. "But, I will give you the benefit of the doubt if you promise to be honest with me. If not, justice will be indeed served."

Something told me that Amelia's justice entailed me getting repeatedly whacked in the head with her baseball bat.

Arthur scoffed, lowering his book. "For God's sakes woman, can't you just question him like a normal person? This is a preposterous way to get to know someone, let alone have a conversation."

"No one asked you, Artie," Amelia put on that same murderous smile. "And who said that this was a conversation? This is an interrogation," she huffed. "I must protect my sister's innocence. So, Gilbert, colour me unimpressed, but how many girls have you slept with exactly?"

Arthur rolled his eyes, dropping the topic as he muttered something about how he needed to teach Amelia proper etiquette, a "hopeless endeavor" as he so 'eloquently' put it.

Maddie cleared her throat before I had the chance to answer. Good thing too because it would have taken me a while to come up with an honest estimate. "Amelia, I'm not a virgin."

Amelia's eyes watered before she pulled back from me and exploded. "WHAT?!" she spluttered. "WITH WHO!? WHEN?!"

Arthur jumped three feet in the air, angrily rubbing his now sore right ear. "It's supposed to be 'with whom', you bloody lunatic," he scowled to himself, going ignored by everyone.

Maddie gave Amelia an incredulous look. "Did you honestly think I haven't dated anyone before?" she asked, wide-eyed. "I went through four years of college, Amelia. It was bound to happen eventually. I can't believe you actually thought such a thing! Oh, and it was during my second year."

Amelia started to sniffle, stubbornly wiping at her eye with her free hand as she brought Maddie into a one-armed hug. "Who is he? I-I'll kill him and c-chop off his balls for leaving you," she sobbed.

"Bollocks, here she goes," Arthur sighed. I gave the Brit a confused look.

Maddie groaned, rubbing her sister's back. Amelia shook her head back and forth in denial, causing her short blonde curls to bounce. "I didn't learn his name. It was at a random party, so there's no need for any illegal castration," she teased. Amelia hiccupped. "Gosh, I really didn't think this would be such a big deal to you."

"O-o' course it's a big deal," Amelia whimpered, her grip on the bat loosening. "We're sisters, we're supposed to tell each other everything."

"You never asked," Maddie soothed, smoothing a hand over the back of Amelia's head.

The bat dropped to the ground, rolling out of view. Thank Gott.

Arthur set down his book, standing up from his seat to walk into the kitchen and open the pantry. He pulled out a plastic box of cheap powdered donuts, clearing his throat. "Amelia, love? Would you like something to eat?"

Amelia looked over her shoulder, saw the donuts, and before I knew it, she had sprinted over to Arthur, trapping him in a massive bear hug. "A-Artie!" she choked, ugly tears and snot streaking down her red cheeks. "Hold me, dude! This is too much to handle. My little sister has already lost her innocence! Some hero I am."

"There, there. I'm sure your sister knew what she was doing. She's strong like you and can look after herself," Arthur comforted Amelia in the strangest, most paternalistic way possible. Then again, Amelia was pretty childish. "You can still be her hero without having to look after her all the time."

"I-I still failed her!" Amelia blubbered.

Maddie rolled her eyes, shrugging at me in a "what can you do" manner.

Meanwhile, I've never been so confused in my life. Amelia was a rollercoaster of emotions, ranging from extremely happy, to terrifying, to downright pitiful and pathetic as she sobbed into Arthur's chest.

Arthur eventually managed to calm down Amelia, letting her sit on his lap at the kitchen table.

The Brit wrapped both arms around the American's waist as she glared at me from across the table through puffy eyes, angrily taking a bite out of a powdered donut.

"Hmmph!" Amelia pouted. "Seeing as how I have failed to keep _someone's_ innocence in check, I want to get a good look at you," she told me. "Stand up private. Um, ah! Not that private! I meant the military term, agh!"

Maddie erupted in a fit of giggles, while Amelia blushed profusely, her mind still on the topic of sex. Arthur was very clearly disgusted by this comment, looking like he wanted to push Amelia off his lap. Too bad the girl was heavier than she looked. It was ironic how Amelia was a nutritionist, and yet she treated her body like it was a garbage can with all the junk food she ate.

I sighed, standing up so Amelia could get a better look at my awesome physique.

Maddie looked like she wanted to bury her face in a pillow as I did a very manly twirl.

Amelia pursed her lips. "Not bad," she remarked. "At least you look strong enough to protect her. You hear that, Arthur? Maybe you should try working out sometime. Heck, even I'm more muscular than you," she mused, turning around to shed a scowling Arthur with a playful wink.

"I hardly see that as necessary when you've got a bat with you at all times," Arthur retorted, sniffing indignantly.

"Cut it with the attitude, dude. It's such a turn off." Amelia whistled, waving a dismissive hand at Arthur, who knew better than to argue back, as it would be pointless to start another fight. "All righty! Back to your past as a fuckboy!" she exclaimed. "How do I know that you won't just be using my sister for sex?"

Amelia wrinkled her nose, still upset over Maddie losing her virginity without her approval. Behind her, Arthur shook his head in disbelief, wincing as if he had just been stabbed every time Amelia swore.

I glanced at Maddie, who nodded her head. "We've been seeing each other for almost three weeks now, and haven't had sex yet. Since you want me to be honest with you, I'm not going to sugar coat my past sex life. I had plenty of one-night stands with girls, but never made it past that. I didn't even take them on dates, I was just looking for someone to fill the void of my own loneliness. And then, corny as it is, I met your sister and things changed. Suddenly, I had no interest in sex; I only wanted to spend time with her. Sex is great, don't get me wrong, but finding a person you can relate to on an emotional level is an amazing feeling that lasts way longer than basic lust and physical intimacy. When I'm with Maddie, I feel alive and accepted. It scared me at first, how I found myself wanting to spend time with her, but now I've realized that it's perfectly okay to want to be around her because she makes me feel…happy…"

Arthur raised his thick eyebrows in shock, while Amelia narrowed her eyes at me, analyzing my expression for any traces of a lie. Her doubt diminished when Maddie walked into the kitchen, hugging me from the side. "I feel the same way, you big oaf," she said warmly, nuzzling her nose into my hella big bicep, ahem.

"I think you're sweet, kind, and a huge dork when it comes to anything romantic. You've been nothing but amazing to me during these short few weeks. You're patient, and you're amazing with children. You hold the door open for me, cook for me, rub my back for me, and hug me when I'm feeling down. You're my best friend, the first person who's ever noticed me enough to care and want to know every single detail of my life, no matter how small or irrelevant. I haven't even known you for that long, and yet you're still my biggest fan. It's been an absolute blessing to have you in my life," Maddie finished, letting her head rest against my collar bone.

I pressed a kiss to the top of Maddie's head, wrapping my arms around her. "Danke, liebling," I whispered into her ear. "I feel the exact same way."

Amelia stared, open-mouthed at the two of us, speechless. Several conflicting emotions crossed over her face: shock, confusion, sadness, joy, pride, and then finally, satisfaction.

Arthur softly nudged Amelia in the ribcage, playfully bouncing her on his lap. "Well, love?" he asked her. "I think they're being genuine, don't you? You ought to give them a chance at least. They look exactly how we did when we first met, and you know full well how fulfilling our relationship's been thus far."

Amelia let out a small squeak, before furrowing her eyebrows and composing herself again. "Fine, but!" she reiterated her reluctance by stubbornly holding up an index finger to the air. "I have one last question before I give y'all my blessing," she stated plainly. "Gilbert, you're 24, correct?"

"That I am," I answered.

"I heard that you run a blog. If my little sis decides to move in with you will you have the financial means to provide for her? She's still a student, you see. I want to make sure she's well looked after."

"Ja, I make a good amount of money doing what I do. It's more than enough to support my little brother Ludwig. Should the opportunity present itself, we'd be more than happy to welcome a third family member," I murmured, smiling down at Maddie.

Amelia began to sniffle again, turning to look at Arthur. "G-gosh, I can't take the cuteness anymore! They really are just like we were, Artie. He looks at her like she's his entire world!"

"Yes, love, it's the exact same look you give a McDonald's cheeseburger," Arthur grinned cheekily.

Amelia huffed, lightly whacking Arthur in the chest with the back of her hand. "Oh, shut up, you old geezer."

"I'm only two years older than you!" Arthur protested, faltering as more of Amelia's tears began to splatter against the kitchen table. "Bloody hell," he sighed, grabbing a Kleenex to dab at the American's face with. "Get a hold of yourself. You should be happy that your sister found someone to be with, even if he is a bit of a narcissist."

Maddie squeezed my forearm, warning me not to say anything. She was one of the few people in this world who could get me to stop running my mouth. Surprising, I know.

"I _am_ happy, that's why…that's why…I'm giving them my blessing!" Amelia wailed. "You two are just so darn cute! I can't even! She's all yours, Gilbert. Just promise that you'll protect her for me. I'm giving you a huge responsibility, so you better not mess this up, damn it! And I expect to be an auntie in the following decade."

Maddie and I both laughed at this. "You've got a deal, Amelia," I chuckled. "I'll protect this little birdie with my life, that is if she promises not to fly away and leave me?"

Maddie smirked. "As if I would leave you. You've already caged my heart with your awesomeness," she retorted sarcastically. "I wouldn't dream of leaving."

This playful banter of ours only made Amelia sob even harder, so much so that Arthur got up from his seat. Amelia was still latched to his waist like a needy koala. "I think you need to lie down," he told her in a soft voice. "All this yelling and crying must have tuckered you out. You poor thing," he sympathized, his voice carrying both annoyance and adoration for the wily American.

Arthur began to carry Amelia towards their bedroom, but stopped when she cried out. "Wait! Bring the donuts too," she pouted.

Arthur rolled his eyes, backing up to blindly grab at the clear donut package on the kitchen table before heading for their bedroom again, supporting Amelia with one arm. It appeared that the American had said everything she wanted to say and needed some time to recover from what was likely a heavy bout of 'feels'.

Once they were gone, and Amelia's sobbing was muffled, I looked down at Maddie and smiled; it was hesitant and full of hope. Her pretty violet eyes twinkled when she gazed upwards at me, causing my entire chest to constrict unpleasantly.

So this was what love felt like.

What a funny feeling.

…

Five years later

…

 **Lovina's POV:**

Life always has a way of surprising you, regardless if the outcome is pleasant or unpleasant. These past five years just so happened to be pleasant for me. You would think I deserved a break after everything I went through with Antonio. Despite this, we got married in a small ceremony a year after he proposed to me, not wanting to make a big deal out of the occasion, as we only wanted our close friends to be there. It was still beautiful, and perfect, and I sobbed like a little bitch, but it was more than I could ever ask for, even if Antonio did almost get arrested for trying to sneak a bull into the venue.

Don't ask, seriously. I don't even want to know. Let's just say that we never got a proper honeymoon, as Antonio was too busy getting stitches in his rear end while Romulus - who had given me away to my dumbass husband – and I laughed our asses off and snapped pictures of said hilarious moment.

I swear, our lives were crazy enough that they could very easily be made into a book.

Speaking of which, that's what Antonio's been doing with his time lately. Although our funds from his family's inheritance weren't about to run out anytime soon, Antonio took solace in writing. It helped him vent out his feelings, which turned out to be quite handy in helping him stay sober. He hasn't had one drink during these past five years, and has already vowed never to drink again. Some people just weren't meant to drink alcohol, and he was one of them.

Anyways, while Antonio aspired to become a writer, I finished my degree in social work, completing it only just six months ago. Taking care of Feli – who was growing up way too fast for my comfort and was now nine years old – had caused me to delay my studies by an extra semester. Sure, Antonio was always home to take care of her, but it was good to spend some time at home too. I wanted to be present in Feli's life, not studying all the time.

Since graduating, Antonio and I decided it was a good time to have kids. We've been trying for a while now, but, since the universe loves to mess with us, the one time we wanted to get pregnant, we couldn't. Well, at least that was the case for the first few months anyway. Don't tell Antonio I said that, I wanted to surprise him, damn it!

We were in a good place, and were already looking to buy a new home to make our own and raise a family in. Antonio's two floor apartment just wasn't practical anymore. Feli needed more room for her art supplies, and there were only two bedrooms and one bathroom. We needed more space, especially because of the good news I was about to unleash on him.

Now, if only I could find Antonio and tell him this. I had just found out I was pregnant last night, but wanted some time to sleep on it and calm myself down from the excitement. Someone needed to be level-headed, after all. It was already a given that Antonio was going to flip out and start cheering like a moron; just the thought of this made me smile.

I walked past the upstairs lounge, and then into the hallway, looking into Feli's bedroom. Nope, not there either. "Antonio?" I called out, folding my red satin robe over my hips when the cold air from the vent blew at my feet. It was late July, which meant that Feli and Antonio refused to turn off the AC, no matter how cold and miserable I was all the time.

"I'm downstairs, mi amor!" Antonio called from the kitchen. "You're just in time, breakfast's ready."

I followed my nose down the staircase, finding Antonio setting the table in the dining room. He had made Spanish omelettes and had two pitchers of orange juice and milk on the table.

"It's a bit late to be having breakfast, isn't it?" I cocked my head to the side. It was currently one in the afternoon. Feli was spending the day with Maddie, Gilbert, and Ludwig, as the latter competed in a youth soccer tournament with his team. They had come to pick her up this morning, claiming that they needed their biggest fan for good luck.

Antonio shrugged, shedding me with his characteristic sunny smile, even if he did have slight crinkles at the corners of his mouth now that he was 30 years old. He was still as handsome as ever, even if he did feel a bit insecure about how he was beginning to age. If anything, I thought the crinkles gave his face character.

"Good morning~! You were still sleeping when I woke up, so I figured we'd have it a bit later," he answered.

I sighed in content, still yawning off the fatigue of sleep. I wrapped my arms around his chest, snuggling into it. He was wearing a white tank top and sweats, also looking like he had just gotten out of bed with his wild mess of curls. He must have taken a nap on the couch after getting Feli ready this morning. Lazy bastard couldn't even come upstairs to cuddle me, keh.

"Sounds good," I murmured.

"You're unusually affectionate today," Antonio remarked, chuckling as he kissed the top of my head. "What's got you in such a good mood?"

I was about to answer him when the doorbell rang.

Antonio and I both groaned a little, pulling away from each other.

"They're back already?" I furrowed my brows. "Ludwig's team must have lost their first few games if they're already done this early in the day."

"Perhaps," Antonio hummed. "That's too bad."

I followed him to the front door as he opened it. Rather than it being Gilbert, Maddie, Feli, and Ludwig, a young woman and what looked to be her son stood outside in the hallway.

The woman was tall and slender, with blonde hair that was pinned up in an artfully braided bun, and kind blue eyes. Her son, who looked to be about five, shyly clutched her leg with both hands, burying his head of soft blond curls into her thigh. He had the exact same eyes as his mother, except they weren't quite as confident, given his young age.

The woman was holding onto a portable box of chocolate bars, the ones schools gave to children in order to fundraise. "Hello," she smiled, patting her son's head with her free hand. Her voice had a strong French accent. "We are going door-to-door selling chocolates and were wondering if you were interested in buying any? All proceeds go towards the school board. We are aiming to raise funds for the following school year," she paused to look behind Antonio at me, my robe sticking out like a sore thumb to her.

"Pardon us, perhaps we came at the wrong time," the woman apologized.

Antonio waved his hand, his green eyes kind and warm as he spotted the shy little boy. He had always had a soft spot for kids. "No, no. We don't mind. We're also avid fans of chocolate and would love to help out."

I nodded my head in agreement and gave the boy a small wave. He looked up at me, his lips trembling. There was something familiar about him that I couldn't quite place. Regardless, I was too busy ogling at how cute he looked in his loose white blouse and grey dress pants.

The woman clapped her hands together. "Wonderful," she exclaimed, handing Antonio a sheet that listed all the different chocolate bars they were selling. "If you don't mind me saying so, I'd recommend buying the milk chocolate caramel bar. It's Francois's favourite, isn't that right now?"

Francois weakly nodded his head, his cheeks flushing a light pink. "O-oui, maman," he whispered.

The woman gave Antonio and I an apologetic look. "I'm sorry. He doesn't speak much English, and it doesn't help that he's nervous around strangers."

"No worries, miss…?" Antonio faltered.

"Jeanne, just call me Jeanne."

"Well, Jeanne," Antonio grinned from ear to ear, handing me the catalogue paper so that I could look over it. Not that I needed to, judging by the sly expression on his face. "I just so happen to be fluent in French."

"How wonderful!" Jeanne exclaimed. "I swear, hardly anyone speaks it these days. It's a dying language."

Antonio nodded his head. "Yes, it really is a shame. I used to have a friend from France. He taught me how to speak it."

"Oh, how lovely!" Jeanne remarked. She would soon regret saying that.

Antonio then crouched down to be at eyelevel with Francois. " _Hello, Francois_ ," he spoke in French. " _What would you say if I bought that entire box of chocolates you're selling? Would it make you happy_?"

A small smile crept onto Francois's face. " _Really_?" he ogled. " _You would do that…for me_?"

" _Of course_!" Antonio chuckled, before turning to look back at me. I didn't understand what he was saying, but I could tell by the smug expression on his face that he was teasing me. " _My wife needs to eat a lot of chocolate otherwise she becomes really mean and scary."_

Francois's eyes widened in terror, while Jeanne gave me a concerned look, appearing a bit relieved when she realized that I didn't understand what Antonio was saying. Don't worry. I'd get back at the bastard for making a fool out of me, you can count on that.

" _Is she a monster?"_ Francois asked Antonio.

" _Only when I don't feed her_ ," Antonio replied. " _That's why I'm making her a second breakfast today. Nothing I cook is good enough for her_ ," he lied, shaking his head as if what he was telling Francois was a tragedy. " _When you're old enough, make you sure you learn how to cook well for your future wife. It'll save you a lot of trouble, trust me_."

Jeanne huffed, crossing her arms as a means of warning Antonio.

Antonio gave Jeanne a weak smile. " _So, Francois, what do you say? Do you want to help me out? I'd love to buy all of your chocolates."_

 _"Yes_! Yes! Thank you! Papa is going to be so happy when we come home!" Francois beamed, his blond curls shaking as he hopped up and down on his feet.

Antonio ruffled Francois's hair. "I'm glad."

With that done and said, Antonio bought the entire box of chocolates from Francois and Jeanne, giving them a total of $453. Jeanne protested at first, but once Antonio told her that he was rich and didn't mind helping out a good cause, she relented, having already heard of his parents international clothing company.

Francois was ecstatic, meanwhile Jeanne, being a wife herself, informed me what Antonio had said to the child in French. I smiled, playing along with the joke in good-fashion until a pale-faced Antonio shut the door.

"Eheh, Lovi, why are you smiling? Usually this is the point where you murder me…" Antonio gulped nervously. He knew that there would be no getting out of this one.

He sheepishly held up a chocolate bar for me to take. "Truce?"

"You're really good with children, aren't you?" I mused, narrowing my eyes at him like a wolf would to a bunny. I took the chocolate bar from him, snapped it in half, and placed it on the small table where we kept our car keys.

Antonio backed into a wall, nearly knocking over one of Feli's water-colour paintings. "I guess s-so," he stammered. "I don't know why, but there was something about that boy that just clicked with me. And you know how much I've enjoyed raising Feli, so it's only natural…"

So, I wasn't the only one who felt that there was something familiar about Francois. How odd. Whatever, I had a bastard to give some good news to.

Antonio looked like he was waiting for me to lose my temper.

I decided to surprise him instead.

"How would you feel about raising another?"

Antonio furrowed his eyebrows. "Que?"

I cleared my throat, stifling my frustration. His sole two brain cells must have worked overtime last night as he had been doing his taxes, three months late yet again.

Embarrassingly, when it came to actually giving Antonio the good news, my voice raised a few notches. "You know how we've been trying to have a kid these past few months?"

Antonio paled. "No… it can't be…"

I nodded my head, blinking back tears. " _Yes_ ," I bit my lip. "Antonio, I'm pregnant."

Antonio's cheeks stretched into a blinding grin. "Really?!"

"Yes! I just told that you that, you stupid, clueless, bastard. Now c'mere, I want to hug you," I sniffed.

Antonio didn't have to be told twice. He sprinted over and trapped me in a hug, but not before lifting me up by the waist and twirling around my body in the air – that is, until I felt dizzy and almost puked.

Antonio set me down on the ground. "Morning sickness, already?" he teased, kissing my cheeks, my neck, my forehead, and just about every inch of exposed skin on my face. "Muah, muah, muah~! Ah Dios mio! I'm so happy! I'm going to be a Papa to your child, my child, no-! _Our_ child!" he exclaimed.

"Yes, dummy, that's how biology works," I deadpanned, pressing my ear against his chest, hearing his heartbeat. It was a miracle that he had figured out how to get me pregnant in the first place. Damn bastard had perverted instincts.

"How long?" Antonio murmured into my ear.

"Three weeks," I answered.

"Well, in that case," Antonio smirked, letting go of me to crouch down on his knees. I gasped when he lifted my robe and pressed a kiss to my stomach. "Hola, bebe, it's your big and strong Papa! I'm so happy you're alive, and I hope that you're muy well! I don't care if you're a chico or a chica, just hold on for another eight months, and if you're like your madre, try not to hog all of her food; she needs it to keep you strong and healthy. I _can't_ wait until you're born, so stay safe, little one. Te amo! Muah~!"

I blushed when Antonio kissed my stomach again.

Antonio practically pranced as he led me back towards the kitchen, figurative tail wagging. I caught his gaze at the wrong time, prompting his lust to take over as he swiftly, but gently pressed me up against a nearby wall.

"Are you ready to start a family, mi amor?" he purred, placing a kiss against the crook of my neck, letting his tongue dance lightly over the skin to tease me.

"Fuck yeah," I moaned softly, pressing our waists closer for friction. "We've wanted this for so long now."

"Ay!" Antonio protested, ruining the mood as he pulled away. "You can't swear in front of our bebe!" he fumed, despite having as much anger as a mewling kitten. "I heard somewhere that they can pick up on certain words if they hear them enough."

I almost considered throttling him, but in the end, he looked much too cute for me to do that. "That's only the case when it's a fetus, silly," I mused. "Right now, our 'bebe' is just a cluster of cells."

"Oh," Antonio hummed in thought. "Okay~! We'll be speaking, Spanish, English and Italian in front of our bebe, right? Is there another language you think it should learn?"

"You're absolutely ridiculous, you know that?" I giggled. "Let's start with English first and we'll go from there. Honestly, why do I even put up with you?"

Antonio snickered. "Well now you kind of have to since we're going to be parents."

"Fuck," I cussed, ignoring Antonio's scolding look. "It gets better every time you say that. Say it again."

"We're going to be parents," Antonio proclaimed.

"Louder."

"WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!"

Now this is where shit gets real dorky.

"Together. Uno, dos, tres."

"WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!"

After that, I could barely get down a bite of food without looking up to find Antonio staring at me with pride. It was nice at first, but now it was becoming downright creepy.

"Damn it, what?!" I spluttered, nearly choking and having to take a large sip of orange juice.

Antonio teased a fork around his plate, cupping his face with his other hand. "Nothing, I just _really_ love you."

After nearly seven and a half years of being together, him saying that never failed to make my heart skip a beat.

"That was supposed to be a rhetorical question," I snapped, averting my gaze away from his smoldering green eyes.

"You're a rhetorical question."

"Okay, now you're not making any sense."

"But isn't that just it, Lovi? Life doesn't make sense. But, as long as I'm with you, and you and Feli are happy, then I'm happy."

I sighed. Of course that bastard just had to choose this moment to be sappy.

"I'm happy when I'm with you too," I groaned, more than done with his sentimentality. You would think that we were in a basic romance novel with all this insufferable cheesiness. "Now pass me that extra omelette, I'm starving, and I'm not just feeding myself anymore."

"Should I save half of the chocolate bars for you too?" Antonio mused with a playful wink.

Antonio didn't have nearly enough time to duck when I flung the nearest thing within grip at him. That thing just so happened to be a wooden mixing spoon from the orange juice pitcher.

I'll never forget the look of betrayal on Antonio's face when the wooden spoon made a loud **_thunk_!** against his forehead, causing orange juice to splatter across his white muscle shirt.

I grinned in satisfaction, instinctively placing a hand over my stomach.

"And that, my dear child, is how you handle someone when they're being annoying."

"Ay! Don't teach our bebe violence!"

"Keh, fine."

"Lovi, that actually hurt!"

"You do know that I'll be going through the worst pain imaginable once I give birth to this child, right?"

Besides, it's not like I had nailed him with the spoon; it was a hard flick at most.

Antonio was quick to shut up after that.

* * *

 **To be continued... (cliche happy epilogue coming right up)**


	15. A Bastardly Fluffy Ending (Epilogue)

**A/N:** YAAAAAAAY! 80 followers! Thank you all so so so much! There's not much else for me to say but: thank you for being amazing and supportive all through out. Even though at certain points I was depressed and too nervous to write, you guys kept encouraging me, so kudos for being so wonderful. Reader-author engagement and support is so important to nourishing a story and letting it grow! **SherryBerrys** , I know right? One week from today, it will have been a year :D

I would also like to say thanks to my kind and amazing Beta reader **NebulaZee** for editing this story and making it readable!

That said, this was a wild wild ride that will end on an extremely fluffy and cheesy note.

It's been a pleasure to write for you all :)

-Ella

* * *

 **A Bastardly Fluffy Ending:**

 _Another five years later…_

Chaos would describe my days now. Wonderful, amazing, chaos. Raising one child was hard enough. But raising twins, a teenager, a husband, and nursing a part-time job at a community center as an addictions counsellor was really pushing it.

I still loved my life. Sure, there were times when I wanted to scream my head off because of how loud and out of control things became. And then there were other times where Antonio's stuck-up parents made me want to kick a hole through the wall – seriously, I could only stay on the phone with them for so long. Don't even get me started on my own parents; I've lost contact with them entirely.

But, these minor setbacks didn't matter in the grand sight of things. I had a beautiful family to call my own. Said family also lived in a beautiful home in a cheesy-as-shit suburban neighborhood.

Antonio's writing career had taken off thanks to his unusual co-authorship. Antonio had paired up with Arthur of all people to write a romance novel, one that was heavily based on Antonio and I's relationship. Turns out that people love gritty, angst-ridden plots, and their book quickly became a best-seller. They were even going to make a film adaptation out of it.

I was happy about this for one of two reasons. One, my kids would be surviving off royalties and I wouldn't have to worry about paying for their college tuition. And two, I had bragging rights towards the story's title, "The Fault in Your Idiocy". I think that it sums up Antonio, the bastard, quite nicely, doesn't it?

I was happily ruminating about the future, preparing a platter of afternoon snacks when a large bang resonated throughout the house. I groaned, setting down my knife and covering the block of cheese I had been cutting with plastic wrap.

Looks like nap-time was over.

"ROMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!" Isabel, twin #1, wailed. "GIVE IT BACK!"

"NO! I'M HUNGRY AND YOU DON'T DESERVE IT!" Romano, twin #2, growled.

 **THUMP!**

"Hey!" I snapped, shouting so that the two feuding children upstairs could hear me. "Knock it off! And where's your father?! I thought he was supposed to be watching you two!"

Romano poked his head above the upstairs railing, revealing a messy bed-head of auburn hair, chubby cheeks, and stubborn amber eyes. "He's taking a siesta, keh," he grumbled, crossing his stubby five-year-old arms.

Romano loved Antonio very dearly, and easily got jealous when he wasn't given enough attention. How typical that Antonio fell asleep while putting our children to bed. Lazy bastard.

Another patter of small footsteps.

Isabel, who was more tanned in complexion than Romano's olive-tone, walked past Romano to stand at the top of the staircase. She took after Antonio in both appearance and personality, with a head of wild brown curls, green eyes, and a sunny smile. She was my cinnamon roll, whereas Romano was my precious little devil.

I knew that when the twins grew up Romano would make sure that no boys went after his sister, even though presently he was still at that age where he was embarrassed to talk to girls. That didn't stop him from protecting his 'Aunt Feli' from her 'evil' German friend. That's what made Romano so special to me, he instinctively didn't like Ludwig, dutifully taking after his equally psycho mother, aka me.

However, that didn't mean Romano had to be nice to his twin sister. He was often harsh and bullied poor Isabel by taking advantage of her sweetness. I wonder what he was up to now?

I looked back and forth between Romano's guilty expression and suspiciously fuller cheeks and Isabel's crestfallen expression. There were tears forming in the latter's eyes.

"Romano," I sighed. "Did you eat Isabel's candy again? Bambino, we've been over this. If you want more, all you have to do is ask. It's not nice to steal from other people, especially from your own family. It's wrong."

Romano swallowed, likely erasing the lump of sugar he had just been chewing on. "I didn't eat her candy!" he fumed, banging an angry fist against the stair's railing. "The squirrels from outside took it!"

Nope, totally haven't heard that excuse before.

Thankfully, I didn't have to intervene, as a certain bastard decided to finally wake up and parent the children he had been tasked with watching in the first place.

"Aha!" Antonio exclaimed, picking up a protesting Romano and flipping him upside down, revealing a chubby lower belly. I cupped a hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh as Romano blushed a bright red. Meanwhile, Isabel cheered on her father, wanting justice and compensation for her stolen candy.

"Get him, papa!"

Isabel had always been a Daddy's girl.

"Tell me, Romano," Antonio mused, eyes still sleepy from his siesta and hair as messy as always. "If these so-called squirrels took Isa's candy, then why is it that I smell chocolate and…" Antonio leaned closer to sniff our twitching son's breath. "Peanut butter?" he questioned.

Romano refused to answer Antonio.

This prompted Antonio to kiss Romano's belly and blow raspberries against it.

"Papa stop! Ah!" Romano giggled, unable to stay mad since he was being tickled. His temper kicked in again when Antonio began to swing him around. "Mama! Mama! Help!" Romano begged. "Make him stop!"

I raised both hands in surrender. "I thought you told me that you were big enough to fight 'the monster' on your own?" I smirked.

Romano looked torn between choosing to be independent, or acting like his actual age and asking for help again. Sometimes I wondered if he had the spirit of an old man in his body. It would make a lot of sense, since he did a lot more scowling than he did smiling.

Antonio continued to tickle Romano until he finally, albeit reluctantly, gasped out a confession, admitting that he had eaten some of Isabel's candy. The boy could eat enough food to feed a large family of ten and still be hungry. I was so not looking forward to his teenage years.

"I knew it!" Isabel cried out.

Playing martyr to both children, Antonio made Romano apologize to Isabel. Romano spoke through stubborn puckered lips, but he still gave his apology. Once that was done with, Antonio picked up both children, swung them over his back, and stomped downstairs, still immersed in his monster persona.

I slapped at Antonio's, ahem, sorry, the monster's hands when he attempted to swipe at a slice of cheese from the counter. "Excuse you," I scolded. "At least wash your hands first."

Romano and Isabel were sitting at the island in the kitchen, bound by the safety of their booster seats. They weren't old enough to sit in the regular bar stools, as they were too short. Both children were eager to see how I would fend off 'the monster'. After all, I was known as the toughest warrior in the house.

Antonio shed me with a devilish smirk, causing creases at the edges of his eyes and mouth to form. He still looked tired, gruff with stubble peppering his lower jaw. He had been up late writing last night, drawing plots for another new book of his.

"Mi amor," Antonio purred, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. "You know how I like things dirty," he whispered, eyes twinkling.

It was now my turn to blush a bright red, slapping at his wrist again and spluttering incoherently.

"That's it, Mama!" Romano cheered. "You got him good!"

"I sure did," I smiled, looking over my shoulder to scowl at Antonio in warning. My eyes communicated 'I'll get you for this later.'

I ruffled Romano's hair while Antonio plated our snacks and handed them out. Isabel pouted until I bent over to kiss her cheek. "Yes, bambina, I love you too," I cooed. "Very, _very_ much."

After snack time, Antonio led the kids into the living room, opening a plastic box of Lego for them to play with. He then set off to help me dry the dishes and put them away.

"You're a lazy bastard," I scolded, flicking water at his stupid bastard face.

Antonio snickered. "Aw, don't give me that scowl. I get tired much faster than I used to."

"It's because you're getting old," I snorted.

Antonio huffed, puffing out his chest. "Thirty-five is not old!" he protested, loud enough for the entire house to hear him.

"No Papa, but you are old enough to be a dinosaur," Romano slyly remarked, glancing at Isabel to share one of their inside jokes.

I burst out laughing, while Antonio sullenly continued to dry the dishes, bitterly muttering about being betrayed by his own family.

When I put the last dish in its respective place, I noticed that Antonio was still acting sullen, like a child who had been told no many times and refused to accept it as the definitive answer.

 **Whack!**

I grabbed a nearby dish towel and smacked Antonio's bum, prompting a surprised "Ay!" from him.

"You know we were just joking," I teased, batting my lashes at him.

Antonio grinned, closing the space between us. He reached over the back of my head to caress a handful of curls. "Si, I know that. But, if we're being honest, I did notice a few gray hairs of your own…"

"What?!" I exploded.

Antonio sighed sympathetically. "Really, Lovi. It's not that bad. As they always say, grey hair and wrinkles give you character."

"You hypocrite!" I hissed, shrugging away from his hand. "This is coming from the man who dyes his hair now!"

Antonio merely laughed and watched as I stomped over to the nearest mirror, inspecting all angles of my head for any trace of gray hairs. There were none.

"Antonio," I smiled sweetly, turning around to face his smug-ass expression.

"Si?" Antonio whistled nonchalantly, playfully rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

I gestured irately at him. "Come here," I growled. "Where the _children_ can't see us."

"No thank you, I'm good. Oh, what a lovely building you've made there, Isabel~! Can I see it?" Antonio practically sprinted into the living room, seeking refuge by sitting next to our children on the floor.

"Sure Papa!" Isabel squealed with delight, oblivious to my anger.

I spent the next half hour hovering in the kitchen, picking up sharp objects and waving them at Antonio when Isabel and Romano weren't looking.

As I was spinning around a butcher knife, the vampire decided to come out of her cave. Embarrassed, I nearly dropped the knife, stumbling to put it back into its wooden holder.

"Uh…Lovina?" Feli entered the kitchen hesitantly, a duffel bag full of art supplies, including a canvas and easel, slung over her shoulders.

I leaned two elbows against the counter, eyeing my sister with a disapproving glare. She was wearing a too short-to-be-true pink mini-skirt, matching knee-high socks, and a white blouse. Her waist-length copper girls were held back with a braid and a bright red headband. In height, she was an inch or so taller than me, something I despised to admit. She had grown up so much over the years that I could hardly see her as my 'little sister' anymore.

"Wow, you finally came upstairs," I commented sarcastically. "And just where do you think you're going dressed like that? You're fifteen, may I remind you."

Feli had a habit of spending most of her time painting in the basement. She only ever came upstairs if she was hungry. Antonio and I teased her for being a vampire. She was practically unreachable when she did her art, as she was always wearing those damn stupid earbuds.

Feli sighed, nervously fidgeting with the strap of her duffel bag. "Luddy agreed to let me paint him. We'll be at the park for a few hours. I'll keep my phone at full volume, and I'll call you every half hour, promise, ve!" she stuttered. "Also, the skirt isn't that short, it reaches the end of my finger tips, see?"

Feli stood straight, letting her arms fall. I pretended not to notice how she was raising her shoulders to cheat the actual length of her skirt. She had never been a good liar.

I gave Feli another stern onceover. She had gotten rid of her verbal tick years ago. It only came back when she was nervous. The blush on her face didn't exactly help me feel any better either. It was pretty obvious that her and Ludwig had feelings for each other. However, that didn't mean I had to like it. Any child raised by Gilbert, even if he did have Maddie's help, was a child to be regarded with high alert.

Raising a brow, I began with my interrogation. "You know we're having a neighborhood BBQ tonight, right?" I inquired.

Feli nodded her head. "Si! So, can I go?"

"Go where?" Antonio asked from the living room, bouncing Isabel in his lap.

"The park," Feli answered as the front doorbell rang. "Oh, that must be him."

"Why did you bother asking if you already told him that you were going?" I deadpanned.

Feli sighed dramatically. "I'm just going to the park, sorella," she whined. "We'll be back in time for dinner. And you know how responsible Ludwig is. I wouldn't have passed Geometry if it weren't for him."

I reached over to flick Feli in the forehead. "That still doesn't mean you can go running around wherever you like. Even if it is Ludwig," I growled. "Nothing you say will change my opinion of him. He's too stiff and formal, it's weird and it makes me worry about what his true intentions are."

Feli ignored me, flitting over to the door like a nervous bird ruffling her feathers. I held back a scoff as she inspected herself in the front mirror, puckering her lips before finally mustering the courage to open the door.

"Ciao, Ludwig!" Feli greeted.

Ludwig, who was now a hulking beast, stiffly nodded his head, his pale cheeks becoming a faint pink. He was wearing a tight black-t shirt that revealed burly biceps, baggy camouflage pants, and meticulously tied black combat boots. The amount of gel he used in his hair was downright questionable. He may be polite in person, but deep down, my instincts were telling me that he was a pervert.

My instincts were _never_ wrong.

"Hello, Feli. Good afternoon." Ludwig looked up to meet my stern gaze. "Oh, hello to you too Miss Lovina. My bruder and Miss Maddie send their best regards. They're still busy preparing food for tonight's barbecue, ahem. Julchen and William are making things much more difficult than they need to be," he rambled, evidently nervous.

I smirked, feeling a tinge of sympathy for Maddie. Her and Gilbert's eldest child, Julchen, was the twins' age, whereas little William was only three. Julchen was a demon incarnate, in stark contrast to William, who cried if he stepped on an ant by accident. This day and age I wasn't the only mother with crazy children on our block. Don't even get me started on Liza or Amelia – we'll see them later.

"Good afternoon," I reciprocated in a cool voice, crossing my arms and leaning against a nearby wall. "So, I hear that Feli's going to paint you?"

Ludwig swallowed heavily, looking uncomfortable. "Yes, we plan to go to the park for a few hours. That is, if you give us permission, of course."

My response was cut off short when Romano came sprinting out of the living room, head first.

Ludwig didn't have a chance to react until Romano's head collided with his shin, albeit painlessly.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY AUNTIE, YOU BIG OAF!" Romano snarled, pounding his fists against an unfazed Ludwig.

Feli grimaced, already used to her nephew throwing a fit every time she decided to spend time with said oaf. She gave Ludwig an apologetic look, but he merely shrugged in response. He was used to dealing with his younger niece and nephew.

"Romano!" I pretended to scold the child, lifting him by the armpits. My bambino still continued to struggle, kicking his legs in the air and throwing fists that never connected. I was secretly very proud, but I didn't voice this controversial opinion.

"We've been over this," I whispered into Romano's reddened ear. "You need an excuse to beat him senseless. You can't just come in charging head first."

"I'm sorry, Mama," Romano whispered back. "I'll do better next time. We can't let him have Auntie Feli. I don't like him and he smells like potatoes all the time. I don't like potatoes," he concluded.

"Good boy," I cooed, kissing the top of his head. Romano pouted and buried his head into my neck. "I know I can count on you to protect her."

"I heard that!" Feli snapped, exasperated.

"Who's at the door?" Antonio asked, walking into the front room with Isabel scuttling at his heels. Understanding crossed his face when he saw me coddling a furious Romano. "Ah, Ludwig's here," he remarked.

Once Romano had his tantrum, he liked to be coddled and comforted.

"Oh no! Auntie Feli, where are you going?" Isabel exclaimed, tugging on the frills of Feli's skirt. "Can I come too?"

Feli smiled, bending down to wrap an arm around Isabel. "No sweetie," she answered. "I need to concentrate when I paint, and I can't do that with someone as cute as you around~! I promise to play with you when I come back though. How does a game of soccer sound?"

"Okay," Isabel relented, shoulders slumping. "But you have to play goalie."

"Deal!" Feli trilled.

Antonio stood before Ludwig, inspecting him up and down with narrowed eyes. Even though Ludwig was several inches taller than him, Antonio could be scary intimidating when he wanted to be. Romano got his overprotectiveness from both of his parents, although mainly from his father.

Antonio forced an overly cheerful smile on his face. "How are you doing, Ludwig? It's a beautiful summer day, isn't it? I'd really hate it if it were ruined for you."

"Pardon me, but I'm not following?" Ludwig furrowed his brows, bravely meeting Antonio's tough upper lip.

"Papa!" Feli groaned, already knowing what was about to happen. "Stop! You're embarrassing me."

Without looking at Feli, Antonio held up his hand to silence her. "Now, now Feli. I only want to make sure that Ludwig knows the rules of taking you out."

"Ugh!"

Romano and I snickered, while Isabel hugged Feli's leg, confused.

"How about we have a quick chat, Ludwig? You're a big boy, you must be hungry," Antonio said, placing an arm over Ludwig's broad shoulders. _"Come_ ," he ordered.

"Ah, um, well, if you insist," Ludwig stammered, nearly stumbling as Antonio led – more like tugged – him into the kitchen.

Holding Romano in one arm, I closed the door with the other. "Uh-oh, Feli," I teased. "Better pray that your precious 'Luddy' makes it out of this alive," I teased.

Feli's face turned red.

We were arguing back and forth in no time. Romano came to my defence, while poor Isa merely bobbed her head back and forth; all she wanted was for the shouting to stop.

Unfortunately, in this household, that was never going to happen.

…

 **Antonio's POV:**

As I led Ludwig into the kitchen, my arm wrapped around him, I could hear Feli and Lovina bickering back and forth. Ah, my girls, how I loved them and would do _anything_ to protect them.

I _didn't_ like how Ludwig was looking at _my_ daughter. Feli was too young to be dating boys. Even if Ludwig was Gilbert's brother, there would be absolutely nothing more than fraternizing under my watch.

"You guys do this every time!" Feli wailed. "Just once can I go out without feeling like I'm going through airport security?!"

"Shut it," Lovina snarled. "I want to eavesdrop. Besides, if we do this so often, why are you so surprised? It's not a big deal, we just care about you."

"There's a difference between being caring and suffocating."

"I said zip it, missy!"

I released Ludwig, for the time being, gesturing at the leftover platter of sandwiches resting on the kitchen island. "Would you like a sandwich? We've got chicken salad or ham."

Ludwig sat at a bar stool, his spine straight and his jaw clenched and rigid. "Ham, please," he replied.

"Of course," I smiled, hissing under my breath. This kid was _too_ polite. It made me suspicious.

I handed Ludwig his sandwich, waiting for him to take a bite from it before I spoke. It was my way of asserting dominance, despite our stark differences in size. He was in _my_ home eating _my_ food. I could make him choke if he even so much as looked at Feli like she was an object again.

"So, Ludwig," I hummed, standing close to my wife's _beautiful_ collection of cooking knives. "You and Feli have been going out a lot lately. First to a movie, then a community painting class, and now the park? What's your aim, kid? Is visiting each other's houses not enough? Why are you trying to isolate my darling daughter? Are you planning something? Because if you are, I'll make you choke on that muy massive fist of yours."

Ludwig spluttered. He hadn't been expecting such a blunt response, let alone a threat from me. "It's not like that at all, sir, I assure you," he coughed. "Feli and I are just friends. I enjoy spending time with her. She's a lovely person."

The blush on Ludwig's face said otherwise. Just friends, my fine sexy ass, eheh.

"Well, Ludwig, _friend_ of Feli's," I growled. "I may have known you since you were a child, but that doesn't change a thing. If you hurt my daughter in any way, I'll be the least of your worries. You see, my wife and I are a team, and when we see something that we don't like… _we get rid of it_."

Ludwig's eyes bugged out.

I laughed, loud enough for the rest of my family to hear. I was a boss at deception. I didn't want them to know what was going on in here.

Now that Ludwig was well on his way to feeling terrified, it was time to lay down the rules.

"I trust that you'll have my daughter home at a reasonable time?"

"Yes sir."

"That you'll protect her with your life?"

"Yes sir."

"And that you'll keep a safe distance from her at _all_ times?"

"Y-yes sir."

I widened my smile, satisfied with the obedient teenager sitting before me.

"Good, I'm glad you understand. Now, this is what's going to happen next, _Luddy._ You and I are going to walk back into the front room, smiling and laughing. I want you to pretend that this talk didn't happen. Here, have another sandwich," I shoved a chicken salad sandwich into Ludwig's hand.

"No thank you, I'm no longer hungry."

I leaned closer to Ludwig, placing my face in front of his. "Oh, but I think you _are_."

Heated silence is heated.

"…Yes sir."

Ludwig stood up from his seat, waiting for me to lead him forward. I waited and watched until he took a bite from his sandwich before I wrapped my arms around him _again_ and patted him on the back, _firmly_.

Ludwig choked.

I revelled in my victory.

Intimidating father figure?

Check~!

…

Lovina crossed her arms at me, watching a pale-faced Ludwig and an angry Feli exit the house as if the devil were on their tail.

"You said something to him, didn't you?" she asked me.

"Que?" I spluttered, unable to suppress my grin. "No, of course not."

Lovina shrugged, knowing better than to pry. "If you say so."

"Papa's lying," Romano accused, jabbing an index finger at me.

"Must be those squirrels you heard speaking," I teased back.

Romano blushed a bright red, at a loss for words.

"What squirrels?" Isa asked.

"Nothing, your Papa's trying to be funny again. It's not working out very well."

My grin only became wider at this comment.

Oh, how I loved my family.

…

 **Lovina's POV:**

The entire neighborhood was getting ready for our weekly Sunday BBQ. This time, it was being hosted on our driveway. Lawn chairs and foldable picnic tables were scattered throughout the large space. By the garage, Antonio was manning the grill, wearing his favourite red apron that spelled "Hot Papi" on it. I hated said apron, but you know Antonio and how big of an ego he has.

Everyone in the neighborhood was present, _but_ Feli and Ludwig.

Liza, who was now six months pregnant, was seated in a reclining chair with a pillow attached to its back. Roderich worriedly flitted back and forth like a nervous husband, bringing his wife as much food as she pleased. Liza was cranky, which was understandable given the hormones running through her. Well, that and how annoying and overbearing her husband was.

Even though their pregnancy was accidental, Roderich had finally succumbed to the idea of them having children. This worked out for the rest of us parents, as Liza had an excuse to get rid of their old, broken down house and to buy a new one in our pleasant, albeit loud, cul-de-sac. At least now we had a daycare in close proximity.

"Oh dear, you're sweating again," Roderich fretted, huffing and puffing. He was far from athletic and all the running around he had been doing lately was beginning to take its toll. "Shall I grab you another cup of ice?"

"You asked me that same question thirty seconds ago," Liza snapped, red-faced. "Just get out of my face and give me and our unborn child some space to breathe, jeez! You're suffocating us here!"

Roderich sighed, slumping his shoulders as he sat down in a lawn chair across from his wife, but not too close. "When will this hell end? Everything I do is wrong," he muttered to himself.

Antonio chuckled, flipping a burger on the grill with a spatula. "Trust me, amigo," he said, casting me a glance as I set down a bowl of cold pasta on the picnic table. "The hell only continues from here. It doesn't get much better until they're _at least_ out of their diapers."

"Oh mein gott," Roderich deadpanned. "I knew I would regret this."

Amelia cleared her throat, rocking baby Alfred in her arms. She had just come back from changing the newborn's diaper. "There's nothing to regret, dude," she countered, speaking to Roderich. "It's awesome to have a kid. You get to look at them all day and think 'I made that'. Sure, they may give you a hard time, but that's what raising kids is all about. Isn't that right, Artie?"

Amelia handed Alfred to Arthur, who had been standing near Antonio to observe his cooking skills. The Brit couldn't cook anything without it being burnt to a crisp.

"Of course, you would say that," Arthur bitterly retorted. "You're not the one taking care of our son all the time."

Arthur stayed at home to write, while Amelia was out all day working as a personal fitness trainer. Speaking of Antonio and Arthur's bizarre and unexpected writing partnership, the children often got in the way of them working. Lately, they've had to push back several deadlines, as baby Alfred had absorbed most of Arthur's time.

"Hush," Amelia giggled. "It's not like I'm lying on my ass doing nothing. I'm a strong independent woman making hella good money for our beautiful family!"

Arthur held back a scoff, muttering under his breath about how they didn't need anymore money and that she was too prideful to admit that his authoring career was more than enough to support them both. Cue a cheap jab at her "poor grammar".

Amelia turned to Roderich again. "Point is, keep your head up, man. Things get better, it just takes time and a lot of pain. Speaking of which, Liza honey, you look like you could use a good shoulder rub. Need some help?"

"That would be wonderful," Liza groaned.

While Amelia happily rubbed a grateful Liza's shoulders, chirpily chatting away, baby Alfred began to wail.

Arthur had the situation under control in no time, whipping out a wooden toy soldier from the front pocket of his pants. After cooing at the child and gently rocking him back and forth, the crying quieted.

Liza yelped when Amelia dug into her muscles just a tad too hard. Although she would never admit it, Amelia was jealous of the bond Arthur and Alfred shared. The Brit had a talent for calming the child, having spent more time together.

I chuckled at the sight, only to leap three feet from the ground when an obnoxious, brash shout cut through the air.

"HALLO LOSERS! THE AWESOME FAMILY OF FIVE SAVE FOR ONE IS HERE TO REIGN ON YOUR LESS AWESOME PARADES!" Gilbert bellowed, wearing dark sunglasses over his eyes as his albinism made him sensitive to sunlight.

"BOW DOWN TO YOUR PRINCESS!" Julchen gave the BBQ goers a toothy smile.

Gilbert had Julchen sitting on his shoulders, holding her feet to anchor her. It was like looking at a younger female version of Gilbert, same white hair, red eyes, and cocky grin.

Maddie trailed behind her idiot husband, carrying a platter of bacon appetizers and seasoned uncooked ribs. William, their son, took after Maddie in appearance, adopting her blond hair and soft violet eyes.

Once Maddie set down the food on the picnic table, William clung to her leg for dear life, too shy to play soccer on the lawn with Isabel, Romano, Julchen, and Gilbert, the biggest child of the bunch.

"Maman," William tugged on the cuff of Maddie's capris. He raised both arms to the air, expecting Maddie to pick him up, his eyes pleading.

The Canadian did just that, cradling her son in her arms. "Oh mon dieu," she chided, placing a hand over the back of his head, ruffling his curls. "Don't you want to play with the other children?"

"Non, I want to be with you," William stubbornly shook his head. "Papa is too crazy…and loud…"

"I agree with you William," I smiled after thanking Maddie for bringing the food over. In response, William shyly buried his face into Maddie's neck.

"So," I whistled. "How was your week? Gilbert didn't too anything too st-… I mean silly, hopefully?"

Maddie rolled her eyes. "I wish. I can't go one minute without having a camera shoved in my face. I mean, whatever pays the bills, but some privacy would be nice," she sighed.

I grimaced in sympathy. Gilbert in the last few years had expanded from blogging, becoming a popular vlogger on YouTube. AwesomeFamilyTV was one of his side channels, involving him filming much of his day-to-day family life. My own family often appeared in these videos, despite me telling the pasty fuck nugget that we didn't want to be in them.

"I don't think Gilbert's ever understood the word privacy," I remarked.

"True, very true," Maddie scoffed. "Unfortunately."

"Mi amor?" Antonio called. "You should check on Romulus, no?"

"Crap…ola!" I cussed, avoiding Maddie's glare. I would never get used to not swearing in front of the children. "I better go get him. He'll age another ten years if I don't," I joked.

Maddie was too busy cupping a hand over William's ear to heed me any attention.

I turned back, heading into the house. I spotted Romulus leaning against a wall in the front hallway, using one palm to hold himself up. As usual, he was wearing a bright and hideous outfit, consisting of a lemon-yellow polo shirt and tan khaki pants.

"Need some help?" I asked him, raising a sly brow.

Romulus coughed, shaking his head. "I'm fine, my dear. Just lost my breath."

"You went to the bathroom over an hour ago," I deadpanned.

Romulus smirked, accepting the arm I threw over his shoulders. "You stubborn old fart," I chided. "You would have missed the whole dinner if I didn't come in to get you. Stop trying to do things on your own if you can't. It's okay to ask for help, you know. Also, where the hell is your cane? You're supposed to be walking with it at all times!"

"Let me live," Romulus whined. "I don't want to be hobbling around in front of you youngsters. It makes me feel old."

"Okay one, you're not going to live much longer if you strain yourself, and two, you are old," I retorted.

"So mean," Romulus pouted. "I'll have you know that I'm still just as strong and handsome as I was back when I was your age. I would have made a much more suitable partner than that smiling mongrel husband of yours."

"Sure," I humoured him. "You think that."

"I will."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fuck off."

"I love you too, bambina."

"Ugh."

I ignored Romulus for the rest of the trip out of the house, seating him in a lawn chair. I warned everyone not to let Romulus have too much food, as he had very high blood pressure and had to watch what he ate. That of course didn't stop him from bribing Isabel and Romano to sneak him treats from the picnic table. They would do just about anything for their precious Godfather.

Another half hour passed before Feli and Ludwig decided to show up. Ludwig was carrying a rectangular object covered in a garbage bag, presumably Feli's painting of him. Feli happily swung her duffel bag full of art supplies, nearly tipping it over. She looked at Ludwig with ogling eyes, a love-struck expression on her face.

I sighed. Whether I liked it or not, one day she would end up dating Ludwig. It was pretty much inevitable at this point. They were childhood friends, and had a ton of chemistry. All I could hope for now was that they would refrain from having too much biology together…what the fuck (?), ew.

"Feli!" Romulus trilled. "Bambina, how I missed you! My, you've grown into such a beautiful woman. Come here, let me get a good look at you."

"Grandpa," Feli blushed. "I just visited you last week."

Romulus scratched his head. "Eh, really?"

Feli laughed. "Yes really."

Meanwhile, Gilbert sauntered up to Ludwig, ripping the covered canvas from his hand and displaying the painting for everyone to see. To avoid being stunted by his _taller, younger_ brother, Gilbert stood up on a lawn chair, waving the painting over a frantic Ludwig's head.

"FEAST YOUR EYES ON MY BRUDER'S CUTE PUPPY DOG LOVE, KESESESE!" Gilbert cackled.

The painting revealed a side profile of Ludwig looking off into the distance. Feli had captured his stoic, stick-in-the-butt facial expression amazingly well.

"Bruder!" Ludwig hissed, blushing furiously. "Give that back. It's…it's private!"

Gilbert responded by ruffling Ludwig's hair, messing up its before perfect douchebag gel formation. "Boy, if you're going to live in my house, you can't keep anything from me! I want to know every dirty little secret of yours. Actually, never mind."

Gilbert paused, cupping a hand over his mouth to whisper. "That's some nice porn you got stashed under your bed. Mind if I borrowed it sometime?" he teased.

Ludwig turned purple from embarrassment. Confused, Julchen walked up to Ludwig, reaching out to poke – more like jab – him in the stomach. "Your face is purple," she commented.

"And you have mud in your hair," Ludwig sternly retorted, grabbing his niece's hands as he led her into the house, presumably to clean her up.

"Hey, Ludwig?" Antonio cheerfully called, clanking the pair of metal tongs clutched in his right hand.

"J-ja?" Ludwig stammered.

"Thank you for bringing my daughter home safely. But, next time, do refrain from holding her hand. You won't have one if you do that again," Antonio laughed.

Everyone at the BBQ laughed as well, except for me. Although joking, Antonio's threat did contain a disturbing amount of seriousness to it.

Shaking my head, I walked up to Antonio, crossing my arms at him. "Hey," I mused. "That's a nice stack of meat you got there."

"Want a taste?" Antonio winked.

I lowered my voice. "I was actually talking about your ass," I flirted.

Antonio's face turned a bright pink. "O-oh," he stammered. "Is that what being objectified feels like? Thank Dios I'm not a woman."

"Yep," I smirked.

I sighed happily, watching Isabel, Feli, and Romano play soccer on the lawn. I let my gaze trail across all the families at the BBQ, feeling my heart swell with warmth and pride.

I then looked into a familiar, loving set of green eyes, a smile stretching my cheeks from ear to ear. I thought back to everything Antonio and I had gone through and worked towards to get where we are today.

His alcoholism.

Giving up.

Fighting.

Succeeding.

Winning.

Heartbreak.

Fighting again.

Succeeding.

And then, finally…

 _Living_.

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Antonio asked, reading my mind. "What we have now compared to when we first started dating each other. We were both so young. Heck, you were only 18. Of course, I didn't know that at first, but it was too late when I did because I had already fallen for you. I blink, and you keep growing, changing into even more of a beautiful woman with each year we spend together. I love you more every day – it's unbelievable how these feelings haven't changed at all."

I smiled. "It must be because you've finally found your happiness in me and in our children. I want to grow old and die with you, bastard. Even when you have grey hairs and more wrinkles, you'll still be attractive to me. I love this, our lives, our home, our children, everything. I love everything that we have now. Fuck, I hate how sappy being a mother has made me. I just can't help but feel proud and ecstatic when I look back at how far we've come, together."

"I couldn't have said it better myself. Life can't get any better than this, huh? Now, how about you do your handsome husband a favor and kiss him? He's been checking you out all day, wanting to compliment you about the dress you're wearing, but you haven't paid him any attention, tsk."

I blushed, still never getting used to Antonio's compliments. He had a knack for seeing the beauty in others, for making a person feel special just by gazing at them with such overwhelming warmth and affection.

Antonio tilted up my chin, captured my lips in a playful kiss, prompting groans from the children, as well Roderich, who was still very much a prude.

I bumped foreheads with Antonio, giggling and feeling my eyes water with tears of gratitude.

I loved this man so much that it hurt.

Antonio wrapped his arms around me, bringing me into a hug. He swayed us back and forth, ignoring the jeers and catcalls from our small audience.

"Antonio?" I croaked.

"Si, mi amor?" Antonio purred.

I pecked his lips gently. " _Thank you, for everything_."

"You're muy welcome," Antonio grinned, understanding flickering in his eyes. "I'm glad you never gave up on me."

"Me too. I wonder why I didn't though," I shook my head at the memory. "You put me through hell and back."

Antonio shrugged, his hot breath tickling my ear. "It must have been for the amazing sex," he cooed.

I went stiff with anger.

Laughter erupted around us as I chased after Antonio in the driveway, wielding the metal tongs he had been using to cook with.

That idiot always knew how sweeten me up, only to piss me off right afterwards.

After having the children help defeat 'the monster' - _in other words, tackle him to the ground_ \- I stood over said bastard, menacingly clacking my sword, ahem, the tongs.

Antonio's charming smile made my heart skip a beat, causing all temporary anger I felt towards him to disappear. In its place, despite the mild frustration, was never-ending love.

 _Some things just never change._

 **-The End**


End file.
